Do try to remember this was written over three years ago...for my own reputation's sake...
Not much to say up here…but I did get this really hot pic of Johnny Depp dressed as Jack Sparrow with his shirt off…daaaaaaaannnnnngggg…my friend (who also likes His Holiness) wanted it, but I hissed at her and said, "Back off, he's mine!!" and now she's scared of me. Everyone's scared of making fun of Johnny in front of me, because the last person who did so now has a long scar down his arm…O.o…
Lauderdale: You're lethal.
Tid: Aren't I, though? D ANYWAYS, on with Chappie Two!!
Chapter two: IS NOT!!!
Elizabeth: (opens eyes) Whoa, what a weird nightmare…did I really look that moronic?! (gets out of bed and opens drawer) AIIEEE!!! Oh never mind, it's just my pet spider…who's dead?! NOOOO!!!!! (sees medallion) Oh right, here it is…(puts it on)
Governor Swann: Elizabeth, are you decent?
Elizabeth: (rolls eyes and tucks medallion down dress) No, I'm making out with your butler, daddy.
Governor Swann: (bursts through the door, looking horrified) Oh…you were joking…well then…still in bed at this hour?
Elizabeth: (looks incredulous) Do I LOOK like I'm in bed? I'm clearly standing up, NOT in bed, so does it LOOK like I'm still in bed?!
Governor Swann: (blank stare) Anyways, I got you a present for Norrington's promotion…I mean…for no bloody reason at all!!!
Elizabeth: Riiight. Anyways, just give me the dress. (goes behind the screen-thingy) What the hell?!?
Governor: It's a corset. All the latest fashion in London. Even men are wearing them.
Elizabeth: (looks disturbed) Then people in London must not want to breathe…gasps
Random Dude: Sir, a really funky, clumsy, whiny eunuch is here…
Governor Swann: Now, Random Dude, it's not nice to talk about yourself that way…
Random Dude: Riiight. I was talking about the blacksmith. (rolls eyes)
(Meanwhile)
Will: SHINY!!!! (breaks candle thingy) Damn. (hides it in his pocket)
Governor Swann: Why, hello, Mr. Turner…whoa…(looks at Will's pocket)…either you have a candle thingy in your pocket or you're really happy to see me…
Will: (looks horrified) Um…I have a candle thingy…see? (pulls out the candle thingy)
Governor Swann: You broke that!! I'm pressing charges!!! ELIZABETH!!!
Elizabeth: Shut the bloody hell up, daddy…oh hello, Will…
Will: Hello.
Elizabeth: I had a dream about you last night, Will…
Will: (looks at Governor Swann frantically)
Elizabeth: About the day we met, do you remember?
Will: No, not really Miss Swann, because I was conked out…I do remember you singing badly…I think China heard it as well…
Elizabeth: (scowls) ANYWAY, I want you to call me Elizabeth from now on, kay?
Will: How about no?
Elizabeth: Then we are SO OVER!! (storms away and runs right into the carriage) Ow.
Governor Swann: (looks at Will and shrugs)
(Meanwhile again)
Jack: (stands on the mast thingy, looking out into the horizon) Hm…I have a weird feeling about this…(looks down) Damn. The boat is sinking….
Hanged Pirates: (sway)
Jack: Huh? NOT COUSIN ALBERT!!! Nooo…I mean…(looks around frantically) Boo-frickedy-hoo….
Jack: (comes to the dock, still standing on the mast, although even he doesn't know how he got back up there…)
Tid: OOOH PRETTY!!!
Jack: (looks disturbed)
Tid: Sorry…(runs away)
Jack: (walks onto the dock and past the dock master, who is staring at him, drooling)
Jack: (stops walking, looking disturbed again)
Dock Master: Sorry…it'll be a shilling to tie your boat at the dock.
Jack and Dock Master: (look at the boat, which is underwater and waving a white flag)
Jack: What do you say to three shillings…(pulls out a bumper sticker that says, "Honk If You've Slept With Jack")…whoops…(pulls out three shillings and puts the bumper sticker back in his pocket)…and we forget the name?
