Tale of the Two Lovers

by Ulquiorra9000

Chapter 9

The next morning, Ichigo had barely thrown on the navy-blue robes the Kuchikis had provided for him when someone knocked on his door. What is it this time? he thought wearily. "Come in."

Hisana's beaming face was radiant like the sun as she slid open the door. "Good morning, mister groom! Did you sleep well?"

"I, uh... sure?" Ichigo took a nervous step back. He definitely heard something in Hisana's tone. Was she up to something? She had to be!

"Wonderful," Hisana said kindly. She folded her hands together over her navel as she smiled. "My husband was supposed to announce this at breakfast, but I couldn't wait to tell you..." She took a deep breath. "Byakuya is moving up the wedding arrangements! Your whole family is invited here to the manor for the traditional yuino ceremony!"

The yuino ceremony?! Ichigo knew the term, but he never thought he'd do one so soon! The formal exchange of gifts between the bride and groom's family... it was just like Byakuya to make some power play and assert himself. The nerve!
Hisana's face fell. "Are you all right, Ichigo?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Ichigo cleared his throat. "I'm stll a bit groggy, and this is such big news..." He forced a smile while his stomach did flip-flops.

Hisana's smile snapped back in place. "I know. It's like a dream, isn't it?" She put a hand over her heart. "Try and act surprised when Byakuya announces it, okay? Breakfast is almost ready. See you there..." She turned and walked off, leaving a stunned groom-to-be.

*o*o*o*o*

"Ichigo, you know I'm on official Soul Reaper business," Rukia said sternly later that morning, after the rather awkward breakfast conversation at the manor.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "You're just goofing off. We need to talk."

He craned his neck back to talk, because Rukia sat up high on a thick tree branch near the Squad 8 barracks, her notebook open on her lap. The petite girl tapped her pencil on her chin in thought, no doubt brainstorming more steamy ideas for Tale of the Two Lovers. Well, this wasn't time for a story! This is real life!

Ichigo waved his arms. "Hello? Earth to Rukia!"

Rukia sighed and closed her notebook. "Ichigo, I'm really looking forward to having your father and sisters at the manor for the yuino ceremony. What's our engagement without a little pomp and circumstance?" She smiled.

"Well..." Ichigo swallowed. "For one thing, my dad will get tipsy on sake and juggle everything in sight while singing off-tune songs while Karin tries to tackle him to the floor. And Hisana will make X-rated puns the whole time."

Rukia's face soured. "Yeah, it's just like her to do that."

Ichigo nodded. "Right? Maybe we should skip the whole thing. It... it's too soon, y'know."

"Ichigo... do you really not want to attend the yuino ceremony?" Rukia asked, a hurt look on her face.

Ichigo winced. Uh-oh. "I'm not sure... what I -"

"It means a lot to me," Rukia said. "Ichigo... you're my fiance. I love you. I've never really been the romantic type, but I can't imagine myself doing something this intimate without you. I want to take that step with you. It means a lot to our families."

Ichigo racked his brains. This wasn't going the way he planned... but Rukia had a point. "Rukia, I'd never hurt you like that."

A small smile tugged on the corners of her lips. "Of course you wouldn't."

"And I have the utmost respect for your family."

"Who doesn't?" Rukia made a haughty toss of her dark hair, clearly enjoying the moment.

Ichigo chose his next words carefully. "I feel the same way you do: I wouldn't do this with anyone else. And I do love you. I just... I don't feel totally prepared for the upcoming wedding and joining the family... and leaving Karakura Town behind. This is becoming so real, so fast. I mean, an engagement party already..."

Rukia hesitated for a second, then hopped down and landed right in front of Ichigo. She offered her notebook. "Open it."

Ichigo took the notebook and opened it to the last pages Rukia had written on. There, on the rice paper, she'd scribbled haphazard notes about the hero Kuzo and the princess Raiko, along with some rabbit drawings to outline some scenes. "These drawings are bad because they're just brainstorming doodles, right?" Ichigo asked.

"Hey!" Rukia kicked his shin. "I take pride in all my rabbits."

"Sorry." Ichigo read what Rukia had outlined in her notebook. In the story, the hero Kuzo had slain the wicked self-proclaimed emperor of the world and sealed him in a cave, and after a week of feasting and celebrating at the rabbit kingdom's castle, the rabbit daimyo granted the princess Raiko exactly one wish. Once she got it, none of her other wishes in the world would ever come true, because the rabbit daimyo used up all his cosmic luck powers on one manifestation of human desire. The princess thought about mountains of gold and jewels, or invincible samurai armies, fields of ripe fruit and beautiful flowers, or to make herself queen of the world. Then she watched the hero Kuzo dancing with the other party guests, and knew that real treasure couldn't be touched. With Kuzo, Raiko's world would seem perfect with him by her side, and that was all she needed.

Then there was a drawing of a rabbit-headed hero with a black sword making out with a rabbit-headed princess in a kimono, with the characters for "they totally make the sheets twisted and sweaty later that night" written above them with hearts around the text.

Ichigo looked up from the notebook. "I don't think the illustrations are helping - ouch!" His other shin suffered.

