Chapter Nine

Lily didn't wake up when there was a knock at the door. Lily didn't wake up when Scorpius groggily got up, looked at her, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Lily didn't wake up when Scorpius put on his jeans just as the knock sounded again. Lily didn't even wake up when Scorpius opened the door to see Rose standing there – she merely shifted in her sleep, tugged the blanket up to her chin, and emitted a tiny sigh.

Lily only woke when she heard a high-pitched, concerned cry of, "Oh, did I wake you?"

Lily startled awake and saw Scorpius standing at the door, only in a pair of jeans, his chest bare. He had the door cracked open about a foot, so that she couldn't see who was visiting. But she could recognize that whine anywhere.

"No, you didn't wake me. But can we talk later?" Scorpius said, yawning. Lily could tell from across the room that it was a fake yawn, which meant Rose could probably tell it was a fake yawn.

"I really… really need to speak with you now," Rose insisted. "Can I come in?"

Lily sat up a little, trying to slow her breathing and be as quiet as possible. There was no where she could hide in his dormitory. Scorpius had his own private bathroom, one of the perks of being Head Boy, but she would have to walk past the doorway to get there. The bed was too low to hide under. All she could do was pray that Rose didn't force her way in.

"Rose… right now really isn't a good time…" Scorpius trailed off, glancing back at Lily for the shortest of moments. He saw her sitting up, staring wide-eyed at him, but he was able to hold in any sort of reaction.

There was a pause, and it stressed Lily out that she couldn't see Rose and her reactions. Was Rose suspicious? Was she going to back off?

"Wait. Is there someone here?" Rose snapped.

Rose hardly ever snapped. Lily remembered one time when she was twelve; it was Christmas break and the whole family was at the burrow. The night had dragged on until everyone was in bed besides Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, Mum and Dad, Rose, Albus, and herself. Ron and Hermione had gotten into a small fight that suddenly escalated when Ron brought up someone named Victor Krum – the name had sounded familiar, but Lily couldn't quite place it.

Without warning, Hermione was screaming, Ron was yelling, and Rose looked on the verge of tears. Harry looked uncomfortable, glancing at his kids and obviously trying to figure out how to remove them from the situation. Ginny looked annoyed, but also had a sort of lost look on her face, like she didn't know what to do to alleviate the tension.

Ginny and Harry didn't ever fight in front of their kids. Sometimes they would roll their eyes or say things sarcastically, but a slammed door was the only hint that they were about to cast a silencing charm and "work it out." Seeing a couple at each other's throats like that, especially family that were so close to Lily, put a crack in her world that would never be repaired. Her aunt and uncle were supposed to love each other, but there they were, saying horrible things to intentionally hurt the other.

Right now, Lily couldn't even remember what Hermione had said to Ron, or vice versa. What she did remember was Rose suddenly standing up and yelling, "Shut up! Just shut up!"

It was the only time Lily could remember Rose losing her cool. But now, just from the furious tone of her voice, Lily felt Rose might be about to lose her cool again.

When Scorpius didn't immediately respond to Rose's tense inquiry, the door banged open and Rose pushed past Scorpius into the room. Lily clutched the blanket to her chin, unable to do anything but watch the car crash happen before her.

Rose's eyes met Lily's. Something about Rose struck Lily. It wasn't just that she was angry – it was also that she looked thoroughly primped. Obviously she had come here for some sort of reconciliation with Scorpius. Lily felt her throat close up with guilt.

It was odd. She had never really felt guilty for being with Scorpius before. It had always felt right – like she was the one who was the heroine. With morning breath, messy hair, and only a blanket to cover her naked body, she felt like the worst sort of homewrecker. The kind that screws over your own family.

To Lily's surprise, Rose turned to Scorpius, the anger slightly melting away.

"You've got to be kidding me," she snarled, dead-pan.

Scorpius looked sheepish, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes averted to the floor. He didn't look ashamed, but he definitely wasn't looking as smug as he had been the night before.