Dock Master: (stares) Well…um…I really shouldn't fall for it…but oh whatever, welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith.
Jack: Mr. Smith? Why couldn't I be Mr. Noodlemantra or summat?
Dock Master: Because I said so!!!
Jack: Fine.
Dock Master: (goes back to annoying people)
Jack: (steals Dock Master's change bag) Niiiiice.
(Meanwhile again)
Elizabeth: Can't…breathe…Norrington…too…ugly….
Norrington: Look at me! (sings) I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaay!!!
Elizabeth: Tell me about it.
(Meanwhile again)
Jack: (is stopped by two dumb guards)
Murtogg: Sorry, fella, dock is off limits to civilians.
Jack: Terribly sorry, if I see one, I shall inform you immediately.
Mullroy: Ooooh, diss!!!
Murtogg: (stares at Mullroy, who coughs)
Jack: Seems there's some kind of fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How can it be that two upstanding gentlemen such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg and Mullroy: (look at each other and start sobbing)
Jack: (raises an eyebrow)
Murtogg: (stops crying and clears his throat) Someone's got to MAKE sure the DOCKS aren't SWARMED with CRAZY BOAT-LOVING people SUCH as YOURSELF, MISTER.
Mullroy: (pointing to Murtogg) He's got some crazy mental problem that causes him to raise his voice at random times.
Jack: Yes, well…(tries to leave, but is stopped) It seems to be that a ship like that points to the Dauntless makes a ship like this one seem a bit superfluous, really.
Mullroy: Yes, yes, we know the Dauntless is a pretty damn ship, but nothing…not even Murtogg's weird disability…can match the Interceptor for speed.
Jack: YEAH RIGHT!!! (cracks up)
Murtogg and Mullroy: (stare)
Jack: (stops laughing abruptly) I know of a ship that's really fast, not even the Interceptor can catch…(snort)…The Black Pearl.
Mullroy: It's NOT a REAL SHIP, mister.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.
Mullroy: IS NOT!!
Murtogg: IS TOO!!!
Mullroy: Okay fine, you've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: ……IS TOO!!
Jack: (rolls eyes and walks away towards the ship)
Mullroy: …IS NOT!!!
Murtogg: IS NOT!!!!
Mullroy: IS TOO!!!
Murtogg: Fine, if you say it's a real ship, then it's a real ship.
Mullroy: Thank you. Hey, wait a minute…you tricked me!!
Murtogg: I did, but so did he! (points to Jack, who's at the wheel of the ship)
Mullroy: Oy! You're not supposed to be up there, dude!!
Jack: Sorry, it's just a pretty fangirl…I mean…ship…(looks nervous and tosses Tid overboard when the guards aren't looking)
Tid: Yeah, yeah, I feel the love.
Murtogg: What's your name?
Jack: Smith. Or Smithy, if you prefer.
Mullroy: Purpose?
Jack: To take the rum, drink it all, seduce her, and sleep with her.
Murtogg and Mullroy: (disturbed)
Jack: I mean…okay, I confess. My purpose is to pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer our weasley black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies!!
Jack: No you didn't.
Mullroy: (is ignoring Jack for the moment) You didn't say that, but even if you did, maybe he's telling the truth…
Jack: Why would I do that?
Murtogg: (is also ignoring Jack) If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack: HELLO!!! Unless of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.
Murtogg and Mullroy: (still ignoring Jack start fighting)
Jack: (rolls eyes)
Mooha!! Yes, I am the only fangirl mentioned because I'M BLOODY GREEDY!!! I want Jack ALL TO MYSELF!!! MOOHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! (cough) Anyways…I stopped the Chappie there because if I didn't, you know, it'd be a hundred pages long….well anyhow, points fer those who knew where Norrington's song came from!!!! Oh yeah, and my fav quote that I made up myself is when somebody says, "But why's the rum gone?!" I say, "The rum's gone because I took it all, drank it all, seduced him, and slept with him." Yes, of course, I am talking about Jack. MOOHAHAHAHA!! I'm a disturbed little creature. So is Lauderdale. Give her credit. REVIEW!!
Lauderdale: I'm not disturbed.
I'm going to cry.
