Chapter 5 A Step In The Right Direction
"That's not how I see her at all, she is not love starved, she is angry, she is dealing with him and she doesn't want to anymore. She is not heartbroken, she is over it." Olivia said putting her two cents in.
"We aren't talking about you, we are talking about Amanda." Michelle joked.
"Fine…what do you think Bren?" Brenda stared down into her play book. "Brennnnnda…hello?"
Brenda lifted her head, "What? Sorry I was reading." Brenda smiled feeling stupid that her daze and spacey outlook was becoming a habit, especially on Friday's cause that was usually when she received a letter from Dylan.
"How do you see Amanda?"
"Well…I think she loves Bruce a lot and maybe she is heartbroken about them but its more than that, her broken heart is coming from the side of saying goodbye to him. She wants to move on but she can't but she doesn't want to move forward with him either. She has tried to reach him and she can't. So yeah she is over it."
Olivia smiled at Michelle with a confident smile and Michelle shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Hey…I know Amanda…she is like me. I mean look at the comparison, Josh is a dickhead and Bruce is a dickhead, Amanda is strong and loving and perfect and so I am." Olivia laughed as Michelle threw a pillow at her. "I am serious."
Brenda laughed, "Sadly we know." All three girls turned their head to the door as a knock sounded. "I'll get it…it better be the pizza I am starving."
"Thank god for that pizza place, the only thing I can't get used to yet about London is the lack of good old fashion junk food." Olivia said throwing her book to the side.
Brenda opened the door and smiled, "Hey…you aren't the pizza guy."
Mike smiled back, "Nope…but I come baring gifts." Mike handed over two boxes and Brenda's mail.
Brenda looked at him oddly, "Ok…but you didn't have to bring it to me, I would have made it down there eventually."
"No…I know but my shift was over and since I was coming to meet Sean I thought I would bring it to you." Mike handed over the boxes to Brenda.
"Well thanks…that was sweet." Brenda set down her stuff.
"Yeah." Olivia smiled, "That was sweet."
Mike took a deep breath, "Well…see you later."
"Yeah…bye…oh and thanks again." Brenda said as she held on to the door nervously. She didn't know why, she knew Mike had a crush on her, it was obvious and she blamed herself. She blamed it on the Midwest in her. She had always been friendly with him and smiled and asked him how his day was going. He was actually very handsome and definitely her type…whatever that was. She was just in love with someone else. And even though Dylan was so far away, she had remained faithful to him in the month since school started, not like she had too, she just choose to, that was the difference.
Mike gave her another smile before making his way down the hall. Brenda took a deep breath and closed the door turning to face her friends. They looked at her with questioning smiles and of course Olivia had an opinion.
"Oh my God he totally is in love with you."
"Shut up." Brenda laughed.
"Oh come on Bren…he is crazy about you. Did you see the way he looked at you? It wasn't even like I want to bone her it was like I love her."
Brenda shook her head and blushed, "You are so full of shit." Brenda laughed, "I would rather have the bone me look, cause that I could use, the love is terrifying." Brenda joked.
Olivia raised her eyebrows, "That it is easy to find…we should go out tonight, fuck this play, we all know it backwards by now. I mean we are in college, we live in a place that the drinking age is 18, why not, let's go."
"No thanks." Brenda lowered herself to the floor and started looking at her packages.
"Oh come on Brenda…all you do is study and write your ex letters, let's do something. It will be good for you to get out here, what are you going to do, sit in your room and do nothing?" Michelle smiled and looked at Olivia, "What are you going to do let Olivia fuck all the guys in this school and have all the fun?"
Olivia mouth dropped, "Slut!" Olivia threw the pillow back at her as the girls laughed hysterically.
