Stefan was in the garage getting his hands dirty, repairing a car for ridiculously low amount of money. It was all he wanted, or at least everything he thought was appropriate: a small house, a poor job, high insurance bills and food companies slowly poisoning him.
Caroline looked at that sceptically.
"You can't live like that, come on," she told him each time she saw him. "Come home."
Stefan just shook his head. "This is my life now."
"Am I not a part of it?"
"Of course you are, Caroline," he assured her wholeheartedly. "You're here with me, aren't you?"
"I'm with you. But I wish you were with me. Home," she moaned.
"I am home."
"This isn't your home. Your home is Mystic Falls..."
Stefan frowned and went back to his work.
"That's history," he said after a few minutes. "I have nothing to do with it now."
"Stefan!" she shouted at him. "If you don't get your ass back to Mystic Falls, I'm leaving and I'm leaving for good!"
He threw a wrench on the concrete ground; it fell loudly with an echo.
"You can't do that to me Caroline!" he spat out. "I don't belong there anymore, don't you understand? I don't want anyone to have to put up with me anymore," he said, pushing the pedal a bit further. "I'm useless now as a human to help you, neither can I undo all the terrible things I've done."
"No, but you can make up for them."
"I'm afraid not. This is my new life and the only thing I can do is to get out of the lives of those I hurt. Can't you get into my shoes?"
"You're doing it again, you know," Caroline lowered her voice. She wiped a tear that ran down her cheek. "You're leaving me again."
Her words hit Stefan like a bullet in the chest. She had never told him that before when visiting. Yet he couldn't turn around now, it was too late.
"You were right, Caroline," he said after a moment of silence. "Some people can't be redeemed."
"You promised me, Stefan. You promised you would never do it again, you would never leave me or decide without me."
"Maybe you should go..."
She would forget about him, he believed. He was going to grow old and die, hopefully forgotten. That was the least he could hope for, because forgiveness was not an option.
Caroline's eyes were wide open. If there had been tears before, now they were dry, as if without a life.
"You want me to go?" she asked blankly.
Stefan almost ran to her. He took her face in his hands and looked straight in her eyes.
"If it was up to me," he whispered, "I would keep you by my side forever. But I can't! Please, Caroline, try to understand."
She opened her mouth, unable to make a sound.
"I love you," he said. "I love you!"
"You may run away from your home," she said, "but you can never run away from yourself, Stefan."
"That's not what I'm trying to do..."
"Yes, it is! There's not a single person that wouldn't want you to come back home. We miss you!"
"You say that each time," he noted.
"Because each time, you don't listen to me," she replied.
After a moment, she said: "I don't know what you're running from, but to me it seems like you're trying to get people that love you out of your life. Including me."
She turned on her heel and went to her car, parked near the garage, leaving Stefan completely speechless, and struck. He returned to his work, but Caroline's words prevented him from concentration.
Maybe she was right.
His departure wasn't supposed to help people forget him: it was supposed to make him forget who he was. And Caroline was absolutely correct saying he couldn't run away from himself. The past just kept popping up, and it wasn't the past that was bothering him - it was Stefan himself.
Damon? was the first thing that popped up in her mind.
Where am I?
"Somewhere they can never find you," Cade replied. She didn't see him though, she didn't see anything. Everything was black. She didn't even feel her own body, as if it was only her essence present. Or maybe it was happening in her mind.
Hell?
"No, not hell, not exactly. You may call it limbo. Before you ask why, think about it."
Am I dead?
"Of course you are, you're a vampire. But I assume we don't need to be that technical. You're not dead."
Is Enzo here as well? Where is he? I want to see him!
"Do you think I would give that away for free? You have obligations to stand to. So far, you didn't prove yourself."
And I won't until I make sure he's alright. Let me see him, nothing else, just one gaze!
"Alright? Do not make me laugh - he's dead! Deader than you."
Then a ridiculous idea came to her: what if Cade lied and Enzo was not here? What if he found peace?
"Erm," he coughed, "I strongly doubt that."
But he isn't here, is he? You lied to me, you used me and made me kill my best friend!
"You didn't do a convincing job, considering Elena is still alive. And Damon? The one you call when in trouble? He's sitting by her bed, holding her hand. And he doesn't give a damn about you." Cade smiled widely. "Don't you believe me I'm your only friend? We could achieve so much together if you weren't so hostile."
