Tale of the Two Lovers
by Ulquiorra9000
Chapter 11
Ichigo spent the next few days with only half his mind on what he was doing. He was back in the human world, almost being the sort of serious, college-bound senior that anyone would expect of him. Chad, Uryu, Orihime, and even Keigo were right there with him, preparing for whatever future lay ahead... whatever the next chapter of their lives would be. Was it that simple for Ichigo, though?
Well, um...
Not when there was his future with a petite Soul Reaper to think about.
"Cat got your tongue, Ichigo? And I don't mean Yoruichi," Renji told Ichigo one day after school, as graduation loomed ever closer over their heads. He walked with Ichigo down the sidewalk and elbowed his orange-haired friend.
Ichigo grunted. "Dude."
"I mean," Renji went on with a false sigh, "your wedding is coming up soon, and marrying into the Kuchiki family... man, that's big. This isn't something to do with your mind on your dinner."
Ichigo grunted. "Dude."
Renji waved his arms around. "Here you are, scowling and shuffling around like a zombie, and you've got all these responsibilities! Let your friends be there for you. You ain't alone."
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Dude!"
Renji flinched. "What?"
"Don't you think I have a lot on my plate already?" Ichigo asked. "You know me better than this; I just need more time to process it all. This is how I do things."
"Oh yeah, the old Kurosaki sulk," Renji teased him as they stopped at a crosswalk's red light. "Your best move."
"It sure comes in handy, let me tell you." Ichigo checked his smartphone for any updates. None for now. He sighed, and unlike Renji, did it for real. "I'm not gonna run away from my duties again. But it's not something to rush into, either. Rukia's story is a good one... but real life doesn't always have the ending planned out. I mean, is there some omnipotent god or author over our heads, plotting out the last chapters of my life?" He pointed upwards.
Renji looked up, shielding his eyes from the sun. "I don't see anything. Besides, bro, even if there was such a god-author, there's nothin' we could do about it anyway."
Ichigo grinned. "You're such a defeatist, Renji."
Renji squawked as the boys both crossed the sidewalk. "Am not! Have I ever been anything but brave and bold? I'm the real hero of this story! I'm my own man."
Ichigo laughed gently, savoring a breeze that picked up. A taxi motored past. "Good point. Similarly, I'd think I'd know it if there was some author writing this story. No one would be devilish enough to put me through the wringer like this."
Renji grunted. "Fine, so we established that we have free will. Yippee. Now what are you gonna do about Rukia? Your fiancee?"
"She and I are... working on that," Ichigo said evasively as the boys got closer to the Kurosaki clinic. The trees rustled in the breeze as the sun started to set. "We had a good heart-to-heart after the yuino ceremony, and she decided to not play along with Byakuya's machinations anymore. She won't force me to do anything I don't want to, even if that means standing up to Byakuya."
Renji nearly gagged. "Bro! That's my Captain you're talking about! You think you're okay with telling his junior officer about that?"
Ichigo chuckled. "You want my and Rukia's happiness, don't you?"
"Mostly hers. But yeah, a bit for you, too."
Ichigo clapped a hand on Renji's shoulder. "There you have it. Dilemma solved."
Renji dipped his head. "Rhetoric was never my thing."
"Yeah, you're not exactly in Shikai mode here." Ichigo stepped onto his front porch and unlocked the front door. "Oh, I heard that the Soul Reaper Women's Association is putting on a stage play for Tale of the Two Lovers, since the story is now complete and Rukia wants to make her 'ultimate expression of longing and desire'. Care to see it? I bet you'll get a discount ticket."
Renji's face soured. "What?! I don't even read that dumb story! How would they even act out the part where Kuzo slays the skull demon at the fairy river and gets laid in that mill house? Oops." He realized his mistake far too late.
Ichigo's grin widened. "See you at the premiere, Mr. fan boy."
Renji groaned. "I need to go lie down..."
*o*o*o*o*
Hosted in Squad 5's barracks, the world premiere of the theatrical play Tale of the Two Lovers drew in a big crowd... a crowd of chattering, giggling, excited girls and a handful of boyfriends who reluctantly came along. It was evening, and Ichigo dutifully showed up on his own, reflecting how he could totally spend this time studying, or watching TV with Rukia, or taking a cooking class... but damn, he ought to do at least this much for Rukia and Momo, right?
"There you are," Renji said, joining Ichigo in the crowd. "A small part of me thought you'd flake out."
"I'm better than that," Ichigo shot back. Then he grinned. "I mean, this can't be that bad, right?"
"Look! It's him!" a girl from Squad 3 cried, pointing at Ichigo. At once, she and her five girlfriends surrounded him, drawing even more attention.
"Yeah, it's me," Ichigo said casually. "I'm just here for my fiancee."
"Oooooh! Are you excited for the dirty scenes?" a girl nagged him. "Are you? I mean, it won't be awkward, will it, how the hero Kuzo is based on you..."
