A/N: I always say I couldn't do this without the beta skills of my friend, jago-ji. This is particularly true for this chapter. Sometimes words pour out easily, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they have to be pulled from the author and thank goodness, jago-ji is not only willing to pull, but occasionally poke and prod! I make the promise to my readers, the next installment will come quicker! In rereading this chapter and thinking about the course of this story it has come to mind that the theme of Holidaze is similar to a recently published fanfiction, Blurred Lines by snapesgirl21. I'm hoping there is an audience for two similarly themed fanfictions. If you haven't read Blurred Lines, I recommend it. And now ... on with the show.
Easter Anxiety
I folded the body receipt in half and shoved it deep into the side pocket of my purse. "Thanks for your help, Lula. I couldn't have done it without you," I said.
"No problem. Florene can be a little testy early in the morning, but you promising to have Connie come down and write her bond early made her a little more cooperative."
"Yeah," I replied. "She wasn't as mean as I thought she'd be, but I still don't think she'd have come easily if it weren't for you."
"Buckle up," Lula told me as she pulled her Firebird out of the TPD parking lot. "It's true I did help with Florene. I understand her. Workin' girls don't like to be taken off the street during workin' hours, but I knew she'd come in early. Not much business on Sunday mornings."
"Still, she must have something planned," I said. "She was adamant that we get her bonded out quickly."
"Church," Lula said.
"Church? You mean she's going to church?" I asked in amazement.
"Sure, everybody goes to church on Easter." There was silence in the car as I pondered this statement.
"That's kind of surprising," I said.
"Why?" Lula challenged, "cause she's a ho? Hoes go to church."
"Did you?"
"Damn skippy, I did. I still do. Every Christmas and Easter. I never miss. Only reason I helped you this morning is the rain cancelled my church's sunrise service. I'll have to find a later service. Right now I need to find a breakfast sandwich, or a donut. I'm starving."
"I don't know if there's any place open on Easter," I said. I was feeling a little guilty because I hadn't been planning on going to church.
"What about a Jewish bakery?" Lula asked. "You know where there's a Jewish bakery? I bet they'd be open on Easter."
I didn't know of any Jewish bakeries, but the 7/11 was open and doing a bang-up business, even early with the rain pouring down.
I ran in and got a box of butterscotch krimpets and two bottles of orange juice, and we sat in the parking lot while we ate.
"Maybe I'll go to the Catholic church," Lula said. "I haven't been to a Catholic church in a long time. What time is Mass?"
"Ten-thirty, at the Cathedral," I said.
"Ten-thirty. Hmmm, that what time you're going?" she asked.
"I wasn't planning on going. I thought it might take a little longer to get Florene, so I didn't make any solid plans."
"Say what? Not going to church on Easter?" Lula seemed astounded. "You should go. Your momma and your granny will be upset if you don't go." She was right in that assumption, as least as far as my mother went. I wasn't sure if anything upset Grandma Mazur.
"I might go," I said, reconsidering. I had a lot of thinking to do and church was a good place to think. And if I went I'd lose the guilt I'd pretend I didn't have for not going.
It was still early when Lula dropped me off, and the morning stretched in front of me, cold, wet and solitary. Suddenly going to Mass didn't seem like such a bad idea. I went into my apartment and started taming the curls the rain had enhanced into something more Easter appropriate.
An hour later, I genuflected and crossed myself before I slid into the pew. I was always amazed at how easily I fell back into the rituals of the religion I'd been raised with. I looked quickly around and was relieved to see no one I recognized. My mother would have been elated to see me at Mass, and that's why I had made my way to the Cathedral. It was far from the neighborhood church where she and Grandma would be attending Easter Mass.