"I speak only truth, Ichigo," Rukia said, taking the notebook back. "You don't always take me seriously when I talk to you. And I can't blame you, with how I love to tease my favorite guy." She smiled and punched his shoulder.

Ichigo chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I can attest to that."

"But this..." Rukia patted the notebook. "I'm putting it out there for the whole world to see. I'd never lie. What I feel... I have to let it out. And I was hoping you'd be my number-one fan." She looked up at him with imploring eyes.

Ichigo backed up a step and waved his hands in a "no" gesture. "Hey, hey, that's unfair. Using the old puppy-eyes on me?"

"But Ichigo, don't you want me?" Rukia kept up her puppy-dog look. "I mean, you sure wanted me last night, and at the hotel, and at the riverbank..." She gave him a naughty smile, her face going pink.

Ichigo felt himself flush, too. His heart raced. "I just can't keep my hands off you, can I?"

"I know. Because you do want me." Rukia sighed gently and reached up to hold Ichigo's shoulders. "Come on, tell me."

"I want you," Ichigo said, looking into her eyes. "I've always wanted you, Rukia."

"Good, good." She pressed herself against his chest, her cheek against his robes. "Now, will you -"

A loud, distant "Whoo hoo!" cut her off.

Ichigo groaned. "I think my family's here."

Rukia parted from him and ran a hand through her bangs with a small smile. "We shouldn't keep them waiting."

*o*o*o*o*

"Welcome, Kurosakis," Byakuya said, wearing his best dress robes in the main meeting room. He knelt on a cushion next to his wife, who was also done up in exquisite finery. "We, the Kuchikis, are proud to welcome -"

"Yeah, and what a place! Whew! Just like I pictured it," Isshin said jovially, spreading his arms wide as he stepped into the room. He was in his spirit body today. "I think just one painting in here is worth more than the whole Kurosaki clinic!"

Irritation flickered across Byakuya's eyes. "I am glad you appreciate the finery of the manor. Now, please be seated -"

"Gotcha, buddy." Isshin carelessly settled onto a cushion at the table, and he knocked over at least four empty tea mugs in the process. Karin sat next to her father, looking sour.

"Great impression, dad," she muttered. "Now Ichigo will never get married."

"Karin! That's not nice," Yuzu retorted from Isshin's other side.

Ichigo, meanwhile, sat near his family but tried not to look at them. Yup. About what I expected.

Byakuya cleared his throat as Rukia hid a giggle behind her hand. "Now," he said, "to celebrate the upcoming union of our families, let us exchange gifts, and may they symbolize the happy couple's future."

On cue, Hisana smiled and offered a wrapped box. Isshin took it and tore it open to reveal two dried cuttlefish. "Uh..." Isshin said, scratching his head. "These look too dry to eat. Unless I mix them in with ramen?"

Byakuya made a grimace as though restraining an angry retort inside him, while Hisana giggled. "They traditionally represent the wish for a long marriage," she explained. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Isshin handed them to Karin, who made a face at the dried sea creatures. "Gross," she muttered.

"And here, we have the hakama pants for the groom to wear, symbolizing fidelity," Byakuya said, sliding a package across the table. "May he ever be faithful in his union."

Karin clenched his fists in her lap, trembling.

"Are you all right?" Yuzu asked her.

Karin was clearly resisting the urge to laugh. "I-it's nothing, just... pants?"

"Of course," Byakuya said, nodding. "One of many traditional items."

"Hey, as long as they're comfy," Isshin said with a wide grin that only Hisana returned. "And I hope they fit right. I've been dreaming of having grandkids, you know..."

Ichigo fought the urge to slap a hand over his face. Why did this have to be his family? Well, sometimes, he was no better...

"Oh! I've got a gift, too," Isshin added eagerly, handing over a wrapped box. "C'mon, open it!"

Looking wary, Byakuya carefully opened the box... to find a plastic tray with hundreds of blunt-ended needles sticking out of it in tiny slots. "What is this?" he asked.

Isshin chuckled. "Haven't you heard of Pinpressions? Here, this is how it works..." He pressed it to his face, and just like that, his goofy expression was immortalized by the upraised pins.

Byakuya stared blankly. "I... I see."

Hisana burst out laughing. "That's so cute! Humans have the best stuff sometimes. Can I try it?"

"I don't even want to know what you'll do with it," Rukia cut in, swiping the Pinpressions toy.

"And this," Byakuya said in slightly aggravated tones, "is konbu, or dried seaweed, representing fertility and raising a family." He slid a package of dried seaweed across the table.

Isshin grinned as he picked it up. "Okay, now this we can definitely eat. Karin? Yuzu? You hungry? I can try my hand at sushi-rolling."

Byakuya muttered something under his breath, and Hisana patted his shoulder to comfort him.

"So, how about a drink to seal the deal?" Rukia asked hastily, taking the sake bottle and uncorking it. "Drinks, anyone?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Keep 'em coming!" Isshin said, raising an arm.

"We're not at a bar," Karin reminded him. "Jeez, dad..."

"Well, alcohol is the social lubricant," Isshin said, and once Rukia poured everyone's drinks, they raised their cups to the couple and drank.