"I'm not him," Ichigo said, annoyed. "I'm just here for the play, then -"
"Sit with us!" the Squad 3 girl cheered, taking Ichigo's hand and tugging on it. "Come on! It'll be fun!"
"Let him go," a girl's irritated voice said. Momo Hinamori cut her way through the crowd, already wearing a beret and holding a megaphone in one hand.
The Squad 3 girl made a face. "You can't make me, Hinamori!"
"Move it!" Momo barked into her megaphone, and the girls scampered away.
"I think you ought to be in the VIP seating area," Momo said, escorting Ichigo and Renji along. "More privacy that way."
"Whew. Thanks, Momo," Ichigo said. "So, is the play about to start?"
Momo smiled. "Yeah. I can't wait! You're going to love it! Okay, here's your seats..." She made sure that Ichigo and Renji were comfy in their seats, then hurried off.
Ichigo sat back and tapped his fingers on his thighs. "So, I wonder who's gonna play Rukia and me?"
"Some low-ranking officers, probably," Renji said. "Rukia was Momo's second-in-command for this whole project. She'd be really picky about who -"
The lights dimmed, and a spotlight came on, shining on a lone figure on the stage. A petite someone who wore colorful robes and false rabbit ears.
"O welcome, welcome, dear guests, to the honeyed land of the rabbit kingdom, great and fair!" Rukia said in a half-sing-song voice, waving her arms around. "O fabled land of wonder and autumn harvest! I am Raiko, rabbit princess!"
Ichigo did a double take. "Wh-what? Rukia is playing herself?"
Renji stared. "She didn't tell me about this!"
Rukia made a whole song out of it, including non-seated Soul Reapers playing dancing trees and flowers in the background, and Ichigo slapped a hand over his face. If he knew what he was in for...!
"Behold! I come from faraway lands, a wild spirit of a man, with will of steel and a body most sensual!" cried some guy, who swaggered onto the scene from stage right. He had dyed his hair a strange shade of orange, and wore blue robes and carried a wooden sword painted black. "I am Kuzo, eternal wanderer! I see many lands near and far, but alas..." He held a hand to his heart. "I have no maiden with which to share my bed, and my sheets are ever so cold."
The girls in the audience sighed and groaned in sympathy.
Ichigo squinted. "Who is that?"
Renji chuckled. "Some joker from Squad 8. I should've known it would be him. This should be good..."
The minutes dragged by as Kuzo, Raiko, and the rabbit daimyo did some weird song together (complete with fireworks and background dancers), and things got really awkward when a fox monster attacked (Kenpachi in a cheap suit) and Kuzo defeated it.
"Rest easy, good countrymen, for the beast is slain!" Kuzo announced as stage hands tossed red ribbons onto the fox to represent bleeding. He ran a hand along his wooden sword. "It seems that my great shaft of wood prevailed once again, and I am sure to find a fair maiden now!"
The girls giggled and Ichigo slapped a hand to his face again. This was starting to hurt.
"Such a magnificent expression of your heroism and manhood," Raiko/Rukia said with delight, also running her hands along the sword. "Why, it sets a maiden's heart a-flutter, and it seems that forever under the moon have I awaited such a stallion to gallop my way!"
"I have read all the great romances of foreign lands," Kuzo added. "And they have taught me the way to a maiden's heart! The Basket of Fruits, The Knightly Vampire, The Moon Sailors, and many more! Shall I show you?"
"What joys you shall bring me! Join me, studly Kuzo, and make your words into hot passion between the sheets." Raiko led Kuzo to a bed, and the stage hands tossed up pink sheets to cover what they were doing. When the sheets fell, Ichigo realized that Rukia had substituted herself for a stunt double, and the new girl and Kuzo were totally making out and making... certain amorous motions in certain positions, and boy did that bed creak! The audience went wild and begged for more.
The play managed to get even wilder, especially when the self-proclaimed emperor of the world took the rabbit princess hostage and stripped her to her undies, suspending her from her wrists on ropes. He tickled her with a feather all over, even her feet. "No one reigns at the top, alas," the emperor said as he tickled the princess's cleavage. "The throne is ever so empty... as is my bedchamber! Rabbit princess, will you be mine?"
As an answer, Raiko the princess broke free and kicked the emperor away. The emperor fell flat on his back, and the hero Kuzo stepped on him and pointed his sword at the emperor's face. "You have fallen this day!" Kuzo declared. "For all time, until the stars themselves burn out, you shall languish in a cave, surrounded by nought but the bats! And I hear they make bad puns all day long!"
Stage hands dragged the emperor away as Kuzo threw off his robes and made out with the princess on the emperor's chair. And from there, the two lovers cured an old woman's blindless with a magic kiss, and they convinced a half-panther, half-man to renounce his evil ways and open a pastry shop, and a mercenary archer with glasses was set up with a peasant girl who could weave fabric into silver. And the whole time, there was way too much out-of-place nudity and X-rated puns and adventures between the sheets. Ichigo was dying for it to be over... until he was taken by surprise in the last scene of Act V.
