Chapter Six

Lily saw that the Whomping Willow was shedding its leaves, but it was just beginning to grow cold. It had been a blistering summer and a hot autumn, but only by the second week of October did Lily start layering her clothes with a purpose.

She buttoned up her white collared shirt, pulled on a long-sleeve gray knit sweater over it, and a black pea coat with long black trousers and black boots up to her knees. Her feet were sweating from the wool socks she had worn underneath, but it was far better than the cold. Lily had always preferred the heat to the cold, which was unfortunate since she lived in England. Sometimes she fantasized about moving to the desert and only ever wearing tank tops and shorts. For now, she wore around her favorite hoodie to warm her no matter the weather.

She braced herself against the cold wind whipping at her as she walked around the Quidditch Pitch to the South entrance. She brushed aside the heavy tapestry with the lion of Gryffindor emblazoned across it, mighty and ferocious and up on its haunches. With the shush of the fabric falling back into place behind her, she was enveloped in darkness.

"Lumos," Lily murmured. The tip of her wand lit and the undersides of the bleachers around and above her threw shadows in ragged lines across the wilted grass. She immediately lowered it to the ground, using the light only for the purpose of revealing tripping hazards. Faint light filtered through the slats of the bleachers, the only light she needed to see her hands in front of her. She made her way forward to peer through the seats of the bleachers. Lily whispered, "Nox."

Her eyes slowly adjusted to the light change and sure enough, right on schedule, the Hufflepuff Quidditch team was running laps around the pitch. The captain and seeker of the team, a seventh year named Moshe, had already shed his shirt and was sporting a beautiful sheen of sweat across his chest, abs, and biceps. Lily's mouth watered.

She kicked some rubbish aside to sit cross-legged on the grass, then pulled out a baggie from her sports bra. The bra was more for warmth than support, but it also added as a nice private pouch for weed. She pulled out her tiny silver grinder from her coat pocket and set to work on rolling a blunt. After five minutes of hard work, she lit the end of the compact cigarette and inhaled lightly, experimentally. And then she inhaled and inhaled until her tongue, teeth, and chest were burning, feeling light headed and forgetting each moment as it came to her and whizzed past.

Lily watched each fit boy run past her without even knowing she was there, hidden in the shadows. It was like a two-way mirror in a crime show. She giggled at the thought, a little too loudly, and a second-string chaser with ruddy cheeks and sandy hair paused, narrowing his eyes and taking a tentative step towards the bleachers. Lily slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to restrain the completely inappropriate urge to giggle. She fell back into the grass, hoping to shrink herself so that she couldn't be seen. Couldn't be caught.

Her head crushed something, and she gasped at the feeling of wetness spreading across her scalp. For a terrifying moment she thought she had hit her head against a rock, but she had been so high that she couldn't feel the pain, and now she was bleeding. But when she felt behind her, she realized it had really just been a half-empty Styrofoam cup of soda.

"Ew!" she cried, wiping her head across the grass to dry it.

"Who's there?" the boy cried from the other side of the bleachers.

"What's going on?" a different voice said. Moshe had joined him, curiously peering into the bleachers, too.

In her cup-crushing, soda-in-her-hair drama, Lily had forgotten why she had fallen into the grass in the first place.

Oh shit, she thought, knowing she was probably toast. She might as well reveal herself because she wasn't abandoning her half-smoked blunt.

She got up and approached the attractive, shirtless boys – definitely not the worst people to be caught by. As she sauntered closer to the light, she took a deep drag in and held it in her mouth until she was eye-level to a space between a wooden seat and the foot rest below it. Her blue eyes appeared to the boys, looking up at them widely, hazy and bloodshot. She exhaled through the slats and into the air before them, and they seemed to quickly identify the musky scent.

"Lily Potter?" the sandy-haired boy questioned.

"My reputation proceeds me," she said blandly, slowly. The way she talked when she was high sounded borderline idiotic, like a Californian surfer. If a Californian surfer was a fifteen-year-old British girl.

"What are you doing in there?" Moshe asked, cocking a heavy eyebrow. Everything about Moshe seemed exaggerated to Lily, from his shockingly blacker than black hair, to his Lebanese accent, to his rock-hard abs. Had they always been so… defined? Lily was sure she only checked a glance down his body, but he cleared his throat and she realized she had been looking for much longer.

