Chapter 13 A Red Red Rose
"Bren…hey." Valerie looked down as she gently bit her lips. "It's been a long time."
Brenda kept her stare, "Not long enough apparently."
"Look Brenda…I am sorry about Dylan…I didn't know he was the Dylan."
Brenda shook her head and looked down into the box continuing to grab the stuff she wanted out of it, "Val…I don't want to do this now."
Valerie walked into the bedroom, "You're one of my oldest friends…I don't want you to be mad at me."
"Val." Brenda repeated not looking up from the box. "You don't want to go there."
"Brenda…we have to do this now." Valerie touched her shoulder.
Brenda pushed her hand off her shoulder rudely, she had tried to not get into things but Valerie would not drop it. "You want to know what I think, I think you had no interest in Dylan what so ever, you did what you did just to for the sake of doing it.. I know you knew who Dylan was and I know you purposely went after him. You also knew exactly who Dylan was because in our letters, I told you about him; you knew how I felt about him." Brenda felt her adrenaline boost, "You're a liar and I don't want to hear anything from you...it's too soon Val, way too soon." Brenda forcibly shoved her belonging in an overnight type bag and started for the door.
"Brenda, I thought we were friends. You weren't even together with him. It wasn't just me. He was into it too...believe me." Val turned as she watched Brenda stop in the door frame.
Brenda turned around slowly and glared at her, there she was asking for forgiveness yet pushing the knife farther into her back, she slowly walked toward her.
"Bren? Come on." Valerie said sadly.
Brenda brought her hand up and slapped Valerie across the face. She was so angry at her, she was hurt. Valerie went after Dylan on purpose and that hurt her the most. It wasn't the fact that they had been together it was the fact that deep inside Valerie only cared about herself and deliberately wanted to hurt her. After all these years Brenda felt like she didn't know her at all. She hadn't been sorry. It was all an act.
Valerie brought her hand to her face and looked down. After a few seconds she looked up at her, glaring back at her. Tears rushed Brenda's eyes, she didn't like confrontation and she wasn't sure what to do next. Instead of getting into a major yelling match or a full blown cat fight she turned and left. Taking her stuff with her she walked herself back to Dylan's house.
**
Dylan stared at the ceiling as he lay in bed. Checking in was easy and the first day or so of rehab is for detoxing. Dylan had a head start considering he hadn't drunk anything in over twenty four hours. He was exhausted, shaky and could not get what Brandon said out of his mind. Was it wrong for Dylan to want Brenda home…with him? Dylan tried to justify it by saying Brenda loved him deeply, but she was a strong women. If she really wanted it she would go, right? Brenda would do anything and everything for him but she was self-seeking too. Dylan closed his eyes, he was going to try and get some sleep at least.
"Brenda…I have always been there for you, I watched and heard you cry your eyes out the entire end of senior year and college because of him, I saw you go from happy and social to quiet and reserved."
Brandon's voice echoed in Dylan's head. Dylan's eyes opened.
"I also have known you my whole life, and you have always had the same dream…to study acting and hopefully do it for a living. I just would hate to see you throw away the opportunity at RADA, I think you will regret it."
"Damn it." Dylan whispered and squeezed his eyes shut.
Sleeping was out of the question. Dylan slowly dragged himself to a sitting position and leaned his back against the wall. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and took a deep breath exhaling loudly. He sat there quietly for a while but his attention was brought to his roommate he had yet to meet yet. It was an younger man, definitely older than Dylan though. He plopped down on the the bed and looked at Dylan and gave him a small smile.
"Hey…Keith." He held out his hand.
"Dylan." He mumbled and just looked at him not meeting his hand in a friendly shake.
Keith slowly pulled back his hand and smirked, "Let me guess…booze."
"Amongst other things." Dylan said coldly looking away from him.
"Well…the first day is always the hardest. Well the first few days actually."
Dylan sat quiet and looked down.
"They are serving food soon in the dining hall."
"I am not hungry." Dylan kept his tone. He wasn't in the mood to make friends.
"Well you learn to make do with what they give you. In a place where there isn't any booze or drugs, you learn to look forward to the food, even though it sucks." Keith tried to keep upbeat even though he knew Dylan wasn't in the mood for him. "Give it a couple days, whatever is on your mind will get better. It does get a little easier." Keith said sincerely.
