Welcome back to my little corner of the world! This chapter may not give you warm fuzzies, but please remember that I am a HEA girl. Thanks as always to my best friend and beta BittenEV who always makes my words look good.

The song for this chapter is "Carry On" by fun.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to SM.

Chapter 8—Carry On

It was a rare sunny day in Forks, a beautiful April Sunday, and Edward and I were in the meadow enjoying it. Edward was starting chemo tomorrow, so we wanted to spend the day together in his favorite place. We had packed a picnic and were relaxing after the whirlwind activities of the last week and a half.

Two days after his appointment with Dr. Denali, Edward had a central line inserted in his chest. It was an outpatient procedure, but it did require general anesthesia. I was a nervous wreck about the whole thing, but the procedure went perfectly.

The central line made things easier for Edward. He needed to have more blood drawn, so it was taken from the central line instead of sticking him. He also had tests to check his heart, kidney, and liver function so Dr. Denali would have a baseline before chemo started.

According to Edward, the worst experience was the sperm banking. He was mortified as he told the story of being left alone in an examination room with a cup and a stack of Playboy magazines. Emmett and Jasper were literally rolling on the floor laughing when Edward had finished telling it. Thankfully their reaction made Edward feel a little better.

Edward decided he wanted to have some fun before getting started on chemo, so we had a group date in Port Angeles last night. The whole gang was there: Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Angela, Ben, Nessie, and Jake. After a fun dinner at The Bloated Toad, we took over the coffee house.

Today, though, was just about Edward and me. We knew that moments like this wouldn't happen as often, and we wanted to make the most of it. I was sitting against a tree, and Edward was lying down with his head in my lap. I idly played with his hair, which made me a little sad. There was a strong possibility that he would begin losing his hair in just a month or so. Edward, however, was at peace. His eyes were closed, and he had a serene smile on his face. I wanted to freeze the moment forever.

"I love you, Bella," he said, eyes still closed.

I took his hand and held it up to my face, relishing in its warmth. "I love you too. So much."

"Will you still love me when I'm wearing dentures and Depends?" he asked with a chuckle.

That silly question made my heart soar. "Of course. I might even change your Depends for you." I was so happy that he was thinking about life after cancer and growing old.

"I wonder if I'll still have my own hips," he mused. "I hear hip replacements can be painful."

I couldn't help it. I fell over in a fit of giggles while my teenage boyfriend worried about hip replacement surgery.

"What's so funny?" Edward demanded as he sat up. "Artificial joints are no laughing matter. In addition to them being painful, they could set off metal detectors at airports."

I laughed even harder. "This is why I love you. You're always thinking ahead."

"I have to. I need to focus on something to get through the next few months. I need to think about my future or at least hope I have one." Edward's smile was now gone as he stared at the sky.

I gently placed my hand on his cheek and turned his face towards me. "Hey. You do have a future. You're going to beat this. You have to so we can get married and have test tube babies who will grow up to take care of us after our hip replacements."

Edward's smile was back. "You always know how to make me feel better." He leaned in to kiss me, but our innocent kiss soon became anything but. His tongue begged for entrance, and I parted my lips to let him in. Edward grabbed me by my waist to pull me as close to him as possible. I placed my hands on his shoulders, but they soon roamed down his chest. My hand brushed over the spot where his central line was, and I felt him stiffen. He pulled back and looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"No, it's not your fault. It's all me," he insisted. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm just really self-conscious about this whole cancer thing. I can't imagine how I'm going to be when I lose my hair."

"You'll still be my Edward, even without hair. It'll just give me more places to kiss you."

"You'd better kiss me there. I don't want my bald head to get cold." Just like that, my Edward was back. We both relaxed again and spent the rest of the afternoon together.

Unfortunately, Monday arrived and burst our bubble of happiness. Edward would be checking into the hospital for his first round of chemo. Rituxan could cause some serious side effects when administered for the first time, so Edward would be staying in the hospital overnight to be monitored. He wasn't happy about it, but he understood. Esme was going to stay with him during his treatment, and Carlisle would spend the night at the hospital.