"Bible study," she finally said. "I have to go."

She barely caught their bemused expressions before she disappeared into the shadows like a very drugged up superhero. She walked carefully through the grass, sweeping her feet around in circles to make sure she wasn't walking into anything. Like a wooden support beam or something.

Lily meant to get to the tapestry and sweep it aside to walk back to her dorm, she really did, but when she accidentally veered too much to the right of her destination and her toe nudged one of the many wooden pillars that supported the bleachers above her head, she ended up resting her pounding forehead against it and closing her heavy eyelids. She was suddenly very tired. She slid down the beam and let her head loll back against the hard surface. Just… just for a couple of moments…

"Lily!"

Her head snapped up from where it was dipped against her shoulder. Her neck ached and her face was written with the pain that shot to her head. Moshe had entered, and she just caught the curtain swinging shut behind him as he turned into a large silhouette. Lily wasn't sure if it was just because she was high, but the sight was ominous, like something from a horror film.

"Are you okay?" Moshe said, breathily, rushing over to where Lily was crumpled against the wooden pillar. He fell to his knees before her, and Lily watched him blearily. She wanted to wipe the blurriness away from her vision, but she couldn't move. Her arms felt like noodles and it took all her strength just to hold her head up.

Moshe held her chin in his hand, tilting her head back so her eyes met his. The crown of her head met the wooden pillar behind her. His face was riddled with concern, those intense eyebrows furrowed, his lips slack with confusion, tilted down in a frown.

"Yeah," she managed. She smiled lazily, and he laughed in response. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and for a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. But then she remembered not only that he had a girlfriend, but the type of guy that he was. He was much more likely to pick her up and carry her back to bed and tuck her in than take advantage of her.

To some, Moshe was a player and a womanizer. However, Lily didn't think so. In fact, sometimes she thought she was the only one who saw him for what he really was – a man who just really, really loved women. Okay, that did sound weird, but what she meant was that he had the power to see beauty in every girl he met. He respected girls, in a way a majority of boys at Hogwarts just… didn't.

Moshe got around, it was true. He'd dated jocks, goths, barbies, and hipsters. But he'd been visibly happy with each type, and each relationship had ended on good terms. There were never cheating scandals, or claims that he was overbearing or uncaring. Just a mutual parting, or a missing compatibility. He was a good guy, and while he was in a relationship, he was able to bring out the best in even girls who seemed like the worst. This was the case even with girls he wasn't in a relationship with. So many girls that seemed easy to brush aside were cherished and loved by Moshe.

Currently he was dating Lindsey Whitton, a powerfully strong body builder with a killer physique. Literally, Lily was sure the girl could kill her – snap her like a twig. She was tall, about six feet, almost a whole foot taller than Lily. Lindsey was blonde and tan and was famous for her strong beater arms and practically resurrecting the Hufflepuff quidditch team. It made sense that they were together, and whenever Hufflepuff played, you could feel the sexual tension between them if they so much as flew past each other.

The way he was looking at Lily right now, she could see, for the first time, up close, why so many girls were drawn to him. The individual attention he showed her made her want to pledge her loyalty to him, and trust him completely. The idea of his entrance being ominous seemed ridiculous now after seeing his objectively kind concern up-close.

"How high are you?" he said, laughing slightly but still seeming concerned. Lily was hardly ever doted over, and his hand brushing through her hair felt really nice. How long could she pretend to not be okay, as long as he kept doing that to her hair?

"Just a little," she said, her words coming out slow as molasses. She laughed, unsure why she was laughing, but suddenly everything seemed much funnier than it actually was. She became a stupid, giggling mess when she smoked too much. And she had a feeling she had probably smoked too much. An idea came to her that she was in a cave. Why was it so dark? "It's so dark in here."

"Do you want to go out in the light, then?"

She hadn't realized that was an option. She nodded. The simple action of doing so rendered her exhausted.

Moshe hoisted Lily up in his arms.

"Wow, you're as heavy as a sack of flour," he said, walking her outside. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the sky was pink. The color was beautiful, and Lily was distracted by it, only catching on to the last word of his exclamation.