"I came here to tell you that I still love you, and that I know you still love me. But now things will never be the same," Rose said, shaking her head in disgust. Her voice was rough and low, possessed by an anger foreign to Rose.

"What, like if she wasn't here I would just take you back?" Scorpius said defiantly, his eyes now snapping up to meet Rose's.

"Take me back? Need I remind you who broke it off? Oh yeah, it was me!" Rose yelled.

Lily scrunched into a ball. Maybe if she was small enough, she would disappear.

"It doesn't matter! I wasn't happy!" Scorpius exclaimed, laughing in semi-hysterics. Lily had never seen these sort of emotions come out of him, and she wasn't sure she liked it. But was it just Rose's fault? For taunting him this way, and making him feel guilty for something he shouldn't?

Lily felt guilty, and she hated the feeling. She didn't feel like she even needed to be guilty about this, as much as Dominique insisted that she should. But now she was questioning everything, watching Scorpius and Rose fight. It was just like when she witnessed Ron and Hermione fight – the perfect image of love, shattered. All that was left was a bitter aftertaste when she realized that two nice people who loved each other could be cruel.

"Oh right, because I wouldn't fuck you all the time!" Rose screamed, her eyes filling with tears. Her face was an angry tomato-red, especially splotchy in her cheeks. Lily noticed she was wearing make-up, her face contoured to accentuate her beauty. The rage that surrounded her tarnished the image.

Rose never cursed, so when the word 'fuck' came out, it was like hearing someone being slapped. Lily winced, and Scorpius did too.

"Is that why you're with her? Is she good in bed?" Rose spat, finally looking at Lily again. Lily shrunk back against the headboard. Saying nothing seemed like the best option.

Rose continued, "Is this the best revenge you could come up with? Sleeping with my cousin?"

"If I was trying to have my revenge," Scorpius fumed, "I would have just slept with Dominique. She's been throwing herself at me since I hit puberty."

"Oh, nice! Insult my best friend!"

"How did I insult her? I just stated a fact! She throws herself at me all the time!"

"Yeah, right, and Lily doesn't?"

"Lily's different!"

"Really? And why is that?" Rose was screaming now, while Scorpius took the defense. But something in him seemed to break and now he was screaming, too.

"Because I love her!"

The room fell quiet except for the rasping pants of Rose, who was now clutching her stomach like she was going to be sick. The tears finally fell from her eyes, and a choking sob wracked her body. The sound was horrible, like it was being wrenched from her throat without permission.

Lily felt like someone was sitting on her chest. She felt like someone had just slapped her in the face unexpectedly. She felt like all of her bones had turned to jelly. She felt like maybe she was dreaming, or in another body, and she was going to wake up and be someone else who dreamt about a girl named Lily.

"I-I-I-I-," Rose hiccupped through each word, trying to catch her breath and speak. "I sh-sh-sh-should g-go," she finished, slipping out the door and slamming it behind her.

Lily clutched the blanket tightly to her chest, staring at the door, scared it might open again and the yelling would start back up and she wouldn't be able to revel in at least a little ounce of happiness.

Scorpius sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, avoiding her eyes.

"I don't know why I said that to her," he sighed, breaking the silence. His face looked defeated. His light eyebrows were drawn down, and his bare shoulders were curled in. Lily reached out, letting the blanket pool around her waist. She turned his shoulder so that his eyes met hers.

"It was the heat of the moment. You can take it back if you want to," she said. Meanwhile, inside, she warred with herself, her throat squeezed so tightly she could hardly breathe. She prayed to any god there was that he wouldn't take it back. She wouldn't allow herself to feel euphoric until she knew for sure that he said it not to hurt Rose, but because it was true.

It was quiet for a long time, and Lily was afraid his response might just be a devastating silence. But finally, he took a breath, took her hand, and said, "I don't want to take it back."


"How did it go?" Dominique asked, taking a seat across from a dejected-looking Rose.

"Awful," she said glumly, moving a single piece of lettuce with her fork from one side of the plate to the other.

