I really sound crazy. I can't guarantee you that I'm not.


Tid: Welcome to chappie five!!

Lauderdale: I'm not in a good mood.

Tid: Neither am I.

Lauderdale: Well duh, if I'm not in a good mood, it wouldn't be possible for you to be in a good mood because I'M IN YOUR HEAD.

Tid: AHH GET OUT!!!

Lauderdale: rolls eyes And yet somehow my I.Q. is higher….


Chapter five: A Dog and A Jail
Prisoners: Come 'ere, doggy…come doggy doggy doggy….

Random Prisoner: Come 'ere, bitch!

Dog: I begeth your pardon?!!?

Random Prisoner: It's another name for a dog.

Dog: Oh.

Jack: You can keep talking to it forever but the dog is never going to talk back.

Random Prisoner: It just did.

Jack: (falls off bench)

(Meanwhile)

Maid: Wasn't that horrible?!?

Elizabeth: No!! That pirate was the hottest, most built, tannest–

Maid: I meant getting proposed to.

Elizabeth: Oh…yes, horrible. (cough)

Maid: But that Will Turner...he's a fine man, too.

Tid: IS NOT!!!

Lauderdale: IS TOO!!!

Elizabeth: I'm actually sort of neutral about him, myself.

Maid: (stare) Hm….well, I should be going now…(runs away)

Elizabeth: Nice exit there, chicky-babe!! (rolls eyes)

Wind: (blows)

Candle: (goes out)

(Meanwhile)

Will: Have a holly, jolly Christmas…(clang) What the…? (looks out window)

Cat: Gimme all your money!!

Will: How about no?

(Meanwhile again)

Black Pearl: (glide)

(Meanwhile again)

Governor Swann: Has my daughter given you an answer yet, Commodore?

Norrington: (snorts) No.

Governor Swann: Well why not?

Norrington: She's been too busy watching Saturday Night Live and sitting on her big butt all day.

Governor Swann: …You're confusing Elizabeth with your sister.

Norrington: Oh.

Cannon: kaBOOM!

Tid and Lauderdale: shaZAM!!!

Norrington: Crappidy crap crap. Let's get moving, soldiers!!!

Soldiers: Do we hafta?

Random Soldier: (blows up)

Soldiers: (stare) Okay, what do we need to do?

(Meanwhile)

Jack: I know those cannons…(looks out window) Mummy?!?!

Random Prisoner: It's The Black Pearl, dimbo.

Tid: (blows random prisoner up for insulting Jack)

Jack: That worked out nicely…oh it is the Pearl….

Second Random Prisoner: I've heard stories. She eats people. Leaves no survivors.

Jack: No survivors. I wonder where the stories come from, eh?

Second Random Prisoner: I quit with this guy, he's too smart!!!

(Meanwhile)

Random Objects: kaBOOM!!

Tid and Lauderdale: shaZAM!!

Little Kid: Gimme all your money before I…I mean…(screech)

Other Random Objects and People: kaBOOM!!

Tid and Lauderdale: shaZAM!!

Will: I'm gonna have the first killing in the movie!!

Tid: Not really.

Will: Shut up!!

Jacoby: Hello.

Will: DIE!! (throws hatchet at Jacoby)

Lauderdale: YOU'RE SO MEAN!!! But I luv ya….

Tid: (rolls eyes)

Jacoby: (dies)

Random Bystander: That rhymed.

Tid, Lauderdale, Will, and Jacoby: No shit, Sherlock.

Random Bystander: (blows up)

Will: (cracks up) (gets knocked out)

(Meanwhile)

Jail Cell Wall: (blows up, creating a large hole)

Second Random Prisoner: GET ME AWAY FROM THE DUDE WHO'S TOO SMART FOR HIS OWN DAMN GOOD!!

Third Random Prisoner: Sorry, dude, you've no manner of luck at all.

Jack: (pouts and looks out the puny hole in the wall)

Tid: MY BABY!!! (cries)

Cannon and Smoke: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaay!!


Tid: (cries)

Lauderdale: Isn't it the prettiest thing you ever saw?

Tid: (cries)

Lauderdale: Tid, Jack will get out.

Tid: (cries)

Lauderdale: Anyway, REVIEW!! Oh wait…Tid just handed me a piece of paper…lemme read…. "I am fully aware that there is a huge chunk of movie missing from this chapter (the parlez part) and I cannot insert it due to the fact that even though I've seen this movie 102 times, my memory is still not working." Hm…and yet you seem to remember almost every line.

Tid: (cries)


Have a holly, jolly Christmas...dammit.