As Dipper went back to his pad, he spotted his sister in a completely alien yoga position on the stoop, legs behind her back supported only by her hands and faith for Vishnu.

"Hey Mabel, I'm back from my trip, I think we have someone who can take care of the kids while Cindy is away. Also, I picked up this book. It's an herbal of some kind, I think? I can barely understand it as it is the language feels so familiar, yet so very distant."

Mabel stopped whatever the heck she was doing and did a backflip, now looking quizzically at Dipper.

"Let me see that book."

Dipper handed her the book. It was a musty, dusty tome, probably one of its kind, detailing various kinds of plants found across the world.

"Let's see, smoked it, smoked it, was told by my guru not to smoke it, smoked it, smoked it, would never smoke it, drank it, Dipper, do you know what this is?"

"Uh, what?"

"It's the companion piece to my bestiary! I'd been tripping out on these specific plants looking for it! Who gave this to you?"

"Uh, Wendy?" Dipper said, embarrassed.

Mabel wagged her finger in a condescending motion. "Aw Vishnu, Dipper, they're onto us! You should be careful, things are not quite what they seem. You'd better keep your wits aboutcha."

"I mean, now that I think about it, it's weird that a crack-addled folklore professor would have a book that's very similar to your bestiary."

"Aw shit, Dipper, I just remembered! There's one more book, it details the locations where these monsters and plants are found. It could be key for shutting down these nightmare portals!"

"Well gee, where could it be? It's not like my wife collects weird books or some shit like that, oh wait."

So Dipper invited Mabel inside and the two began scouring Cindy's library.

Cindy's library was, for lack of a better word, immense. Nuzzled in a closet was a dingy passageway that led to a cell full of books, many on topics even Dipper wouldn't delve into. The library was lit by the sky, which beamed down from a stained-glass window of Saint Michael the Archangel conquering Satan. Dipper always thought this was weird, especially coming from someone who probably would have been burnt at the stake had she time travelled to the Puritan Era.

"Woah! I haven't seen this many books since I invaded a sacred library as part of my initiation!" Mabel Exclaimed.

"Yup, that's Cindy for ya, hoarder of books, each one more obscure than the last." Dipper said this with a wide smile on his beard-encrusted face. "Let's see what we got here."

Dipper beckoned towards the occult shelf in his wife's library. In it were plastered various texts from across the globe. There was a treatise on the performance of Inuit magic, a collection of various Seid-litanies to Odin composed in orgasm, ethnographies of martial arts and their metaphysical connotations in South India, and an account of travel to Timbuktu by foot as well as a survey of the presence of Sufism there.

"Ugh, where is it?" Dipper was tired skimming through his wife's impressive collection of rare books. He desperately needed a drink of water and his fatigue was causing him to have visions of creatures with more eyes and arms than necessary. Meanwhile, Mabel was bouncing to and fro while attempting to meditate and divine where the book is. Being the tired, dazed dad and adjunct professor that he is, Dipper, however, started to fall asleep. His body decompressed until his head hit a button subtly painted onto the wood finish. All of a sudden, the bookshelf Dipper was facing retracted upwards, leading to a most curious stone corridor lit by medieval torches. The two carefully traversed down it.

"Sweet merciful Vishnu, the plot thickens!"

"I'll say. That Cindy sure is a mysterious fellowina. Wait, what do you call a female fellow anyways?"

"Beats me."

"Damn! I should know, I'm a professor, for crying out loud."

"Eh, academic knowledge is something, but spiritual knowledge? That's where it's at. I mean the University of Oregon was fine, for like… twelve minutes, but I needed bigger and better things to do, so I started a brothel."

"Oh, yeah, I remember that, you really needed action, huh?"

"I guess I didn't need it in the long run, I mean I'm a nun, for Rama's sake!"

"Speaking of which, I'm just curious, how did you get to here from India in the first place?"

"It's a long story. But to save time let's just say that– oh hey! Look at that!"

The corridor came to a screeching halt and the two were facing a door with a sign above that read "BOOKS OF PURE EVIL, through this door"

"Well, I hope this is the place." Dipper was a bit nervous. He never traversed this part of his house before. Townhouses were weird things indeed.

Dipper opened the door, fearful about just what his wife was hiding from him. The door was unlocked for whatever reason and in the room was a sight to behold. The room was, much like the slightly more mainstream library, packed to the brim with books of all sorts.

"Hmmm, let's see here, the complete F.A.T.A.L rulebook, the Turner Diaries, Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, the Necronomicon, De Vermis Mysteriis, How to Draw Manga, wait a second Mabel, what is the name of this book in the first place?"

"The Mahagrangudon. A classic of strange locations known the worlds over. I can't believe I forgot to tell you the names of the Ravana-damn books!"

"Oh here it is!" Dipper found a skin-bound book with the words Mahagrangudon scrawled on the spine-like spine. "I'm really surprised that these books are in the Bay Area, how convenient is that?"

"Yeah, it's like someone blessed us with the gift of sheer convenience, just making our adventure all the easier."

"I wouldn't say blessing," Dipper said as he gawked at the riveting realms, "look at these places. A river of trees, a forest of sand, a desert of bricks, a city of eyes, a reasonably priced Apple store, my god!"

Mabel seemed satisfied, "From what I've gathered, these places are nodes from the dimension of weirdness. The same is true for these perplexing plants and mystifying monsters. With all of these books together, we can successfully locate these places and seal them away!"

"Alright, there's two problems with that. One, what do we seal them away with? Two, how are we going to get there? Three, how did you get here? Four, where do we know to go first?"

"That's a good question. I kind of was in a trance when I got here, I mean I always am. Thanks to global surveillance, I was able to locate your house, very convenient, that global government. As for what we can use to seal up the portals, I'm a sadhvi, remember? We're all trained in exorcism. You're also a folklore person, plus you have an axe, so that may come in handy. Plus, you're my brother."

"Well that's all well and good, Mabel. But how are we going to get from place to place?"

"Easy!" Mabel reached in her bag and pulled out some strange strand of marijuana, except it caused teleportation. "We sadhvis have the best strands of marijuana in all of the United Countries of The World. All we need to do is meditate on a spot in the world where these portals have been showing up. Say, how does the Arctic Circle sound?"

"Sounds decent enough to me. I could use some fresh air."

Mabel handed him the blunt.

"Hey Dipper," she said in a sly voice, "Wanna smoke some weed?"