I called Edward before I left for school, but his phone rang and went to voice mail. I left him a message telling him I loved him and that I'd see him after school. I became worried when he didn't call or text back, but Alice explained the reason why when I saw her at school.

"Edward is a nervous wreck. He's making himself sick. He's already throwing up and he hasn't even had the chemo yet. He was in the bathroom when you called," she explained. "He didn't want his Ativan even though Dad insisted it was safe. At least he has his anti-depressant. I just hope he can sleep and rest during his treatment."

The school day dragged on, and I thought 2:30 would never arrive. When it finally did, I raced to my truck so I could get to the hospital. Emmett and Jasper had baseball practice, and Rosalie and Alice had cheerleading. They promised to visit afterwards, even though Edward had already assured them it wasn't necessary. Emmett insisted they would because part of Team Edward's job was to spread sunshine to the infirm.

My heart shattered when I walked into Edward's hospital room. He was asleep but looked absolutely miserable. He was covered with the hospital sheet and blanket along with a crocheted afghan, which was pulled up to his chin. He was curled up against Esme, who was sitting in the bed with him. She had her arm around him and was humming softly.

"How's it going?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake Edward.

Esme frowned. "It's been awful. The Rituxan infusion had to be stopped twice. He started with a fever and chills, so the nurse gave him some Tylenol and stopped the drip for a while. Then after it was restarted, he began itching all over. The nurse stopped it again and gave him Benadryl. He's just been achy and nauseated ever since. Thankfully he fell asleep during the Cytoxan infusion. He should be getting the Adriamycin injection soon, though." She kissed him gently on the forehead. "Sweetheart, Bella's here."

It took Edward a minute to wake up, but he gave me a small smile when he realized I was there.

"I'm going to talk to the nurse," Esme said as she got up from the bed. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She kissed Edward on the top of his head and then hugged me before slipping out of the room.

I took Esme's spot in the bed and pulled Edward close to me. That earned me another sleepy smile. "I'm glad you're here."

"I am too. I've been thinking about you and missing you all day," I told him.

"I feel terrible," he said. "My whole body hurts, and I'm nauseated. I was itching so bad earlier that I thought I was going to scratch my skin off. I'm freezing."

I snuggled even closer to him. "Don't worry. I'll keep you warm."

Talking seemed to tire Edward, so we just lay there together. Esme came back a while later with a friendly-looking nurse named Maggie. She was carrying a syringe, which meant it was time for the next chemo drug.

"All right, Edward, it's time for the Adriamycin. Just relax." Maggie slowly injected the drug into Edward's IV. It took several minutes, and Edward remained as close to me as possible. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep. Finally, Maggie was finished. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Like crap," Edward muttered.

Maggie smiled sadly. "Do you need anything for pain or nausea?" Edward shook his head. "I'll bring you some ice. I know your mouth has to be dry and yucky."

"It is," he replied with a grimace.

"I'll be right back." Maggie left the room.

Esme sat down in the recliner next to the bed. She looked exhausted. "Edward, are you hungry? Dr. Denali said it's OK to eat. It might settle your stomach."

Maggie came back with a cup of ice, and I fed it to Edward with a spoon so he wouldn't have to pull his arms from under the covers. "I don't know if I could keep anything down."

"You won't know until you try," she told him. "How about some soup? That's always good when you're sick."

"I guess so," he relented.

"That settles it. I'll let Emmett know. He can bring you some when he comes by." Esme pulled out her phone and texted Emmett.

Edward dozed off again, and I continued to hold him close to me. Esme and I talked softly so as not to wake him. Alice and Rosalie arrived a short time later. Edward didn't even stir as Esme told them about what had happened during the day. Emmett and Jasper got there not long after the girls did, and I had never seen Emmett look so serious. The look of sadness on his face was obvious as he looked at his cousin.

Maggie came into the room not long after the guys had arrived. "Last one of the day. Time for Oncovin." Edward awoke as she began the IV push. Everyone sat silently, unsure of what to say or do. "All done," Maggie said when she was finished. "I see you've got some dinner. You may feel a little better if you eat. Just call me if you need anything."