I glanced down at my sedate navy sheath. Thanks to Elaina Mattas I had an almost new Easter outfit. I'd purchased the dress because the assistant DA asked me to wear something conservative. My testimony had been partly responsible for the guilty verdict that had come back against Elaina Mattas for poisoning the young girl at the Radius Bar on Valentine's Day, and I felt good about that. It was about the only aspect of my recent life that I could view in a positive light. Ranger had been a no-show at the trial, but they had a deposition from him. He was out of the country again, and although it wasn't said where, my money was on Colombia.
My life had been on a downhill slide since the morning I'd awakened to find Ranger missing from my bed. The night before had been heaven, and I felt myself warming as I remembered it. I looked up, guiltily, but it seemed no one around me could read my mind. That was good, because I wasn't sure how appropriate it was to be remembering mind-blowing, body-spasming sex while I was sitting in a church pew, even if it was one at the very, very back.
There was a slight stirring of the occupants at the end of the pew, and I looked to see Lula carefully stepping past the wiry old man who'd planted himself at the end of the pew and working her way toward me. She was wearing a key-lime green suit, with matching pumps, and on her arm she was carrying the reason she'd agreed to help me with Florene earlier. It was her new key-lime Brahmin, which she had purchased the old fashioned way—at Macy's as opposed to the trunk of Joey Scotto's Crown Vic. She'd built the entire outfit around her purse, and I'd heard her worrying all week about the money she'd spent. Her share of the capture money would probably pay for the purse, if not the outfit.
She smiled as she settled in next to me and I smiled back. She looked great. It was true, I'd come to the Cathedral to avoid my mother, but suddenly it felt nice to have someone I knew next to me.
I had some decisions to make, and church was a good place to make them. The time had come to quit procrastinating and think the situation through from beginning to end. Or maybe I was going to think things through from end to beginning, because, maybe, the morning I woke up to find Ranger gone was the end. The end of Ranger and me. If that was so, then did my new beginning involve Niko? Unconsciously, I lifted my face toward the front of the church. I needed some clarity, and I heard the words help me form silently in my mind.
My mouth formed a silent "oh" with the realization. I was praying. And remembering.
Niko had seen my distress the moment he'd walked through my door. He'd misinterpreted the cause, though. "Stephanie, agápi mou, I regret the circumstances, but we must talk."
His eyes focused on the bandage on my neck for a moment before they slid down my body. I became aware of the edge of the RangeMan t-shirt brushing the skin high on my thighs. "I-I'll be right back," I stammered. I turned from him as circumspectly as I could and made my way back to my bedroom. When I came back into the living room I was wearing a bra under the RangeMan shirt and a well-worn old pair of Joe's sweats he had never reclaimed.
Niko was sitting perfectly still on the sofa, one leg crossed over the other. It would have been an effeminate pose for some men, but his innate elegance helped him pull it off. He patted the cushion in an indication I should sit next to him. I ignored him and sat in the armchair across the room.
"Stephanie, I want to apologize for Mick. The attack on you never should have happened and I'm accepting full responsibility for it."
"I'm not sure what you mean," I said. "He's been arrested. It's pretty clear he'll be taking responsibility for his crime. And it wasn't just me. He shot one of Ranger's men who was helping us with the takedown."
"Yes, of course," Niko agreed with me. "What I meant is I will be responsible for any expense you incur because of your injury, and the RangeMan employee's as well. Carlos and I have a good working arrangement which is beneficial to both of us. It needs to stay that way. And I'll make sure you never have to tangle with Mick again. My employees know better than to miss their court dates. They have the entire legal team of the corporation available to any one of them. To miss a court date is unconscionable. Mick's behavior will be dealt with by the police of course, but he will also have to answer to me."
That was good to hear, but I wasn't sure why Niko was here telling me. He stood and walked toward my chair. I was unsure of his intention, so I stood. One professionally-manicured, supple hand reached out to stroke my neck at the edge of the bandage. "You must let me make this up to you," he said.
"No really, it's not necessary."
Niko's eyes widened and he seemed to notice my dishabille for the first time. His eyes went around me and focused on my bedroom door. "I'm sorry. I'm interrupting."
