A/N; I am so, so, so sorry about how long this took to update but I've busy with school then I started writing another story called (I Still Love You, check it out please!) and then it wouldn't let me upload this for the past few days so once again I'm sorry and I hope you enjoy this!

Always Have and Always will: - Chapter 10

It was a quiet night in the DeLaurentis/Fields house hold a week after Pam left. Quietly both of them lay in bed whilst Alison marked English papers and Emily worked on a new coaching schedule. After Pam left Alison was left with many questions about her future with Emily; they were mostly about what Emily wanted. Neither of them had ever really spoke about the future; they just took each day as it came. Alison realised that she didn't actually know what Emily wanted from the future. It bothered her because she knew exactly what she wanted; she wanted to marry Emily one day and start a beautiful family with her then live happily ever after.

"Em?" Alison quietly said.

"Yeah?"

"No, you know what never mind." The blonde said shaking her head.

"No come on, tell me. You know you can tell me anything." Emily said putting down her laptop and turning to face Ali. Ali looked deep into Emily's dark brown eyes in silence for a moment considering whether she wanted to ask the brunette or not.

She sighed. "What do you want from the future?"

"What do mean? Where is, this coming from?"

"It's just- uh you've never really told me what you want to happen in the future." Emily smiled.

"Well, I've always wanted to get married and have a family." A huge grin grew on Ali's face; it was exactly what she wanted.

"But, I've realised that balancing a family with such a consuming job would be difficult so I've kind of been reconsidering the family part." The smile began fading from her face.

"Oh, that's good to know." Alison replied with a fake smile. A million thoughts began going through her head; the main on being Emily didn't want kids. The blonde had always dreamed of having children and when Pam came over she dreamed of that even more; she even imagined Emily as a mother. So, when she heard she was reconsidering having children her heart sank. Of course, this didn't change the way she feels about Emily however it began making her reconsider her future with her.

Would it work if we wanted two separate things? She thought to herself. The answer that came to her mind was no. As hard as that was to admit, Alison felt as though it was the truth; she couldn't lie to herself, not anymore and especially not at this point in her life.

Ali got off the bed and went downstairs; tears began blurring her vision. This hurt her; thinking about a future without Emily hurt her beyond words. It was one of the worst feelings she had felt in her entire life. She can't imagine a future without her brunette. Not wanting kids may seem like a small thing but to Alison it is huge; she has wanted children ever since she can remember. She wants a family. Period. Does Emily know that I want a family? The thought began to fill her head. Would she still have said that if she knew that I wanted kids? She began to think about whether she had ever told Emily about this. She had. 3 times from what Alison could remember. Her heart sank.

She began to feel faint, she grabbed a glass and filled it to the top with water but she definitely wished it was something stronger like vodka.

"You okay?" A voice suddenly said form behind her. She turned around and smiled.

"Yeah, I was just getting a drink."

"Okay." Emily said with a smile and left the kitchen. What the hell am I going to do?

During the whole night, Alison, couldn't sleep. After what seemed like forever it was morning. Usually the blonde would wait in bed for Emily to wake up but she just couldn't. She got dressed and went downstairs. She made herself a cup of coffee, grabbed her phone and sat outside on the front porch instead of the garden so that Emily wouldn't hear her. Looking down at the bright screen of her phone she hesitated to call the number but she needed someone to talk to and so she dialled.

"Morning, Ali." A sweet and calm voice said on the other side.

"Hi, Pam."

"What's wrong, darling? I can hear it in your voice."

"After you left I kept thinking about what you said with Emily and me getting married and starting a family so I spoke to her last night and just asked her what she wanted form the future." Alison had to pause so that she could hold back tears.

"What did she say?"

"That she wants to get married but doesn't want kids because of our jobs. I have always dreamed of having children and I've told her that before. When you spoke about it I could imagine my future in which I was married to Em and had two beautiful girls but she doesn't want that and I don't know what to do." Even though she tried her best to hold back the tears, she just couldn't; they began to stream from her eyes like a water fall.

"Oh sweetie." Pam couldn't believe what she had just heard. Her daughter did not want to start a family because of work, that was her excuse. "I can't believe that. I had always thought Emily wanted children, she always loved them and was great with them."

"That's exactly what I thought."

"Ali, many people change their minds about wanting a family; at first Wayne was too keen on having children but his opinion quickly changed when some of our friends began having kids. You need to talk to her and be patient. Don't do anything you'll regret." Somehow Pam was always able to give good advice and make things better even if the advice seemed simple.

"Thank you so much, Pam; I really needed this chat someone."

"You never need to thank me, I'm glad you chose me to have this chat with."

"Me too, I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye sweetie, remember everything will be okay." And with that the two hung up. She wiped her tears and decided to finish her coffee with the sound of the birds singing and the warm rays of sun on her skin. She wasn't going to mention anything to Emily just yet but she would definitely talk to her soon.