"Yeah, I'm a flower," Lily replied. He laughed, although she didn't know why. Her name was literally the name of a flower. Wasn't that what he was talking about?

Moshe walked her all the way back to Hogwarts. At one point, once they had stepped back onto the grounds, Lindsey Whitton came up to them. She looked amused, or maybe jealous and trying to look amused. Maybe Lily was just being hopeful, or maybe she was really just too out of it.

"What's going on here?"

"Found her under the bleachers," Moshe explained. "Can you stand yet?" He said this to Lily. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't ever stand for the rest of her life, and he was going to have to carry her around like this always.

Lily settled on shaking her head.

"Do you want to try? Because you really don't weigh much but I've been carrying you for twenty minutes and I'm really starting to feel it," he complained. Lily liked it better when he wasn't talking, or when he was just a beautiful boy from afar.

"It's only been five minutes," she whined.

"I'll take her," Lindsey offered.

"That won't be necessary," said a voice quickly approaching.

It was Albus, and he looked frantic.

"What's wrong with her?" Albus took her from Moshe's arms, drooping a bit under her weight. He wasn't quite as strong as the two built quidditch players before him.

"I… I don't know," Moshe said, looking nervous.

Albus sniffed Lily's hair and then swore under his breath.

"Thank you," he said gruffly to the couple, and then headed inside the building.

Moshe and Lindsey were left looking at each other in bewilderment.

"What just happened?" Lindsey asked in her deep Scottish accent, circling her arms around his middle, their eyes level with each other.

"Lily Potter. She was high," he said, laughing lightly in disbelief.

"High? What? I thought she was really… like…"

"Innocent?"

"Yeah!"

Lily woke up in Albus' bed to the sound of a crash and a loud, "Ow!"

She sat up quickly and saw Albus on the floor by Ibrahim's bed. He was on his stomach but quickly getting up, his face bright red and his glasses askew. He noticed Lily sitting up and shot up to his feet, approaching her quickly.

"Well, look who's awake!" he fumed. His voice was loud, loud in a way she barely heard from him. Maybe a lot from James, but barely ever from Albus.

"Are you… mad at me?" Lily asked, puzzled. Albus being mad at Lily didn't make sense. They were a team, and they understood each other. His wild expression and clenched fists was an equation she couldn't figure out.

"Yes! Yes, I am mad, Lillian! What gave it away?" Albus yelled.

"My name's not even –"

"I don't care! It sounds more serious!" he interrupted. She snapped her mouth shut. He continued, "Drugs, Lily? Really? Illegal drugs? I thought you were better than that."

Lily wanted to say, No, I am better than that! But she wasn't. She was a druggie. A pothead. It was all true. She wanted to deny it, but she couldn't without lying, and under Albus' wrath, she couldn't lie. Lily bowed her head shamefully.

"I'll leave," Ibrahim said, suddenly popping up from his blankets on his bed. Lily's brows furrowed. How long had he been there? But he left before she could ask, jumping into a pair of jeans on the way. Albus didn't even turn to look.

"If you don't stop smoking pot, I'm telling Mum and Dad." An ultimatum. From Albus. Lily's anger flared.

"I can't believe you," she whispered, her voice rough.

"No, Lily, I can't believe you," Albus started. "I guess I thought it was okay that you kissed Scorpius. I mean, you're fifteen… you're exploring, experimenting, whatever. I let it slide. But this? This is more than experimenting. This is you passed out cold from drugs! What if you had overdosed, Lily?"

"Overdose from pot?" she laughed.

"You think this is funny?"

Her smile dropped. She no longer thought this was funny. In fact, she never thought it was funny. Nothing about the way Albus was yelling at her and looking at her like she had disappointed him beyond repair was funny. She bowed her head again, water filling her eyes.

"How long have you been doing this?"

Lily didn't respond.

"Who gave it to you?"

Lily didn't respond.

The strangled yell that came out of Albus next made her slam her back against the headboard behind her in astonishment. "You better answer me right now or I'm calling Mum! Right now!"

His words hit her like a punch in the gut.

"It was just a one-time thing, Al." She couldn't meet his eyes.

"And where did you get it?"

"I found it. Under the bleachers. I go there sometimes to be alone and I found a joint and I just wanted to try… one time. But I didn't know how it would affect me. I'm sorry, Al. I'm really sorry," she said, her tears finally spilling over.

