Act 1
The opening scene is a real life scene in front of a Christmas tree and chimney. We see an old man with a white beard and mustache, wearing a red Christmas sweat and brown slacks and brown loafers, sitting on a chair. He talks to us.
"Hi, I'm Pen456, the father of Pen123. As you can see, my son wrote many American Dad fan fictions stories and now I'm narrating this holiday chapter. I thought it was going to be Ricky Gervais, but I heard he had chicken pox, so here's a special story."
The scene now shifts to the American Dad universe. Then, a musical note a played as the Smiths are writing their Christmas wishes.
Stan:
Jennifer Lawrence and Jorja Fox
Wearing all but no socks
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
"Don't you mean nothing but their socks?" Roger corrected.
"Shut up, you!" Stan silenced.
Francine:
Winning a trip to Florida
Better weather than Canada
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
"That's great honey! How about you guys?" Stan added.
Steve:
I want a new 3DS game
Something that's not lame
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Hayley:
I want a Prius all in red
The greatest thing since sliced white bread
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Jeff:
I want a new fishing hat
But one with no smell of scat
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Mary:
I want a new Barbie doll house
Something ten times bigger than a mouse
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Roger:
I want a new disguise
But it's best if it was a surprise
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
The Smiths (except Klaus):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year
"Guys, you are asking awfully for a lot" Klaus rolled his eyes.
"Screw you fish. It's plenty enough" Stan snapped.
Roger:
Buddy boy, I got your Christmas right here (grabs his crotch)
"I'm just saying…" Klaus commented as everyone went outside with winter gear.
The Smiths (except Klaus):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year
Klaus:
Fine! (Clears throat)
I want a new human bod
Something that the chicks with nod
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
"That's the spirit! Let's see who else" Stan cheered as we see other residents in Langley Falls performing their line.
Zoey:
I want a new soccer ball
Just one that doesn't fall
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Mark:
I wanna see what's under Adaline's dress
Adaline:
Just one day with no stress
Mark and Adaline:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Michael:
Katherine's sexy apple pie
Kat:
Michael wearing only a tie
Michael and Kat:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Snot:
If you put a Christmas tree
Build by a kid named Charlie B
I'm going to go kick some ass
But first…
Lana:
A brand new baseball cap
Snot:
My girlfriend giving me a lap
Snot and Lana:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year
Barry:
I want a giant soda machine
Bethany:
I want everything from Dairy Queen
Barry and Bethany:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Toshi:
I want a new samurai sword
Lindsay:
I want my boyfriend to never get bored
Toshi and Lindsay:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year
Greg:
I just want a wedding ring from my guy named Terry
Libby:
I just want to dance ballet
Bullock:
I want to dance in a club
Principal Lewis:
I want to beat up a stupid bub
Bullock and Lewis:
Don't know how we're together but who cares?
Everyone in the number:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year
The scene shifts to the Langley Falls mall. We see Mark about to enter Victoria's Secret.
"Let's see, where can I find the hottest perfume for Adaline?" he asked as he dons some sunglasses. However, he sees a bunch of kids crying while they walk with their moms.
"Of course, no holidays are complete except for crying children who won't get the toys they want for Christmas. I better see what's going on" Mark said as he walked away.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"My son doesn't like Santa Claus anymore. He said mean things to my baby boy" the mom answered.
"What?!" Mark shouted as he ran to see Santa's workshop. He sees Santa putting a towel on his lap.
"Ho ho ho! No accidents, okay pipsqueak? Now tell me what do you want for Christmas and hurry it up!" Santa shouted.
"I want a pony" a little girl said.
"Ho ho ho! Ponies will kill you! What you need are some toothbrushes and diapers. Even better, let's cancel Christmas!" Santa laughs evilly as the little girl gets off and cries while running away.
"Oh no he didn't! That tears it!" Mark takes out his phone and records Santa's actions. Then he takes out his boomerang and throws it at Santa. However, he quickly vanishes.