Dominique held back a grin but leaned over and faked a frown instead. "What happened? You looked so confident before you left!"

"I was! I was determined to get him back," Rose sniffed. "Until I found him in bed with Lily."

Now Dominique's internal grin had disappeared completely.

"No way! You walked in on them?"

"No, he was just hiding her. She was there, in his bed, naked. On my side of the bed!" Rose exclaimed. "And remember how he used to put a single rose in a vase for me? A red one?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, there was a single lily in a vase on his bedside table. And guess what color it was!"

Dominique leaned forward, engrossed in the drama. "Red!"

"No! It was white!" Rose's eyes pooled with tears. "Like she's some pure, innocent thing!"

"Well, red is better anyway!" Dom quickly said. "It means love and passion! And roses are way prettier than lilies. And you're way prettier than Lily!"

"Don't you see, Dom?" Rose said with a sigh. "None of that matters. He picked her anyway. I can try to get him back, but it's going to be in vain, because he loves her."

Dominique crossed her ankles under the table, pushed her hair behind her shoulder, and scoffed. "Oh, please. He does not love Lily."

"Maybe I would believe you, but he told me himself. And right in front of her, too. He said he loves her," Rose said brokenly, a tear finally falling down her cheek.

"But… but you two know each other so well! He knows all your secrets, and you know all of his! Do you think it's really like that between them?"

Rose shook her head. "I'm not sure anymore."

"You know, I bet Lily isn't as innocent as she seems. Everyone thinks she's just a little girl going through her emo phase, but I bet she has secrets," Dominique said, a light sparking in her eyes.

Rose looked tired as she asked, "What secrets could a fifteen-year-old girl possibly have?" She obviously meant it rhetorically, but Dominique answered anyway.

"Everyone has secrets, Rose. It's just a matter of finding them out," Dom said. She thought back on her own secrets and grinned mischievously.

"And if we do find something out? What then? We'll ruin their relationship and Scorpius will take me back? I don't think so," Rose pouted.

"Well, we can start by ruining their relationship… and see where it goes from there," Dominique said, shrugging.

"That seems excessively mean, Dom," Rose condescended.

"Rose!" Dominique said, taking her hands insistently. "Lily ruined your relationship! Scorpius is supposed to be your soulmate! Are you just going to let her get away with that?"

Dominique's perspective was skewed, Rose knew. But she felt a rush of adrenaline at the thought of exposing Lily for something dirty, and possibly tarnishing the shiny image Scorpius had of her. Everyone already knew Lily was a tart. The whole school was buzzing about it – how she was a homewrecker, too young for Scorpius, desperate at one end of the spectrum, and manipulative at the other end. However, Scorpius still thought the sun shone out of her ass. So maybe if she had some dirt on her…

"I don't want to be humiliated anymore," Rose said quietly.

Dominique squeezed her hands and said, "Honey, you've got nothing to lose."

She was right. Everyone already thought Rose was some sort of unlovable, wronged woman. She was coming out of this situation looking as pathetic and sad as when Brad left Jennifer for Angie. And she had already lost Scorpius. She had nothing left to lose.


The next month went relatively well for Lily. When she and Scorpius weren't making love, they were at the Astronomy Tower, smoking and talking in circles. When they weren't doing that, they were eating every meal together, talking about their days and ignoring the whispers.

But a month in was all it took for the retaliation to begin.

One morning when she was leaving Scorpius' room after a long night of having sex, listening to records, and eating junk food, she slipped on a stair that dipped down into a slide for three steps. She tried to regain her footing but couldn't, tried to reach for the railing but missed, tumbled forward and did a somersault over the hard, wooden stairs.

She must have emitted some sort of scream, because suddenly Scorpius was running down the stairs. Luckily he spotted the erected slide and jumped over it, running down seven steps to where she now sat, the breath knocked out of her and tears involuntarily running down her face from the pain.