Maybe he knew she was lying, maybe he didn't, but either way he calmed down and sat with her on the bed. He didn't hug her, he just sat beside her in silence, his presence and calm enough comfort for her.

"I love you, Lils. I only want the best for you," Albus said quietly. He didn't meet her eyes, as if he was embarrassed. Lily knew it was hard for Albus to tell people how he felt. He wasn't an emotional hurricane like Lily was, so this admittance meant a lot.

He laid down next to her in bed, her under the covers and him on top of them. Her limbs still felt numb. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Lily tentatively sat down next to Albus at the Gryffindor table. She didn't mind sitting with him and Roxanne, but Dominique sat with them too. She glared at Lily for a moment before going back to the magazine she was scrutinizing intensely. More intensely than her usual absent-minded perusal.

"Hi, Lily," Roxy said quietly, as if being too loud would set off an alarm.

"Hi, Roxy."

Albus gave her a gentle side-hug and she had to close her eyes briefly to stop the tears welling up.

"So guess what!" Dominique said excitedly, not entirely meeting Lily's eye.

"What?" Lily said, noticing Rose sitting far down the table with some of her other seventh year Gryffindor friends, including Molly. Rose looked better, dressed in a red cowl-neck sweater with her hair pulled out of her face with a headband. To her surprise, she wore mascara and lipstick. Lily thought she actually looked… pretty.

"Albus' birthday party is this Friday," Dominique said, unable to hide her excitement, even though she was trying to ice out Lily.

"It's a surprise party," Roxanne added with a smirk.

"I can't wait!" Albus laughed. He squeezed Lily's shoulder, and she grinned. Things seemed normal, when yesterday she had been almost entirely sure things would never be the same with them again.

Dominique slapped the magazine into her bag and hugged the bulky neon orange thing to her chest, smiling angelically. "But the best part is that it's going to be a costume party, since Halloween is next Tuesday."

Roxy turned to her blonde cousin, cocking her head and taunting, "So are you going slutty this year, or really slutty? Let me guess, you want to be a slutty Healer?"

"Stop saying 'slutty' in reference to my cousin. I'm going to vomit," Albus said, swirling his spoon through his porridge and rolling his eyes.

"You don't need to dress slutty, Dom. You're beautiful no matter what," Lily said. The table went quiet for several moments, everyone's heads turning to look at her in astonishment. In particular, Dominique's eyes were huge. Dominique's hands imperceptibly clenched her bag tighter.

"I don't – I mean, I'm not going to dress slutty, per se. I'm going as a barmaid."

"A slutty barmaid," Roxy muttered. Dom slapped her shoulder, laughing.

Dom continued, "I'm going for a young Rosmerta look."

"Ew! She's old," Roxy said.

"Don't say that, I heard she was quite a looker back in her day," Albus said. Lily nodded in agreement.

"What are you going as?" Lily asked Albus.

"That is a surprise!" he said loudly, and Roxy and Dom pouted and protested. He turned to Lily and quickly whispered, "I'll tell you later." Lily smirked.

Lily had already bought her Halloween costume with Rose and Roxanne back in August when an obligatory pre-school shopping trip had gotten boring and they had wandered down Knockturn Alley and stumbled into a second-hand clothing store. Rose had bought Healer scrubs dotted with dried blood, a dark red smear across the chest; Roxy had bought a pirate-inspired outfit, and Lily had bought a black onesie with a skeleton on it. It was simple, comfortable, and kind of funny. She had even come up with a bone dance to go with the costume.

Dominique was now reading a newspaper, having flipped to the wedding announcements like she usually did. She was a romantic like that. Roxanne had torn out the comics and laid it out on top of her empty plate. Albus was checking his cracked watch and quickly finishing his porridge. Yes, things did seem normal again.

What she didn't want to think about was Scorpius. Scorpius, sitting on that bench, unmoving. Scorpius, probably missing Rose, and still loving Rose, and fantasizing about Rose while he ran his fingers through Lily's hair and touched Lily's thigh. She looked anywhere but where the Slytherin table was. No, she would not look there. Anywhere but there. Anyone but him.

