Author's Note: I really like that line of Kankuro's, "I want to be clean". I like the way it sounds.

Wow, twenty one chapters! Just one more to go. I'll make it good, I promise. Keep reading/reviewing!

Twenty-One. Becoming Clean

Kiba

My feet hit the ground, sending clouds of dust up into my eyes. I sneezed, then stopped to rub the grit off my face. I had to keep running. Somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but Konaha.

I fell against a tree, clutching a hand to my chest. Akamaru barked, licking the grime off my face. I put a hand to pet his head, and he nestled up against my legs. It was nice, to be somewhere, lost in the middle of the forest on the outskirts of the city. It put me away from everything.

My heart ached. I knew I loved him, but for it to hurt this much…it didn't feel right. I wanted the pain to stop. The only choice I could fathom was suicide. To find a cliff and throw myself over, ending it all. Or maybe I could find a deadly plant to eat?

Suicide. I could see my body in my mind's eye, resting gently on a bed of leaves; Akamaru curled up peacefully by my side. Maybe then Kankuro would be sorry for me. He'd realize that I wasn't just some little pup. I was an adult, and I deserved to be treated like one.

He'd feel terrible. He'd collapse at my feet, sobbing. He'd be crying out various phrases so often uttered by torn lovers. The scene brought peace to my mind. What revenge was better than that which freed me from pain and left him with all the guilt? They'd be forced to blame him, since I was gone. No one wants to ruin the memories of the dead. They'd prefer to mess with the reputations of the living.

No, no. Shouldn't think that…suicide is not the way to go. What good is revenge if you can't be around to witness it?

I shook my head. No, suicide was not something I should consider. It was stupid, reckless, the waste of a life. If any revenge was good enough to include death, it probably included murder, as well.

Akamaru barked, and I heard a rumble in the distance. Storm clouds. They were large and swirling, almost with a sludge-like consistency. It was like the storm that had hit the Land of Waves, only so much bigger.

The Land of Waves…I had almost forgotten.

That was where…

I touched my lips, and the sensation brought me back to reality. Suddenly, I was too tired to move. No, not I tired. I just…I didn't feel like it. Here, at the end of all things, I wanted nothing more than to sit and think of him.

Was this the way all wounded lovers died, thinking of nothing but the ones they loved? Surely this was death, for I could explain no other sensation for my pain. I had heard tales, how death was so peaceful. This was just like that, like sinking into sleep. Was it possible to die from a shattered heart? I wasn't sure. I imagined it broken into a thousand splinters of glass, all sticking inside my ribs and lungs. It was getting hard to breathe now, and my breaths were coming slow and ragged. Glass, glittering like crystal. What a pretty sight it'd be for them when they opened up my lifeless body. It'd be like a fairytale, only so much more real.

Kankuro…he was no fairytale prince, to be sure. I hadn't actually read enough fairytales to know what a prince was supposed to be like. But if he was prince, did that make me princess? Oh, my head was spinning now and the breaths began to come shorter. Why? Why was he there, in my head, like a constant fever?

I was being so selfish…I could think of nothing but him, and how I wanted him. Surely that was not a way to honor our time together, even if it was so short.

Barely a chance at love. Not even a year. Three weeks and two nights, both of which had been cut short by…by…

Come to think of it, why had our second night been cut so short? I didn't even remember anything of Kankuro, or what we'd done. My memory contained a blank spot, a void. It was like that night hadn't even existed.

Maybe it was the disease spreading. The shards of my heart had shattered into my mind, and they were slowly causing my brain to eat away at itself. Inside my head my brain was oozing slowly, making my mind blank out. I could just see it, my blood shining over the crystal like liquid ruby.

Kankuro…Kankuro…did we…think about it…long enough? Maybe…if you gave me just one more chance…

I awoke to the sensation of cold rain stinging my shoulder. The sky was a deep gray above my head, and I could barely open my eyelids. I'd slid down the tree trunk so I was splayed flat on the ground. The rain was dripping in my eyes.

Akamaru stood over me, barking. I reached up and ruffled his wet fur. "Quiet down, boy. If you're not careful, someone will—"

That was when I heard it. Running footsteps, maybe half a mile off. They were getting closer. I could hear the breath going along with them, muttering. "Damn you, Kiba, making me go out in the rain like this…"

Kankuro. He was running, searching for me. Damn. I got up to run, but turned and paused. Wasn't this what I wanted? I had run for a reason. To get away, maybe. But…more than anything…I had run because I wanted him to run after me.