"Oh my god, are you okay? Where does it hurt?" Scorpius practically yelled, his face contorted in an intense concern that only made Lily feel worse. Scorpius' exclamation combined with the noises of Lily falling down the stairs garnered a small crowd of tired boys peeking out of their respective dormitories.

Albus was one of them, running over to crouch on the other side of Lily.

"What happened?" Albus said in the voice a Healer might use: steady, calm, to-the-point.

"Those stairs – they must have been rigged to turn into a slide – she fell down them and – I don't know exactly which way she fell or what happened, but she fell," Scorpius answered, obviously seeing that Lily was still crying and trying to catch her breath. "I don't see anything, but she's obviously hurt."

Low voices of boys relaying this information alerted Albus to the fact that they were being watched, so he yelled at them to 'fuck off,' and they did, except for Ibrahim who asked if they needed anything.

"Get Madame Pomfrey," Albus said in that same steady voice. He turned to Lily. "Where does it hurt?"

Just as he asked this, Scorpius ran his hand over Lily's head soothingly, causing Lily to gasp from pain and Scorpius to gasp from the warm, wet blood that now covered his hand. Scorpius gently put his arm around her shoulder, trying to lightly cradle her head, as her eyes began to flutter and she moaned in pain.

"Lily, stay with us. Where does it hurt?" Albus asked again, his voice firmer this time.

"Oh, god," Scorpius whispered.

"Stop that! You're freaking her out!" Albus snapped at Scorpius. Scorpius' face was completely drained of color, concerned for Lily but not knowing how to handle the situation.

"I'm not meaning to! I just – I feel like this is my fault," Scorpius said softly, as if Lily couldn't hear him if he was quiet, his other hand now gripping her chin to keep her head from dipping forwards or back.

"My ribs," Lily finally rasped, tears still forming in her eyes, falling down her cheeks. "My b-back."

"Her shin!" Scorpius gasped, and Albus followed his gaze to where her blue jeans were spotted with red.

Lily released a loud sob when she saw her ruined jeans, suddenly processing the pain in her leg, too.

"Will you just shut up?" Albus said sternly to Scorpius. "You're just making it worse!"

Lily grabbed onto Scorpius' shirt, still gasping for air and crying, but trying to silently communicate that he not be provoked.

"I'm – I'm just worried! This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, Lily," Scorpius said hurriedly, his own eyes glassy with tears. Their eyes met and she blinked, releasing more tears but allowing herself to see him better.

"It's o-o-o-k-kay—," Lily hiccupped, but was suddenly interrupted by Albus.

"What the hell is she doing, sneaking out of your dorm at five in the morning, anyway?" Albus asked, his voice steely. His eyes pierced Scorpius, angry and accusatory, because he knew exactly why she was leaving this early in the morning – wearing one of Scorpius' sweatshirts, mascara flecks on her eyelids, hair unbrushed.

Scorpius blushed red from his forehead to his neck.

"We were just – hanging out, and we fell asleep," he said unconvincingly.

"Bullshit," Albus growled. "Are you fucking my little sister? She's fifteen!" He wasn't usually protective, or even aggressive, but if he was, it was in regards to the welfare of the youngest Potter. And this was a line he didn't think his best friend would cross, even if Scorpius was a guy with 'needs.'

Lily finally caught her breath, but the pain still made her head pound, her vision blur, and her body ache.

"Please don't fight," Lily rasped desperately.

"C'mon, Al," Scorpius said, trying to sound diplomatic. "What did you expect? We're together now…"

Lily shook her head, knowing that wasn't the right thing to say to Albus right now. In fact, she didn't know if there was a right thing to say in this situation.

"I expected you not to take my fifteen-year-old sister's virginity!" Albus declared, his eyes bugging out in derision.

"Well, it was bound to happen sometime…" Scorpius muttered, his expression uncomfortable.

"Excuse me? Are you saying you took her virginity because it was bound to happen sometime?" Albus' voice rose to a yell at the end, and Lily tensed, causing a sharp pain to shoot through her ribs.