"No," I said. "You're not. I'm still not quite myself after … yesterday." Well, that was completely the truth.
"I thought you would have called me before now," he said, a slight smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
"Called you?" I asked.
"I gave you my card. We had a very pleasant beginning, and I thought you'd call. There was something between us that evening that I thought would be worth investigating. I'll admit, my ego was a little dented when you didn't call immediately, but I've never completely given up the hope that we would connect."
He was talking about the night he'd almost convinced me to go home with him from the Radius Bar. "Well, my life has been a little complicated," I said. "And the last time I was at the Radius Bar, your sister tried to kill me. That didn't exactly make me eager to call."
"I can understand that," Niko said with what I took to be a self-deprecating, but charming smile. "Also, I think you have been spending time with my friend, Carlos. I can understand how that would make you hesitant to call as well."
"I occasionally work for Ranger," I said. "I was working the night Elaina tried to poison me."
"Elaina," he said with a long drawn out sigh. "Yet another thing I need to make up to you. Let me take you to dinner. It won't begin to repay my debt, but maybe you'll come to see I am not cut from the disreputable cloth you must imagine."
"I'm not sure…"
"I won't take no for an answer," he said, interrupting me. "I'll be in touch." He leaned forward and dusted his lips over mine. My lips which were still swollen from Ranger's passion. And then Niko let himself out of my apartment.
I became aware of movement around me and realized that everyone else was standing. Mass had started. I heard Lula's rich contralto voice and looked to see her holding a hymnal. I'd heard her sing before with Sally Sweet and Grandma Mazur and it hadn't been good. Church singing seemed to be her forte. I reached down and picked up a hymnal from the small rack on the back of the pew and made an effort to find the correct page, but my mind drifted again.
In the four weeks since I'd been shot, I'd seen Niko four times. The first time was when he'd apologized for Mick Barnes. The fourth time was last night when he said it was time to take our friendship to the next level. I knew the next level meant the horizontal level. I'd put him off for as long as I could. I had a decision to make.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out Nick was interested in me for more than just a casual fling. I wasn't sure what exactly it was that he wanted, but it involved Ranger. I couldn't decide if he was fishing for information, or trying to get to Ranger by sleeping with me. Niko had the warped idea that I was somehow important to Ranger, and he and Ranger had some kind of a deal going on. Maybe he thought sleeping with me would give him a leg up on Ranger in whatever bad business was going on between them. I used to think, or at least hope, I was an important cog in Ranger's wheel, but Ranger's disappearing act the morning after we'd made love had me reconsidering my place in his world.
I was in shock and in no little amount of emotional pain after Ranger left, and when Niko called the next week, I found myself agreeing to go to dinner with him. If I was smart enough to realize he had an ulterior motive in seeking my company he must have realized I had one, too. I had hoped that by spending time with him I could learn more about La Muerte Blanca, aka Eduardo Vera. Because I was sure Ranger's disappearing act and the distance he'd been keeping from me were tied into the appearance of Vera in the Radius Bar on Valentine's Day. Niko was deft at turning every conversational gambit I made away from Vera or anything remotely concerning what I still considered to be Ramos business.
Despite my thwarted mission to gather information, I'd enjoyed the time we spent together. I was starting to change my agenda. Niko was not the kind of man I could bring home to the Plum family dinner table, but he might be just the thing to get me over the huge hit I'd suffered to my self-confidence and pride. Sure, it would only be a physical relationship with Niko—I was way too smart to let myself get emotionally involved with him—but maybe physical was just what I needed.
It might have the added bonus of making Ranger a little jealous. I was still convinced Ranger had feelings for me and maybe getting to know Niko a lot better would bring some of those feelings to the surface. Ranger always told me he doesn't share and that's the truth. With the exception of the unexpected tenderness and need he'd showed when we were last together, he'd never shared his emotions. He'd never shared much of his day-to-day personal life with me. These days he didn't even share his time with me. Maybe it was time to see if me sharing my time with Niko would bring Ranger around. I would be using Niko, but I thought his ego could take the dent.
