Thank you for the reviews. You guys are amazing. This is a emotional chapter just a warning. I hope you enjoy it though. Thanks again for reading and enjoy!
Chapter 4 The Phone Call
"Bren…Brenda…Hello?" Dylan waited but there was no answer. "Bren…are you there?"
"Damn it." Dylan said under his breath.
"Dylan?" Brenda said softly finally speaking up.
"Bren…I thought you hung up."
"No…silence…where have you been? I have been trying to call you for weeks." Brenda's voice cracked, it was sad and reticent. And Dylan knew right away it wasn't like her at all, at least not with him.
"Baja…I just got back tonight, I am sorry."
Brenda swallowed hard hearing Dylan sigh on the phone, she had wanted to talk to him so badly now she didn't know what to say, "Oh." she said quietly, barely audible.
"I got your letter."
Brenda inhaled, "And?"
"I think it's great you got a scholarship, congratulations. I am not surprised though, you definitely deserve it."
Brenda looked down and sighed, why was he acting so strange, his answers were short and now he had nothing to say at all but congratulations on her staying in London after they had spent the week before she left loving each other, and reconnecting. Brenda poured her heart and tears into that letter and that's all? Why was it with Dylan his feelings could change so much in one summer? At least was the ongoing trend. Brenda didn't get it.
After a long drawn out awkward silence Brenda finally spoke, "Well…I know it's late there and I have to meet with my counselor in an hour so I will let you go."
"Ok." Dylan said softly.
"Yeah." Brenda's voice changed from shy and reserved to pissed, he didn't care, selfish bastard. She sighed loudly, "Bye then." she said with attitude.
Dylan squeezed his eyes closed, "Brenda?" he said abruptly.
"Yeah?"
"I miss you." Dylan shook his head opening his eyes.
"Then why are you acting like such an asshole?"
Dylan smiled slightly hearing the Brenda he knew, the one that didn't hold back. "I don't know."
"Great. That helps." Brenda said resentfully.
After a long pause, "I am heartbroken Bren." Dylan voice changed as well, he didn't want her to think he didn't care she wasn't coming home.
"You are?"
"I am happy for you I am…I guess I am just selfish too, I wanted you home…with me."
Dylan heard Brenda exhale into the phone, maybe she was relieved, he didn't know.
"Why didn't you call me?" Brenda broke down letting down her guard.
"I know I should have…I am just going through some stuff right now and I didn't want to load it unto you, I just thought that you would be home and I would be able to explain it to you and…" Dylan stopped and shook his head.
"You can explain it now, I am here you know that."
"I do." Dylan nodded his head even though he knew she couldn't see him. The phone was definitely not on Brenda and Dylan's side. Dylan was always about to read her and he knew she could with him as well. It was in her eyes and not being able to see them made things worse. She felt far away and distant no matter what the words were coming out of her mouth.
"So why wont you talk me?" she pleaded, "You have always been able to open up to me…even when I first met you, our first date you were able to."
Dylan sat silent on the phone and thought about it, she was right but he didn't really want to get into that conversation over the phone. It had nothing to do with him not wanting to tell her, "I am just going through some family stuff, I am fine, I will explain it to you one day, I just don't think now is the time."
Brenda sat quietly and Dylan was waiting for a reaction, whether it was angry or understanding but she didn't say anything.
"Are you ok Dylan…I am mean are you really fine?"
Dylan looked up and sighed trying to blink back the tears, why he was hiding them he didn't know it wasn't like she could see him, "No…not really." Dylan took a deep breath.
"I love you Dylan, more than anything. I don't know what I am doing; I don't know…I don't know anything. The only thing I am sure of is the fact that I miss you and …"
"I love you too."
"Will you keep in touch with me? I don't expect you to wait for me or anything like that…I…"
"Of course I will stay in touch with you. You are my best friend, and I will always be your biggest fan, you know me better than that."
"I thought I did, I think I do, even though sometimes you surprise me." Brenda laughed slightly through her tears to lighten the mood a little. She knew it was because she was nervous. Nervous because at this point she had no idea what was happening with them.
"You do…I am still the same old pain in the ass Dylan."
Brenda smiled, "That's more of a relief than you would think."
Brenda heard silence and all she wanted to do was look into his eyes and see the love, he was saying the words but Dylan had eyes you could get lost in and she now she seemed lost without them. "Who would have thought we wouldn't have anything to say to each other? I have always been able to connect with you; I guess I am just trying to say I wish I was there."
"I wish you were here too."
Brenda just blurted it out, "Then come here, come to me…it would be great. We don't have to live together or anything if that's too much, I want to be with you Dylan. I don't want to be here without you. I am selfish too I want both. I want you." Brenda cried.
Dylan quickly wiped his tear, "I can't." he breathed out and he didn't care if she knew he was crying.
"Why?"
"I just can't Bren…my life is here, you need to be in London for yourself and I would never be able to take that away from you. I am proud of you, and I told you a long time ago not to plan your life around me."
Brenda rolled her eyes, "Well it was stupid to say then and it's stupid to say now." Brenda said furiously. "How can I not plan my life around one of the most important things in it?"
"I don't know…you just do. If we are meant to be together time will tell, I said that to you too…a long time ago and it was true right?"