As long as they weren't talking, things would never be normal again. She couldn't, or didn't want to, remember a time when they weren't friends, puffing smoke into the hot air and rambling about nothing to each other.

"Oh my god," Dominique said. Lily's head snapped up.

Dom's face had drained of color. She was clenching the newspaper, staring at something on the page, her hands trembling and making the delicate paper crinkle. Lily could only see the sports section from where she sat, professional Quidditch player Mabel Gould flying across the page.

"What is it?" Albus asked, looking at her in confusion, just as Lily did.

Roxy tried to lean over and look, but Dom wrenched the paper away, crumpling it in her hand and heaving her bag over her shoulder.

"Nothing! It's nothing," Dominique said breezily, dismissing herself with, "I'll see you Friday. I'll be… studying." She stalked out of the Great Hall, looking like a model working the runway.

"Oh, shit! I have a test today! I have to study," Roxy said.

"A test in what? Potions?" Lily exclaimed, forgetting Dominique and suddenly worried she had forgotten something.

"No, Divination," Roxy replied. "I have to go. See you guys Friday. Like Dom, I'll be studying."

"So, unlike Dom, you'll be studying," Albus said, pointing a finger gun at her and winking.

"Right," she laughed, getting up and leaving.

"Thank god, I haven't studied for potions in…," Lily trailed off. She wasn't quite sure how many days, but she knew when the marker was – the last time she saw Scorpius. How pathetic.

"I hope you intend on studying, because I haven't forgotten about yesterday," Albus said, his voice hard. Lily looked up in surprise, but he was already leaving. Her stomach dropped, along with her heart.

So maybe things weren't back to normal.

"And I didn't think you could look any bonier."

Lily spun around at the door of the Room of Requirement, which had just appeared before her. Lenny Gray. Her drug dealer. And he was dressed as some sort of business man, tie and all.

"Thanks," Lily said dryly. She buried her hands in the pockets of the onesie, curling into fists. Lenny was a lot like Lily, and it made her nervous for some reason. It was like hearing your own voice in a voicemail – uncomfortable and surreal. He was short and skinny like she was, but with dark skin and hair. His voice was rough and low, and he said things the way Lily did: sarcastically, or with complete honesty.

No one paid much attention to Lenny, which made him the perfect dealer. What they didn't know was that he had a smile that could blow you away, and a perception that surpassed acknowledgment but didn't quite reach psychic.

"Save me a dance," he said, with that smile that blew Lily away. He walked past her and opened the door. She saw a glimpse of the party inside before she caught the door from shutting behind him.

Inside, the party had just begun. The lights were still bright and the dance floor was empty except for Fred and James, Merlin knows how they had gotten in there, having what seemed like some sort of dance competition. They were circling each other and bobbing their heads like chickens. A crowd of students surrounded them loosely, laughing heartily at the spectacle.

Lily spotted Albus standing to the side, for once surrounded by a group of people just like James usually was. They were all smiling and laughing upperclassmen, and Albus looked happy, too. She made her way towards him, determined to keep things normal. It was his birthday, after all.

Lily faltered for a moment when she realized Scorpius was his right-hand man, and he looked happy too. Completely normal. Beaming, actually. And just two people down the circle from him… Rose. Lily could see her in profile, looking at Scorpius and laughing at something he was saying. Lily considered avoiding. But… fuck that! This was her brother. She was allowed to go up to him and hug him

She looked down at the bag in her hand. And deliver his present.

She approached them and forced herself to only look at Albus as she pushed through the little circle as quietly as she could. He beamed even brighter when he saw her, pulling her into a hug. Maybe James was the shining star of their little Potter trio, but Albus had a way of making Lily feel loved and cherished like no one ever had before.

"Happy birthday!" she managed to squeal. She didn't squeal often, but special occasions like this required it. When they separated she handed him his present. They broke away a bit from the group, and for barely a fraction of a second, she met eyes with Scorpius. She couldn't read his expression, but she noticed as the circle closed again, Rose scooted in next to him.

"Hmm, what could be inside," he mused, shaking the bag.

"James' dignity," Lily said. They glanced over at where James had tried to do the splits, and was now holding his crotch with a look of pain all over his face.

