Chapter Nine

"So what you're saying is," began Voldemort, "I just had a brief surge of magic, brought with me from the very darkest depths of Hell, where I have been residing, most uncomfortably, for the past 13 years, but now that I'm free I can't use magic because I'm not in Hogwarts?"

Hermione nodded. "Pretty much," she said.

Voldemort sighed. "Hey, you," he said to Cassie. "Who the Hell are you?"

Cassie raised an eyebrow. "I need your help," she said, most reluctantly. "We all do. We need you to vanquish an evil vampire-slash-fairy for us. If you'd be so kind."

Voldemort looked sort of sad, in an evil sort of way. "I don't know," he said. "You see, during my time in Hell, I realised that killing people just isn't fulfilling enough."

Cassie, Hermione and Peter all exchanged perplexed looks.

"Excuse me?" asked Cassie.

"Well, I came to realise that killing people just won't make me happy. The only thing that ever made me remotely... not murderous was perhaps my darling Nagini. Or Bella. She was... you know... pure evil. I like that in a woman." Voldemort sighed a heavy sigh. "I suppose I could provide an exception if you could find me a Weasley to brutally murder."

"Now that you mention it-" began Peter who was rudely cut off by a stamp on the foot by Hermione. He let out a cry of pain and began hopping around on it for a few moments.

"Didn't think so," continued Voldemort miserably. "I hate those Weasleys. In fact, I pretty much hate all gingers. You don't know any gingers do you?"

Cassie shook her head slowly but then stopped and thought for a moment. "Wait," she said through a burst of inspiration. "Do strawberry blondes count?"

Voldemort smiled.

Hermione led Cassie, Peter and Voldemort to the cafeteria where she knew Harry and Ron would be waiting. Cassie could feel a strange feeling coming upon her, almost like there were bubbles building up inside of her, but she couldn't for the life of her understand what it meant.

They stepped through the doors of the cafeteria. Harry and Ron were stood a number of feet away from the four. Cassie stopped short, gasped suddenly and gripped hold of Peter's arm.

"Oh my GOD!" she shrieked, flapping her hands up and down and hyperventilating slightly.

"What?" asked Peter, a worried expression on his face. "What is it?"

Cassie relinquished her hold on Peter's arm and pointed ahead of her, her eyes wide with excitement. "It's Harry Freakin' Potter!" she cried, jumping up and down. "Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, Peter! Do I look okay? How do I look? Come on, Peter! Be honest! Does my butt look big in this?"

Lord Voldemort rolled his eyes. "Yes," he said dryly before leaving her and Peter to follow Hermione across the room.

Cassie looked at Peter and blinked suddenly. "Wow," she said quietly. "That was so weird. I think I just had my first Fangirl moment."

"Are you alright?" asked Peter.

"Sure," she said, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm totally over it."

She crossed the room coolly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Peter noticed her licking her lips and smoothing down her skirt as she got nearer to Harry and Ron. Somehow, she managed to get to Harry before Hermione and Voldemort (presumably because she ran the last few feet and pushed them both out of the way rather rudely, resulting in Voldemort crashing into Hermione) and began violently shaking Harry's hand, repeatedly repeating "Hi! Omigosh, hi!"

Harry laughed in a sexy, manly manner and ran his hand through his deliciously dark hair. "Well, hello," he said to Cassie. "It's nice to meet you to."

"Wow," said Cassie, her voice shaking with excitement. "I can't believe it's really you!"

"I know," said Harry. "Would you like an autograph, darling?"

"Really?"

"Of course." Peter resisted the urge to inflict violence upon Harry as he stroked his hand over Cassie's. "Normally I don't, but for you, sweetness, I'd do anything."

Voldemort cleared his throat loudly beside Peter.

"Sweet mother of Judah!" Harry cried. "Where in Godric's name did you come from? I thought I killed you, you son of a basilisk!"

