A/N: I really like this chapter, I don't know why. I'm not one for picking favorites in this story, but this one has got to be at the top somewhere. Be warned, some tears are shed, but not all of them are sad ones.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
'Little Ivy and the Baby Sibling'
Lisbon knew Jane had been able to tell that something was quite off about her, but neither knew what the exact reason could be. She had joked about the fact that she could be pregnant, but she knew it was impossible, seeing as she was already approaching menopause. Really, it didn't matter - she had Ivy, and recently, Hercules had been added to their little family, too. Combined with her husband, she had the most perfect family she could ever think of having.
Everything changed, however, when she woke up one morning to feel extremely nauseous from seemingly nowhere, and she rushed towards the bathroom, hardly making it in time.
She soon felt hands pulling her hair back, then one hand brushing her back to comfort her, and it really did, showing her that she wasn't alone, that it was horrible but that it would be over soon. She even cried like a little girl, since she didn't know what was causing this, and she was getting increasingly worried.
She instantly brushed her teeth afterwards, all the while looking at Jane who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking back at her.
"What if it's not a joke?" he asked her when she finished. She shook her head.
"I can't be pregnant, Jane. The doctor confirmed years ago that none of the eggs that are left could be… fertilized. It's not possible."
She crossed her arms, but eventually uncrossed them to brush her hair out of her face.
"This is morning sickness, though. That's all I'm saying." She looked into his eyes and could see hope there, and nothing less. They had both wanted another baby, but their doctor had ruled it out entirely. He hadn't called her infertile, but it came damn close to it.
"My last period was months ago."
"Which means that there's still a possibility of it happening." He got up and walked towards her, brushing her cheek, then kissing her lips. She knew she still probably tasted of puke, but it didn't stop him. "Think about that, huh? Another tiny baby, a brother or sister for Ivy…"
He kissed her again.
"Do you really think it's possible?" she asked him, all of her previous comments already forgotten. She would love to be pregnant again, but she didn't want to have false hope.
"Absolutely." He looked at her, thinking of what he should say, then lowered his hands to rest on her waist. "Why don't you take a nice, long bath while I go get the groceries. I'll pick up a pregnancy test, too. We'll be able to rule it out once and for all."
She nodded and kissed his lips one last time.
"I really wish I am," she whispered, "I don't want you to mistake my disbelief for reluctance."
"I know. We have had too much bad luck in the past. You're just trying to be realistic."
"And you're trying to be positive."
He smiled and nodded. "Ain't that the truth."
~...~
Despite the horrible kickstart, it was still just a quiet Sunday morning, and she did appreciate the fact that she could take one of her calming baths, knowing Jane would take care of everyone and everything. She was honestly blessed with a husband this caring and sweet.
She let her hand slide over her belly from time to time, judging it to see if there were any signs of a new, growing baby in there. She still had a little baby fat leftover from when she had been pregnant of Ivy, despite her countless attempts to lose it, it had stubbornly stayed. She wore it with pride, however, because it reminded her of the beautiful baby she had birthed, many years ago.
She couldn't believe that she was still not put off by the idea that she might be pregnant. Could she still safely carry a baby for nine months? Or would a possible pregnancy just turn into a miscarriage?
Jane entered the bathroom when she was just about to get out, carrying a couple of tests and smiling, even though she could see that he was anxious, too.
She pointed to the counter where she had already prepared a bottle, and he set up the tests before helping her dry off and get dressed. She really didn't need help, but it allowed her to be close to him, which was an opportunity she could never pass up.
They sat down on the edge of the tub when she was done, both too nervous to check any of the tests.
"What if I am?"
"Then we'll have another baby."
"Yes, I know that. But… what could we offer a baby? We are already struggling to play with Ivy, due to our bodies just… slowly deteriorating. I guess. We can't climb trees or crouch down on the floor. I just… wish we could be more."
"But we can be kind and caring, compassionate, understanding. We don't have to be young and agile for that."
She smiled and rolled her eyes. He was right, of course. They had a dog, who could play pony for them, and the aunts and uncles could fill in with playing where Lisbon and Jane couldn't. And if this baby was true, then they had an amazing big sister in Ivy, who would undoubtedly do whatever she could to make them happy. She was such a sweet girl.
"Let's, uh… let's check," she whispered. "I want to know now."
He grabbed her hand. "I want you to know that no matter what result is on these tests, I will love you anyway. If it's negative, that's okay, we can go back to our perfect little life with our beautiful daughter and our handsome dog. If it's positive, I will support you the entire way. We both know it would be a tough pregnancy, perhaps it wouldn't even be meant to last… but I will be there, okay? No matter what happens, and I mean that."