"What happened at school today? You've got to keep me in the loop." Edward ate as we told him what had gone on during the day.

"Looks like the whole team is here." Carlisle entered the room, smiling brightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Crappy. Having poison injected into your veins isn't much fun," Edward replied glumly. He paused for a moment and then clutched his stomach. "Oh God. I think I'm going to be sick."

Carlisle grabbed a plastic tub from the bedside table just in time. He held it under Edward's chin just as he began to throw up. I rubbed his back gently, hoping to give him some comfort. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Esme ushering everyone out of the room. Edward vomited until he had nothing left in him. He leaned back against the pillows, absolutely exhausted. I could see tears mixed with the sweat on his face. "Make it stop," he whimpered softly.

Carlisle took the plastic tub into the bathroom to clean it out. Esme came in with two wet washcloths. She used one to wipe Edward's face and placed the other one on his forehead. "Maggie will be here in a minute with some medicine. It's going to be OK," she told him reassuringly.

Maggie appeared just then with a syringe. "I've got some Reglan here to make you feel better. Hopefully this will stop you from getting sick again." She injected the medicine into the IV just as carefully as she had done with the chemo drugs. "Dr. Denali is here. She's with another patient, but she'll be in to see you shortly." Maggie patted him on the shoulder before leaving.

The rest of the gang came back into the room. "We're heading home, but we wanted to say goodbye first," Alice said. She and Rosalie kissed him on the forehead while Emmett and Jasper each gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Esme darling, maybe you should go home too," Carlisle suggested. "You've been here all day, and I know you're tired."

"I will, but I want to talk to Dr. Denali first," she replied. Carlisle nodded in understanding.

Dr. Denali came in a few minutes later. "I hear we're not doing too well," she frowned. Edward grimaced. She looked at his chart and continued. "Maggie has filled me in, and believe it or not, you didn't do too badly. Your reaction to the Rituxan wasn't as serious as it could have been. Hopefully the nausea is over and done with. I know you don't even want to think about food right now, but I want you to try and eat some crackers or something light tonight. We'll keep a close eye on you, and if all goes well, you can go home in the morning."

Edward nodded in reply. "How long does this last? When am I going to feel somewhat normal?"

Dr. Denali pulled a chair next to the bed. She sat down and took Edward's hand. "Chemo sucks, Edward. You may feel much better tomorrow, or it might take a few days. Everyone reacts differently. Let's just take it one day at a time."

"Thanks, Doc. I'll try." Edward smiled weakly.

"Good. Call the nurses if you need anything at all. They'll call me if you need me." Dr. Denali stood up. "Get some rest and I'll see you in the morning," she added as she left.

"Will you be all right if I leave?" Esme asked nervously. "Maybe I should just stay. What if something happens and—"

Carlisle cut her off with a laugh. "I can handle it. I'm not a mom, but I am a doctor. Besides, I think Emmett and Alice need some reassurance after this evening. You're better at that than I am."

As Esme gathered her things, I noticed that Edward had fallen asleep again. I really didn't want to leave him, but there wasn't much I could do here. I was feeling torn.

Carlisle must have sensed my feelings because he placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled. "I know you want to stay, Bella, but I have a feeling Edward's going to sleep most of the night. Go home and get some rest. He's going to need you more when he gets home, so relax while you can," he added with a laugh.

I knew Carlisle was right, so I decided to go home. Edward was out like a light. He didn't even stir when I kissed him goodbye. Esme and I walked out of the hospital together, hugging each other tightly before heading for home.

Charlie was on the sofa watching baseball on the flat screen when I got home. I went to sit with him for a few minutes before going upstairs for the night.

"I ordered pizza for dinner. I saved you some. It's on the stove if you want it," he offered.

"I'm really not hungry," I replied softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked.

My eyes filled with tears. "Oh Dad, it was awful. Poor Edward. The chemo made him so sick. He was nauseated and threw up. He's cold and achy and so weak. I hated seeing him like that knowing I couldn't do anything for him." My tears were flowing freely now.

