Episode Five: The Snow White Variety Show

There was already enough information to see what was happening. When Kara and Barry were near each other, they would always seem a bit happier, a bit brighter. If they weren't near each other for a long time, they would stare into space and grow absent-minded.

"WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE," Lorris moaned one day at the DEO. She had said it to S.T.A.R. Labs already, and Cisco agreed a lot.

The Twins were very cautious about bringing those two together, and it all seemed hopeless until Lorris got the idea for a musical. If you cross musicals with the Banana Bazooka, or any play for that matter, you might not make it out alive. She finds plays and makes up parodies about them in her head. And they're not real plays, but she follows the storylines and somehow everything corresponds.

The rest of the Grand Battalion were onto this too. The musical Lorris was planning was similar to the play which she had performed in Star City, The Calm Girl and her Crazy Mime-Clown Sister. And mixed with a show called The Snow White Variety Show. Mime-Clown? Lorris, DUH. Calm Girl? Nilla. Ringmaster? Cisco. Police? Alex and Winn. Big Bad Wolf? Savitar (WHAT!). Snow White? Kara. Huntsman? Barry. General Okki? Oliver. Prince Charming? Mon-El. Evil queen? Iris. Dancing swamp ogre? The old burglar. Grumpy Cat? Herself. She just HAD to be in it. Grumpy's brother Pokey? Himself. Their roommate Dog? Himself.

Basically it was Grumpy Cat and the Snow White Variety Show mixed together. On The Troublemakers' Talk Show, Lorris and Nilla invited Felicity on stage as a guest host. They also had Cisco with five dogs pulling a sled.

"Hellooooo, let's welcome these guests onto the stage! There is Felicity over here, who we name Heidi like from the Snow White Variety Show! And this is Ringmaster Cisco. They'll be giving tips on how to trick someone in the circus!" The TTT (Triple Trouble Triplets) shouted. Aranettis, oldest, signaled the Twins to go off and look for Music Meister. He was prepared already.

For this to be complete, there needed to be a savage beast too. So Lorris called up a fierce Pantran Whitefang.

She mimed her way to S.T.A.R. Labs, and when she got there the calm girl was hopelessly trying to make her stop. Music Meister forced his way up to everyone's minds and made sure they all landed in a dream reality (actually for only an hour). This reality was the setting of Snow White.

A year passed by in the dream. (They also have shaving cream.) Iris called to the live mirror on the wall. "Tell me now, mirror, of all the land, who is the fairest of all?" It was weird for her to say it like that, but the Grand Battalion said they would skin her hide off if she didn't do it.

"Alas, dear Majesty, your Highness is fair, but the young princess is the fairest one of all," the mirror announced (this was Hyperfang).

"Evil Queen" flew into a rage. How DARE she be not the fairest! There was only one way to regain that title again… Kara must be killed. "HUNTER!"

Barry bounded his way up, wearing a huntsman's attire. "Actually, Your Highness, I'm the huntsman. Also known as Barry," he muttered the last part. Iris looked at him, her arms folded in contempt, and circled him. "Hmm. I see. You know about my wrath, most trusted huntsman, don't you? Do you swear to be loyal to me at all times and catch whatever I ask of you?"

The huntsman nodded. "I promise you, your Majesty, you shall have the best of the game."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes, my queen."

"Swear it, do you? Cross your heart?"

"I swear it. I vow to do whatever you ask of me."

"Hrmm. Very well. I would like you to get me the heart of…" the ruler grinned evilly, "the princess. Lady Kara."

Barry faltered for a moment. "T-the princess? B-bu-but -"

"Are you backing out?"

"… Ahem. Of course not, your Majesty. I shall do as you wish."

"Good." With that, the Queen whisked her way out. Lorris was spying in through the window, and she secretly pumped her fist. "Yes! This is going exactly according to plan. We need to get on with this. Er-hem! And so, the huntsman goes and takes Snow White out into the forest. But she's reluctant. And they don't have their powers in this. The huntsman has been tricked by the queen into doing something he can't get out of and doesn't have the heart to carry out. Oh, no! (weeps)"

Barry took Kara into the wood, she being VERY reluctant. She had heard about all the scary and horrible things, and didn't want to risk being killed. So Barry leaned against a tree and sighed, "Look, I know you're scared. There are many things in the deep woods to be feared. But you don't have to worry. You'll be with me, and I can handle anything out here. Trust me, princess."

