Chapter 13 Dreams and Discussions
Lily slept for several hours after James left, and, as she did, she dreamed the following:
James stood in front of her, shouting at her. "I don't love you! How could I ever love a pathetic mudblood like you, Evans? My family is pureblood. Besides, what's the point of having a fiancé' if she won't even sleep with you? Tell me Evans, tell me!" he roared, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently. His hand closed around her beautiful heart necklace, and, grinning maliciously, he ripped it from her throat. James threw the necklace onto the ground and stomped it into a thousand small pieces. Lily let out a strangled sob.
"Please, James. I love you so much!" Then, he did the unthinkable. James potter raised his hand to strike her across the face. "No!!!!!" she screamed, holding her hands in front of her face.
Lily sat up straight in her bed, her hands held across her face. She knew it had been a dream, but, she couldn't help wondering. Was that how James truly felt about her?
"Lily!" Alice called cheerfully up the stairs. "Are you up here, pet?" Alice bounded up the steps and found Lily lying on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. 'Oh, no!' Alice thought. She had been afraid of this. ' She's gone and had a terrible effect to that potion Pomfrey gave her for her head,' Alice, who was studying to be a healer, knew all about different potions and their side-effects. She approached Lily's bed, and gently reached out to touch her shoulder. Lily flinched as though Alice had hit her. Alice sat on her friends' bed and began to rub her back, soothingly. "What happened?" she asked gently.
"James and I have had the most dreadful quarrel. He-he as good as said that he didn't love me anymore."
"Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as all that."
"But it is Allie!" Lily went on to tell her friend exactly what had happened, even the horrible nightmare she'd had.
"Lily, can't you see it, dear? This is all just an effect of that horrid potion!"
"W-what p-potion?"
"Didn't she tell you!" Alice exclaimed. "Lily, that potion you took has extremely severe emotional side-effects."
"Oh, dear god. I remember Madame Pomfrey saying something about that!" Lily got out of bed and began pacing around the room. "Alice? Could you go to find James fro me? I've got to talk to him."
"Of course!" Alice gave her friend a quick hug and hurried off down the stairs.
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James Potter walked slowly up to Gryfindor Tower. He was fuming. He had wanted to see Lily as soon as school was out, but McGonagall had cornered him and rushed him to her office. Madame Pomfrey had informed the Deputy Headmistress that two of her students had spent the night together in the Hospital Wing. Now, James and Lily both had to serve detentions the next Saturday afternoon. now, as he climbed the stairs to the Girls Dormitory, he really needed to talk to Lily more than ever.
"JAMES!" Lily shouted, flinging herself into his arms. "It was the potion James. That's it! This isn't the real me. That potion has emotional side-effects so that my feelings are magnified so it makes me cry and get over-emotional about every single little thing." Lily said all of this extremely fast, but as she spoke, a little light came on in James' brain. Lately, it seemed as if Lily had not wanted to be intimate with him. It was like every time he started to kiss her, she would run off to do something. James had contributed it to stress from exams and decided not to worry about it, although he did miss her kisses. This explained everything. If that potion expanded Lily's feelings over things, than when they had been kissing before, her true feelings had come out. She was insecure about being intimate with him. James had to know why.
"Lily,'" he said," Sit down." Lily sat at the edge of her bed and James sat next to her. "Lils, if this potion is making your emotions over-magnified than that means that you really do have some feeling over everything that you've gotten upset about. So, do you think that I want to sleep with you before we get married or what? because I'm extremely confused right now. Every time I've started kissing you or anything lately, you've suddenly had something to do. Please just-" James broke off and ran a hand through his already messy hair in frustration. "Lily, I just want to know where this is coming from. Are you uncomfortable around me? Afraid of me? What is it, Lils? Tell me." Now he looked angry. Lily wasn't sure what to do. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized that, if she didn't tread carefully and tell him the honest truth, she might lose James forever.
"I-I don't know," She choked out.
"Lily! Don't! Please, please don't cry. I-" James broke off again, rubbing his pounding
forehead. " I just don't want you to be uncomfortable around me or anything like that. I love
you and that means that I trust you. I had hoped that you would trust me too." James
sighed and waited for Lily to say something. It was hard, but, after a moment, Lily finally got
the words out.
"I do tryst you James. It's just that I'm not experienced the way you are. I mean...I've never"
"Never what?" James replied, much more sharply than he'd meant to. Lily started to cry more loudly at his severe tone. James took her hand." What?" his voice was gentle and soothing. More like him.
"I've never slept with anyone before and I'm not ready to. I know that you're the man I want to marry and that you're the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, but I want to wait until we're married. Is- is that ok with you?" Lily said all of this very quickly and it took a moment for James to realize what it was that she meant.
"You-you think I want to have sex with you before we're married or something like that?" James was completely shocked that she would insinuate that he had some sort of ulterior motive in asking her to marry him so soon in their relationship.
"Don't look at me like you think I'm stupid, James. I know that you're not a virgin and I know
that the only reason you asked me to marry you after only dating for five months was so
that you could get me in bed. I have ears, James. I hear the things that other girls say in the
restrooms and in the dorms. You know the thing that really hurts is that you didn't trust me
enough to be honest with me when we started going out. If you had just told me that you
weren't a virgin, I wouldn't have had such a problem of trusting you when I found out if you
had just been honest with me in the first place!" Lily was now sobbing again. James stared
at her for a moment in complete shock.
"Lily," he said at length," I've never slept with anyone before. I-I don't know ever would have told you that ,but I promise you it's not true. I'm not like Sirius and other people. I believe in saving myself for marriage, just like you do. Who was it that told you that?"
"M-maricia."
"Marcia Torrence?" Lily nodded. "God, Lils she's been trying to break me up with every one of my girlfriends since first year! I can't believe she would lie to you about me!"
"You mean it isn't rue?" Lily asked, surprised.
James took her hand and looked into her tear-filled eyes. "Lily, I would never lie to you about something this serious. I love you with all my heart and that's why I want to wait. I want to wait out of respect for both you and myself because I love you. Now, are we ok?" James looked worried as he asked the question, as if he wasn't sure if she would forgive him or not. Lily saw the questioning look in his eyes and answered him the only way that she could. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. James immediately responded. In a few moments, they had fallen backwards onto the bed. "Do you trust me?" James whispered in her ear as he slid his hands up her sides. Lily grinned back at him.
"Always."
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"Lily! I couldn't find James anywhere..." Alice broke off as she entered their room and found Lily and James locked in a passionate embrace. Neither of them even noticed her coming in. Alice smiled to herself as she backed out of the room. 'Well,' she thought happily,' I suppose you found each other all right!'
A/n: Wow! Another chappie finished. This is the last one that I don't have already written out for a while so I should be able to update a little faster. I'm hoping to get the next chappie up over Christmas break. Thanks again to all my reviewers, 'cause you guys rock my world! Now please press the little blue button on the left side of you screen and type out a nice long review informing me of all my stupid mistakes! Thank you!
Love from Lyny Angell