"I know." She smiled. "I love you, too."
They looked at the result together, but even as she looked at the white sticks, she still couldn't fathom what it was that she was seeing. She heard Jane letting out his happiness, squeezing her hand, and only then did it sink in.
Five white sticks, all with the exact same definitive result - definitely pregnant. It was even more clear than the previous time, none of them showing a negative at all, at least one had been negative the last time. Her heart swelled with the knowledge that she was pregnant, yet there was also a tiny voice in her head which told her not to be too positive yet, considering it was them - their little wonder Ivy, and the fact that they had gotten together at long last, were about the only times that life had given them something good to work with.
"It's possible that I'm not pregnant," she whispered. "I've read it somewhere. Sometimes, antibodies interfere with the results, or it could pick up on some diseases…"
He brushed her cheek. "Alright. Then we'll go to the doctor's office."
"Now?" she asked him incredulously.
"Of course now. We want to know if you're pregnant or not, right?"
"Right." Yet deep down, she felt she was. Seeing the results had made her open up to her current body state, and it felt oddly similar to the first pregnancy.
~...~
It didn't really come as a surprise anymore when the doctor confirmed their suspicions - she was pregnant. She didn't hear anything else after that, looking down at her belly and allowing herself to hope and dream, even if the doctor had told her it would be a tough and risky pregnancy.
Somehow, she felt like this baby would make it. It was hers, after all, and Jane's - they had made it, they were still alive, so really, there was no other option, was there?
~...~
They had told Ivy, who had been elated but also a little confused and scared of the prospect of having a baby sibling. They had always told her that it would be nearly impossible for her to ever have a baby brother or sister. Yet she was mostly excited not to be alone anymore, even if they had Hercules, it would do her well to have an actual sibling.
~...~
So many things followed that should have made her decide to abort this pregnancy, to choose for their mental health instead of their general health. They would probably get hurt badly. Yet every time she let the bad words win over in her head, she saw her husband kissing her belly, love in his beautiful eyes, and his calm and loving hands on her skin, cherishing that baby there that was slowly growing.
Their baby would probably have autism, there was a big chance that they would have Down Syndrome, Lisbon would have to undergo a C-section very definitely since her uterus was not as young and strong as it used to be - but nothing mattered. She would love their baby with everything she had, like she loved Ivy, and Jane, no reservations, just unconditional love.
Ivy spent a lot of evenings with her head on her mother's belly, listening to the baby's heartbeat, and it did Lisbon so well that she could give this to her little girl, even if in a couple of years, Ivy would wish she never had a sibling.
"Could the baby die, mummy?"
"Of course it can. But the baby won't die, Ivy. I promise."
"It's just that I heard the doctor talk about it, to you and daddy… I'm scared, mummy."
Lisbon's heart broke. She knew Ivy wasn't stupid, actually anything but, and she was very observant, much like her father.
"Hey, little pea," Lisbon whispered, pulling the girl up so she could kiss her cheek. "Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise you that. You will be changing diapers in a couple of weeks and be grossed out by all the poo and pee."
Ivy chuckled but tears escaped her eyes. Lisbon could tell, however, that the girl was sufficiently reassured, as she settled into her mother's side with her hand on Lisbon's belly.
~...~
A couple of hours before she would give birth to their baby, the doctors warned her of everything that could be awaiting them. She would have to undergo a C-section, and she would have to recover for quite some while, but she knew it would all be worth it. The doctors kept saying that her child would probably have a disability, as though she cared, as though she would suddenly give up the pregnancy because her baby might be a special needs child. Although Down Syndrome had been ruled out, anything else was just a guess at this point.
"I'm so proud of you," Jane whispered before she was given anesthesia. "And I'm so happy that you're my wife. I'm so happy that we get to experience this one last time."
"Will you stay with me?" she whispered. She knew that in her birth plan she had very specifically said she wanted him to stay with Ivy, but now that the moment was here, she was getting a little scared, and she needed him with her. And anyway, how had she managed to put down in words that she didn't want him to experience the birth of their second child? She knew that hadn't been the intention, she simply wanted him to stay with Ivy so that she knew she was taken care of, but that is what it came down to. He should be here, to witness this.
"Of course I will." He kissed her lips, reassuring her to no end. He let her doctors know that he would be joining in the OR, and they prepped him.
He talked her through the entire thing, and even if she was excited to hold their baby, she was scared that something would go wrong during the surgery. Her doctor had explained her everything they were going to do but she had not paid attention, like she hardly ever did when something else more pressing was on her mind.