"So long stupid freaks!" Santa flies away in his magic sleigh.
"Damn it!" Mark cursed as his boomerang returns to his hand.
"Who is that monster? Is he even real?" a parent complained.
"Don't worry ma'am. I'll figure out who and I'll make sure Christmas is saved" Mark vowed as he left.
Later, he, along with Adaline and Team Smith, were meeting in the Smith living room.
"I don't understand. Why would he be evil?" Adaline asked.
"I don't know. I don't think that guy is Santa" Mark explained as he showed them the video.
"Mary looks up to him. Damn, I hope we can find the right one" Hayley said.
"I think he looks familiar" Steve added.
"You think so dude?" Jeff asked.
"Well, I always thought he was evil, considering the fact that if you rearrange his letters, it spells…" Zoey added, but was hushed by Steve.
"Don't upset my niece!" Steve pleaded.
"Sorry" Zoey apologized.
"All right, that tears it, we're going to the North Pole and saving Christmas" Mark suggested.
"You can't" Hayley said as Mark frowned. "Unless you have Team Smith helping you out."
"And me as well" Adaline hugs Mark.
"You guys rock! Let's go!" Mark said as they were about to leave.
"Guys, where are you going?" Stan asked.
"North Pole" Steve said.
"Would it be okay if you send him this? I want my new gun for the CIA this Christmas" Stan suggested as he gives Hayley a letter.
"Uh, sure" Hayley nodded as she and the others left.
The scene shifts back to the real life scene.
"And so Mark and Adaline, along with Team Smith set off to find the North Pole and rescue Santa Claus. Hey, do you want to hear a real life action fart instead of those fake cartoony ones?" Pen456 asks as he passes gas.
"We're going to need another pair of pants and another chair" he said to the cameraman.
End of Act 1
Act 2
The scene shifts back to the American Dad universe, where Team Smith are wearing their superhero costumes and Mark in his boomerang outfit. They are flying in a private jet.
"Adaline, you really need a costume or something" Mark laughed.
"I'm fine really" Adaline said.
"Guys, is Santa really evil? Then again" Steve added as he had past visual moments of him and the Smith family fighting Santa and Elves.
"Steve, are you all right?" Hayley asked.
"I'm fine. I just hope that there is one good Santa" Steve answered.
"Well, we should be getting to the North Pole soon" Mark said as they finally landed to the North Pole.
"Put these on" Mark said as everyone put on heavy parkas.
"Thanks Mark" Adaline said.
They entered the North Pole, where they see elves making toys for kids and Santa looking at both the nice and naughty list.
"Hmm, something looks strange around here. Santa is just doing some business. I don't know what's so bad about him" Jeff said. "Do you think he has my Ninja Turtles toys that I asked for when I was six?"
"I wouldn't get your hopes too high Jeff" Hayley said as they hid behind a machine.
"Hurry up, you midgets! I don't like to be kept waiting!" Santa shouted.
"Okay, he really is a bad guy" Steve said.
"Not necessarily. He's just giving orders, isn't he?" Zoey wondered.
"Zoey, he insulted a child at the mall. Don't you believe me?" Mark asked.
"I believe you. It's just that...oh my God!" Zoey panicked as she sees Santa whipping his elves. "Okay, he's totally evil. I would attack him, but I don't want a lump of coal for Christmas."
"So are we going to stand here and do nothing?" Mark asked.
The scene shifts back to real life, where Pen456 is playing on his iPhone.
"Oh excuse me for one moment, please. I'm playing Angry Birds Christmas Edition and it is so kick ass!" he cheered, but the battery died out.
"So anyways, our heroes found the North Pole, only to find out that they are screwed more than ever" he continues to narrate.
The scene returns back to the American Dad universe.
"(Sniffs) who's there? I smell weapons!" Santa shouted.
"Oh crap!" Zoey tries to hide her pistol sword, but there was no place to do so and so Team Smith and Mark and Adaline ran quickly. They went inside a room filled with teddy bears.
