Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, doo-dah, doo-dah...


Lauderdale: (sighs and cleans her sunglasses, then puts them back on)

Tid: (winces) Scary. Anyways, this is chappie seven.

Lauderdale: I can't believe we finally made it to chapter seven.

Tid: Neither can I.

Lauderdale: (can't cry…no eyes)

Tid: Well, since Lauderdale is in such a delicate state…sort of…I'll introduce the chapter. This is chappie seven. There. I introduced it, aren't you proud of me, Laud?!

Lauderdale: ("looks" in opposite direction Tid's in) Just bustin' with pride.


Chapter seven: Do We Have An Accordion?
Will: (wakes up on ground) Ew…stupid chickens…that's wrong…it's called a bathroom, you know.

Chickens: CLUCK!

Will: (looks around) Holy Mother of Jim Carrey…Elizabeth was taken!!

Random Chicken: No duh. And Jim Carrey doesn't exist yet, genius.

Will: (stabs the chicken)

(Meanwhile)

Norrington: You know what I find funny?

Governor Swann: (dully) What?

Norrington: (just as dully) Your face.

Will: They've taken Elizabeth!!

Norrington: Mr. Murtogg, remove this man.

Murtogg: YES sir, right AWAY SIR! (tries to take Will, but he throws a hissy fit so he stops)

Will: We've got to get her!

Governor Swann: If you know anything about what happened, please inform us NOW!!!

Will: I don't. (hangs head in shame)

Murtogg: Jack Sparrow.

Tid: CAPTAIN.

Norrington: What about him?

Murtogg: He mentioned The Black Pearl.

Mullroy: Laughed his ass off about it is more what he did.

Norrington, Will, and Governor Swann: (blink)

Will: Yeah, so ask him!!

Norrington: Not a good plan. Mr. Sparrow isn't an ally to them. I can tell.

Will: That's not good enough!!!

Governor Swann: Do tell what is, Mr. Turner.

Will: O.o

Governor Swann: That's what I thought.

Will: No, Governor, there's a chicken climbing your leg.

Governor Swann: (looks down) So there is…GET OFF ME!!!

Norrington: Mr. Turner, please do not die thinking you are the only person here who cares for Elizabeth.

Will: DIE?!?

Norrington: I mean…just go away.

Will: Oookay.

(Meanwhile)

Jack: Come on…stupid lock….

Will: (clambers down steps)

Jack: (dashes to back of cell and lays down)

Will: Sparrow!

Tid: CAPTAIN.

Jack: Aye?

Will: You need to talk randomly about The Black Pearl so the audience needs to watch this movie 103 times to understand it fully and memorize it.

Jack: (blink) Why don't we just get to the chase, then?

Will: Sounds like a plan.

Jack: Name?

Will: Will Turner.

Jack: Short for William, I assume?

Will: Yuppers!

Jack: Good, strong name…after your father, yes?

Will: Yuppers!!

Jack: Cool.

Will: Cool.

Jack: ….

Will: ….

Jack: You're after a girl, ain't ye?

Will: Yuppers!!!

Jack: So…anyways…you help me find the Pearl, and I help you find your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?

Will: (reaches behind him and pulls out an accordion…starts playing "My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean")

Jack: (stares) I said "accord," not "accordion," you raving eunuch.

Will: Oh….

Jack: Get me out of here…please….

Will: (tosses accordion away, causing someone to scream and a cat to hiss) Whoops. (picks up bench and smashes it against the bars, causing them to fall)

Jack: That's interesting….

Will: Shut up and let's go!!

Jack: Not without my effects!

Will: FINE!!

(And so….)

Jack and Will: (tiptoe underneath a bridge)

Will: So…we're gonna steal that ship?

Jack: COMMANDEER!! How many times…?! It's a nautical term. Judas Priest.

Will: (cries) I'm sorry!!

Jack: (smacks Will) At least pretend you're a man….

Lauderdale: I can't see…but I wanna hit Jack….

Tid: (covers Lauderdale's mouth) Shut up, it makes it seem like I'm the one who wants to hit Jack…and I don't!

Will and Jack: (underneath boat thingy in water)

Will: Either you're stoned or I'm stoned.

Jack: I can't tell at the moment.

Will and Jack: (climb back of ship and onto the deck)

Jack: Sorry to interrupt your game of Truth of Dare, fellas, but we're taking over the ship!!

Will: What he said!!

Random Sailor: Hey Gillette, since it's your turn, I dare ye to stand up to that pirate there.

Jack: (aims pistol at Gillette's head) Not a good idea, son.

Gillette: I'm pressing charges against you, Random Sailor.

(Meanwhile)

Norrington: You know what I find funny?

Random Navy Official: What?

Norrington: Your face.

Gillette: (from far away) OY! NORRINGTON!! THEY'RE TAKING THE SHIP!! SPARROW AND TURNER ARE TAKING THE DAUNTLESS!!

Tid: CAPTAIN.

Norrington: Damn. Turner, you are soooo in trouble….

(Meanwhile)

Will: Here they come….

Jack: (grins)

Tid: (swoon)

(Meanwhile)

Norrington: All you men do something that makes you look like you know what you're doing! We need to catch up….

Everyone but Jack and Will: (climb from the Interceptor to the Dauntless) We're coming after you, you mangy rascals!!

Jack and Will: (swing from the Dauntless to the Interceptor)

Norrington: Or not. EVERYONE BACK TO THE INTERCEPTOR!!

Random Sailor: (swings and lands in the ocean) Damn.

Norrington: Or not.

Jack: (from Interceptor) Thank you so much, Commodore, we really luv ya!! We couldn't have done this all by our onsies!!

Random Navy Official: That has got to be the best pirate I have ever seen.

Norrington: (claws Random Navy Official's eyes out and tosses him overboard) I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT!!!

Lauderdale: I feel your pain, Navy Official, I really do. (sobs without tears)


Tid: How many fingers am I holding? (hold up four fingers)

Lauderdale: Seven?

Tid: How about now? (holds up two)

Lauderdale: Ten?

Tid: (sigh) Close enough. REVIEW!!!


Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, oh dee doo-dah-day.