DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gilmore Girls.
AUTHOR: Thanks for all the great reviews. I appreciate it. :)
Chapter 8 – "I love you, little honey pie"
Jess woke up with a groan when a ray of sunlight hit his face. It was morning and judging by the golden shimmer, it was an early on at that. Yawning widely, he became aware of the soft weight pressing on his chest. Jess opened his eyes reluctantly, but was relieved to find Clara sound asleep on top of him.
His little bundle of joy looked so peaceful where she nuzzled his chest, it brought a smile to his face. Last night's trails were gone. The only struggle Jess had left was the one that freed his nipple from his daughter's grip. Clara had an excellent skill of finding and grabbing hold of his nipple through any kind of fabric whenever he let her sleep on his chest. It was why he these day sported bruised nipple, so tender and sore even the soft fabric of his t-shirts could feel like sandpaper. This morning was no exception. Clara had his left nipple in a tight grip that had him wincing of pain when he gently released himself. He now knew what breast feeding women went through.
It was a small price to pay though and one Jess was willing to pay if it meant Clara had a good night's sleep. She was his everything. There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for her to keep her safe and well.
Jess placed a small kiss at the top of the baby's head and took a moment to inhale the baby's scent. It was moment like this he enjoyed and lived for. The tranquility he felt inside was a new feeling to him. He drank of it in large thirsty gulps. This was something he hadn't been spoiled with during his upbringing. This was all Clara's doing, he knew that. She did things to him that made him wonder sometimes if he was looking after her or if it was the other way around.
It wasn't a secret that Clara had come to him at a point in his life where he balanced on a very thin edge. One wrongly placed step could have sent him falling so deep into the darkness that he never could have climbed back up again. Clara had showed him the light and she had brought him safely across the pitch black pit to safer grounds.
Jess smiled for himself. Clara was so much like her mother in that sense. Stella had come to him too at a time of need, when things had started to get very wrong with Jimmy. Jess had sought the solitude of the library, but had come out again a changed man. He had left the place on the threshold to a whole new life.
Reflecting on last night's events, Jess couldn't believe he had been crying in front Lorelai, to the mother of one of his exes. It had been embarrassing and at the same time liberating. Yet another thing Clara had done to him - she had turned him into a crybaby. Before Clara and Stella, Jess couldn't even remember the last time he had cried, probably when he was still very young. He had learned at an early age that crying got him nowhere so he had stopped doing that. Now it seemed, even the smallest things could bring out tears from his eyes. He had watched a romcom back in Philly and had cried his heart out. That was how emotional he had become.
Jess let out another sigh. He had cried at Stella's funeral. He and Stella's sister had leaned against each other and emptied the pools of salty water inside them. Jes was going to be forever grateful to his friends for looking after Clara that day and the day after. He had been a mess afterwards. He still was a mess. Last night's emotional outburst was a proof of that, and yet he preferred the outburst before the constant pain he had bore inside during his teenage years. The only good thing coming out of it was that the pain and the anger had pushed him into Luke's care. With Luke the pain had not been so tangible. During his stay in Stars Hollow he had begun healing, he had almost started to think of the town as his home, but of course he had been to messed up inside to make it last. He had pushed Luke to the edge until Luke had no other choice but to kick him out.
Jess choked down a yawn and caressed Clara over the back. Clara stirred and made a muffled sound, but did not wake. It was still a surreal thought to think that he had helped creating her. She had grown so much since the birth. Jess had been terrified at the end of Stella's pregnancy that Stella's fluctuating health would have a negative affect on Clara's health. It had turned out to be quite the opposite. The doctors had told him Clara was an unusually strong and healthy baby. During her first five months of life, she hadn't been sick not once.
Clara hiccuped in her sleep which brought a smile to Jess' lips.
"I love you, little honey pie," he whispered and nuzzled her hair with his nose.
It was insane how much he could love someone that small. It was insane how he could love this much at all considering his loveless childhood. Liz was still oblivious of becoming a grand mother and Jess intended to keep it that way. At least for a little while longer. Clara was his pride and joy, he didn't want Liz to be a part of that. Not yet. And he definitely didn't want T.J to be a part of it. Jess hadn't talked to the guy since his last visit in Stars Hollow two years ago, but according to Luke the guy hadn't improved at all.
The only one Jess wanted in Clara's life was the man Jess hoped to get back into his own life - Luke. Jess had no idea of where to begin telling Luke about everything that had happened while he had been away, but Jess knew he wouldn't leave town until he had gotten an answer from Luke to his question. If Luke wanted Jess back or not.
A sudden knock on the door woke up Jess from this thoughts. At first he planned to ignore it, thinking it must be Kirk with the mail - Lorelai had warned him about Kirk taking it upon him to deliver Lorelai's mail personally the night before; but as the knocking continued Jess saw no other choice but to gently put down Clara beside him and get off the couch.
Tiptoeing over to the staircase to not wake his precious princess, Jess called up the stair: "Lorelai? Lorelai, are you awake?"
A muffled sound was heard, but quieted.
"Lorelai!"
"Tell him to go away!"
Lorelai was obviously not a morning person, Jess wasn't surprised. He knew the Gilmore girls well enough to know that if any of them was fit to get up early, it was Rory.
Another knock, this one harsh, forced Jess think fast. Except for Kirk, he only knew one other person who could be this keen on checking in on them.
"Coming, Luke!" he said as another knock threaten to knock the door in.
Jess glanced at Clara to make sure she was still asleep where he had left her. She was. He reached for the doorknob, ready to tell his uncle an excuse to his somewhat undressed appearance, but it wasn't Luke standing outside the door.
"Mrs Gilmore," Jess gasped in shock.