Brenda loved her new friends, they weren't snobby or selfish. They were down to earth and fun. They weren't judgmental and for example Olivia was probably richer than any of her Beverly Hills friends and you would never guess, unless of course you went through her closet and saw her collection of Louis Vuitton, Chanel, and Gucci handbags. She never talked to down to anyone or acted like she was better than anyone. She never rubbed her money in anyone's face and Brenda came to the conclusion it was either her family that was down to earth and humble or the rich were just different in New York than in California.
"Sooo…what did you get?" Olivia tilted her head, she liked to give Brenda a hard time but she knew about Dylan. Brenda had told her about him since one of the first heart to hearts they had when they had arrived to do the summer program.
"I don't know."` Brenda took a pair of scissors and ran it down the seal. She carefully opened the sides of the box and noticed a letter on top. As she slid her finger across the seal she noticed it had clothes, pictures and some other random items from her room, so she figured it was from home.
Dear Brenda,
I hope all is well in London. We miss you. I gathered up the things you asked for and I did find the roll of film you wanted me to send over. Instead of sending it, I just had it developed for you.
Brenda's eyes widened knowing the whole roll of film was her and Dylan together; she quickly tried to remember if they kept the pictures G-rated.
Don't worry sweetie I didn't look at them. Believe me, I am not that nosey.
Brenda exhaled relieved.
So if you are reading this you probably got one of the two boxes. I sent some other clothes and things I thought maybe you would want. We have invited Valerie to live with us, you remember Valerie, she has been going through some stuff at home and I will catch you up when we talk next week but I made some room for her, I hope you don't mind. Take care sweetie, everyone says hello. I hope you are doing fine, your father and I are very proud of you. I'll talk to next week.
With Love,
Mom
Brenda looked up, "It's from my mom. Wow they invited an old friend of mine from Buffalo to come live with them…out with the old, in with the new." Brenda was a little weirded out by it.
"Yeah, I know how that goes, my mother rented out my room, she is such a sweet women." Michelle said sarcastically. 'I moved out and she saw dollar signs."
Olivia glanced in the box, "Oh pictures." She said excitedly grabbing them.
"Wait. Let me see first." Brenda said gently grabbing them out of her hand, "Censorship." Brenda laughed opening them up.
"Oh my God, you mean we actually get to see the infamous Dylan…I don't even know what to say." Olivia said being a smart ass, "He better be hot because you are way to dick whipped on him."
Brenda smiled as she slowly lifted her head and turned a picture around. The picture was of Dylan and Brenda on the beach, they had taken it themselves so it was close up. They posed cheek to cheek, Brenda giving her sexy closed mouth smile, leaning in very close to him and Dylan doing the same.
"Holy shit…he is gorgeous." Olivia said grabbing the picture from her hand.
"I know." Brenda smiled and instantly got giddy.
"More…I want to see more." Olivia held out her hand.
Brenda laughed handing another picture to her, same sort of pose with Brenda sitting in front of him in between his legs; Brenda leaned back into his chest as Dylan pressed his jaw line on the side of her face. "You guys are so cute together." Michelle said finally getting Olivia to share.
"Is there sexy ones?" Olivia smirked.
"Not like porno, you hoe." Brenda shook her head.
"Boooo." Olivia said disappointed.
"Like I would show you." Brenda kept flipping, "Here's one of us kissing."
"Oh yeah that's hot." Both girls agreed.
"We spent that last week before I left pretty much alone, so it's mostly just us." Brenda said taking a few pictures out of the stack and handing the rest of the envelope to the girls.
"I want those." Olivia said noticing right away Brenda hiding some.
"You wish…Dylan got a little crazy with the camera." Brenda smiled and shook her head. They were pretty innocent still. They were in bed together but they weren't doing anything but cuddling and even though there was only one of them that in Brenda's opinion showed a little to much of the side of her breast, they were still private to her.
"No letter from him?" Olivia looked up for a second before flipping trough the rest of the photos. "Bren…he is sexy." Olivia turned a picture around showing Brenda.
