Kelsey slumped back against the wall and slid down the floor of her bed room. Her eyes watered with tears already beginning to spill over. "God," She prayed. "I don't understand why all this is happening, but it's hurts so much." Kelsey had been enduring teasing and jeering from her classmates for the past week. They had gotten worse than usual since her dramatic fight with McKenzie. On top of that, she was having a hard time focusing in school and she was questioing everything. She had become a Christian recently and was already having a hard time with it. Also, her parents had begun fighting. Her mom wanted them all to start going to church, but her dad argued that he wanted he and Kelsey to be "free-thinkers" and decide for themselves wether God existed or not.
Her heart was so heavy as she sat praying and sobbing. "I just want to know why this all has to happen to me," Kelsey went on. "Why me?" Why not you? The thought came to her as a tiny whisper, almost unnoticeable underneath the weight of her sorrow.
She stopped. Why not me? She thought. She glanced up at the window on the opposite wall and stood, making her way to the window. Outside she could see kids running around in the streets and even a little boy playing basketball with his dad. They all smiled and laughed and enjoyed themselves. Their worlds seemed perfect compared to hers. I'd hate to see them in this situation, she thought. I guess it's better for me to suffer than to see them suffer. I guess it's better for me to carry this weight than for them.
Dear ADedicatedReader,
Your request moved me greatly. I am incredibly sorry that you have to carry such a weight and that you are faced with so much. I may not have the best words or advice, but allow me to take a step back and let God take the wheel. He knows what's best and it's hard to believe, but He knows what He's doing even in the times we suffer.
Suffering is a funny thing to a believer. We see suffering so differently than the rest of the world and I believe Romans 5:3-5 spells it out best; "Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." I know it's hard to see it now, but I know from my own experiences that suffering and hardship are great times for Spiritual growth. It's very difficult to fight in a war once you're weary and exhausted, but the soldier who endures to the end is the one who wins.
I believe God has an amazing plan for you. I'm sure you get that a lot, but it's true. I find it so crazy that Jeremiah 29:11 was written in the context of suffering. God spoke to Israel and told them that He knew what great things He had in store for them while they were being exiled into Babylon. I think it's absolutely beautiful that He would step in right at that moment and assure them that everything would be ok and take my message as a way for God to say the same for you. He knows what He is doing.
I enjoy looking up Christian quotes wether they are in the Bible or not and one of my favorites says "God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers." I believe this is true. I don't believe He would give you too much for you to take, but just enough so that you'll turn to Him in your time of need and let Him carry the weight. He will give you more than you can take, but just enough for you to see Him. Remember that it's in the darkest that the light shines brightest.
God hears your cries, I can tell you that. Lay down before Him the things you wish for and the family you long for. Keep praying for it and it will come. I don't believe God wants you to simply 'exist', but to thrive. You were made for so much more and whatever you do, as long as you do it to God's glory, it will be fruitful. I guess the best advice I can offer you is to find a way to implement the Gospel into everything you do, even if it's constantly for others. I don't really know what else to say.
Now, about the short story above. What I'm trying to say with it is that God gives us suffering for a reason, it's never an accident. This kind of all ties in to what I've already said, but God really does know what He's doing. I'm telling you this while my own mom is job searching obsessively since getting laid off and getting hired at a job that pays her barely enough to get by for a month. None of us are free from suffering and we're all going to face hardships at times. I don't know if anything I've said can truly help, but I pray that where my words fail, God may speak. You're in my prayers and I'd like to hear back from you. God bless you and I hope that things start to get better. I'm here if you ever need someone to just vent to.
