Always Have and Always Will: - Chapter 8
Finally, the day of the move had come and both Emily and Alison were beyond excited. Quickly the two packed all of Emily's boxes and furniture that they wanted to keep into the moving van and drove to their home.
Then came the boring part; unpacking. To be honest the two didn't actually mind unpacking; to their surprise they both enjoyed it. Firstly, they started upstairs by unpacking Emily's clothes and since most of them were already at the house it didn't take them too long. Then they began unpacking her more personal belongings like photo's.
As Alison unpacked the box she found a letter addressed to her. She hid the letter in her back pocket and went into the bathroom. She couldn't help but feel bad about taking the letter but she needed to know what it said; the blonde recognised the letter. Emily sent it to her a few days before she disappeared and she never got the chance to read it.
Slowly and hesitantly she opened it and began reading.
'august 29, 2009
Ali-
You may not like to hear what I have to say, but I have to get something off my chest. You're not afraid of hurting me, so I wonder why I'm so afraid of hurting you. I am, but that's not enough of a reason not to tell you how I feel. So here it goes…
Sometimes I feel so close to you, and then something changes, a look in your eyes, and I feel so stupid. It's like you can read every thought in my head, and you find it all so hilarious. Like after we kissed, I thought it might happen again, and you just laughed in my face. But it's not hilarious to me. Maybe you think a kiss is just a kiss, and think I'm just practice. But the way you act, feels more like target practice.
I don't know how you can go from kissing me one minute to hating me the next, except I'm starting to catch on. And I'm starting to wonder what it's like to hate you. I've done a lot of thinking about why I kissed you and I realized it wasn't a joke. Ali, I think I love you.
But I can't if I know what you're just going to play with my feelings and in the end leave me like I meant nothing to you! I hate you for doing this to me! You're heartless, I don't know why I ever thought that you could possibly love me back. I must be so stupid! I wish I had never met you sometimes; it makes me so angry when you treat me like that. Maybe my life would have been better without you.
I had to get all of this off my chest because otherwise I would have expoloded; I'll understand if you never want to speak to me again.
-Em'
Tears streamed down Alison's face; she couldn't believe what she had just read.
"Babe, are you okay in there?" Emily said suddenly as she knocked lightly on the door. Alison wiped away her tears.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." The blonde replied, but Emily could hear by her voice that something was not right.
"Can I come in?" Alison wiped away another tear.
"Um… yes." Emily slowly opened the door to find Alison sitting on the edge of the bath tub, with a few tears streaming down her face. As the brunette looked closer she saw the blonde holding a letter.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken it but I found it and uh I remember that I didn't get a chance to open it before I disappeared." Alison whispered as tears streamed down her face. Emily sat down beside her in shock.
"I- I didn't mean any of that apart from the part that I loved you, I- I was just really angry and mad at the time. I'm sorry." Emily said holding back tears.
"No, Emily don't be. I should be the one to say sorry. I am sorry. I- I shouldn't have treated you like that, I was scared of how I felt." Emily grabbed Ali's hand and tangled their fingers together. Tears continued to stream from the blonde's face.
"I didn't mean to ever hurt you, I loved you. Hurting you was the last thing on my mind but you know what I was like; I cared about my reputation way too much." Emily nodded.
"I know, I know. It's okay." Emily said pulling the blonde in for a hug as she continued to cry. "We're past all of that now, it's okay."
"I am so, so, so sorry." Alison managed to say through sobs.
"Shhh it's okay."
After a few minutes Alison had finally managed to calm down. She looked up and realised that Emily also had a few tears streaming down her face, she gently brushed them away with her thumb.
"I love you, I always have and I always will." Emily kissed the blonde.
"I know." The brunette said with a smile as they pulled away. "Come on, we are going burn this letter and forget it ever existed."
Emily got up and held her hand out for Alison; the blonde quickly took it and they made their way down stairs. Emily grabbed a lighter from a drawer in their kitchen and lit the letter; she let it burn in her hand for a few seconds before she dropped it in the sink.
The two watched the letter burn into ashes.
"How did you get the letter back?" Alison finally asked; she never remembered anyone finding out about the letter because she hid it carefully in her room so that no one would find it until she read it.
"A." Emily said bluntly. "There was storm a few weeks after your "body" was found and everyone was locked in the school. I was in the library with the girls and I got a text saying that I wasn't the only one with great expectations so I went and found the book. When I opened it the letter fell out."
"Did anyone else see it?"
"Uh yeah… Wilden did." Emily said awkwardly.
"I'm guessing that didn't end well."
"Uh no, he thought I killed you but that was short lived."
"I'm sorry." Alison said again; she felt guilty.
"Don't be, please. We're past all of that, we have been for years." The brunette as she cupped the blonde's cheeks and looked her deeply in the eyes. The blonde gave her a half smile and slight nod. "Come on, lets unpack the rest of my stuff." Emily said pulling the blonde over to the boxes in the living room.
For hours and hours, they unpacked the rest of Emily's stuff; it didn't seem like it but Emily really did have a lot of stuff. Unpacking took Alison's mind off the letter; Emily made her laugh until her stomach hurt and it seemed like the letter didn't even exist.
"Finally." The two said in sync as they admired their new home together; it was a clear mix of Emily's and Alison's stuff.
"Chinese?" Emily said as she grabbed her phone.
"You read my mind." The two smiled as Emily ordered their dinner. When Emily hung up the phone she noticed that the blonde had gone quiet again.
"What's wrong?" The brunette said as she sat down beside the blonde on their couch.
"It's nothing, I'm fine."
"Please don't lie to me."
"I just still feel guilty about everything." Emily tangled her fingers with the blonde's and rubbed her thumb gently over her hand.
"Ali, you were a different person back then; you've changed a lot. And everyone has forgiven you, no one blames you for what happened back then anymore. We all know you're sorry and that you regret everything you've done. I know that you can't help feeling guilty but if you realise that no one blames you anymore that feeling can become easier." A tear streamed down Alison's cheek. She nodded and smiled.
"Thank you." The brunette smiled. "I don't know how I'd do this without you." Alison kissed Emily.
"I love you." Emily whispered.
"I love you too."
A/N; I love deep chats between Alison and Emily. I hope you guys are enjoying the one shots so far, if you have any ideas that you would like to read then feel free to message me and let me know; I'll happily write it plus it will mean that I will be able to keep this going for longer.