You gotta be kidding me. Let me go, Cade, this is pointless. You and I will never be friends. Not as long as you keep hurting Damon. Not even then. Ever. Let me go!
Damon looked at the calender. October 20. It had been eight months since he last saw her. Eight months of utter pain and guilt, because Elena was here and Bonnie was gone. Shouldn't he be happy? After all, this would happen eventually in a few decades, that Bonnie'd die and Elena'd awaken.
Why wasn't he happy? He asked himself this question every day when he woke up, each time he went to sleep. Sometimes he thought he was becoming Stefan - overly emotional and sensitive, unable to enjoy the good things in life for overthinking the negatives.
Her healing process had been fast and profound, considering she'd almost kissed the death, one from which she wouldn't come back. As the time passed, she was growing back to her human self, the one that would make a better half to Stefan than him, as Damon began to notice. He refused it all the time, but deep down, the truth was eating him. And lately, he was even running away from her - something he would not admit but that was obvious. Of course he loved her! But was he in love?
Elena didn't believe that Damon was ever going to take the cure. No matter how much his love for her had changed him before, it couldn't defy his entire existence. She remembered Katherine and how fast he'd gone from loving her to hating her. What would make Damon hate Elena? She could think of a thousand reasons why she should hate him, but she couldn't imagine a world in which Damon hated her.
She was blind to the transformation he'd gone through during her absence. She understood how deeply the loss of Bonnie touched him and how badly he tried to do anything in his power to find her. And she knew he was better of being a fast, undead vampire.
Despite that, she burst out one night. It was one of those eternally unsolved arguments over Stefan, who had never returned to Mystic Falls. Caroline, being the only one aware where he was, visited him every now and then, leaving with certainty she'd bring him back, and coming home disappointed. Together, they were plotting countless plans to get kill Cade and get Bonnie back, all of them leading to dead end.
They believed Bonnie was still alive. Until they would find her body dessicated and lifeless, she couldn't be dead. If every missing person was pronounced dead...!
"I just can't get rid of a feeling you lied to me," Elena said.
"What? Lie about what?" he asked, confused.
"I don't know. Something doesn't feel right." She didn't know what. She only hoped these blind shots in the dark would untie Damon's tongue. Among everyone, she still knew the least.
"I didn't lie to you, Elena," Damon blew out.
"Well, what about the cure? You didn't really want it, did you. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"
"About that, I'd never been so honest in my entire life. But this is Bonnie, your best friend, remember? I have to find her and you know better that humans are pretty slow and fragile."
"You don't have to remind me," she uttered.
"Bonnie is out there and she needs me..."
"Your brother also needs you! He's gone and hurt. We have to help him, Damon," Elena instisted. "He's your brother."
"Exactly, he is my brother," Damon said. "I know him better than anyone. Let him do whatever he wants."
"He'd sure rather be here with us. With Caroline."
Damon shook his head. "I'm telling you: Let. It. Go."
She clenched her jaw. "No. I won't give up on him. I know you all did, but I won't."
At that moment, she decided. She ran upstairs to the bedroom to pack up all things necessary for a road-trip.
"Elena!" Damon shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I'm gonna bring him back!" she replied.
"What? You're not going anywhere!" He threw her at the bed and put all the clothes back in its place.
"Stop it, Damon!"
"No, you stop it, Elena. Do you really believe he's waiting for you to come? You think you're the chosen one?"
"That's not the point! The point is that he's alone god-knows-where because you let him go to drown in all this guilt. He thinks he's a liability, I mean, come on! He doesn't deserve that, Damon. I can find him and help him. With or without you."
"He's not lost. Been there, done that. It's history repeating itself. He doesn't want us to find him, and sure as hell he doesn't want any help." Not from you.
Elena stared in his eyes with firm expression. "I'm going," she said.
And Damon didn't feel like stopping her. What was there to do, anyway? She'd always been too stubborn to listen to him - in a way, that was also why he loved her so much, because she was dangerous. So anything he'd say would get lost in vacuum.
"I'm leaving, Damon," she repeated, maybe even waiting for a sign of disapproval from him - a sign that would mean he still cared enough.
He looked her in the eyes. "Bon voyage, Elena. I have to stay," he said with low voice, almost whispering. "For Bonnie."
"For Bonnie," Elena nodded.