"Nice," Albus said. He reached into the polka dot gift bag and pulled out a jewelry box. "Wait, are you proposing?"

Lily nodded. "Yes."

Albus popped open the box and gasped, just like he really was being proposed to. Inside was a watch. A nice one, too. Her brother was an appreciator of the finer things in life – cashmere sweaters, leather loafers, designer cologne, and in this case, gold watches.

"It's engraved. Look at the back."

Albus pulled the watch out of its velvet bed, then flipped it over. Engraved in the gold plate were these words: To the bravest Slytherin I know.

He was quiet for a long time, and without having to say anything, Lily knew why. He looked at her only after he spent as long as he could avoiding her gaze, and his eyes brown eyes were shiny when he finally did.

"I'm not brave," he said, his voice breaking on the last word.

She grabbed his wrist and stepped closer, keeping her chillingly blue eyes on him. "Yes, you are, Al."

"No, you know… you know I'm not," he said, looking away. Her stare had become too much. It could make anyone crack.

"Albert, you're brave. I just can't wait until everyone gets to see it."

"My name's not Albert," he said, cracking the smallest of smiles.

"I know. But it sounded more serious."

Lily helped him put the watch on, discarding his cracked one in the bag, and he beamed as bright as the gold.

"Hey," Scorpius said. He moved in next to Albus, looking at Lily then at the ground then back at Lily. He was dressed in a muggle cricket uniform, complete with a navy cap. His jersey was emblazoned with ENGLAND across the front, bright blue and almost matching the shade of his eyes exactly.

"Hey," Lily said bluntly, refusing to look him in the eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence before Albus interrupted.

"Hey, look at this amazing watch Lily got me!" Albus said.

"That's nice," Scorpius said in wonder, examining it. He looked up at Lily. "I got him a first edition Benet."

Benet was Albus' favorite author. He wrote classics that many of them would read in a basic literature class at a higher education wizarding school, but Albus was obsessed and had read Benet's collection completely, and several times through.

"Wow," Lily said flatly. "Well, the watch I got him is engraved. Show him, Al."

"Really? Well, the first edition I got him is his favorite."

"Punch?"

"No. Everyone knows Albus' favorite Benet is Bulletproof," Scorpius scoffed.

Lily smiled icily, now unafraid of looking into those piercing blue eyes. "Then you obviously don't know Albus that well."

"Well, then, we'll just ask him."

"Yeah! Albus, don't you love Punch the best?"

"You told me Bulletproof was the most influential piece of literature of the 16th century."

Scorpius and Lily both faced a white-faced Albus now, arms crossed across their chests, nostrils flared and ready for affirmation.

"I… really can't decide," Albus said warily. "Okay, I think James is about to break a bone. See you guys later. Thanks for the gift." He kissed Lily on the cheek quickly, then disappeared in the now massive crowd of entertained students surrounding James and Fred.

Lily and Scorpius stood across from each other, not able to meet eyes anymore. However, tension still crackled in the air.

"Nice costume," Scorpius finally said.

"You too," Lily replied. They smiled briefly at each other. The lights dimmed in the room, and the music got louder. The crowd broke up a bit and began to dance, a bit hesitantly at first.

"I kind of want to get sloshed tonight. Care to join?" he offered. Lily couldn't help herself. She smiled in relief and followed him to the refreshment table.

It took Lily one shot of Firewhiskey to be tipsy, and Scorpius three. They jumped up and down to crazy songs, did the robot to techno songs, and even wailed along to the Weird Sisters. She showed him her skeleton dance and laughed outrageously.

At one point his hands were low on her hips and he was yelling into her ear, "Does this mean you forgive me?"

If only he hadn't said anything.

She pulled away a bit and shook her head.

"You still love Rose. How could I forgive that?"

They weren't dancing anymore.

"I don't! What makes you even think that?"

"The fact that she was the one who broke things off!" she cried, frustrated.

"That doesn't mean I didn't want things to end! It was kind of… mutual."

Lily shook her head, still unhappy with his answer. It had been weeks, and he hadn't said anything to her. If he had really wanted to be with her, he would have made it happen.

"I don't care. You don't really want to be with me. I just… know it," she whispered. The music was thumping so loud that he didn't hear her, but he caught the gist of her tone and the dejected look on her face.

