Author's note: Longest chapter title in the history of the world. Ever. This has—le gasp!—intimate relations in it. You can skip if you like, but it shouldn't be too graphic.

Thirteen. The Night That Went Too Far

Kiba

At first, I was a bit wary. His bedroom. Bedroom. As far as I was concerned, that was a place I had yet to be and had no desire to go.

Kankuro took my hand in both of his and brought it up to his lips. He kissed my fingertips, and his eyes suddenly melted into something soft and dark and liquid that looked like lust but really wasn't lust at all. What I was seeing—what I could smell, even—was love. I was almost sure of it.

And it scared the hell out of me.

Love? Really, after such a short time, could he love me so much? Had anyone ever loved me that much before? I wasn't sure. Granted, Tsume and Hana loved me, but that was a different sort of love. That was pure, innocent family love. Family love didn't involve such complications as this love did.

This love was different. Darker, more secretive, and just a bit frightening. Family love was unconditional—this didn't have that same guarantee.

Kankuro rose from the table, stepping out into the dark hallway. "Are you coming, Kiba?" he murmured softly.

I sat in the bright kitchen for a moment, thinking. Did I want to step into that darkness, with no one to guide me but Kankuro? It wasn't just the darkness of the hallway that scared me, but the darkness of this love. Granted, I had been told all about the birds and bees and boys and girls and what they did behind closed doors.

But I had never done any of that, not once. And now, I was scared—so scared. I wasn't sure if I should follow him and whisper it in his ear or curl up beneath the kitchen table and refuse to come out.

"Kiiiiiba."

I shook my head and got up, following Kankuro's voice. I would tell him. If he could not accept my fear, then we had no reason being together at all. Lovers should be able to share such things.

"Kankuro," I called softly into the darkness. "Where are you?"

"Right here."

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, tugging at the collar of my shirt. I could smell the sake on his breath. I assured myself that he'd had only a few glasses, and he could hold his liquor. Kankuro was perfectly lucid.

He brought his hands underneath the leather of my jacket, and then even further underneath the mesh shirt I was wearing. He tugged them both over my head, and the landed somewhere on the floor.

Guided by the kitchen light, Kankuro led me down the hallway, past Gaara's study to a room on the very end on the hall. He slid open the door.

It was a small room, with a bed on the floor in the center, with a small table placed next to it. Several large tea mugs cluttered the table's surface; I guessed Kankuro was not one for cleaning. A large window that led to a balcony was the only source of light in the otherwise pitch black room; there were no lamps, no overhead lights. The darkness swallowed all. The curtains were drawn tightly shut, but the tiniest strip of moonlight still managed to slip through, making a sliver streak in the otherwise black room.

Kankuro stooped down and pulled something from under the table. It was a single candle, the wax nearly melted all the way down. Kankuro pulled a match from a box near the bed and scraped it across the table, being careful not to extinguish the flame. The candle flared, then faded to a soft flame.

Kankuro let it rest on the table. He removed his own shirt, tossing it over into an empty corner of the room. He pressed himself close to me, so I could feel skin on skin. I gulped. Scared as I was, a throbbing began in my belly, slowly making its way down. Kankuro began to kiss my neck, my cheeks, my eyes, nose, lips. I could feel myself getting hard.

I whimpered and pulled away, trying to hide myself from him. My hardness was incredibly obvious, but he didn't seem to care. He pulled me back, spinning my body so I face him once again.

"There's no use hiding it," he mumbled in my ear. His fingers were skimming the waistband of my pants. I gasped as they opened my button, and I spilled out. Kankuro shifted the fabric so it was around my knees. "Kiba, Kiba." His voice had taken on that dark, Gaara-like tone again, just the same he'd used with the shinobi back in the Land of Waves. "Don't shy away from me. Let me help," his voice grew softer, more pleading. I had to strain my ears to hear it. "I love you."

I froze up. So he did love me. Then I hadn't imagined it, after all. But what did this mean? Did it mean that because he loved me, I had to love him? Did I have to say it, too? Was this the moment where we confessed ourselves, so everyone could see how much we loved one another?

"Kankuro—" I began. "I have to tell you, I—" He took my mouth in his, giving me no time to finish. But it was something I needed to tell him. He needed to know how scared I was.

Kankuro knelt down, bringing me with him. Then he gently placed a hand on my shoulder, easing me back onto the sheets. "Relax. You're too tense, mutt."

"Who said you could call me that?" I growled. Did he just think that he could say anything he wanted, that just because he loved me it didn't matter?

"Relax," he whispered. Then he pulled down my shorts, and placed his hand around me. I gasped and yelped. The horror came back.

Maybe I did love him, maybe I didn't. Either way, this—this wasn't something I was ready for. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I didn't want him touching me there. It was mine, my body. How dare he just take it, like it was his?

He began to move his fingers up and down, and I shook and my breath became heavy. It felt so wonderful, but yet I felt guilty.

We shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be doing this.

My eyes prickled with tears, and I turned my head away. I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I didn't want to see him so happy at something that frightened me so much.

Shouldn't be, shouldn't be, oh, oh god yes, yes—no. No, can't mustn't—Oh!

I yelped, struggling to keep my waist on the sheets. I released into Kankuro's hand, and I saw the satisfied smile on his face. Why? Why was he so happy? Couldn't he see, couldn't he hear? I whimpered now, like a lost dog that scratched at his master's fee, begging for forgiveness. My fear—the scent of it was so strong, so sour, it nearly overwhelmed me. Couldn't he smell it at all?

Kankuro lay down on the sheets next to me, wiping his hand on the bedspread. "I've—I've wanted that for…so long…."

I rolled over onto my side, curling up into a tight ball. His words made no sense. Why did he want to give me pleasure? Why had that been his goal—to please me, not himself. It confused me. Didn't people normally seek pleasure for themselves?

I whimpered, then lay still. I felt guilty—so guilty. Why? Hadn't he loved me? Hadn't I told him so many times that I didn't want to go too far? So why? Why now?

I sobbed softly, but Kankuro didn't seem to hear me. He just traced the curve of my spine, up down, up, down. I shivered and curled tighter. He stopped his hand, then finally rolled over and put his head down on the pillow. He said nothing.

I sobbed louder, afraid to fall asleep. Being asleep would make me put my guard down, and that frightened me even more. That he might try to love me while I didn't know, while I had no say in it.

I slid over to the other side of the bed as far as I could, still clutching the blanket. I couldn't go home now, much as I wanted. I was too late, and I was too tired. I pulled the blanket over me, wrapping myself into a ball as tight as I could.

I didn't want him to touch me again.