Charlie hugged me. "You are doing something for Edward. You're loving him. Just being there for him helps. I see how he relaxes when you're together. Just love him, Bells. He needs that."

"Thanks, Dad. You're pretty wise."

"I have to be. Wisdom is part of the dad exam. If I didn't show wisdom, my dad license would be revoked."

I looked at Charlie strangely for a moment and then we just couldn't help but laugh. At least he had put me in a better mood.

I slept well that night, so I was feeling good when I woke up extra early the next morning. I wanted to stop by the hospital before I went to school.

Carlisle was lying in a recliner next to the bed, but he was awake. "Bella! What are you doing here so early?"

"I wanted to check on Edward before school. How was he last night?"

"He actually had a really good night," Carlisle said with a smile. "He slept until nearly 10:00. He had some crackers and Gatorade then and was able to keep it all down. The only problem was when he went to the bathroom. Adriamycin turns the urine red, and he freaked out a bit when he saw it. He thought he was bleeding internally or something, and it took me a while to convince him otherwise. Thankfully he calmed down, and he ended up sleeping all night."

I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad all was well. I was worried when I left."

"I'm glad too," Carlisle replied. "I was worried he'd be sick all night. Hey, do you mind if I step out for a minute? I want to call Esme. I'm sure she's been a nervous wreck."

I nodded. "Go ahead. I've got time before I have to leave."

Carlisle stepped out into the hallway, and I sat in the recliner. Edward began to stir under his pile of blankets, and he finally opened his eyes. I was rewarded with a sleepy smile.

"Hello, beautiful," he said.

"Hello, handsome," I replied, giving him a smile in return. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad actually. I guess getting a good night's sleep helped. I just hope I get to sleep in my own bed tonight."

"Do you think you'll be able to go home today?" I asked him, taking his hand in mine.

Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "I should. Dr. Denali said I'd only be here overnight unless I had a bad reaction or got really sick. She'll be here early this morning, so hopefully she'll spring me by lunchtime."

Carlisle came back into the room and smiled when he saw Edward awake and talking. "I was right. Your aunt was a nervous wreck. She said Alice threatened to slip her one of your Ativan if she didn't chill out." We laughed, and Carlisle continued. "She'll be here in about an hour and said to call her if you needed anything. I'm glad you're awake because it's almost time for your meds. You'll get your second dose of Prednisone this morning along with your daily Zoloft. Tonight I'll give you your Neulasta shot."

"Is that the one to prevent infections?" I asked. I had a hard time keeping all of the drug names straight.

"It is. It helps keep the while cell count up so the body can fight off infections," Carlisle explained.

I quickly checked the time on my phone and realized I had to leave for school. I actually pouted. "Crap. I have to go."

"It's OK. We'll see each other later," Edward said reassuringly. "Tell everyone hi for me and get all the juicy gossip so you can tell me all about it."

I kissed Edward chastely on the lips and Carlisle hugged me before I left. I made it to school with plenty of time to spare. Alice, Nessie, and Angela were in our usual morning spot in the courtyard, so I joined them.

Alice smiled knowingly. "I knew you'd stop at the hospital this morning. Dad said Edward had a good night, but how is he today?"

"Pretty good," I replied. "He said he slept well and was eager to go home."

"Dad told Mom that Edward totally freaked out over the red pee last night," Alice laughed.

"Red pee? What are you talking about?" Nessie asked, confused.

Alice talked through her laughter. "One of the chemo drugs turns your urine red. When Edward went to the bathroom last night he thought he was bleeding internally or something." She was laughing so hard that she was crying.

"Alice!" Angela and I exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, but that was a classic Edward reaction," Alice said, wiping her eyes.

Thankfully, the first bell rang, and we were spared from any further discussion about Edward's urine. Many of our classmates and several of our teachers asked about Edward throughout the day. I did my best to focus on my work so I wouldn't spend my day worrying about Edward.