The question was, could I actually sleep with Niko? I didn't think I could, if Ranger was still in the picture. I'd juggled Ranger and Morelli for a long time until both Joe and I realized it wasn't working. And Ranger had accepted that I was sleeping with Joe and him at the same time. Ranger probably wouldn't handle Niko and me as well, but if there was no me and Ranger, then …
The people in the pew in front of me stood and began to move toward the aisle. I realized with a start that it was communion time. Mass was almost over and I'd spent the entire time contemplating having an affair with Niko. Not the typical mindset of a good Catholic girl, I was certain. The heat at the back of my neck was guilt, surely, but then, maybe not. As I looked toward the altar, I saw a flash of black as a man exited a pew near the front and turned down the side aisle away from the congregation. I stood on the kneeler bench for a better look but the man had disappeared behind the confessional, and presumably slipped out the side entrance.
A man wearing black on Easter. The heat at the back of my neck grew. Ranger had come to church on Easter. As the people in my row moved toward the aisle and toward communion, I joined them, but turned to the back of the church and headed for the exit. I heard the tap-tap-tap of Lula's heels behind me. It seemed my prayer of what to do next had been answered, because surely seeing Ranger in church was a sign. It was time to find Ranger and talk.
I ran down the steps and peered around the corner of the church. Lula came up behind me. "Are you okay? You ran out of there like you seen a ghost."
"Not a ghost," I said. "Look." I pointed to a black Porsche 911 Turbo that made a right turn out of the parking lot and headed away from us, toward Broad Street and presumably Haywood.
"Damn!" Lula said. "Batman goes to church on Easter, too. Wonder why he left early?"
"I don't know," I said. "Mass was almost over, maybe he just wanted to avoid the crowd." Or me I thought. Maybe he'd seen Lula and me and hadn't wanted to chance an encounter after Mass. This had to end. Today was the day.
"Do you have plans?" I asked Lula. "I need a favor from you."
"I'll do it if I can," she said.
"I need you to go to my parents' house and tell Mom I stayed after Mass to help serve Easter dinner to the homeless. Tell them I'll be by later this evening and to save some leftovers for me. Then Mom will invite you to lunch. There will be ham and scalloped potatoes."
"Fuckin' A, I'll do it," Lula said enthusiastically. "Next to bacon, Easter ham is the best."
The light misting rain that had plagued us earlier suddenly turned into a full on rainfall. I shouted my thanks to Lula as I took off for my car at a run. A few minutes later I pulled into the RangeMan parking garage and wheeled into the first open space. Ranger's Turbo was in its usual spot. There were still drops of rain beaded on its shiny surface. I never had any doubt, but now I had proof positive, it had been him.
I was headed straight to Ranger's apartment, but as I looked through the glass door into the lobby I noticed Huey behind the desk. I detoured and as I swung the door open, Huey looked up and smiled.
"Good morning, ma'am, uh, Stephanie. Happy Easter."
I ignored the ma'am and smiled back. "Good to see you, Huey. How's the leg?"
"It's healing okay," he said. "How's your gunshot wound healing?"
"It's healing great," I said. I lifted my hair away from my neck and leaned forward so he could see. "It's like I have a hickey permanently tattooed on my neck, but I'm told the scar will fade."
"Gee, Stephanie, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I said with a smile that was sincere. "It wasn't your fault. I'm happy to hear there were no lasting effects from your gunshot wound."
"I'll be fine, eventually," he said. "I'm on desk duty for a while though. That's why Ranger's been taking my shifts lately. He just came in, do you want me to call him and tell him you're here?"
"No, that's okay," I told Huey. "We went to church together." We did, sort of. It wasn't exactly a lie. "He's expecting me." He wasn't but now that I was on Ranger's turf my resolve to confront him was weakening. Maybe if I took him by surprise, it would even my odds. "I just stopped on my way up to see how you were doing. I'm glad you're getting better." I turned and walked out the door and across the garage to the elevator that would take me to Ranger.