"I guess." Brenda sniffled into the phone. "Will you at least come to visit me once in a while?"
"One of these days yes, I promise."
"You promise? I mean Dylan…promise me…please."
"I promise you."
The both sighed simultaneously. This would normally be the time the two of them kissed and held each other and told each other it was alright…everything would be ok. But the difference was they were a million miles away from each other and the truth was, neither of them knew if it was going to be ok.
"Maybe you could put all that money you have to good use and fly me out for Christmas." Brenda joked to break the silence that was between them. It was anything but awkward but it was clear that they were holding on to the phone call because it was all they had left.
Dylan sat quiet, "Dylan…are you still there?"
"I am here." Dylan took a deep breath, he sensed Brenda was feeling weirdly about the money comment because that's one of the things Brenda couldn't relate to Dylan with and they had never talked about it because it never mattered. She didn't know he was broke.
Brenda had always told Dylan there was so much more to him than his money but now that Brenda was in another country, the money seemed important. Like a way to see each other.
"I would spend all the money in the world to be with you." Dylan tried to make her not feel weird about the comment because if he wasn't broke it wouldn't have been an uncomfortable question and Dylan's reply was true, he would spend all the money in the world to have her, he would spend the measly 800 bucks on a plane ticket to see her, he just didn't have it.
"I know." Brenda looked at her clock next to her bed, "You have my address right? My phone number? You should get to sleep, what is it after midnight?"
Dylan took a deep breath, "Yeah."
"I love you Dylan." Brenda said softly.
"I love you too." Dylan almost whispered.
"Dream about me ok?"
Dylan smiled, "You too…compromising positions a bonus." Dylan joked.
Brenda laughed, "There you are…I thought I had lost you." Brenda joked.
Dylan laughed, he hadn't laughed in a month and it felt good. It felt good talking to her even though she was so far away. "Well it doesn't take long for the inappropriate horn dog to reappear after a little while."
"Thank God." Brenda's smile faded as she thought about him. "Why is it so hard to say goodbye to you. I mean I can talk to you on the phone, write letters, why do I feel like this is it?"
Dylan shrugged, "I don't know. I guess when it comes down to it to me, it's hard to think about going on without you when I was just getting used to you being back."
Brenda held back from telling him to come there again, she had mentioned it on the phone and in the letter so repeating it would not help things. "Take care of yourself Dylan…you know I am proud of you too. You have gotten through some pretty devastating stuff and you have stayed sober." Dylan looked down quickly, "You have overcome and believed in yourself and I am proud of you…you may be my biggest fan, but I have been yours since the first moment I met you." Brenda tried not to break down.
Dylan sighed finally breaking down his emotional wall, how did she know he was struggling, why would she say those things unless she thought he could go back at any moment?
Brenda knew Dylan was crying even though he was trying to be quiet about it, "You had told me I had saved you and I had helped you stay sober and made you believe in yourself. I am still there, you that that right?"
"I do." Dylan said softly still trying to keep his break down a secret.
Hearing Dylan cry was like being stabbed in the heart, all she wanted was to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything was alright…but she couldn't.
Dylan looked over at the beers and felt ashamed again. If she only knew she would be so disappointed in him. "Thanks Bren." He finally muttered words trying to pull himself together.
"I guess I will hopefully talk to you soon?" Brenda said sweetly.
"Definitely." Dylan looked down towards the ground. "And Bren…be great huh."
Brenda smiled, "You too."
"Oh and…"
Brenda interrupted him, "Yeah?" she said with urgency.
"You're still my Bren."
Brenda closed her eyes feeling the tears roll down her cheeks, "I know." She said tearfully.
"I love you baby." Brenda said now openly crying.
"I love you." Dylan paused, "so much." He whispered. Dylan swallowed hard and the silence grew between them again. "Bye?" he said softly realizing he had put a question on it.
Brenda nodded knowing they couldn't stay on the phone forever but it was so hard to let go. "Bye." She said softly.
Both Brenda and Dylan pulled the phone away from their ears and stared down at it. Taking a deep breath at the same time, they pressed the off buttons on their cordless phones and sat there drained. That 30 minute phone call had made them both feel like they had just ran a marathon. Both of their hearts ached and were beating quickly. The pull in their stomachs, letting them know there was something wrong, The bitterness they had felt, because everything had to be so amazing and complicated all at the same time. There was so much hesitation, so much sadness, so many questions…and so much love between them. And so the letters began. Letters that would keep them connected. With words they would have to read each other, instead of what they saw in each others eyes or what was written all over their face. They would get to know each other on a whole other level. Binding them vigorously… forever.
So emotional stuff huh? This chapter was draining even for me. I am an artsy person so I think naturally when I write I step into characters and this chapter was emotional. Anyway as you can see the first 3 chapters were kind of like introductions, lead ins, getting you caught up on their feelings etc. Now you will read letters and the chapters may get shorter as well. There will still be outside scenes so to speak and "outside influences" haha now your minds are thinking, WHAT? LOL Anyway it wont only be letters, Brenda will have a life outside of Dylan and Dylan will be struggling with his own demons as well. Please review, I am really excited to get this story off the ground. Are you liking it? Hating it? Let me know.