"Behold, beloved princess, for I have seen our future," Kuzo announced, looking up as he swept an arm dramatically.
"Oh, and what have you seen?" Raiko asked.
"I have found..." Kuzo lowered his head and held a fist to his heart. "A great, blank canvas upon which to write our future! For our foes are vanquished, and our amorous ways ever so hot... and now, dearest, will you write the next chapter with me?"
The girls in the audience sighed with delight as Raiko kissed his cheek. "Wherever you venture, so shall I, by your side," she said. "For what is the future but a great adventure to create together?"
"Lo! For we have found our way!" Kuzo cried. "And our path... is what we carve together, day by day, moon by moon, kiss by kiss! Alas! The world's greatest and humblest wisdom is now ours. And now... let us face it together."
On stage left, Momo played a single note on a large drum, and Kuzo and Raiko did a stage bow. The audience burst out clapping, and Ichigo was surprised to find himself clapping, too.
"That was... totally terrible," Renji said later as he and Ichigo left the VIP seating area.
Ichigo shrugged. "Oh, I dunno... the last part was kinda good."
"Whatever you say, man..."
*o*o*o*o*
It wasn't until the next morning when Ichigo saw Rukia again, when she sent him a Hell Butterfly, inviting him to the Kuchiki manor. He arrived to find the Kuchiki family assembled in the tea room.
"Please, sit," Byakuya told him, and Ichigo carefully sat.
"I got here as soon as I could," Ichigo said, his hands curled into nervous fists on his lap.
Byakuya nodded. "I'm sure. But you can relax, Ichigo. I think you'll be relieved to hear what we have to say next."
"Right." Ichigo opened his hands and glanced back and forth between Byakuya and Hisana. Byakuya, as ever, was tough to read... but Hisana radiated warmth. That was a start!
"Ichigo," Byakuya said simply, "as per your and Rukia's wishes, your marriage is being postponed."
Ichigo stared. "Wh-what? Huh?"
"Please, have some decorum," Byakuya said. "You have noble heritage, after all, through your father. Speaking of which, Isshin Kurosaki also contributed to this decision. Ichigo, you and Rukia are hereby free to determine the timetable of your wedding, and arrange it however you wish. And whatever you may do in the meantime is also at your discretion."
Hisana smiled. "Rukia made a pretty good case in your defense," Hisana said. "I've never seen her more passsionately argue. And there's this, too..." She set down the latest Seireitei Bulletin, and opened it to Tale of the Two Lovers' last chapter. She ran her finger down the text. "I think it's pretty clear what this means."
Ichigo scanned the text, too. Between all the X-rated puns and wannabe Shakespeare material was a clear message, and Ichigo looked over at Rukia. "Rukia, I..."
"Thank me later," Rukia said, grinning widely. "And maybe I'll thank you, too, after you show me a little human adventure."
"A little what?"
"You still have your high school graduation ahead of you, right?" Rukia told him. "And after that... well, the world of the living is your land of origin, Ichigo. Why not share a little more of it with me? I'd love to see it. Just you and me."
Byakuya nodded. "I have determined that this is what's best for both of you. Take your time, map out your future together... and decide what is best to do next. I will patiently wait for you both until then."
"You'd better write!" Hisana added. "I've heard that human postcards are really cute."
Ichigo snapped himself out of his stunned daze. "You're both for real?"
"I would never lie," Byakuya said.
Ichigo shared a look with Rukia and shared her grin. "Okay. All I can say is... thank you."
In no time at all, it seemed, Ichigo had his diploma in hand and was saying good-bye to Karakura High School, and while Keigo and Chizuru chattered excitedly about their hedonistic summer plans, Ichigo collected his saved money, got out a map, and he and Rukia booked all kinds of train rides and airplane flights. By mid-June, they were ready for another adventure.
Ichigo checked his watch after hours in the Tokyo International Airport. "Oh crud, we're gonna be late! Our flight's about to take off!"
"Hurry, you big lug!" Rukia said as she raced ahead of Ichigo, her sun dress's hem flapping as she went. "You're falling behind!"
Ichigo grunted. "Your carry-on is lighter than mine!" He jogged to catch up.
They managed to squeeze themselves through the crowded plane and into their seats, and Rukia tossed her hair. "I don't see why people complain about air travel," she said loftily. "It's fun if you do it like a badass."
Ichigo grinned. "Wait until you're stuck on a 12-hour flight near a crying baby and coughing people."
"Oh, I think I'll manage." Rukia opened up a brochure. "Whoa... this is really where we're going?"
Ichigo scowled. "What's wrong with it?"
"Oh, nothing..."
"So, this is the end of Tale of the Two Lovers, then?" Ichigo asked as the pilot asked everyone to fasten their seatbelts. "You've said everything you wanted to say?"
"I sure did," Rukia said. "Was it convincing?"
Ichigo leaned over and kissed her. "I sure thought so. I loved it."
Rukia smiled. "That's all I ever wanted."
THE END!