The end of the school day arrived, and I pulled out my phone as soon as I was in the parking lot. I smiled when I saw I had a voice mail from Edward. I played it as soon as I got in my truck.

"Hi, love. It's just after noon, and I'm home. I'm feeling good, just tired, so I'm going to bed for a while. Esme said to tell you that she's cooking dinner and that she's already talked to Charlie. I guess I'll see you after school. Be safe. I love you."

I was sitting in my truck and smiling at my phone when I heard Alice call my name. I rolled down the window as she came over.

"Are you coming over to the house?" she asked.

"Yeah. I was just listening to a voice mail from Edward," I said. "I'll follow you."

Alice and I made our way to her house. As we walked in the door, I heard music. Alice practically squealed in delight and dragged me to the living room. I was confused until I saw Edward sitting at the grand piano. He was completely immersed in the music he was playing.

We stood in the doorway next to Esme, just watching Edward. Esme had tears in her eyes. "I can't believe it," she said. "This is the first time he's played since his parents died."

Edward finished the song he was playing, and Esme, Alice, and I clapped. He turned around, stunned. "I didn't realize I had an audience."

Esme rushed over to hug him. "Oh sweetheart, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you play."

"It finally felt right," he said. "I finally realized how much I missed it."

"I missed it too," Esme said. "Come on, Alice. Let's give Edward and Bella some privacy." She and Alice left the room, and I went to sit next to Edward on the piano bench.

Edward turned and kissed me, but this wasn't like the chaste kisses we shared in the hospital. This one was filled with desire and longing. When we finally broke apart, Edward rested his forehead against mine and smiled. "I've missed that."

"Me too," I breathed. "Will you play for me?"

Edward smiled wider. "Of course. Any requests?"

I shook my head, so Edward just began playing. I recognized the song as "Claire de Lune," one of my favorite classical pieces.

"That was beautiful," I said when he finished the song. "So what made you want to play again?"

"Being so sick made me realize that life's too short," he explained. "I was so angry about losing my parents, and the piano only made it worse. My parents loved to hear me play, and it just hurt knowing they'd never hear me again. I thought about it this morning, though, and I knew they'd be mad at me for giving it up. When I woke up from my nap, I decided I needed to play again. Music is also pretty soothing. I could use that about now."

"I'm happy you decided to go back to it," I told him. "Now keep playing."

Edward played a few more songs before we joined Alice at the kitchen table to do our homework. Edward's teachers had been sending his work home so he could keep up. Despite missing so much school over the last couple of months, he still maintained a 4.0 average.

Dinner was loud and crazy as usual. Edward ate quite a bit. The Prednisone he was taking gave him an appetite, and I think we were all happy to see him eat.

Once the dinner dishes were cleared, Carlisle spoke. "Edward, it's time for your shot. I'll get it set up in the kitchen."

Edward nodded and then looked at me. "Will you come in there with me? You can hold my hand."

I couldn't resist his adorable puppy dog pout, so I followed him into the kitchen. Carlisle was sitting at the table putting on a pair of rubber gloves. He motioned for Edward to sit next to him.

"Roll up your pants leg," Carlisle said. "I'll give it to you in your thigh this time."

"Can't you do it in my butt?" Edward asked he pulled up the leg of his pajama pants.

"Unfortunately no," Carlisle chuckled as he cleaned the injection site with an alcohol wipe. "It's the thigh or the stomach."

Edward's eyes bugged out at the mention of getting a shot in the stomach. "Then my leg it is."

Carlisle laughed again but got serious when he picked up the needle. "Ready?" he asked, and Edward nodded. He stuck the needle in Edward's leg, and Edward grimaced a little.

"All done. How was it?" Carlisle asked.

"Not bad," Edward replied.

We went into the den to watch TV, but I didn't stay much longer. Edward could barely keep his eyes open, and he really needed his rest.

I received a text from Edward the next morning as I was getting dressed for school. I frowned when I read it.

"In so much pain. Hurts all the way to my bones. Side effect of the Neulasta."