"I'm not a virgin," Lily said desperately, wanting the fight to end, and willing to say anything to make them stop glaring and yelling. Also, she wasn't too fond of her private sex life spreading throughout the Slytherin boys' dormitories; although they had probably speculated, she didn't want to confirm anything.

"That's apparent," Albus snapped.

"No, I mean…" Lily took a soft breath, holding her ribs tightly as if to hold in her stomach, which was suddenly nauseous with nerves. She took a last look at Scorpius, his beautiful blue eyes staring back at her with the utmost love and concern. She drank it in, that look, because that was probably the last time he would look at her like that again.

After this, he would never see her the same way. She finished, "I didn't lose my virginity to Scorpius," she said quietly, so quietly the boys had to lean forward to hear her. But they definitely heard her.

They both seemed lost for words for a moment. Albus seemed to be forming a response, while Scorpius' hand dropped from her chin, his eyes lowering and becoming unfocused.

"Here's Madame Pomfrey," Ibrahim suddenly announced, rushing up the stairs with the elderly woman at his side.

All attention turned to the pair approaching them. Madame Pomfrey shooed the boys away, Albus and Ibrahim descending three steps, and Scorpius ascending two. Lily felt the distance between all of them like a rubber band about to snap.

Madame Pomfrey asked her a series of questions, monitored her heartbeat and breathing, and finally told her that she was in serious enough condition to need to go to the hospital wing for a couple of nights. Her ribs were probably bruised, if not cracked, she was told, and the bleeding from the back of her head was profuse and might result in dizziness and a definite concussion.

"I'll need two of you to volunteer to help Lily walk with me," Madame Pomfrey announced.

"I'll do it," Albus and Scorpius said immediately and simultaneously.

"No!" cried Albus, his voice angry. He took a rattling breath and then repeated, "No. Ibrahim and I will help her."

"I don't mind," his companion agreed.

"Not necessary," Scorpius said. "I can carry her by myself."

"Perfect," the older lady interrupted before any more debate could ensue. "Carry her under her legs and shoulders, and make sure her head is propped up."

Scorpius followed her instruction, somehow managing all the while to avoid Lily's searching gaze. She was desperate to know what he was thinking. Everything was different now, wasn't it? Her head spun and her body throbbed with pain as she was jostled in his arms with each step down the stairs. She gently leaned her head against his shoulder, but he was utterly stiff.

They walked in silence all the way back to the hospital wing. Lily prayed he would say something, whisper something reassuring to her, but his face was like stone. Lily could always count on Scorpius expressing his real feelings – he felt them so strongly and it was difficult for him to repress – but now he was shut off like a light.

When they reached the hospital wing, Lily and Scorpius were ushered to a bed in the back, past a few sleeping students, one with a leg cast and gauze taped to his forehead, the other practically sleeping in a blanket of used tissues tinted a mysterious blue.

"Set her down here," the healer instructed, pulling a curtain around the bed to provide privacy. Scorpius gently laid her on the bed, the first sign of tenderness since she had confessed her secret.

Pomfrey directed to Scorpius, "You'll need to leave while I examine Lily."

Scorpius didn't respond, hesitating a moment. Lily swiftly took her chance to sway him to stay. "Can he be here with me? Please?" Lily tried to look as pathetic as she could, which was pretty easy in her current condition.

"Absolutely not. I'll need to partially undress you," she stated firmly.

'It's nothing he hasn't seen' sat on the tip of her tongue, but instead, she let him drift away, his eyes never locking with hers, his posture rigid, the curtain finally swaying until it stilled in his absence.


Lily had a concussion, a head wound, two bruised ribs, and a fractured tailbone with two straight bruises on her spine from where she struck the stairs. It hurt to lay on her stomach – she could hardly breathe when she did, and each breath was a sharp pain. It hurt even worse to lay on her back, like every bruise was being pressurized with each slight movement. It hurt to lay on her right side more than her left, so most of the time, she laid on her left side, facing the wall.