"I know it's all scary now," he whispered, and even through all the sounds around them, she heard him clearly, as though only he existed - and really, it wasn't far from the truth. It had been him and her, just them, for longer than they liked to admit. Even before getting together, it had been them against the world, even if they had never really spoken the words, it was just an instinct. "But we'll be able to hold our little baby when this is all over. Our little miracle. I never would have thought that we would be having another baby, Teresa, but here we are. You continue to amaze me."
"Patrick…"
"Don't focus on anything else but me right now, okay? Nothing else is important. If we just hold on, together, we'll be able to see our little wonder. Who knows who they will look like? I hope it's you, my dearest Teresa. Like our little Ivy, with all your features executed to perfection. And maybe our baby will be naughty, too, like Ivy can be, but that part she got from me." He was distracted for a couple of seconds. "Hey. You will feel a little pressure now, it will probably be a little uncomfortable. But just stay with me, okay? Just look at me."
And she did, looking at him dressed entirely in blue, everything covered from head to toe, and just like every day for the past couple of years, she fell in love with him so badly, she didn't know where to put it. Her love for him was so big, it sometimes burst open her heart, sending tears down her cheeks, and just like that, she had started crying, and he was there to keep her tears from dripping into her hair.
"I love you," she sobbed, and she wished she could brush his cheeks, that she could ruffle his hair the way he loved it, could wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him the way she had always wanted to do, the way she had done so many times since they had gotten together.
Just when he was about to answer her, she heard the telltale sound of a newborn's cry, and her entire world just lit up, just knowing that her baby was here, that they were crying, letting the rest of the world know that they were here, her little miracle, the little baby she had never expected she would ever have. Her eyes closed with absolute bliss.
"Teresa," she heard Jane whisper. She opened her eyes and instantly saw her little crying baby above her, obviously surprised and irritated with the fact that they were pulled from their comfortable place in her womb, but Lisbon knew they would make up for it, would snuggle with this little wonder so much in the years to come.
Jane kissed her cheek, brushing her tears away, and the baby was carried off to be weighed and cleaned. "He's got so much hair already."
She giggled, images of Ivy's unruly curls flashing before her mind's eye, then realized something else he had said. "He?"
"It's a boy. He's so beautiful, Teresa. He looks like you."
"Is he okay?"
Jane looked over his shoulder to judge the situation, then returned his gaze to her. "Ten fingers, ten toes, as pink as Ivy's ballet bag." Which was pink.
She smiled and another tear escaped her eye, which he instinctively brushed away.
"He looks smaller than Ivy, though."
The doctor confirmed that the little boy was a little underweight, but according to them, it was nothing to worry about, so Lisbon didn't. Jane was brisked away to cut the cord, help the doctors clean up their baby, and he returned with their newborn son in his hands, proudly showing him off to her, leaning him against her shoulder.
"Look at you," Lisbon whispered, and apparently she was still crying but she didn't even notice, only felt Jane's hands brush away her tears from time to time. "My little miracle."
She kissed his cheek, and watched as he instantly calmed down, keeping his eyes shut for the moment, but his crying ebbed away.
"Mrs. Jane," one of the doctors said after a while, not wanting to interrupt their moment but knowing there was more to do. Lisbon didn't look away from her boy but nodded instead, indicating she was listening.
"We can't see at this stage what he will grow like, but right now, everything seems to be perfect. His heartbeat is steady, all limbs are fully grown, and he seems to respond well to the world around him." The woman smiled, putting down her papers. "You can be proud of yourself, and of your little boy, of course."
Lisbon smiled and kissed the boy's head again.
"What's his name?"
And as though she had practiced it, the words fell out of her mouth, even more perfect now that she had finally seen what he looked like. "Benedict Cole Jane."
Benedict, of course, meaning 'blessed', because that's what they all were. Blessed to meet this little man, who was an honest miracle, a gift from God, rewarding her for her patience.
~...~
He grew much slower than usual, always two steps behind the rest of the kids, but everybody convinced her that it shouldn't be a reason to worry.
She loved him so much, and still on a daily basis she couldn't believe that he existed.
She heard small feet behind her as she was changing Ben's diaper, and she smiled, knowing exactly who was standing there.
"You want to help me, Ivy?"
"No."
Lisbon frowned and turned around. "No?"
Ivy loved to help her, loved to take care of her baby brother with her parents, like a live baby doll. So the fact she refused a direct opportunity to care for her little brother surprised Lisbon.
"I'm moving out."
"You're moving out? Why are you moving out?"
"Because you're so busy with Benny that I think it's better if you don't have to care for me."
Lisbon let the girl's words sink in, trying to decipher what it was that she needed, but it came to her quite quickly. She was feeling left out.
