Author's Note: Okay, okay, you're probably wondering where the "night that goes too far" and the "unexpected mission" are. Both are coming, just not for a while. The characters have to develop a realtionship first, you know? Sorry, but that's just my way--I want them to take this a bit slow. They're new to this whole thing, remember.

I warn you--this fic is going to be long. :)

Four. Uncertainty of Everything

Kankuro

I almost didn't want to see him go. Almost. It was a strange feeling, to want him so much. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to see him laugh, to have him crack a smile at one of my remarks.

And then the feeling began, low, in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't a sick feeling, or a hurt feeling, or that sort of acid feeling you get when you've eaten too much. The feeling was there, and it tingled—almost glittered, though I knew I couldn't see it, so therefore it couldn't really glitter—but it wouldn't go away. Every once and a while the feeling would bubble up, and I'd find myself very happy and almost halfway aroused. It made me feel partly on-edge and a bit elated at the same time; I honestly didn't know what had caused it.

Or, if I was being honest with myself, I knew exactly what had, or was, causing the feeling: Inuzuka Kiba. He made me happy, for some reason, a reason I couldn't even explain to myself. Maybe I was still just a bit delirious from lack of sleep. I would go to bed, and see what happened when I woke again.

The problem was that I found myself unable to sleep. My head hit the pillow, but I couldn't make my lids close. My whole body was tense, wanting to get up and go and do something, anything.

Gaara entered the room, closing the door behind him so only a thin sliver of light danced across the floor. "Kankuro," he said.

I lifted my head. "What is it, Gaara?"

"We have to leave for a few days. I received a message from Suna this morning. They need help on settling an issue. I expect you to be packed and read to go no later than sunset."

I groaned and rolled over. "Whatever you say, Gaara."

I was secretly pleased. Never had I wanted to leave a place so much before. This edgy feeling in the pit of my stomach—I wanted it to disappear. I didn't want to have to think about or feel it anymore. It was too much for me to handle.

"I'll be ready by sunset."

Gaara had sent me to the market with specific instructions to pick up some food for our journey back to Suna. I hadn't bothered to complain or ask for one of the other members of our party to do it; I was grateful to have a reason to occupy my mind.

I looked down at the list, then back to the market display, concentrating on each item. "Leeks," I murmured, weighing a bundle of them in my hand.

"Cook much?" a playful voice asked.

I stiffened, knowing the voice. I wanted to vanish on the spot, into a puddle of sand like Gaara. My reply was cold. "Food for our return to Suna."

Kiba paused. "You're leaving?" He said after a short silence.

"Gaara said Suna needs us back as soon as possible." I said, trying to add as much venom to my voice as possible.

I couldn't stand the syrupy sadness in his tone. It grated on me, like particles of sand grate against bare skin. How dare he have the audacity to think of me. To care. I was so much higher a level than he was, not to mention two years older. I was sick of this puppy controlling my feelings as he had been for the past day and a half. I wanted him gone.

"We leave at sunset. And frankly, I'm glad to get out of this place," I added, hoping for emphasis. I chuckled softly, as though the whole village of Konaha was nothing more than a giant joke. I wanted to put distance between Kiba and myself, so these feelings would leave. "It's so…ugh. I can't stand it."

I heard Kiba let out a low growl. "Our village is just as good as yours," he spat.

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Bastard."

"Dog-boy! Why don't you just get on your knees and bark?" I shouted, turning towards him. I expected his face to be curved into an angry snarl, but he showed no signs of ferocity. He just looked hurt. The feeling panged for him. I quieted it down, reminding myself that he was a dog, a Konaha Ninja. I wanted to hate him with all my heart.

And hate him I did.

Or, at least that's what I told myself as I walked away, never forgetting how much I loved his voice.

By sunset we were off through the Konaha gates, on our way to Suna. A crowd gathered to bid us farewell, promising that they would wait until we returned.

Kiba was not among them.

It hurt me, for one of those rare reasons I could not explain. I hated him. I hated him with every last piece of myself. And yet, I still wanted to see his face one last time.

Why was I so uncertain? Couldn't I have feelings for anyone but this one boy?

That was why I needed out. I wanted—no, had to—forget. The feeling was making me sick now. I couldn't tell if the waves of emotion gave me pleasure or made me want to throw up. I felt sick—so sick, in fact, that when we stopped to make camp I collapsed on the ground beneath a tree, too tired to talk to anyone.

I curled up close, hugging Karasu's scroll close to me. I wanted something to cling to, just in case I fell apart.

I was so concentrated on keeping my thoughts and emotions intact that I didn't hear Gaara approach.

"Kankuro," he said softly.

I rolled over. "What do you want? I'm trying to sleep."

"You're not coming back to Suna with us," he said softly.

I sat up. Was he sending me back to Konaha? No, this couldn't be. I didn't want to—I wouldn't go. Oh, please, no.

"Where am I going, then?"

Gaara handed me a large scroll wrapped with pale blue cord. A gleam was in his eyes. "I have a mission for you," he whispered.