"Goodbye, Damon," she said and kissed him on the cheek. The door closed behind her.
He didn't feel angry nor sad, not even bitter. He felt empty. But what surprised him the most was that this feeling was nothing new. It had been there, hanging, lingering... It was as if he was holding to something that had been present in the past, but now only a shell remained. The thing that kept him here disappeared, evaporated - and left him nothing but illusion.
He was overwhelmed and stunned.
...she had to be alive.
He would have known if...
No. He'd been losing time.
"If we aren't the biggest losers ever..."
"Cheers to that," Caroline raised her glass and so did Damon, "and to the inexhaustible temper of Elena Gilbert..."
"Ah," Damon's face contorted, "don't even start with that."
"...and her ever-lasting power to switch Salvatores while causing absolutely no damage to her best friends," she finished.
Damon drank the glass bottom up. He had stopped noticing the bitter taste of bourbon a long time ago, not mentioning the lack of impact of the alcohol. He would now welcome feeling anything.
"It's all on us now," Caroline said.
"It has been all the time, we just didn't pay attention to that. We ignored it like some spine-less cowards," said Damon in distaste. "And now we're drinking here - I mean, look at us."
"We shouldn't have stopped looking, right..." she suggested.
"You think?" Damon asked ironically.
"I can't believe we just went on with our lives and left her alone anywhere she is. She will never, ever forgive us. It's like when she was left all alone in 1994. This will ruin her," Caroline ranted.
"Shut up!" Damon shouted at her. "We will find her, kill Cade, everything will be alright. Where did you hide that ultimate killer-thingy?"
"You mean the dagger? At safe place," Caroline assured him. "Don't worry."
"It's not about worrying, Car, it's about being healthily suspicious," he explained. "Alright, let's go get it."
Caroline's eyes widened. "What? Now? Are you serious?"
"Never have I been any more," Damon replied.
"You're drunk," she protested.
"So are you," Damon shrugged.
"Exactly!" she confirmed.
"Come on, why does it bother you now?"
"Because! This is dangerous."
Damon grinned. "Our entire existence is dangerous. Let's go!"
That was the final word. Damon put on his leather jacket and headed out of the bar. Caroline scuttled behind him, very uncertain about what they were about to do - what was it, though? Caroline could only ponder about what Damon's plan was, but a quiet voice in her head warned her that this was not going to end well. However, she got used to Damon's impulsive behaviour and the truth was that each time they had got into trouble, they escaped. So she chose to believe him... with a hint of scepticism.
The infernal fire surrounded her, the anxiety inside her chest (which she didn't have right now, as her physical essence seemed to have disappeared) was enormous. How much time has passed already? She didn't know. It might have been an hour, a day - or a year. Time didn't pass according to the known rules at this place.
"The closer your friends get, the closer to hell you'll draw," Cade announced. She didn't see him.
They are coming?
Hope - there it was, always coming when the things were not going well. It was ironical: the worse she felt, the more hopeful she became.
They are coming.
"If only they knew that their rescue mission is getting them even further away from you..."
Why do you care so much about getting me to hell?
"I guess now I can tell you. You have something I want to rid you of. Seemingly, you have abilities that contradict those of mine. You're able to create worlds parallel with ours, similar to the one we're in right now. Sounds familiar?"
What are you saying?
"Oh, let's not play games with each other. You've created a world where you're hiding your boyfriend. I want you to bring him to me."
That's ridiculous. Even if it was true, how am I suppsosed to do it? I'm a vampire!
"That is for you to solve," Cade replied.
Why would I do that? If it means Enzo's safe distance away from you, I'm gonna keep it that way.
"Then," Cade sighed, "you signed your sentence. I wish you bon séjour in your inferno, Bonnie Bennett."
From that point on, Bonnie no longer heard from him when she tried to scream into the void. At times it felt like sleep paralysis when the brain was awake whilst the body still asleep - she remembered suffering from it as a child. She had thought she'd been dead each time, although she'd known what'd been going on.
Now, however, she'd been dead, imprisoned in supernatural parallel to the universe as we knew it. She felt all the things she'd never wanted to feel again: pain of losing someone, fear of abandonment, helplessness, grief...
Amongst all those things that made life horrible, there was the usual companion that made people look naive.
Hope.
She held on to that; she kept the faith as it was the last thing she had left.
They are coming for me.
