Tsukishima Kei did not lose his life that day. Rather he sat in a guarded room, but a room nonetheless and not a prison or at the mercy of a sword, cradling the blind boy whose unseeing eyes still shed tears. As he held Yamaguchi's shaking form, he couldn't help but let a few of his own tears slide down his cheeks.
Shoyou refused to look at the boy who was not Tobi Yama, the awkward dark haired boy who visited her every week but King Tobio Kageyama of the Southern Kingdom, Duke of Kitagawa Daiichi.
Blank gold eyes stared out the glass panes of his new room, lavish and large and horribly empty. Just like his heart.
Don't love someone you don't trust.
His mother's words echoed in his ear as he saw her sitting by the fire, his infant sister in her arms. He saw her tears streaming down her cheeks, blank eyes as empty as his own were now, swirling with familiar emotions he now felt. Hurt. Betrayal. Anger. He saw her collapsing on the ground as his 6 year old self asked why their father had disappeared. Why he left and never came back. He had sworn that day to never leave his mother and Natsu alone. Years fly by and one ordinary day, he comes back to ash and dust in the place of what once his home, to no mother and no Natsu.
Tears streamed down his own cheeks now.
He could feel all the ugly disgusting thoughts well up inside, suffocating him. Somehow the strong, brilliant Tobi he knew went from distant to unreachable. Tobi Yama was an handsome, able, well traveled young man who could seek adventure anywhere he wished or settle down in a comfortable house with a wife and children. King Tobio Kageyama was on an even higher pedestal, even more untouchable. How could a poor orphan be something to a King?
A King.
Suddenly, it dawned upon him, hitting him like a tidal wave, crashing into his heart and stealing his breath away.
The King ordered the attack on his village. Kageyama ordered that attack.
It made sense now, the whispers of rebellion that had circulated in his village, the clash between soldiers and villagers, the constant disappearances of those who spoke against the King's rule.
His village burnt into ash and dust. Yamaguchi's once bright eyes dulled by smoke and fire. His mother and Natsu. Gone.
Hinata couldn't breathe. He felt his tears running down his cheeks, he felt his knees give out, he felt everything bursting out of him. The cord that held the dam back broke.
He let out one audible ugly sob. Then another. His eyes widened. For the first time in 3 years, he could hear his own voice, releasing one ugly sob after another, soft whimpers escaping his lips as his body shook.
Hinata wouldn't look at him. Gold eyes avoided his gaze. The redhead had immediately turned away the moment he opened the door. The tension in the room was high, almost overwhelming. For someone who had seen battle, who had faced possible death, it was shocking how afraid he felt right now. His heart told him to wrap his arms around the smaller boy, to take his little hands into his larger ones. Yet how could he hold Hinata's hand with hands like these? He swallowed the lump on his throat and willed his voice to work.
"Sh-shoyou?"
Of course, he had to stutter. The other boy visibly flinched at the sound of his voice as if he had slapped him. Kageyama's heart ached horribly, a unfamiliar feeling making his heart clench. He looked for a word for it.
Guilt?
Words escaped him again. What was he supposed to say to the other boy? Hi I'm actually the King and I hope you're glad I didn't execute Tsukishima because he's Yamaguchi's lover and Yamaguchi is your best friend so as the King, I ordered a last minute mercy sentence for him? Now that just sounded stupid. Kageyama stood, rooted to the floor.
Hinata turned to face him.
The King flinched at the look on Hinata's face.
Tear streaked cheeks, usual smiling mouth twisted into a painful line, eyes red and puffy. Those gold eyes told him everything he needed to know. They screamed. Hurt. Betrayed. They knew.
They knew he was the reason the ginger had lost everything, his village, his home, his family, his voice. They knew it was by his command that his home burnt to the ground, leaving behind nothing for him to salvage but smoke and ashes.
How could you?
How could you lie to me?
How could you deceive me all this time?
How could you make me fall for you?
Hinata thought angrily, not giving the black haired boy standing opposite him the satisfaction of hearing his newly found voice, the boy who was King who his heart had given itself too.
"I'm sorry."
Dark blue eyes crinkled like they weren't sure if that was the right thing to say. Hinata wanted to hate how genuinely sorry Kageyama looked.
"Uh..I don't think that was enough...but I will try to atone for it..even if.."
Even if it will take years.
Gold eyes watched the boy who was supposed to be the King stumble over his words, trying to convince himself that this wasn't Tobi Yama he was seeing but the King.
The door shut.
Kageyama once again threw himself into ruling, this time the right way, lowering taxes, negotiating with noblemen, rebuilding villages. He often found himself turning to Suga for advice, the older silver haired man always delighted to give his input.
He knocked on Hinata's door every day, whispered apologies and regrets, left flowers and notes but was never answered.
He learned how to be patient, how to wait, how to hope. Every day without fail, he found himself at the ginger's door, hoping that his knocking would be answered by an opened door. he knew he could just come in. That the door had no lock. Still he chose to wait, to wish Hinata a good night before departing to his own room, hoping he would greet the boy in the morning.
Hinata didn't know why he hasn't left yet. Maybe it was because Tsukishima was still kept in the castle and he couldn't leave Yamaguchi who chose to stay with his lover. Maybe it was because of how comfortable his life was, not needing to work, having everything he desired brought to him even when he didn't ask for it. The King was scarily perceptive of what he wanted. Maybe it was because of the friends he made. Kind, motherly Sugawara who turned out to be the royal adviser to the king, who checked on him daily as well. Sweet Yachi, one of the maids that looked after his rooms, who was lovable and a bit clumsy but still a good friend. maybe it was because of Yamaguchi who never looked happier, being by Tsukishima's side.
Hinata felt a twinge of envy as he watched his blind friend nestle by Tsukishima's side, the blond staring at him with soft, affectionate eyes despite his biting words.
Weeks turned into months and Kageyama found himself pardoning Tsukishima, the blond remarking dryly that the King was no longer someone worth rebelling against. (Kageyama accepted it as a compliment.)
After Sugawara's persistent nagging, Kageyama found himself offering Tsukishima the position as his second adviser. He justified his decision to himself by remembering Sugawara's argument that Tsukishima taking the position would mean he would be staying the castle, therefore Yamaguchi would be staying as well, keeping Hinata close by.
Months passed and the Southern Kingdom prospered under a fair king who listened to his people.
A king who had left his golden crown and ermine trimmed cloak, had refused lavish proposals of beautiful princesses from powerful kingdoms to stand outside the door with apologies and sweet words and pleads.
A king who now desired nothing but the love of a seemingly mute ginger haired boy who remained at the other side of the door.