(So, he convinced the princess to go with him? Lorris, back at the TTS studio: Yes, he did. He said exactly what she needed to hear. And he also told her that the queen was out to get her.) When Kara heard that her "queen" wanted her heart, her mind roared in horror. Calmly she suggested, "But you are a huntsman, so you can just get the heart of some other animal, right? And I'll go on by myself and run away."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't just go out alone. It's dangerous."

"But I can't stay here, can I?"

"Well, no… if that's the case, then I'll bring back some other creature's heart and teach you how to fend for yourself then."

So he taught her how to survive. He taught her how to be brave in the eyes of danger, how to find food, and all the necessary things. After that, he went off to find something to kill. And he found something, indeed - he came face-to-face with the terrible, horrible, frightening, disgustingly stinky - DANCING SWAMP OGRE! (Cue dark music, then a small ogre steps out (the burglar). Only half the height of Barry. Cue a lot of laughter after that.)

"Come and face me, ye puny human!" the ogre hissed. Barry drew his sword. "Puny? You should say so yourself, ugly face." FIGHT! CLANG! YA! They broke apart to insult each other a little more.

Ogre: "You dare do that to me, coward?"

Barry: "Who are you calling a COWARD?!" They insulted even more. Finally, they left off with their swords and began fighting with fists instead. And then, Barry took the charge! He wrapped his arms around the ogre's throat, drew his dagger, and -

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Not in front of the kids, please!

Heh, sorry. ANYWAY, he killed the ogre (not for real) and took its heart for Iris. It looked just like a human heart, so Queen Iris didn't suspect a thing.

Meanwhile…

Kara walked through the wood to a small house where Grumpy Cat and Pokey lived. Nobody seemed to be home, but she knocked on the door anyway. A very moped voice answered. "Leave, or just go ahead. Everybody barges in and I hate them." That was definitely Grumpy.

The door opened, and Kara found herself looking down at the cutest tux cat ever. His mouth was shaped into a never-slipping smile. "Hi there! I'm Pokey! You must be the girl that the huntsman Barry told us to care for! Come on in! Grumpy, we have a new guest!"

"Suit yourself. I'm saying no," Grumpy grumbled. Pokey ignored her and brightly bounced up to the dog in the house. "Dog! We have a visitor!"

Dog, a cute but HUGE yellow Lab, jerked his head up. Barking excitedly, he raced to greet Kara by jumping on her. "Aw! You're so funny!" she laughed. Grumpy pulled headphones on, listening to a boring speech.

Back at the castle, the General Okki (Oliver) was talking with Barry. "So Her Highness told you to take her the heart of the princess?" he quipped. "You better not have taken her life."

"Don't worry, General, I killed a swamp ogre," Barry replied, "so the princess is still alive and Queen Iris won't ever find out."

Nilla, now entered into the dream again from a trip to the TTS studio, was walking by when she heard that. "Actually, Barry and Okki, you two haven't considered that the queen will know when she talks to the magic mirror hanging on the wall. And besides Lorris and Princess Kara, we three are the only ones not under control of the queen's spell."

The two men looked at each other in horror. "This is bad. This is SUPER bad. When she finds out, she'll know I tricked her, and then she'll go after Kara herself and lock me up for execution!" Barry ranted.

Meanwhile, in the throne room, Iris was talking to the mirror. "Tell me now, mirror. Who is the fairest in the land?"

"Your Majesty is fair, but the Princess Kara is still the fairest of them all," the mirror loudly proclaimed. It chanted,

"Out in the forests of the deep,

Where the weeping willows and cypresses sleep,

In a little house in the Clearing of the Morn,

There stays the princess they adorn."

Iris flew into a rage. Her huntsman had broken his vow and tricked her! "How dare he. Now I know to never let someone else do my work. Guards! Get the huntsman and LOCK HIM UP IN THE EXECUTIONER'S DUNGEON!"

During the meantime, her jester Lorris the Mime-Clown was getting ready for her next act: making a poisoned apple. This kind of poison was the kind that was actually a fruit from a deadly tree, now in a mild form that only set people in a short coma. The perfect time to use it is when you interrupt the queen, who is in the process of making a spell in her secret chamber with the Big Bad Wolf.