I woke up in the Bio-Ship. My head hurt like I was fresh out of the ice again. I groaned in pain as I realized that I was laying down. I sat up and saw the team sitting in the ship's front.
"Wh-what happened?" I asked groggily. "Did we win?" The team didn't answer. They were all covered in clay again, and I looked down to see that my costume was as well.
I stood and returned to my usual seat, looking out the window. I had failed. Again. For the fourth time, I think, I was just shoved to the sidelines like some kind of...decoration added to the team. Well, I've had just about enough of that.
I'll show them, I'll show all of those wannabe villains not to mess with the Hawkgirl…
"Tabitha, relax, you're hurting the ship." Megan's voice broke my thoughts. I realized I'd nearly torn through my armrests, and lifted my hands as they left imprints. I folded my hands in my lap instead.
"Hey, Hawkey, don't take it too hard. We were all tricked by Clayface." Wally offered, smiling at me reassuringly. It did little to curve my mood, but I sunk in my chair like it had.
My defeat was the only thing on my mind all the way back home. Sure, it wasn't the first time I was upset I couldn't do anything, but i was determined to make it the last time.
"I need to speak to Aqualad. The rest of you, hit the showers and head home." Batman ordered. Well, it wasn't home, but… after my shower, I put my wet hair into a braid and put on my green shirt and jeans. I didn't care what time it was, I immediately headed to Washington D. C., to the Hall of Justice.
"75...76...77…" I pulled up on the bar in the gym. I was hardly breaking a sweat. Okay, that was a lie. I was exhausted, but I refused to quit even when my arms burned like lava.
I dropped down once I reached 100. Beating my wings, I flew around the ceiling, making laps around the gym from the air. I refused to stop. I refused to think about anything but the screaming pain in my wings and bad shoulder. If I did, I don't think I'd ever get over myself.
I'd failed Batman with Clayface. I'd failed Kent Nelson. I'd failed myself with my weak body. Not again. Never. Again.
I wasn't going to be pushed to the sidelines ever again. Clayface was the final straw. I'll show them just was a measly clone can do, I'll show them all!
I didn't stop flying laps until I fell back to the ground with a thud. I got back up, flexing my shoulder, but my wings refused to move.
"Don't quit on me now," I tried flying again, but the muscles were shot and I fell back down. "Alright then, just a quick nap…"
I woke up still on the floor. Everything was sore. I noticed shadows up above me, and looked to see Hawkman and Hawkwoman. I tried to stand to face them and ended up being caught by one of them, I wasn't sure. I was walked and sat on a bench, as Hawkman demanded an explanation as to why I was collapsed on the floor.
"I...I was just-training." I said between gasps of air. "I'm alright. Let's get on with it." I sat up straighter in defiance.
"No," Hawkwoman denied. "You need rest. Have you been here all night?" I nodded slowly. They both sighed.
"Hawkgirl, this isn't training. It's torture. Your body is still weak and-"
"I'm not weak! I'll never be weak," I shouted, interrupting Hawkman. I glared at them. "Never again. I won't be pushed to the side again."
They exchanged a look, then turned back to me. "I know the last few missions have been...challenging for you, but there will always be another chance." Hawkwoman put a hand on my good shoulder carefully.
"But what if there won't be? What if…?" I couldn't finish my own sentence. The image of Kent Nelson's still face was still burned into my head. "I should've done more, I should've-"
"You did all you could." Hawkwoman finished for me. I was still unconvinced.
"I wasn't able to save Kent Nelson." I admitted, staring at the ground. I heard Hawkwoman sigh.
"But you were able to save the Helmet of Fate from falling into the wrong hands. "You stopped an assassin from killing Dr. Roquette. You were able to beat Blockbuster back in Cadmus when you were weaker than you are now. Sometimes, saving the world doesn't mean saving everyone, but we get back up from our defeats. We learn from our mistakes. Do you know why?" I shook my head at her question. "To give people a chance. Because if we don't fight, then perhaps next time we will save no one." Hawkwoman knelt down to meet my eyes as she spoke. The words helped calm me down enough, but I was still too weak to stand without help.
The Hawks walked with me back to the Zeta tube, where we all went through and into the Cave. I showed them to my room as I laid in my bed.
"Get some rest, now. Call Batman or Red Tornado if you need anything." Hawkman said. And then they left, probably going back to Chicago. Lucky.
I rolled over on my side. Hawkwoman's words still echoed in my mind. I did want to fight. But I had gone about it wrong. I was fighting for myself, to make myself look better on the team. That's not why they fought. They fought for peace, for justice, for the people. To keep them safe and give them a chance at a normal life. I wish I could say the same for me. I wasn't even sure where I had put my necklace Giovanni Zatara gave me.
My wings felt less sore now that they weren't being worked so hard, so I thought it would do me some good to not fly around for a while.
I ended up stiffly walking to the kitchen for something to eat. I realized earlier that I hadn't eaten since yesterday around noon, and it looked to be the afternoon by Washington D. C. time.
I passed Red Tornado walking out on the way there. I half-turned as he seemed to walk right past me without even a "hello," but perhaps that was just his robot brain.
As I stepped into the kitchen, I suddenly knew why he walked out. Superboy was sitting in front of the TV box, covered in what looked to by milk. Megan was simply chopping onions for dinner.
I snuck past the Martian and grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and quickly retreated back to my room.
The day blended together. I didn't fall asleep, but I wasn't fully awake either. I was caught in the narrow edge between the dream world and reality. I didn't know which was worse.
Soon, I grew bored, and decided to clean my suit of the clay it had. I went to the kitchen again, with Superboy now gone, probably to clean up. I started the sink and began to wash, when Megan appeared behind me.
"Need some help with that?" She asked. I stayed quiet, but nodded. She lifted her hands and levitated the clothes in front of her. In one swift motion, the clothes were clean and dry.
"Wow, you're a timesaver." I commented. She smiled at my words and handed the suit back. I returned again to my room afterwards, once again blurring the line between what was real and what wasn't.
But how do I know my dreams weren't real? What if they really were memories from a forgotten past? And why couldn't I remember what happened in Cadmus? It was like they specifically wiped my brain of anything that happened to me in the lab. It didn't make sense.
I sat up, clutching my head as the pain returned from thinking of Cadmus too much. It was sort of a freezing pain, a feeling like my brain was being turned into ice again. I decided to try to watch some TV box show to clear my head.
I headed out to the main room just before Batman called the team down. I mentally groaned at having to get changed again, but I did it as quickly as possible and ended up being the second-to-last person to arrive in front of Aqualad. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him all day…
"Made your decision?" Batman asked the Atlantean. Decision? What decision?
"The decision is made. I am here. One hundred percent." Aqualad replied to my dislike. He didn't offer up much of an answer to my question.
"Good. You're just in time for your next mission." Batman pulled up a map of...someplace.
"The Watchtower detected an immense power surge in the Bialyan desert." Batman began. Wait, what's the Watchtower?
A/N: Get ready for a rollercoaster ride with the next chapter. Oh, I got some plans for "Bereft." Lots of plans. *evil laugh*
Sorry the last two chapters have been kinda short. I promise the next one will run a while.
Anyways, reviews, followers, and favorites are all appreciated here.