I fobbed my way into the elevator and into Ranger's apartment. He must have been in the middle of changing his clothes when he heard the door open, because as I walked from the foyer into the living room he was standing in his bedroom doorway, his shirt untucked, unbuttoned and hanging open. He showed no surprise at my unexpected visit. He'd seen me in church, so maybe my visit wasn't unexpected.
"Babe." The word hung in the air. I couldn't interpret it. Was it a "What are you doing in my space uninvited?" or a "You look great," or something else entirely? I was losing my nerve as I stood and stared at him. His chest was beckoning and I wanted to step close and run my hands over the contours of his bare abdomen, over the ridges and up—that probably wouldn't be appropriate. He was beautiful, and I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to be able to walk across the room and wrap my arms around him. Lay my head on his shoulder and meld back into his life, physically and emotionally. But I couldn't.
There was something between us, and even though I couldn't see it, Ranger's force field was real, keeping me completely immobile. I sucked in a deep breath and a flood of words came out on the exhale.
"Ranger, we need to talk. Where have you been? I saw you in church. What's going on with you—us? I mean, what did I do? How could you leave me alone after…?" After what? After the night of the most incredible lovemaking I've ever shared? After the night I thought my life had begun. With horror I felt the tears pool in the corner of my eyes and spill over. I wiped them away and twisted my hands together as I struggled to find the words I really wanted to say. My eyes focused on the marble floor of the foyer as I realized I'd set a new record. I'd made a complete fool of myself in under thirty seconds.
I hurried across the room and collapsed on the sofa because my legs were shaking. I kicked off my shoes and curled my legs under me as I wrapped my arms around myself. I'd invaded his space and turned into a blubbering fool and the only way to make it better was to jump to my feet and run from the apartment, but I couldn't go. The invisible force field that was keeping me from Ranger was keeping me from leaving the apartment. I was trapped. I couldn't stay, but I couldn't go. With a shock I realized I'd summed up my whole relationship with Ranger. I couldn't have him, but I couldn't give him up.
I felt Ranger's fingers on my hair and opened my eyes to see he'd come to sit next to me. He gently moved my hair back and looked at my fading gunshot scar.
"I saw you at church, too, Babe," he said with complete normalcy, as if he hadn't noticed the blubbering idiot performance I'd just given. "You don't usually go to Mass at the Cathedral."
"I don't usually go to Mass," I replied, striving to match his calmness. "I don't know for sure why I went today, but I needed to think some things through and it seemed like a good idea to go. I chose the Cathedral to avoid Mom and Grandma."
I kept my eyes down and away from his gaze. I saw that he was barefoot. My earlier supposition was right. He'd been changing out of his dress clothes. He had perfect man feet, with straight toes and high arches. The smooth bones of his ankles showed partially under the edge of his slacks. I was overcome with such longing to reach out and stroke the tops of his feet. I'd done it before. On the last night we were together there wasn't a part of his body I hadn't touched. A wave a pain came over me and I knew that foolish or not I had to push the issue. I had to find out what was not happening between us.
"I'm sorry, Ranger. I should have called." I let my eyes roam from his feet, up past his unbuttoned shirt and briefly met his gaze before I snapped my eyes shut. "I need to talk. I have things to tell you and questions to ask, but I can see I've caught you at a bad time."
"It's all right," he said. "It's not a bad time. I worked back-to-back shifts yesterday so a couple of my men could go home and spend the Easter weekend with their families. When I came off duty this morning I showered, dressed and went to Mass. The only thing I'd planned to do today was... sleep." There was just the slightest hesitation in his voice before he'd said sleep. I looked and, yep, it was there. The unspoken, but clearly offered invitation. I could sleep with him. I ignored it.
"Huey said you'd been covering his shifts because of his leg," I said.