If he came after me, it meant that he still loved me. He still cared. I hadn't run to get lost…I had run to be found. It had taken me a bit to realize it, but it was true.

"I want to rid myself of this dirty feeling I get from going behind everyone's backs…I want to be clean."

I frowned. I hadn't ever remembered Kankuro saying that. Still, it was such a beautiful phrase. Clean...why were we that way, so dirty? Was there no hope of either of us bleaching the secrets from our souls? Was I losing my mind? No, I wasn't losing it—I had already lost it.

Clean…it has such a nice sound to it.

I stood in the middle of the clearing, closing my eyes. I let the rain drip down my skin. It was like Kankuro had said. It was time to rid ourselves of the dirt. I wanted to be clean.

And, just like I thought, he found me. I could hear him getting closer. One hundred feet, fifty, thirty…wait. Did I really want to do this?

Panic rose in my throat, and I could taste cold, metallic fear. My feet were suddenly running, with no command or will at all. I simply had to run. Cowardly as it was, I couldn't just let him find me without a fight. Still…

"I want to be clean."

Then, my feet slipped out from under me, and something dragged me back through the mud and rain. Chakra strings. How could I have thought he wouldn't catch me?

"God…you're more trouble then you're worth, mutt."

"I could say the same about you. I guess losing you is harder than getting you to stay, isn't it?"

He grimaced, and the charka strings detached. "You know I didn't want to help you cheat her. I don't like doing things like that. Shinobi have their secrets, and I already have enough to carry. I don't need more."

"You want to be…clean, right?"

He came out from the bushes where he'd been sitting and knelt next to me on the ground. He took his sleeve and wiped the mud off my lips. "How did you know I said that?"

"It…came to me. I don't know. I was just thinking, and I heard your voice in my head, saying it. It's funny. I didn't even remember you saying that before."

"You remember that many of our conversations?"

I bit my lip, deciding how to answer.

Answer the truth…be clean.

"I've never forgotten a word."

He smiled. "Strangely, neither have I. I guess…no matter how much we want to forget…we can't, can we? Fate keeps trying to fix things. It's almost like…we have to be together, or else everyone around us falls apart." Then he shook his head and sighed. "I suppose…if you remember…then I should tell you. Granted, Ino will kill me, but…"

"But what?" Remember? What did I remember anyway? Another flash hit my mind.

Sobbing, screaming from inside my head. It was like I was trapped inside a looking glass, with no way out… "Ino, no! Please, don't hurt him! Ino please…I love him, Ino…just don't…"

I put a hand to my temple. My brain throbbed. What the hell was this?

"Ino…" Kankuro began, checking to make sure I was listening, "used her mind transfer jutsu on you. She took over your body, manipulating it so I would think she was you. Then she proceeded to do her best to destroy me where it hurt most…and it worked. She duped both of us. I believed you no longer wanted me, so when you saw me at Ichiraku and kissed me, I acted that frustration out on you. I don't hate you, Kiba," he breathed. "You have to believe that I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I love you. I always have, always will. I love you."

I took in everything he said, calmly as I could. Strange as it sounded, none of it surprised me. He didn't hate me—he didn't. There was an explanation…I had never felt happier. Joy surged though me, like a bolt of lightening. The shards inside my ribs slowly picked themselves up, shaping back into that fragile heart that had been cracked and split and chipped so many times before, and would be wounded so many more times in the future.

My arms reached up, like that of a small child. And Kankuro accepted me and pulled me up off the mud-soaked ground into a wonderfully deep kiss. And I felt it—my soul was clean. My outer shell was dirty, streaked with mud and blood and sweat and rain. But inside—inside I was purer than I'd ever been before.

I melted inside his embraced, focusing on every aspect of the kiss. His arms wrapped around my shivering body, emitting so much heat that I suddenly had the urge to remove my jacket. His thumb, caressing my chin as the rest of his hand wrapped around the back of my head, pressing me to his with just the right pressure. His lips, chapped from so much Suna sun, rough against mine. His tongue slowly moving inside my mouth. All of it—it soothed me. It comforted me.

I began to cry.

Kankuro pulled away. "Something wrong?"

I buried my head in his shoulder. "It's just the rain."

"Of course it is," he murmured. "Of course it is."

And then he pulled me back again, needing another kiss. He wasn't clean enough yet.