"Aww, don't they look cute Mark?" Adaline asked.
"They sure do look adorable" Mark commented.
However, they hear mumbling.
"Do you hear that?" Hayley asked.
"I heard something too babe. I wonder what's going on. How are we going to find out the mystery voice if this room has too many teddy bears?" Jeff wondered as they moved them to aside, only to see a fat old man, tied to a chair, clad in an undershirt and boxers. Hayley removes the tape from his mouth.
"Thank you guys so much! First of all, who are you?" the old man asked.
"I'm Hayley and this is Jeff, Steve, Zoey, Mark, and Adaline. Who are you?" Hayley introduced.
"I'm the real Santa Claus. The one who did this to me was the fake Santa. He's trying to destroy Christmas for everyone" real Santa said.
"Does the evil one have a name?" Steve asked.
"It's Nick. Don't let the names confuse you. Please, you got to stop him" Santa begged as Steve and Zoey freed him from his chair. "Thank you so much kids!"
"You may need to wear this to show that you are you" Mark gives him a Santa suit.
"So how are we going to stop Nick?" Santa asked.
"By nothing!" Nick shows up.
"Hurt us and you will feel the wrath!" Zoey threatened as she has her pistol sword ready.
"You wouldn't do no such thing" Nick said as he dropped some magic dust bomb to the ground, making everything covered in fog.
(Coughing)
"Hey, get back here!" Steve shouted as Team Smith's and Mark's weapons were rusted.
"Oh no! How are we going to stop him?" Adaline asked.
"We have to find him" Steve said as they ran.
"Wait, what about him?" Jeff asked as Hayley was talking to the elves.
"So you're saying that was an evil and fake Santa all along?" an elf asked.
"Ho ho ho! I'm so sorry guys! Don't worry. These lovely heroes will stop him! Go ahead guys! I'll stay put and make Christmas a success. Kick his ass!" Santa cheered as Team Smith and Mark and Adaline left the North Pole.
The scene shifts back to real life.
"Man is this story kicking ass or what?" Pen456 asked the audience.
"You know, it reminds me of another story where…" a phone rings.
"Give me one second" he picks up the phone. "Hello? Hi son, what's going on? Stick to the story? Oh but you see, it's just a good story I wanted to tell them before I continue on. What? They don't want to hear the birth of Mother Teresa because it's not related to American Dad? Well, that's fine son. I guess I can continue on. Thanks for the warning" Pen456 hangs up the phone.
"So anyways…" he continues to narrate as the scene shifts to Nick riding on his sleigh as Team Smith chase after him.
"He's not going to get away with this!" Hayley shouted.
"Watch this!" Zoey shoots her pistol sword at the sleigh, but it was too far as the weapon returned back to Zoey. "Damn it! He's good."
"Watch this!" Mark shouted as he threw his boomerang at the sleigh, but he was way too far and the boomerang returned to his hand.
"Guys, we need to stop him! Who knows how many Christmases he'll ruin!" Jeff demanded as the jet flew faster.
Meanwhile, Mary was looking outside through a window.
"Grandma, what's Mommy doing?" she asked.
"Sweetie, Mommy and Daddy are looking for something special for Christmas" Francine said.
"Is Santa bad?" Mary said.
"You see…" Francine was about to say something, but Mary started talking.
"It's okay. I know there's another good Santa somewhere" Mary said.
"Mary, I can't believe it. For a cute baby girl, you're very mature and brave! I'm so proud of you honey! What do you say we bake some cookies?" Francine suggested.
"Yay!" Mary cheered as she left the living room.
Meanwhile, Nick arrived in front of the Smith backyard. The heroes made it there as well.
"Surrender now or you will join the list" Nick threatened.
"I know you're not real and we're going to stop you!" Zoey shouted.
"Oh really! Here are some lovely roses for you ladies" Nick said as they handed Zoey, Hayley, and Adaline.