Ranger reached out and let his fingers trail along my neck. I shivered and it didn't go unnoticed by either of us. "What's wrong, Babe?"
What's wrong? Where did I begin. I wanted to fast rewind, back to the time when Ranger was my mentor, when our attraction was new and when Ranger was the unknown lover of my fantasies. I wanted a do over. I wanted a chance to avoid the place we were now, because I had no idea where we were now. I summoned my courage and went someplace I'd never been before, to the land of total honesty. I was pretty sure if I was completely honest with Ranger, he'd be honest with me.
"Do you remember when we made lo … slept together the first time?" I asked. "The time when we made the deal about Eddie DeChooch and then you told me to repair my relationship with Joe."
Ranger's face was completely blank. I couldn't read a thing. I didn't know if my question had surprised him or not, but he gave a nod that he did remember.
"I needed some clarification after that," I continued. "I'm not built the same way you are, Ranger. I needed to know what my place in your life was and you told me. You told me I had no place in your life and to go back to Joe. And for once I followed orders. I went back to Joe."
"Are you telling me you and Morelli are back together?" Ranger asked.
"No! I'm just trying to make you understand where I am right now. I think we're back at the same place. We shared something amazing the night after I was shot." I searched his face looking for his agreement to what I'd said. "And then you left."
"And this time you turned to Nikomedes Mattas," he said, his voice curiously flat. "You'd have done better with Morelli."
"Morelli and I are history. I don't need or want Joe Morelli. Why are you bringing him into this conversation?"
"I saw Morelli the night you were shot. He needs and wants you. He's still in love with you."
"Ranger!" I stood and stamped my foot. "We are not talking about Morelli. We are talking about you and me."
"We're talking about your need for a commitment. Morelli can make that commitment. I can't. Not now, maybe never." Ranger reached a hand up to massage the back of his neck. I was giving him a headache. I didn't care.
"Niko wants to sleep with me." There, I'd said it.
"Niko wants you, but not for the reasons you assume."
"I'm considering taking him as a lover." I was pretty sure I wasn't considering it. Just being in the same space with Ranger made me remember what there had been between us. I didn't want Niko. I wanted Ranger.
"If you do that, I'll have to kill him, and it would be inconvenient for me if he was to die now."
My mouth dropped open. Inconvenient? Ranger would kill him. That was not an idle threat. He'd killed for me before. Niko wasn't exactly the crème of Trenton society, but I couldn't be the cause of his death.
"Then why are you avoiding me?" I asked. "I believe you when you say you'll kill Niko if we share a bed. If I'm that important to you why aren't you in my bed. Am I not to have anyone? You don't need me. You don't want me, and yet you don't want anyone else to have me."
"I don't want Niko to have you," he clarified. "Niko has an agenda which you know nothing about."
I moved to the club chair and sat in it. "Then tell me, Ranger. Tell me what the hell is going on." To my surprise, he did.
"From the beginning I told you I was an opportunist. I wasn't born that way, Babe. Things happened to me that changed the course of my life. Eduardo Vera was one of those things. I was working for the government, but on a mission where they would never acknowledge me if something went wrong. Something went very wrong." Ranger stopped talking for a moment. The tightness of his lips and the unfocused look in his eyes lasted only a short time, but it was long enough for me to see he was recalling things he'd rather not.
"By the time I was able to get free," he continued, "my chance for a normal life had disappeared. I had destroyed a billion-dollar connection carefully laid in place by La Muerte Blanca, but I didn't destroy him."
"And now he's in Trenton?" I asked.
"No. He's in Colombia. Coming to Trenton was an indication of how hard he is trying to rebuild his empire. He takes a huge risk every time he leaves his compound. I should have fucking shot him that night in Radius, but I've built a good business and many depend on me. I couldn't risk losing everything."
"And Niko is involved?"
"He is completely involved. He plans to be Vera's stateside connection. With his arms dealings and Vera's drug cartel, they'd be an unstoppable force."
"Shades of Homer Ramos," I murmured.
