Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, doo-dah, doo-dah...
Lauderdale: (sighs and cleans her sunglasses, then puts them back on)
Tid: (winces) Scary. Anyways, this is chappie seven.
Lauderdale: I can't believe we finally made it to chapter seven.
Tid: Neither can I.
Lauderdale: (can't cry…no eyes)
Tid: Well, since Lauderdale is in such a delicate state…sort of…I'll introduce the chapter. This is chappie seven. There. I introduced it, aren't you proud of me, Laud?!
Lauderdale: ("looks" in opposite direction Tid's in) Just bustin' with pride.
Chapter seven: Do We Have An Accordion?
Will: (wakes up on ground) Ew…stupid chickens…that's wrong…it's called a bathroom, you know.
Chickens: CLUCK!
Will: (looks around) Holy Mother of Jim Carrey…Elizabeth was taken!!
Random Chicken: No duh. And Jim Carrey doesn't exist yet, genius.
Will: (stabs the chicken)
(Meanwhile)
Norrington: You know what I find funny?
Governor Swann: (dully) What?
Norrington: (just as dully) Your face.
Will: They've taken Elizabeth!!
Norrington: Mr. Murtogg, remove this man.
Murtogg: YES sir, right AWAY SIR! (tries to take Will, but he throws a hissy fit so he stops)
Will: We've got to get her!
Governor Swann: If you know anything about what happened, please inform us NOW!!!
Will: I don't. (hangs head in shame)
Murtogg: Jack Sparrow.
Tid: CAPTAIN.
Norrington: What about him?
Murtogg: He mentioned The Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Laughed his ass off about it is more what he did.
Norrington, Will, and Governor Swann: (blink)
Will: Yeah, so ask him!!
Norrington: Not a good plan. Mr. Sparrow isn't an ally to them. I can tell.
Will: That's not good enough!!!
Governor Swann: Do tell what is, Mr. Turner.
Will: O.o
Governor Swann: That's what I thought.
Will: No, Governor, there's a chicken climbing your leg.
Governor Swann: (looks down) So there is…GET OFF ME!!!
Norrington: Mr. Turner, please do not die thinking you are the only person here who cares for Elizabeth.
Will: DIE?!?
Norrington: I mean…just go away.
Will: Oookay.
(Meanwhile)
Jack: Come on…stupid lock….
Will: (clambers down steps)
Jack: (dashes to back of cell and lays down)
Will: Sparrow!
Tid: CAPTAIN.
Jack: Aye?
Will: You need to talk randomly about The Black Pearl so the audience needs to watch this movie 103 times to understand it fully and memorize it.
Jack: (blink) Why don't we just get to the chase, then?
Will: Sounds like a plan.
Jack: Name?
Will: Will Turner.
Jack: Short for William, I assume?
Will: Yuppers!
Jack: Good, strong name…after your father, yes?
Will: Yuppers!!
Jack: Cool.
Will: Cool.
Jack: ….
Will: ….
Jack: You're after a girl, ain't ye?
Will: Yuppers!!!
Jack: So…anyways…you help me find the Pearl, and I help you find your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?
Will: (reaches behind him and pulls out an accordion…starts playing "My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean")
Jack: (stares) I said "accord," not "accordion," you raving eunuch.
Will: Oh….
Jack: Get me out of here…please….
Will: (tosses accordion away, causing someone to scream and a cat to hiss) Whoops. (picks up bench and smashes it against the bars, causing them to fall)
Jack: That's interesting….
Will: Shut up and let's go!!
Jack: Not without my effects!
Will: FINE!!
(And so….)
Jack and Will: (tiptoe underneath a bridge)
Will: So…we're gonna steal that ship?
Jack: COMMANDEER!! How many times…?! It's a nautical term. Judas Priest.
Will: (cries) I'm sorry!!
Jack: (smacks Will) At least pretend you're a man….
Lauderdale: I can't see…but I wanna hit Jack….
Tid: (covers Lauderdale's mouth) Shut up, it makes it seem like I'm the one who wants to hit Jack…and I don't!
Will and Jack: (underneath boat thingy in water)
Will: Either you're stoned or I'm stoned.
Jack: I can't tell at the moment.
Will and Jack: (climb back of ship and onto the deck)
Jack: Sorry to interrupt your game of Truth of Dare, fellas, but we're taking over the ship!!
Will: What he said!!
Random Sailor: Hey Gillette, since it's your turn, I dare ye to stand up to that pirate there.
Jack: (aims pistol at Gillette's head) Not a good idea, son.
Gillette: I'm pressing charges against you, Random Sailor.
(Meanwhile)
Norrington: You know what I find funny?
Random Navy Official: What?
Norrington: Your face.
Gillette: (from far away) OY! NORRINGTON!! THEY'RE TAKING THE SHIP!! SPARROW AND TURNER ARE TAKING THE DAUNTLESS!!
Tid: CAPTAIN.
Norrington: Damn. Turner, you are soooo in trouble….
(Meanwhile)
Will: Here they come….
Jack: (grins)
Tid: (swoon)
(Meanwhile)
Norrington: All you men do something that makes you look like you know what you're doing! We need to catch up….
Everyone but Jack and Will: (climb from the Interceptor to the Dauntless) We're coming after you, you mangy rascals!!
Jack and Will: (swing from the Dauntless to the Interceptor)
Norrington: Or not. EVERYONE BACK TO THE INTERCEPTOR!!
Random Sailor: (swings and lands in the ocean) Damn.
Norrington: Or not.
Jack: (from Interceptor) Thank you so much, Commodore, we really luv ya!! We couldn't have done this all by our onsies!!
Random Navy Official: That has got to be the best pirate I have ever seen.
Norrington: (claws Random Navy Official's eyes out and tosses him overboard) I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT!!!
Lauderdale: I feel your pain, Navy Official, I really do. (sobs without tears)
Tid: How many fingers am I holding? (hold up four fingers)
Lauderdale: Seven?
Tid: How about now? (holds up two)
Lauderdale: Ten?
Tid: (sigh) Close enough. REVIEW!!!
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, oh dee doo-dah-day.