After three hours of this resting, she had memorized every crack in the brown stone wall. After a day, she could close her eyes and picture the wall exactly. She was sure she could paint it by heart, if she had any artistic skill. She slept fitfully because she couldn't simply stay still, and the pain felt excruciating at times, despite the potions she was force-fed by Madame Pomfrey.

Finally, at around four in the morning, Madame Pomfrey slipped her some sort of sleeping aid in her pain-relieving potion and she fell asleep right on her back. She didn't even have time to settle onto her side.

When she woke at noon on Monday, her pain had subsided significantly. Roxy visited to ask what happened, and she speculated much the same as Lily did.

"It was Dom, I just know it was," Roxanne Weasley snarled, clenching her brown fists in her lap so tight her knuckles turned white. "I knew she was jealous of your relationship, but this is simply too far! You could have snapped your neck! You could be paralyzed!"

Lily's breathing sped as she thought of those possibilities. This only solidified further her antagonism against Dominique. Dom's retaliation had gone too far, and now she was missing school and suffering physically because of it. Not to mention the effect the action had that Dominique didn't anticipate – Lily confessing her secret to Scorpius. She wasn't a virgin when she first had sex with him.

Was this necessarily a bad thing? No, not as far as he knew. But it was a deception – a lie by omission. She had let him assume he was her first, knowing that if he found out later it would hurt him. She didn't expect the big reveal to come from her own lips.

Lily understood it was suspicious, too. They were in love with each other, and she hadn't told him that she had been intimate with other boys? Scorpius would probably wonder why she didn't just tell him. He told her almost everything, with a genuine transparency that was reassuring and endearing. She was deceptive, and he didn't even know the half of it. With the confession might come questions, such as who she had actually lost it to. Admitting it was Philip would open Pandora's Box.

Roxy interrupted her line of thought by asking, "Do you think Rose was in on it?"

Lily's eyes widened, part in shock and in realization. Rose had caught them together, and Rose had been angry, to say the least. Would this be enough to make Rose hurt Lily so maliciously? Her cousin had always been so sweet, and if not sweet, at least timid – timid enough to not organize, or even participate in, something like sabotaging her family in a violent way. But she remembered Rose sharply yelling at Scorpius. That girl, the one filled with passionate fury, was capable of hurting Lily.

"I don't know," Lily said, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. She missed Scorpius, and the uncertainty between them plus her fragile state made her overly emotional. Plus the thought that someone was out to hurt her was almost too much to handle. She was surprised she had taken this long to break down – and she was determined to not fully do so until she was completely alone.

"Oh, Lily," Roxanne intoned, her fists unclenching and sliding over her knees. "Don't be sad. I'm sure it was just Dom, and you know how mean she is. Rose is hurt, but I'm sure they're not both out to get you. Please don't be paranoid. I don't know why I even said that!"

"Can I just – can you give me a minute?" Lily choked out, clutching the blue woven blanket to her chest.

"Of course! I'll just let you be. Send me an owl and I'll get you anything you need," Roxy assured her.

Once she was alone, she lay back on her left side and sobbed into her pillow.


A/N: I kind of wanted this chapter to be a valentine's surprise, but I finished it and I was like what the hell, let's be depressed a little bit before valentine's day, too. On that note, I hope everyone that reads this is living a happy life right now. You're all my children that I cherish deeply for your silent support and readership. Whether you have a significant other or not doesn't matter, what matters is you you you you you! Kiss the mirror every now and then. You deserve it.

Reviews and favorites and follows are appreciated, but not necessary. I try to be as altruistic as possible. (But if you do want to drop a review, here's a fun topic: tell me your hometown/home country/home state. It would be so interesting to see where y'all are from. Or you can guess mine. Hint: we say y'all here in normal conversation and it's not weird.)

**************I made a tumblr for the sole purpose of answering any q's you may have about when I'll post/anything to do with this story or anything. I also give really good advice. I also adore receiving attention. My url name is ily-jily so feel free to drop by and love me. I'll try to put the link on my profile. There is currently nothing posted on there but maybe I'll reblog something cool every now and then.

-Ash