Brenda smiled, looking through her mail and sighed seeing the weekly letter she had gotten from Dylan. Brenda got up and plopped down on her bed on her stomach and started reading her letter.
Bren,
Hey sexy…I am glad school is going good. The play you are working on sounds interesting. I hope you don't think about us when you read it though. I may be an ass sometimes but I am no Bruce. Yeah maybe I read it. I haven't talked to any of the gang since I have been back. People must think I dropped off the face of the earth or maybe they don't care. Maybe I don't really care. I do miss Brandon though, I haven't had the courage I guess to go to your house. I don't know why. I am having a hard time, harder than I wanted to admit. Every week after receiving your letters I decide I am going to get out of here, maybe go surfing but I don't. I did not return to C.U. I guess I am not into that too. I don't think I am into anything…besides you. You must be reading this and thinking, Jesus, is he ok? And the truth is, I guess I am having a bad day and yeah I am ok, been better but ok.
There is something that I have been meaning to tell you and I just haven't had the heart to bring you down or to get you involved. I haven't seen Erica since the carnival the night I was with you. Suzanne, Kevin and Erica have disappeared and I have no idea where my little sister is. I didn't tell you not because I didn't want to open up to you, I just…didn't know how to say it out loud. And then after writing back and forth and just picking up casually, it hit me that I wasn't being honest with you and I told myself a long time ago I would never do that again. Remember when I was interested in investing in Kevin's company? Well I did and now, I have no sister, no family and no money. Kevin and Suzanne took off with 8 million dollars. I have nothing Bren, the only thing in my name is my car. I don't want to unload this on you, and I don't want you running to Brandon on this, please. I am telling you because I trust you not because I need help. I'll deal with it and I am even working with a private investigator. They had located them in Brazil but the trail got cold so we are back to square one. I am sorry for not telling you sooner.
Brenda looked up from the letter, "Oh my God." she whispered.
"Everything ok?" Olivia and Michelle looked over from looking at the pictures.
Brenda slowly shook her head, "Not really." Brenda began biting the skin on the side of her nail bed.
I am trying to work with the FBI and the women that was engaged to my father is trying to help me, it isn't her department so it's a lot of waiting around just waiting to see what happens. Anyway like I said I don't mean to bring you down and don't worry about me but that was the main reason in not coming out to London. I just can't…it's impossible. Believe me I want to. I need to see you and be with you more than anything right now.
I wanted these letters to be a way to keep connected not bring us down. So I promise the next one will be more up beat. Since I ruined it already ha. I will continue to tell you that I miss you. I found an old picture of us last night and I must have sat and stared at it for an hour. It's funny how the problems we faced seemed like such a big deal at the time and now seem so insignificant. Now not having you around seems like such a bigger deal then, staying out too late, wanting you to sleep over, taking you away for the weekend, your father, Brandon, even Kelly. It's just doesn't mean as much now. I knew you would be great after seeing you in action. You light up and you have this presence when you're on stage. Its one that I had never seen from you before. It's like you know exactly who you are at that moment in time. So here I am, sitting here alone, thinking about what your doing, who your with, if you met someone that saw what I did the first time we met. I am not going to ask you to wait for me either Bren, its not realistic. So I'll let you go, I'll set you free. And when you've seen what you need to see. When you find you...come back to me.
With love always,
Dylan
***************
So he told her, I don't know how that sounded, I read it over but I mean in a letter its hard to express emotion, he was trying to sound ok but really sounded anything but. I hope it came across like that. I know this story so far seems really depressing but I promise all the letters wont be like that. I plan on taking it from sad to funny to angry to sexy to everything maybe all in one, you never know but stay with me, it will not be like this the whole time. Also to some of my reviewers, yes b/d will have a happy ending. I promise. That's the one thing I will promise with my fanfics, they didn't get one in real life, at least not yet so that's a promise from me to you. Are you liking Bren's friends? Review! LTC chapter will be up soon and so will LF.