"Not exactly," Ranger said. "This connection has the possibility of succeeding. Niko lied to me, but I knew that going in. He said he needed me to put eyes on Vera, because I was the only one who could recognize him. That was true enough, but instead of wanting to stop Vera, Niko wants to conquer Vera. Niko wants to be the dominant partner. I did need you for insurance that night, Babe, because of Elaina, but also because I knew if you were with me I wouldn't lose my head and execute Vera."
Ranger lose his head? His control was legendary. He was making it sound as though he'd been on a short fuse. That was something for consideration.
"After that night, I contacted some people I know. I'm sanctioned to take out Vera and take down his entire operation. It's complicated, dangerous, and has a low percentage of succeeding. But I have to do it. Potentially, I could lose everything, or I could finally have the peace of knowing my worst enemy is dead."
"So you are avoiding me to keep me safe?"
"Yes." He was quiet for a moment and his eyes took in my face. He amended his statement. "That's part of the reason. But don't think of me as some avenging do-gooder. I'm not Batman, Babe." I flushed as I remembered how often Lula and I called him Batman.
"Killing Vera and shutting down the operation might change everything, or it might change nothing," he continued. "I've said from the beginning; I'll be in your bed as long as you let me. I do need you, Babe. And God knows I want you," he ran his hand through his hair, "but I can only take what you'll give. Because, at least right now, I can give you nothing."
I sat there thinking about what I'd heard, and Ranger sat there staring at me with a totally unreadable expression. Ranger had never lied to me. With the exception of the night I'd been shot he'd never showed any real emotion. That night was the exception that allowed me to hope. Twice today he'd used qualifiers. He'd said he couldn't commit, not now. Oh yeah, he'd said maybe never, but he'd started out saying not now. And he'd said he couldn't give me anything, at least right now. Those two phrases were the stuff of my midnight fantasies. Someday my prince will come.
Ranger ran his hands through his hair which was longer than he'd been wearing it lately. He looked tired. As if he'd read my thoughts he said, "Babe, I need to go to bed. I've been up thirty-six hours straight and I'm scheduled to take another shift tonight. As I said, I let men go home for the holiday weekend and I'm picking up the slack."
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.
"No."
I stood and reclaimed the navy and white spectator pumps I'd kicked off earlier. I let them dangle from my fingertips until I made my decision and then I let them drop back to the floor. As I reached behind my back to work the zipper down Ranger came to assist. I felt the dress slide off my shoulders and down my arms and puddle at my feet. His fingers threaded through my hair and he pulled me close to him. The kiss started strong and got stronger. His tongue was in my mouth and I returned in kind, reveling in the hot molten shards of desire that shot through me. His hands left my hair and he was getting ready to lift me into his arms when I stiffened slightly. I needed more words.
"Babe?"
"You said you'd take what I'd give. I'm giving you me. I won't sleep with Niko. I don't want to be responsible for his death, even if he is a crook. I'm giving you me, and I'm not asking for anything. I'm going to learn to be an opportunist, too."
We made it to the bed, eventually. It was hot, rough and fast. He'd said he was tired but he didn't act it. Our lovemaking must have depleted his hidden stores of energy though, because afterwards, he slept deeply as I watched him.
I reran our conversation in my mind. He hadn't said we were exclusive, but I hoped we were. I'd make sure Niko knew there would be nothing physical between us. He also hadn't said he would quit avoiding me, so I prepared myself to see little of him in the near future.
I was going to allow Ranger to use me. To find comfort in my body. I needed more, but he couldn't give it, at least not now. And if I was setting myself up for a situation where he could deeply hurt me, well, I wasn't brave enough to walk away. I'd take whatever was available to me.
I ran a forefinger along his jawline and he didn't move. He needed the sleep. I looked at my wristwatch and was amazed to see barely ninety minutes had passed since I left Lula at the church. If I hurried, I could still make it to my parents for dessert. Stephanie Plum, equal opportunist.