"Do you really feel like that?" Lisbon asked her, her voice soft, and she motioned for the girl to come closer. Only when she was sure that Ben was safe did she kneel down to Ivy's height. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I had no idea you felt left out."
"I understand though, mummy. Ben is a baby and I'm not. I can take care of myself."
"Where will you go?"
"Probably Uncle Kimball. I have really thought this through."
"I have no doubt about that." Lisbon brushed Ivy's hair, caressing her cheeks, then stood and grabbed Ivy's hand. "Do you think you could help me with Ben a little more before you move out?"
Ivy thought of that question, then nodded eventually. Lisbon let her step in front of her, using the steps they had purchased so she could reach her baby brother on the changing table. Lisbon kissed the top of her head, assisting her where possible.
She wouldn't talk her out of going to Kimball Cho's place. It wasn't the first time she decided that she wouldn't mind a sleepover with one of her aunts or uncles, yet this was the first time she talked like this - wanting to go away, because she felt like she didn't get enough attention, it seemed.
Had she actually given too little attention to her little girl? Had she spent too much time with Benedict? She didn't want to favor a child, and she thought she hadn't, but Ivy wouldn't feel like this if there wasn't a little bit of truth in it. When was the last time she had done something fun with Ivy?
"You're a very good big sister," Lisbon whispered in her ear. "Ben could be very proud with a sister like you."
She could tell, even from this perspective that Ivy was smiling. She kissed her brother's head when they finished.
"I think he's ready for a nap. Let's put him in his crib and have some tea together, okay?"
Ivy nodded, and in a few minutes, they sat on the couch together, snuggled up close.
"I want you to know," Lisbon started, nearly whispering, "that I love you very, very much. And just because you have a baby brother now who needs a lot of attention, it doesn't make me love you any less. If anything, I love you more, sweet Ivy. And so does daddy. You're such a big help. And I'm sorry if we gave you the impression that we didn't love you enough."
"I just don't understand why you would replace me like this."
"Replace you? No, Ivy, nobody could ever replace you, not even Ben. You're our little princess, remember? You're my first baby, and you'll always be my first baby. Nobody can take that away from you."
"Then why did you have another baby?"
"Because we thought you might like a sibling. I know it feels like sharing… you were like Ben, too, a long time ago. You were also a small, cute little baby, needing just as much care and attention as Ben does, now. So you two aren't so different after all."
"But… I don't want to share you with anyone else."
Lisbon brushed her cheek. "You're already sharing me with daddy, aren't you? And Hercules."
"It's not the same, though."
"I know. But you're already doing so well. I'm certain that Ben will love you as his big sister. I know he already does."
They were quiet for a while, Lisbon brushing Ivy's stubborn curls. Her words were right - Ivy would always be her first baby, her only daughter, and she was so special to her, the little girl would probably never have any idea what it meant. Perhaps when she would have a child of her own, hopefully very far away in the future, would she understand what her words meant.
"How do babies love?" Ivy asked eventually. She had put her cup on the table in front of them, having finished her tea.
"Well… of course, they can't say that they love you. But it's the small things that can make you realize that they do. Like the fact that Ben smiles at you when you walk into the room. He recognizes you, because you care for him and he feels that. He doesn't shy away from you when you hug him, which I know you know he does with strangers. And he looks at you as though he is trying to say that he is proud of you, proud that you're his big sister."
Ivy looked up at her from her comfortable position against Lisbon's chest. "I'm proud, too."
"And you have all right to be. You're the best big sister he could ever wish for." Ivy smiled and sat up, giving Lisbon one of her infamous eskimo kisses, staring deeply into her eyes with those big, green eyes she had. Then, they hugged each other tightly.
"You can tell me when you feel left out," Lisbon whispered, holding her daughter close to her chest. "I can be so busy with Ben, and I know that you can take of yourself because you're a big girl… but I don't want you to feel like I don't love you. So every time you feel a little lonely, you can just come up to me for a big hug or a kiss. Okay?"
Ivy nodded.
"You want me to help you pack your bag so you can go to Uncle Kimball's?"
Ivy sat up, looking into her mother's eyes once again. Ivy's eyes were full of hope and excitement. "Can I still go?"
"Of course you can, Ivy. Just make sure to call him to check if it's okay with him."
Ivy nodded and jumped off Lisbon's lap, already happily skipping to the phone. Lisbon smiled, already glad that the girl's negative mood from before had been, well, neutralized. But it did make Lisbon think - she definitely had to do more fun stuff with Ivy, and include Jane as well. She was not getting all the attention that she definitely deserved.
