Do you remember when most of the things I say in the introductions were actually...popular?
Lauderdale: I'm baaaaack!!
Tid: NOT FREDDY KRUEGER!! NOOOOO!!!!! (sobs hysterically)
Lauderdale: (rolls eyes and pats Tid's back) It's alright. Tid just saw A Nightmare on Elm Street for the…
Tid: (sniff) Third.
Lauderdale: …time this week. Immensely depressed, this one is.
Tid: The bleepin' bleep killed him!!! FREDDY KRUEGER, YOU BLEEPIN' BLEEP!!!!
Lauderdale: (disturbed) Anyways, um…I'm gonna introduce the third chappie. (silence) Here's the third chappie.
Chapter three: It Just Might Be Love…Or Just A Crazy Fangirl…
Norrington: Yo, Lizzie!! I wanna talk to ya, my homie-G dawg!!
Elizabeth: Oh GOD no….
Norrington: (pulls Elizabeth aside) Anyways, I want to ask you…do I look good in this wig?
Elizabeth: The white one you're wearing now? If so, it looks hideous.
Norrington: (stare) I meant this one. (puts on a ridiculous red sparkly wig)
Elizabeth: (scared)
Norrington: No? Awright. (turns around) What I really wanted to ask you was…dude, will ya marry me?!
Elizabeth: (passes out from looking at sheer unattractiveness)
Norrington: Whoazers, dude.
(Meanwhile)
Jack: …she couldn't keep her bloody hands off of me!!
Mullroy: And now she has your kid?!
Elizabeth: (splash)
Jack: Hm….
Murtogg: Hm….
Mullroy: Hm…I smell hotdogs….
Jack: (points to Elizabeth, who's sinking) Will you be saving her, then?
Mullroy: Hell, naw!
Murtogg: I can't SWIM!!!!
Jack: Tid's gonna hate Elizabeth…anyways, off to make a fancy-pansy dive really made by Tony Angelatti…I mean…oh damnit here I go. (dives)
Gold medallion: kaBOOM!
Tid and Lauderdale: shaZAM!!!
Wind: (blows)
Flag: (flaps)
Hanged pirates: (sway)
Jack: (grabs Elizabeth and finds she isn't movable…reaches in her pocket and finds a brick, a horse, an elephant, the Titanic, Ty Pennington, and an airplane) Funny how most of those don't exist yet, eh? (swims to surface)
Murtogg, Mullroy, Governor Swann, and Norrington: We're off to see the WIZARD!!! Um…(runs to Jack and Elizabeth)
Jack: (rips Elizabeth's corset off and she coughs up water)
Tid: I hope you DIIIIIEEEE ELIZABETH!!!
Jack: (holds up medallion thingy) Where the bleeping did you get that?
Norrington: On your feet, hottie! I mean…just get the hell up.
Jack: (stands)
Elizabeth: Daddy, don't kill the sexy beast!!
Tid: You're trying to make me hate you.
Jack: Would you go away for a moment?!
Tid: Sorry…(walks away)
Norrington: Handshake, mister!!
Jack: (raises an eyebrow, but takes Norrington's hand anyway)
Norrington: (pulls Jack forward and lifts his sleeve) AHA!! "P" for "Princess!!"
Jack: More like pirate.
Norrington: That's what I said.
Governor Swann: Hang him!
Norrington: (ignoring the governor) Isn't that what I said…? Ooh, wait, you're Jack Sparrow according to this tattoo inscribed upon your ever-so-masculine arm!!
Jack: CAPTAIN.
Norrington: (stare) You are, without doubt, the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
Tid: GO TO HELL, NORRINGTON!!!
Jack: But you have heard of me….
Norrington: (yanks Jack to Gillette, who has irons ready for him)
Elizabeth: Commodore, I really must complain and whine about this….
Norrington: You mean protest.
Elizabeth: (blink) Whatever. You can't just kill him, he saved my life!!
Norrington: So? He's bad.
Jack: Am not.
Murtogg: ARE TOO!!!!
Jack: (stare)
Gillette: (finishes handcuffing Jack)
Jack: (throws chains over Elizabeth's neck)
Elizabeth: Eeep!
Tid: (is really hating Elizabeth right now)
Jack: Well now…I have the girl and I'm about to kill her if you bunch o' bird craps don't give me my effects right away. And my hat.
Norrington: (stare)
Jack: HELLO!!!
Norrington: (hands Elizabeth the effects and hat, and she puts them on Jack)
Tid: Damn you….
Jack: Thanks a lot, dude. Anyways, you will always remember this day as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!! (shoves Elizabeth into Norrington's arms) Y'all look so cute togetha...(runs away)
Norrington: Although I find this quite comfortable…hey!! KILL SPARROW!!
Tid: DON'T KILL SPARROW!!!!!!!
Jack: (runs for bloody life)
Blacksmith's shop: (just stands there)
Jack: Aha, a getaway…(skips into the shop, singing the Munchkin song)
Lauderdale: You're a disturbed creature, Tid!! I've seen you in this chapter more than I've seen Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones movies!!
Tid: You've never seen the Indiana Jones movies.
Lauderdale: …Right, then. I've seen you in this chapter more than I've seen Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan in the James Bond movies!!
Tid: You've never seen the James Bond movies.
Lauderdale: I've seen you in this chapter more than–
Tid: Stop trying.
And to conclude another chapter...
