Do you remember when most of the things I say in the introductions were actually...popular?


Lauderdale: I'm baaaaack!!

Tid: NOT FREDDY KRUEGER!! NOOOOO!!!!! (sobs hysterically)

Lauderdale: (rolls eyes and pats Tid's back) It's alright. Tid just saw A Nightmare on Elm Street for the…

Tid: (sniff) Third.

Lauderdale: …time this week. Immensely depressed, this one is.

Tid: The bleepin' bleep killed him!!! FREDDY KRUEGER, YOU BLEEPIN' BLEEP!!!!

Lauderdale: (disturbed) Anyways, um…I'm gonna introduce the third chappie. (silence) Here's the third chappie.


Chapter three: It Just Might Be Love…Or Just A Crazy Fangirl…


Norrington: Yo, Lizzie!! I wanna talk to ya, my homie-G dawg!!

Elizabeth: Oh GOD no….

Norrington: (pulls Elizabeth aside) Anyways, I want to ask you…do I look good in this wig?

Elizabeth: The white one you're wearing now? If so, it looks hideous.

Norrington: (stare) I meant this one. (puts on a ridiculous red sparkly wig)

Elizabeth: (scared)

Norrington: No? Awright. (turns around) What I really wanted to ask you was…dude, will ya marry me?!

Elizabeth: (passes out from looking at sheer unattractiveness)

Norrington: Whoazers, dude.

(Meanwhile)

Jack: …she couldn't keep her bloody hands off of me!!

Mullroy: And now she has your kid?!

Elizabeth: (splash)

Jack: Hm….

Murtogg: Hm….

Mullroy: Hm…I smell hotdogs….

Jack: (points to Elizabeth, who's sinking) Will you be saving her, then?

Mullroy: Hell, naw!

Murtogg: I can't SWIM!!!!

Jack: Tid's gonna hate Elizabeth…anyways, off to make a fancy-pansy dive really made by Tony Angelatti…I mean…oh damnit here I go. (dives)

Gold medallion: kaBOOM!

Tid and Lauderdale: shaZAM!!!

Wind: (blows)

Flag: (flaps)

Hanged pirates: (sway)

Jack: (grabs Elizabeth and finds she isn't movable…reaches in her pocket and finds a brick, a horse, an elephant, the Titanic, Ty Pennington, and an airplane) Funny how most of those don't exist yet, eh? (swims to surface)

Murtogg, Mullroy, Governor Swann, and Norrington: We're off to see the WIZARD!!! Um…(runs to Jack and Elizabeth)

Jack: (rips Elizabeth's corset off and she coughs up water)

Tid: I hope you DIIIIIEEEE ELIZABETH!!!

Jack: (holds up medallion thingy) Where the bleeping did you get that?

Norrington: On your feet, hottie! I mean…just get the hell up.

Jack: (stands)

Elizabeth: Daddy, don't kill the sexy beast!!

Tid: You're trying to make me hate you.

Jack: Would you go away for a moment?!

Tid: Sorry…(walks away)

Norrington: Handshake, mister!!

Jack: (raises an eyebrow, but takes Norrington's hand anyway)

Norrington: (pulls Jack forward and lifts his sleeve) AHA!! "P" for "Princess!!"

Jack: More like pirate.

Norrington: That's what I said.

Governor Swann: Hang him!

Norrington: (ignoring the governor) Isn't that what I said…? Ooh, wait, you're Jack Sparrow according to this tattoo inscribed upon your ever-so-masculine arm!!

Jack: CAPTAIN.

Norrington: (stare) You are, without doubt, the worst pirate I have ever heard of.

Tid: GO TO HELL, NORRINGTON!!!

Jack: But you have heard of me….

Norrington: (yanks Jack to Gillette, who has irons ready for him)

Elizabeth: Commodore, I really must complain and whine about this….

Norrington: You mean protest.

Elizabeth: (blink) Whatever. You can't just kill him, he saved my life!!

Norrington: So? He's bad.

Jack: Am not.

Murtogg: ARE TOO!!!!

Jack: (stare)

Gillette: (finishes handcuffing Jack)

Jack: (throws chains over Elizabeth's neck)

Elizabeth: Eeep!

Tid: (is really hating Elizabeth right now)

Jack: Well now…I have the girl and I'm about to kill her if you bunch o' bird craps don't give me my effects right away. And my hat.

Norrington: (stare)

Jack: HELLO!!!

Norrington: (hands Elizabeth the effects and hat, and she puts them on Jack)

Tid: Damn you….

Jack: Thanks a lot, dude. Anyways, you will always remember this day as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!! (shoves Elizabeth into Norrington's arms) Y'all look so cute togetha...(runs away)

Norrington: Although I find this quite comfortable…hey!! KILL SPARROW!!

Tid: DON'T KILL SPARROW!!!!!!!

Jack: (runs for bloody life)

Blacksmith's shop: (just stands there)

Jack: Aha, a getaway…(skips into the shop, singing the Munchkin song)


Lauderdale: You're a disturbed creature, Tid!! I've seen you in this chapter more than I've seen Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones movies!!

Tid: You've never seen the Indiana Jones movies.

Lauderdale: …Right, then. I've seen you in this chapter more than I've seen Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan in the James Bond movies!!

Tid: You've never seen the James Bond movies.

Lauderdale: I've seen you in this chapter more than–

Tid: Stop trying.


And to conclude another chapter...