"Never! I know this cliche and we're not falling for it!" Hayley slashes the roses with her swords, but they restored back to normal and a scent spewed out.
"Hold on!" Adaline convinced the heroes to cover their noses, but the scene was too strong and the heroes were knocked out.
The scene fades to black.
The scene shifts to real life.
"And so the heroes failed to stop Santa and Christmas is destroyed for good" Pen456 said to the audience.
"The end...of act 2. Before act 3, look at this toy I wanted to give to my son's school for a raffle" he shows us a remote control Air Hogs biplane.
"This toy kicks so much ass. I want to keep it, but I need to be a big boy about it" he said as the toy crashes to a tree.
"Oops. We'll be right back" Pen456 said.
End of Act 2
Act 3
"Oh good, you're back! I just fixed my son's toy and our Christmas tree. You probably wonder what happened with the heroes, well let's just say things got a little fan-servicey" Pen456 said as the scene shifts to the American Dad universe, where Steve, Jeff, and Mark are tied to a chair with their costumes removed, leaving the first two in whitey tights and Mark in black boxers.
"Sorry you can't seem to beat me boys! It looks like you won't be needing these to save the world" Nick laughed evilly as he throws their costumes to the ground.
"Now I need to go destroy Santa" he vanishes.
"Guys, we can't lose to a jerk like him. We got to stop him!" Jeff demanded.
"But how? He's way too strong" Steve said.
"Not true. We fought Dark Elves before. It can't be that difficult. Our friends depend on us" Mark said.
"How do we get out of here?" Steve asked.
"Hang on" Mark kept shaking until a pocket knife pops out of his underwear.
"You hide weapons in undies?" Steve asked.
"For emergencies only" Mark laughed as he gets the pocket knife and frees him and his friends from the ropes.
"Don't forget the clothes" Mark said as the guys got dressed and went to go find the girls.
Meanwhile, we see Hayley, Zoey, and Adaline (clad in black, green, and sky blue bra and panties, respectively, after their costumes were stolen) tied to a chair inside a room full of sad children photos.
"This is ridiculous! First Nick removed our costumes and now he's taking Christmas hostage! Why can't we beat him?!" Hayley shouted. "Plus these photos are disturbing as hell!"
"It makes no sense! We're stronger than him! We should defeat him!" Zoey agreed.
"Come on ladies! We have to stop him!" Adaline demanded. "Hang on!" she shakes until a bottle of nail polish remover pops out of her bra.
"You hide makeup inside there?" Hayley asked.
"Sure. I love nail polish removal" Adaline giggled as she picks it up with her toes and kicks it back to her hand. She uses it on the ropes as the ladies are free.
"Good job Adaline!" Adaline cheered as the three women share a group hug.
(Audience wooing and wolf-whistling)
"What the hell was that?" Hayley asked as she sees a tape recorder and turns it off.
"That was weird" Zoey said.
"Ladies, are you all right...oh my God!" Mark entered, along with Steve and Jeff arrived, but his face is bright lava red.
"Adaline, you should stop Santa in your undies!" Mark joked.
"Ha ha, very funny!" Adaline said as she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
"Thank you real Santa for making my Christmas wish come true!" Mark took a photo of Adaline in her underwear.
"It better be erased after Christmas or else I'm gonna spy on you every time you shower" Adaline threatened.
"Deal" Mark said as Steve found the costumes for the girls and they got dressed.
"All right, let's go stop Nick" Hayley said after she got dressed, along with the rest of the group and went to go find Nick.
We see Nick riding on his sleigh as he shoots fire on every Christmas tree.
"Christmas is cancelled!" Nick laughs evilly as he continues to shoots, but were stopped by Mark's boomerang.
"What the hell?" Nick shouted.
"You're not going to win, fake evil Santa!" Mark shouted as the flying vehicles land at an icy mountain.
"DO you guys want to be stripped and tied again? No problem" Nick takes out the powerful rose.
"Not this time" Adaline said as she summons a powerful fairy mist that negates the scent.