"I wanted things to be over. I didn't fight for Rose," he said.

"Yeah, but you didn't fight for me, either," Lily said. She wasn't angry. She was sad. He could see it written all over her face – the heartbreak. It almost looked like he was heartbroken, too. She wondered which one of them had broken his heart – her or Rose. She had a sinking feeling that it wasn't her.

Lily left, half hoping he would prove himself, hoping he would fight for her now. But when she arrived back at the refreshments table and turned around, all that faced her was a crowd of teenage couples, dancing and looking happier than she'd felt in weeks.

"We're going to slow it down a bit," the DJ – who was actually just Hugo in a big cowboy hat – said through his intercom-wand. A couple of whoops rose from the crowd, and Lily noticed that Albus awkwardly backed away from the group of friends he had been dancing with, Ibrahim among them.

A slow song came on, top 40s and all about The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. Lily rolled her eyes. She pinched her nose and chugged a can of beer she fished out of a cooler, her eyes watering on the bubbly tingle in her throat. The tipsiness that had faded away with all that dancing came back in a heavy wave. She ran her fingers over her cheeks and they felt less like her fingers and more like sausages attached to her knuckles. Her lips felt numb, no matter how much she rubbed them together.

She watched the happy couples pull each other close and dance. She tried not to look for Scorpius, but she couldn't help but be terrified that he was dancing with Rose. She couldn't stop remembering Rose sliding in next to him earlier. Was Rose trying to get back with him? Lily couldn't help but think it might be easy for Rose to do so. Especially the way she was looking tonight – she had ditched the Healer costume somewhere along the way and was wearing Dom's barmaid costume instead, which drew attention straight to her breasts, but if that wasn't enough, her ginger hair was in big, loose curls, her warm brown eyes dramatically accentuated with blacker than black eyeliner. She even wore red high heels with her fishnet stockings, making her stubby legs look long and delectable.

Lily felt like a formless sack of black and white. It was like comparing Prosecco and Four Loko.

"Do you want to dance?"

Scorpius had emerged from the crowd, and was looking apologetic, like a puppy with a tail between its legs.

He had ditched the baseball hat, and he had major hat hair. Lily couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Not to this song," Lily said, scoffing.

"You're right, like always. This song is awful. What do you want to dance to?" Scorpius leaned next to her against the wall, keeping his gorgeous eyes on her the whole time.

"What, like you can just change the song?" Lily giggled, rolling her eyes. He smiled.

"Tell me. If we were going to slow dance, right now, what song would you choose?"

She gaped at him, then finally thought about it. She floundered for a moment. A girl walked past her with a bunny tail and ears, led by Fred in a bright pink feather boa. "Pink Rabbits, by the National."

"You've got it," he said. He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he walked off toward the DJ booth. She gawked after him. Was this it? Was he choosing her?

Lily chugged another beer to calm her nerves, and just managed to throw away the empty can when Scorpius appeared beside her and the song that was currently playing cut off in the middle. Everyone on the dance floor chattered and booed in confusion as everything went quiet, and she looked at him in confusion.

"This can't be happening," she said airily.

"It's happening," he said, taking her hand just as the beginning piano riff of the song came on. Her eyes pricked with tears, but she blinked them back and blamed them on the alcohol. Yeah, it was just the alcohol. This romantic gesture would not get to her. Not at all.

He circled his arm around her waist easily, taking her hand in his. She circled her hand around his neck, and with her face so close to his chest, she suddenly couldn't breathe. His scent was suffocating. She wanted to drown in it. She wanted to escape from it. She wanted…

"What does this song mean?" he said nervously, laughing a bit. He was filling the silence, and Lily couldn't repress her relief.

"Um, which part?"

"The chorus. Pink rabbits? Drinking them?" he said. He was looking somewhere over her shoulder, but she could tell from the glassy sheen in them that he wasn't really seeing anything. He was feeling, and sensing, and that was all they needed.

"I think it's an alcoholic drink. I don't know what's in it," she said, tilting her chin up to look at him. He was tilting his chin down, to look at her. He had a fond look in his eyes. She couldn't stop beaming. They were hardly moving, just softly swaying, but she felt like they were floating through space. The warmth that held them together was like the comfort and solitude of being in the womb. They were surrounded, but she could only see him.

