Well, it has been a very, very, very, very, very, very long time since I updated this story. But I have an excuse! I recently became addicted to a Harry Potter website. OK, that's not much of an excuse, but I have had other stuff, like homework , and play, and things... EDIT: A bow to TurnerH for pointing out my math mistake...My math teacher would be horrified, but I've fixed it!
Anyway, Just read the story...
Chapter 7: She Who Knows Everything
"So, who's coming through the Stargate now?" asked Jack, as he lifted himself off the ground.
"I don't know," said Sam, pouting. "How come you expect me to know everything?"
"Because you do," Daniel pointed out.
"Oh yeah!" Sam grinned.
"You know everything?" asked Rommie in awe.
"Yes," confirmed everyone in the control room except the Andromeda people.
"Ok, then," said Beka. "What's 2+2?"
"4." responded Sam.
"Ooooooo, she's good," Beka whispered to Dylan.
"What colour is the Andromeda?" demanded Dylan.
"Purple," said Sam.
"I give up," shrugged Dylan.
"Who played Harry Potter in the movies?" questioned Purple Trance.
"Daniel Radcliffe." said Sam.
"Wow, you are good," said Purple Trance in awe.
Harper, tired of being left out of the story line, stepped forward.
"Here's one: What (84+56)-92x12+1?" he demanded, smiling smugly.
"-963," yawned Sam, looking at her nails. Everybody looked at Rommie.
"She's right," she said.
"We told you," said Teal'c. "Major Carter knows everything."
"Can we concentrate on who's coming through the gate?" asked Jack impatiently.
"Sure, we don't have anything better to do," shrugged Hammond.
SG-1, the crew of the Andromeda, and Hammond, all walked over to stand next to some random technician, who was conveniently unaware of what had happened to his predecessor, as he had been tying his shoe at the time. His name, oddly enough, was Calvin.
"Hello!" said Calvin cheerfully. "We have a new alien race on the line. Would you like to speak to them?"
"Um, ok," said Daniel, taking the phone.
"How come I don't get to speak to the new alien race?" demanded Hammond. "I am, after all, the General."
"Because I just…speak to them," explained Daniel.
"Ok," said Hammond, looking down at his feet.
"Have you noticed how he always manages to convince people by just waving his hand?" Dylan asked Tyr.
"You saw nothing!" Daniel hissed to them.
"We saw nothing," said Dylan and Tyr robotically.
Daniel nodded and spoke into the phone. "Hello! You've reached the SGC! This is Dr. Daniel Jackson speaking. To whom am I talking to?"
"This is Joe," said a voice on the other end.
"Hey, it's that guy who sells vacuum cleaners!" Daniel said excitedly, covering up the mouthpiece.
"Ask if he still gives discounts," said Hammond eagerly.
"We do not give discounts," said Joe. "We are here to destroy the universe!"
"What, again?" asked everyone.
"Give me the phone," said Dylan authorotively, "I know how to deal with this guy."
Daniel handed him the phone.
"Hello, Dylan speaking," said Dylan into the phone.
"You!" said Joe. "So, we meet again!"
"I'm sorry," asked Dylan politely. "Have we met?"
"Of course we have! I'm trying to destroy the universe, remember?"
"Ohhhhhhhhh," said Dylan. "Oh, well this is wonderful! Just a minute while I put you on speakerphone. The rest of the crew are simply dying to talk to you again!" He hit the speakerphone button.
"Guys, it's Joe!" He told his crew excitedly.
"Joe!" cried Beka. "Oh, we haven't seen him in sooooooo long!"
"I missed him a lot!" said Harper. "I can't wait to talk to him!"
"I wonder if he remembers me?" asked Tyr worriedly. "Oh, I hope he remembers me…"
"We love Joe!" cried the Trances, jumping up and down.
"Go Joe, go Joe, go Joe…" sang Rommie.
"Er-" said Joe.
"So Joe, how's the whole destroying the universe thing going for you?" asked Dylan.
"Oh, well, you know," said Joe. "It's ok. Some days I think we're getting nowhere and then we'll destroy a planet and there'll be a celebration-"
"You had a party?" asked Beka, dejected. "Why didn't you invite us?"
"Well, you were kind of trying to stop me-"
"That's no reason to neglect your friends," sniffed Tyr, looking hurt.
"Well, I'm really sorry, but-"
"You know what? We don't feel like talking to you anymore," said Harper. "You can have the phone back now," he told Daniel.
"Er, hi, this is Dr. Daniel Jackson again," said Daniel.
"Hello, where were we?" asked Joe.
"I believe you were telling me that you wanted to destroy the universe," said Daniel.
"Oh, right, well, I 'm going to destroy the universe," stated Joe. "Starting with Earth."
"Whoa!" said Jack. "Can't we make a deal or something?"
"What kind of deal?" asked Joe, intrigued.
"Well, uh," Jack looked around for help. "How about, um-"
"If you can ask Major Carter a question that she can't answer than you can destroy Earth," said Teal'c.
"What?!" yelped Sam.
"Agreed," said Joe. "Who is Major Carter?"
"Definitely not me," said Sam, putting up her hands.
"Oh, she's such a kidder," laughed Hammond. He pushed Sam towards the phone.
"Hello?" she said nervously.
Hello," said Joe. "I have a question for you."
"Well, I've been asked quite a lot of questions today-"
"Be quiet and listen! What-" he paused for dramatic effect. "Is Chandler Bing's job on the TV show Friends? You have one minute, GO!"
"Chandler Bing's job?" laughed Sam. "Oh, that's easy. It's-" she stopped.
"Well?" prompted Jack.
"Er, I'm thinking…"
"You don't know?" cried Beka.
"Thirty seconds!" shouted Joe gleefully.
"Oh, I think it has something to do with toilet paper…" groaned Sam, stamping her foot. "What is it?"
"Ten seconds!"
"It has not been forty seconds!" argued Rommie.
"Did I say Earth seconds?" asked Joe. "5, 4, 3-"
"I know!" shouted Sam suddenly. "It's-" As she said it, a brass band paraded down the hallway on their hourly march.
"That's right," confirmed Joe, disappointed, "I guess I'll go find some other planet to destroy…Bye Everybody…"
"Bye Joe." said Everybody. And he hung up.
So, that's it for today! Hope you liked it!