Ichigo lowered his empty cup slowly, suspicious eyes on his father. "Hey, dad... you sure warmed up the engagement pretty fast. Was it because Byakuya invited you to a party at this fancy house?"

Isshin dabbed the corners of his mouth with a cloth napkin. "How could I say no?"

"But just two weeks ago, you were totally against the idea of Rukia's and my engagement," Ichigo pressed on. He suddenly wondered if he had gone too far, but it was too late now. "What changed?"

Isshin became more somber. "I haven't forgotten what it's like to have a life here in the Soul Society," he said, meeting Ichigo's eyes. "And how noble family politics work. Son, I only want what's best for you, and your happiness. Seeing you with Rukia, who's like a third daughter to me... there's no doubt in my mind."

Hisana sighed and put a hand over her heart. "That was perfect. Wasn't it, dear?"

Byakuya nodded. "Now things are progressing as I had envisioned."

Ichigo swallowed and glanced at Rukia. "I know. It's just... whoa. Things are moving so fast."

"Don't worry, son. I'll wait until you graduate high school," Isshin assured him. "Kurosakis always get the job done!"

Get the job done. Like get married? Ichigo swallowed again, his throat dry. "S-sure," he manged to say.

"I'm proud of my boy," Isshin said to the room at large, puffing out his chest. "I raised him right, you see. And now he's ready to take this big step into his future! I'll miss that boy, I tell you."

Ichigo's stomach churned at the implications.

"Yes. To the bride and groom," Byakuya announced, raising his cup. "Now, perhaps another round?"
"I'll take you up on that!" Isshin raised his too, and Rukia dutifully poured the next round.

*o*o*o*o*

"Rukia, you've got to be joking!"

Momo Hinamori's eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she heard Rukia's response at the latest SWA meeting that afternoon.

Rukia shrugged. "Hey, it's no big deal, Momo."

Rangiku slid back her chair and bolted to her feet, one hand planted on her desk while pointing at Rukia. "Is too a big deal, missy! It's a time-honored tradition that no rabbit princess or Kuchiki lady can go without!"

"What, a wild and raucous bachelorette party?" Rukia asked, folding her arms. "I know what a mess you girls would make of things."

"That's not fair, Rukia," Nanao Ise said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "We all know how much you're longing for Ichigo Kurosaki. This is a time to let your emotions loose."

Rukia gave her a look. "Nanao, do you even know how a bachelorette party works?"

Nanao hesitated. "Well, it's the custom party before a wedding -"

"Where the bride hires shirtless men to gyrate around her while everyone drinks and shakes their booty to hot music!" Rangiku hollered, until Momo made her sit back down and shut up.

Nanao flinched. "That sounds awful. Rukia would never do such a thing. Right?" She glanced at the Lieutenant in question.

"I..." Rukia stared at the far wall in thought. She hadn't really thought about this...

"It's her one last chance to have some fun before married life in nobility," Isane Kotetsu put in. She smiled. "Blowing off a little steam wouldn't hurt..."

Nanao stared at her in shock. "You too?!"

Isane's smile widened. "I know some gents in Squads 7 and 11 who would volunteer."

Nanao crossed her arms in an X and shook her head, blushing. "N-no! I think what Rukia needs is a perfect night of courtship with her beloved. I mean, that's what a classy girl like her would desire, right?"

Rukia put up her feet and reclined, her hands behind her head. "Yeah, that's right."

Nanao scowled. "Sit properly."

"But -"

Nanao lowered her glasses. "Now!"

Rukia obeyed at once.

"Back on topic," Nanao said calmly, "there is a long tradition of shunga art depicting lovers together. I happen to have a fine collection of exquisite pieces -"

"Ooooooooh!" Rangiku cried, her eyes dancing. "I know what that is! Shunga is traditional erotic art, isn't it? Isn't it!"

Nanao blushed again. "Well, certainly. It's a time-honored, esteemed art form -"

"- that's gonna get my girl some action! Whoo hoo!" Rangiku cheered. "Show us, Nanao!"

"Fine..."

So, after some very awkward coaching and arguing over details both major and minor, the girls had Rukia mentally prepared, and with a plan in mind, for a hot evening with her fiance, shunga-style. "Remember," Nanao reminded her, "this is an expression of your love! What you do here tonight will live on forever in Tale of the Two Lovers. As you make your fictional world, you make your reality."

Rukia made a bashful smile. "Come on, you're blurring some lines here. Tonight, I won't be in a story that someone is reading. It's just me, and Ichigo."

"Yeah! And we'll make fan art of the moment!" Rangiku added, thumping Rukia on the back. "There's lots of people out there who wanna see that! You've already got such a big audience. If they were reading about this right now, they'd totally agree with me!"

Rukia rolled her neck. "Okay, I'm ready. This is going to be the best chapter yet. Wish me luck."

She left the SWA headquarters, fancied herself up in a classy robe set in the Kuchiki manor, and padded over to Ichigo's room. She put on her best coquettish voice and slowly slid open the door. "Hello there, lover boy," she cooed. "How'd you like to - huh?"

The room was empty.