I typed out a reply. "I'm sorry. I wish I could take the pain away. I hate this."

Edward didn't reply until I was leaving the house. "I know. Took some pain meds. Going to try to sleep. Love you."

"Love you too," I replied.

Unfortunately, Edward's pain only got worse as the day went on. When I went to see him after school, he was lying in bed curled up in a ball. I sat next to him and tried to comfort him as much as possible.

Esme came into the room with a worried look. "I just got off the phone with Dr. Denali. She's going to call in a prescription for a pain pill, something strong. Apparently the Neulasta stimulates the bones to produce more marrow, and that causes the pain. There's really not much we can do about it."

"Just make it stop," Edward whimpered.

"I'm going to call Carlisle to have him pick up your prescription." Esme reached down to smooth Edward's hair and kissed him on the forehead. "Just hang on a little bit longer, sweetie."

I held Edward and did my best to soothe him until Carlisle came home with a prescription for Percodan. Thankfully it knocked Edward out. I knew he'd be asleep for a while, so I went home to cook for Charlie and stay caught up on my schoolwork. I hated to leave Edward, but I knew I had made the right decision when Alice texted me around bedtime to say that he was still asleep.

Thursday was a better day. The pain wasn't as intense, so Edward was able to go for longer periods without the Percodan.

Edward called me Friday morning as I was driving to school. "Can I please come over to your house this afternoon?" he nearly begged. "I'm feeling better, and I need to get out of this house."

I laughed. "Of course. Do you want me to pick you up after school?"

"Yes please," he eagerly replied. "I'm really tired of just lying around."

"Will Carlisle and Esme be OK with you going out?" I asked him.

"They'll have to be OK with it," he said emphatically. "I can't be an invalid all the time."

Edward and I finalized our plans for the evening as I pulled into the school parking lot. I was in a good mood all day knowing I'd be spending quality time with Edward.

I drove straight to the Cullen house after school and laughed when I saw Edward sitting on the porch steps waiting for me. He looked like an eager little boy. He jumped up when I stopped the truck and climbed in the passenger side.

"Someone's in a good mood," I noted as Edward leaned in to kiss me.

"I've spent the last four days feeling like shit," he said between kisses. "Humor me."

I drove home after our little makeout session. Edward smiled as I pulled in the driveway.

"I've missed hanging out at Chez Swan," he said as we went inside.

"You really are in a good mood today," I said.

He smiled again. "I finally feel somewhat normal. I'm with my beautiful girlfriend at her house. Of course I'm in a good mood."

Edward decided that he wanted pizza for dinner, so we snuggled on the sofa and watched TV until it was time to order the pizza. By the time Charlie got home, the pizza had arrived and the table had been set.

"Edward!" Charlie called out. "It's great to see you. I didn't know you were coming by today."

"I had to get out of my house. I needed to be normal for a while. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired," Edward explained.

"Well I'm glad you're here. The Mariners are playing tonight, and Bells isn't a huge sports fan. I need a guy to watch the game with," Charlie said.

"Geez, thanks, Dad," I said as Edward and Charlie laughed.

I could see the sparkle in Edward's eyes as he and Charlie talked about sports. After dinner I shooed them into the living room while I straightened up the kitchen. When I joined them, they were totally into the Mariners game. I cuddled with Edward on the sofa and tried to follow along.

About eight o'clock, though, I could tell that Edward was getting tired. "I hate to leave so early, but would you mind bringing me home?" he asked me.

"I'm glad you came by tonight, Edward," Charlie said. "I hope you'll be over more often."

Edward smiled. "I plan on it, Charlie. Thanks for everything."

Edward and I rode in comfortable silence. When we reached his house, I got out of my truck and walked him to the front door.

"I had fun tonight," Edward said. "It felt so good to get out."

"I'm glad," I replied. "It was fun to see my old Edward. I love you."

"I love you too," he said as he pulled me in for a kiss. Then he gave me one last smile before going inside.

As I drove home, I couldn't help but smile as well. While I knew that things would be rough at times, I also knew that Edward would fight hard to overcome it all.