"Damn it!" Nick shouted as the rose is destroyed. "It doesn't matter. Christmas is cancelled whether you like it or not!" he laughs evilly as he releases a ticking time bomb on every present in Langley Falls. "Touch me and every present here is killed! You lose! I win!"
"Not if I can help it!" it was...Santa and his friendly elves who arrived. "You're not going to win this time, Nicolas!" he presses a button that disables the explosion, thus leaving the presents safe and sound.
"Now!" Hayley shouted as she and Team Smith, plus Mark and Adaline attacked Nick with their weapons, thus defeating him.
"Now, guess where I put all the boys who have been very naughty this year?" Santa asked as Steve and Zoey ties up Nick the evil Santa.
"The naughty list?" Nick rolled his eyes.
"Even better" Santa said as he and the heroes return back to the North Pole and he throws Nick into the fiery gates of Hell.
"Let that teach you a lesson about messing Christmas!" Santa shouted as everyone cheered.
"We did it guys! I told you we can save Christmas!" Mark cheered as he gives Adaline a kiss.
"We did it babe!" Jeff shouted as he makes out with Hayley.
"We kicked ass babe!" Zoey exclaimed as she and Steve shared a dance together and kiss afterwards.
"Thank you kids for saving Christmas! I would ask for requests on what you guys want for Christmas, but because Nick was taking control of Christmas with his evilness, I need to catch up and so I need to make a quick announcement to the world" Santa said as the heroes nodded as he broadcasts himself live on every television set.
"We should go home" Mark suggested as he, Adaline, and Team Smith left the North Pole and went back home.
Moments later, Mark and his mom, Adaline and her dad, Zoey and her parents, and the entire Smith family were watching TV at the Smith living room.
"Ladies and gentlemen, there was hell throughout the past Christmases because an evil Santa was hurting and abusing innocent people. Today, heroes stopped him and I was given my real job back. However, because of his mischievous actions, I can limit to giving everyone one present. So all I ask is that you guys become patient with one present for the next two years and Santa's workshop will be back in business" Santa pleaded as the TV turns off.
"We can go for one present" Stan agreed.
"Me too" Roger said.
"We'll do it" Francine nodded.
The next morning, we see the residents of Langley Falls receiving their one present and opening them: Stan got a new gun, Francine got a new can of hairspray, Klaus received a bottle of fish food, Hayley receives a new headband which is the same as hers, Jeff receives another fishing hat, Steve gets a copy of Pokemon Sun, Roger receives a warrior costume, Mary receives her Barbie dollhouse, Zoey receives a new soccer ball, Michael received a new pair of glasses, Katherine received a pink nightie, Bullock received a new set of puppets, Barry received a box of chocolates, Bethany received a basket of cookies, Toshi got a new sword, Lindsay received a violin, Snot got a stack of $1000, Lana got a baseball cap, Mark received a framed photo of Adaline wearing a sexy dress, and Adaline received a framed photo of a shirtless Mark. A few days after everyone got their presents, we see Steve and Zoey at the movies laughing while sharing popcorn, Hayley, Jeff, and Mary going ice skating, Barry and Bethany having a pizza eating contest, Toshi and Lindsay watching some anime on Toshi's HDTV, Snot and Lana bowling, Mark and Adaline cuddling together in front of a fireplace sharing some hot chocolate, and Klaus and Roger playing video games together. The last scene is Stan and Francine sleeping together peacefully in bed. All of this was done to the song "Fire and the Flood" by Vance Joy.
"And so everyone in Langley Falls lived happily ever after. The end" Pen456 narrated as the scene shifts to real life.
"(Crying) what a sweet and sexy ending. Thank you friends for this wonderful chapter episode. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! I hope my son continues to write once he's back" Pen456 added. "Good night. Son, can I get my paycheck now?"
End of Act 3
Well, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Read and review and happy holidays! Next chapter will be back in Martin Luther King weekend.