"Look Keith…I appreciate the welcoming committee routine, but I don't need it. I have done things like AA before. Also…don't pretend you know me, because you know nothing about me." Dylan made eye contact with him before looking back down. Dylan didn't mean to be a jerk to the poor guy he just wasn't in the mood for him. He missed Brenda, he was suffering some withdrawals and he just wasn't in a good mood period.
Keith nodded his head understanding, "I get it, I'll leave you alone." Keith got up and walked to the door, he turned around looking at Dylan, "I know a lot more about you than you think I do, at least what you're going through. The dining hall is downstairs to the left if you change your mind." Keith said sincerely.
Dylan watched him leave and took a deep breath. He shook his head contemplating if he even wanted dinner or not. He decided to go; it was going to be a long night of the shakes without anything in his stomach. Also he wanted to see if he was allowed to use the phone. Hearing Brenda's voice right now might make all the difference in the world.
**
Brenda soaked in Dylan's tub. She sat with her head back with her eyes closed trying to relax. She felt bad for slapping Valerie, Brenda wasn't violent and she didn't know what came over her. It did feel good though and part of her kind of laughed at herself thinking how good that would have felt to do to Kelly after finding out her and Dylan had gone behind her back that summer. Brenda smiled and shook her head as she lifted her hand noticing her hands were resembling more and more like an 80 year old women as she decided to get out. She carefully dried herself off, wrapping a towel around her wet hair and a robe around her body. Hearing the phone ring, Brenda hurried into the living room, drying her hair a little as she took the towel off answering the phone.
"Hello." After answering she hoped it was not her parents.
"Bren?" Dylan said softly.
"Dylan?" Brenda tone changed. Hearing his voice brought a smile to her face. "How are you?"
"Lonely, how bout you?" Dylan looked around, he wasn't supposed to be on the phone, but everyone was in the dining hall so he took the chance.
"Same here. I have to admit I don't like being here all by myself without you."
"I wish I was there…I miss you, what are you doing there all alone?" Dylan made small talk.
"I miss you too." Brenda smiled, "Actually nothing much, I just got out of the bath."
Dylan sighed into the phone and groaned, "Oh man…don't tell me that." He shook his head trying to get the visuals out of his head.
Brenda laughed, "And…I am only in my robe." Brenda joked.
"Oh really?" Dylan's voice got lower and more seductive. "Naked and in my living room?"
"Yep." Brenda said playfully.
"Oh God." Dylan took a deep breath, "That sounds so hot right now." Dylan said dead serious.
Brenda giggled softly as she changed the subject, "I didn't know you were allowed to use the phone, I had asked Ellen and she said after the first three days there were phone privileges."
"They don't exactly know I am on the phone. I just wanted to hear your voice. It definitely cheered me up…thanks." Dylan voice became low.
"Anytime but don't get into trouble, I want you getting out of there in a couple weeks, we need a fresh start."
Dylan sat silent on the other end.
"Dylan…you still there?" Brenda asked not hearing him.
"Yeah Bren…I am still here…I can't get what Brandon said out of my head. I just don't want you to resent me about London."
Brenda interrupted him, "Dylan…I won't. I want to stay here with you."
"What did your parents say?"
Brenda looked down sadly and didn't say anything.
"That well huh?" Dylan sighed into the phone. "What were they more mad at, being with me or not going back to school?" Dylan asked sadly.
"Honestly? Not going back to school."
"Did you tell them about the school in town?"
"Yeah…my dad said he won't pay for it. I am not worried about it, I will try student loans, grants…if I have to put it off then I will." Brenda seemed to have it all thought out even though she was secretly saddened by her parents reaction and the fact they would not support her, emotionally or monetarily.
"Bren..."
"Dylan…its fine, we will worry about it later."
Dylan heard Brenda's tone and knew she wanted to drop it. The silence was thick until Dylan spoke up, "Alright I better get off before someone catches me, I'll talk to you soon."
"Ok." Brenda said quietly. "I love you." Brenda added.
"I love you too…goodnight." Dylan said softly as well.
"Bye."
"Bye Bren."
Brenda clicked Dylan's cordless to the off position and took a deep breath. Just as Brenda was about to put the phone back on the charger it rang again. Brenda picked it up with a smirk, "Dylan…you are going to get in trouble."