"I kind of want one, whatever it is," he said softly.

"I kind of want a fainting chair, whatever that is," she retorted. They laughed.

He pulled her closer, taking his hand away from hers and running it up her spine and cradling her head, until her cheek was pressed to his shirt. She placed her hand against his chest. Despite all of the kisses they had shared, this was the closest they had ever been.

They danced until the song ended, and they didn't want to let go.

Lily fell against the wall and slid down it, crazed with happiness and giggling madly. Scorpius had broken away eventually and joined Albus by his birthday cake to sing Happy Birthday, but Lily needed time to collect herself. She felt higher than she'd ever been, and she was sober.

Albus blew out the candles somewhere across the room, it went dark, and cheers flooded rose up. Lily was alone, away from everyone, but she felt less alone than she had in a while. Her heart was tethered to a boy somewhere over there. The lights came up and the songs continued, and bodies clashed on the dance floor once again. She stayed where she was and watched everyone, happy. But this time, she was happy, too.

Roxy was now walking towards her, shining with sweat and grinning. She collapsed on the ground next to Lily, her torn-up pirate skirt rustling around her.

"This might be the best party ever," Roxy said, throwing her arm around Lily's shoulders.

"I have to agree," Lily replied, leaning her head onto Roxy's shoulder.

"Ooh, did something happen that I missed? Last time I saw you, you were all dark and broody."

"I'm always dark and broody."

Roxy laughed and couldn't help but assent. "This is true. I guess alcohol and dance music can do that to even the saddest Lily."

She smiled at what Roxy didn't know. She wondered what it would feel like to be with someone, out in the open, happy and proud.

After fifteen minutes of sitting, Roxanne got up and danced back into the crowd, grabbing one of her Hufflepuff girlfriends along the way to dance with. Lily kept sitting, waiting for Scorpius to come and find her. And waiting. And waiting. For a moment she thought she glimpsed him downing a shot at the refreshments table, but it was only a flicker of blonde hair that could have been any blonde.

But no, it really couldn't have – she knew it was him. No other guy had that mop of silvery blonde hair, not at this school.

Lily got up and immediately got caught up in the crowd. Finding Scorpius might be difficult, as she was sucked into the ocean of bodies and jostled around. Roxanne even pulled her in at one point, accompanied by a Latina girl in a bustier and mouse ears. She pushed past them though, and Roxanne scowled after her.

The crowd parted for a moment and that's when she saw them.

Scorpius and Rose, dancing, close. Rose looked sexy, bedroom eyes and cleavage and hand clenching his shirt in her manicured fist. The crowd converged again and she bumped into a boy next to her.

"What the fuck!" she yelled. Her voice was swallowed by the beat, but it turned out that one person did hear.

"Still saving me a dance?"

She turned. The boy she had bumped into was Lenny.

Lily shook her head and pushed her way back out through the crowd. She stumbled over to the refreshments table and ordered a shot.

"Anything alcohol," she declared.

"Wow, something's got you in a tizzy," James said. She looked up in surprise and realized he was acting as the bartender, tossing a shot glass from one hand to the other. He grabbed two more shot glasses, but anticipating his actions, Lily reached out and yelled, "Please don't juggle those!"

"What? I'm a bartender for the night! I have to do tricks to keep my customers entertained," James defended himself.

"I don't think anything will entertain me right now. Just… a shot, please."

James shrugged and looked disappointed, but poured her up a firewhiskey, and another for himself. They clinked glasses and tapped their shots against the table before sucking them down.

"Another," Lenny said, walking up beside her.

"Me too," Lily agreed. This time, all three of them drank together.

"So, about that dance?" Lenny said, turning to her and shutting James out, who was already moving down the table to a pretty blonde in a Greek toga.

"Say no more," Lily said, grabbing his tie and pulling him out to the dance floor.

They danced for the next four songs, more jumping up and down and pumping their fists than anything technical like Roxy's dance moves. At one point he twirled her, but that was as fancy as it got. Her mind and vision was swirling too much to think anything coherent, and she liked it that way. She knew she was repressing, but that was the goal – ignorance.

"Wanna leave for a smoke?" he yelled in her ear.

A smoke. It sounded like heaven.