Cassie let go of Harry and seemed to come to her senses. "I resurrected him," she said. "We need his help to vanquish the evil Bella Cullen."

Harry narrowed his eyes at Voldemort and Cassie. "You expect me to trust him? He killed my mum and dad! What about Sirius and Tonks and Lupin? What about the fact that he has no nose? Clearly he cannot be trusted!"

Cassie sighed. "Harry," she said softly, "you have to trust him if we can ever get rid of Bella. She's pure evil!"

Harry frowned and chewed on his bottom lip. "I suppose you're right, tuts. I mean, she did threaten to take fries of the cafeteria menu yesterday."

"What a bitch," commented Voldemort.

"I know," said Harry. "Besides, I think we've probably got some things in common. We are both orphans..."

"Alone in a world where no-one understands us," Voldemort added.

Harry nodded. "You know something? I think I've got you all wrong. You're actually a pretty alright guy."

"Woah, woah, woah!" came a voice behind Harry. Ron Weasley stepped forward, a disgusted look on his face. "What the fudge is going on here? This is Lord Voldemort we're talking about! Are we forgetting that he killed Harry's parents?"

"Actually, Ron," said Cassie, "we did mention that."

"And what about Sirius?"

"Mentioned that too," said Peter.

"What about Fred?"

"We were definitely thinking that, mate," Harry told him.

Ron growled in anger. "And you!" He pointed at Cassie. "How could you just resurrect him like this?"

Voldemort piped up, "The Mudblood chick helped."

Ron glared at Hermione cowering behind Cassie. "Hermione!" he and Harry both shouted simultaneously.

Hermione whimpered. "But she asked so nicely! I'm sorry!"

"You know, Hermione," began Ron, "I didn't want to believe it, but know I see that it's true."

"What?" asked Hermione, perplexed.

"You're having an affair with Voldemort, aren't you?"

The whole crowd gasped in horror, no more so than Voldemort himself who was gagging at the very idea.

"Ron!" Hermione screeched, completely scandalised. "Don't be so ridiculous!"

"I'm not being ridiculous!" Ron insisted. "I've read it with my own two eyes! It's all over the internal-netty thing! You and him, canoodling behind my back! And then there's you and Sirius, you and Snape, you and Bellatrix, you and Ginny, you and Harry – but that of course is just a lie. We're brothers, aren't we Harry?"

"Hell, yeah!" cried Harry, bumping his fist against Ron's, which, I am told, is what the youth today refer to as 'Fo'Knucks' or a 'Bro Bump'.

"Ron, you're being silly!" said Hermione. "That's all fictional. It's the work of someone's imagination!"

Ron folded his arms and shook his head. "The way I see it," he muttered, "you're nothing but a Jezebel!"

Hermione gasped and her lip trembled as if she were about to cry. "Please, Ron. You have to help us."

"No," he said simply.

Hermione thought for a minute. "If you do this, Ron," she said quickly, "I'll give you a lap-dance!"

"Ew!" cried Ron. "Don't be so disgusting, Hermione! Oh my- ew, horrible mental pictures! Make them stop!"

"I'll give you a lap dance!" shouted Harry.

Ron stopped retching and looked up, eyebrow raised. "Really?" he said, considering the proposition. "What? No! No, I couldn't do that! No!"

Cassie sighed. "What about a Scooby Snack?" she asked. "Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?"

Ron narrowed his eyes and thought, his tongue sticking out of his mouth slightly. "Hmmm... You make an interesting proposition... But, no."

"What about a box of Scooby Snacks?" offered Hermione. "A whole box of Scooby Snacks!"

Ron sighed, his whole body seemingly collapsing. "Oh, okay then."

"Yay!" Hermione did a little jump of joy and went to hug Ron, but he pushed her off to embrace Harry.

For my reviewers, Evanescence2189, lowi, puckleberryforeva, LucyCrewe11, Popcorn Life, Elizabeth Zara, and justmeagain123.

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