"Uh not Dylan…What the fuck Bren?" Olivia said angrily.
"Oh hey…how did you get this number?" she said awkwardly.
"I called your house and talked to Brandon…which by the way sounds delicious…not the point, what is this that you aren't coming back here…to us…to me?" Olivia said hurt.
Brenda took a deep breath, "I will have to thank my brother for opening his big mouth."
"Don't not answer Brenda…what are you doing? I thought you had planned to go to Dylan's intervention and then be back on Monday. Honestly, I am regretting giving you those miles."
"Olivia, I don't need this, Dylan and I saw each other and we talked…"
"Talked? You can not tell me he is happy with this decision, if he really loved you he would want what's best for you."
"Olivia." Brenda sighed out.
"Bren…just promise me you will consider it. You are so fucking talented, you are too young to get married, I mean, you are going to regret it, I know it. I am sure Dylan is great but so are you, promise me."
"We are not getting married; we just never had a chance to work things out. We need this chance together."
"Just promise you will enlighten me."
"I promise you. Now go to sleep you party animal, its like 2:30 in the morning there."
"Ok." Olivia said quietly, "You are one of my best friends, I want you back." Olivia said only half joking.
"We aren't breaking up…goodnight sweetie; I will call you in a couple of days."
"You better." Smiled Olivia. "Oh and I want to meet your brother." Olivia laughed.
"He has a girlfriend." Brenda smiled and shook her head, "Bye."
"So do I…ok bye." Olivia hung up and set down the phone. She had to find a way to get Brenda back there. If only Dylan could come to London. She soon had an idea.
**
After eating the worlds worst turkey dinner, Dylan made his way back up to his room. He sat on his bed and reached into his bag taking out a few things. Brenda had gotten him necessities for the two weeks without each other. Her "Brenda" survival kit included, pen and paper for correspondence, a picture of the two of them together, a prepaid calling card for phone calls and his poetry book she had given him for his birthday. Dylan opened up the poetry book and began skimming around it, stopping suddenly as he recognized a poem. Dylan read over the Robert Burns poem several times. Dylan couldn't take this rehab lightly, if he had any chance of making it in this life of ups and downs he had to concentrate on his sobriety. He had to do it for himself not just for Brenda even though she had every reason to do with it. Dylan's thoughts moved to her, he loved her so much, more than before. He was extremely attached and he did want what was best for her. Dylan knew he and Brenda belonged together, there wasn't a question in his mind. There was a time when he wasn't sure but he knew now. What if it wasn't the right time for them? Here Brenda was giving up her dreams for him and Dylan felt neither relieved nor happy about it. Dylan was broke, the Walsh's and his friends, with help from his mother he was told, had sent him to this rehab. He couldn't afford to pay for her schooling. Dylan tooka deep breath and rested the poetry book onto the bed; he pulled out a pen and paper and began to write her. He had to do it, even though it killed him too. It wasn't the right time. Dylan felt his stomach turn even thinking about it.
My Bren,
This may be the hardest letter I have ever had to write anyone. I am not sure even how to start. You have been my saving grace, my angel, my lover and friend. You have saved me and helped me through some of the worst things in my life. I am not sure I could ever repay you. Being here has made me think a lot, about me, about you…about us. You can't give up on London for me and I need to concentrate on myself. I need to be able to get well and work out some of the things I have held onto my whole life. There isn't a doubt in my mind that we don't belong together; I just think that with us it needs to be the right time because when you and I become us again, it will be forever. I think the timing is bad and I think seeing each other just made it worse. Because there is so much love between us, it's hard to ignore it.
I will wait for you Bren and I hope at least your heart waits for me because I will never love another like I love you. We have to trust that we will find our way back to each other but giving up dreams and ourselves isn't the way.
A Red, Red Rose
O my luve's like a red, red rose.
That's newly sprung in June;
O my luve's like a melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will love thee still, my Dear,
Till a'the seas gang dry.
Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun:
I will luve thee still, my Dear,
While the sands o'life shall run.
And fare thee weel my only Luve!
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile!
-Robert Burns
I love you Bren
Dylan
Surprised? Let me know what you're thinking. REVIEW! How do you think Brenda is going to take this?
