A/N: OK, so how many of you just absolutely knew at the end of chapter 17 that one of James' parents was as good as dead? Come on, someone must have picked up on my foreshadowing! LOL. Ok, here it is! Chapter 19! I hope you guys enjoy it! Please read AN at bottom of this chapter! I would really appreciate it! Review responses are at the bottom as well!

This chapter is dedicated to tears-of-crystal! I've been having a hard time emotionally right now, and you've really helped me through! Thank you so much for all of your support, and thanks for keeping me busy with your minis! I love you, babe!

Lily left the kitchen and went to sit in the parlor until the Order's meeting was concluded. Eventually, she knew that she would join in the Order and fight alongside James and the others, but she also knew that now was not the time. James was feeling very insecure. It was clear that the death of his father had rattled him even more than Lily had imagined. The thought of losing someone else close to him petrified him. Lily understood this fear and was determined that they would handle it together. James had a long road to travel as far as healing, but she was going to make sure that she was with him every step of the way.

The door opened and the members of the Order poured out. Some lined up at the fireplace to floo home, some apparated, and the rest left by way of the front door. Dumbledore lingered behind, speaking with Emily. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were among the last to leave the room.

"I'll show you where you'll be staying. You can borrow some clothes and stuff from Mum until you can go home and pack," James said softly. Lily nodded and followed him upstairs. She knew that, legally, she wasn't supposed to be staying with James at all, but his need for comfort that only she could give was more than enough reason to stay.

"Sirius and I sleep right across the hall, Remus and Peter are on your left, and Mum and Dad's room is on the…" James trailed off, closing his eyes in pain. "Mum's room is on the right," he said, his voice breaking.

Lily opened the door to the room James had indicated as hers and let James inside, following after him.

Immediately, she took him into her arms, hugging him with all her might. James crushed her body against his, burying his face in her hair, crying softly. Lily led him over to a couch positioned against one wall of the bedroom and sat down, pulling him down next to her. She continued to hold him, gently swaying back and forth until James' tears subsided and he sat, simply clinging to her.

"Does," James started to say, but broke off with a dry sob.

Lily rubbed his back comfortingly, murmuring, "Shhh, baby. I'm right here, James."

"Does it ever stop hurting?" he whispered softly.

Lily pulled away from him just enough to look him in the eye as she answered his question.

"No," she said carefully. "No, it never stops hurting entirely, but over time it grows duller. Eventually, when you think of him, you'll stop remembering that he's dead and think of what he did when he was alive. You'll always miss him. You'll miss him every single day of your life, but it won't hurt the way it does now. It takes time, but, slowly, it starts to get better."

James fixed his hazel eyes upon her vivid green orbs.

"I saw it happen," he said softly. "It happened at Headquarters for the Order. They captured our secret-keeper and killed him, so they knew where to find us. They stormed in and they just started firing spells everywhere." His voice broke again and Lily placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting him, while letting him continue to speak at the same time. She knew it would be easier if he didn't stop knew that he'd started telling her the horrible tale. "I was s-standing right next to him. We were fighting together, side-by-side. Then the Death Eater just-just killed him." James stopped and dropped his head. "I killed the Death Eater, Lily. I just-" He stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to control his sobs. Once he had mastered himself again he spoke. "I'm a murderer, Lily. I'm no better than they are."

"No." Lily's voice was firm. "You are not a murderer. You are a good person, James. You are a good man, and you had just seen your father die. I think that that-"

"That's not an excuse for what I did, Lily! I still killed him." James couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes.

Lily saw his gaze lower and brought a hand to his cheek, trying to turn his face to her. He resisted her touch.

"James, look at me. No, baby, look at me. Look at my face." Slowly, his eyes turned to meet hers. "You are worth ten-thousand of any of them. You have a good, kind heart. Theirs are black and tainted with hate. That is why they kill, James, because they hate. You killed a man. I wish that it hadn't happened, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with that on top of all the pain you already feel, but you didn't do it out of hate. You killed him for a cause that you believe in. You didn't hate him. Don't argue with that," she added as James started to open his mouth to contradict her. "You may have felt an incredibly strong dislike towards him. You may have wanted to cause him pain in return for the pain that he caused you. You did not hate him. There is so much difference. The is not even a fine line between the two. The line is miles wide. You never even crossed the threshold into hate. You're so much better than that. Look at me." She placed her hand under his chin and lifted it up as his face started to drop to his knees once more. "I love you. Your mother loves you. Your father loves you. Sirius and Remus and Peter all love you. We all love you because you are a kind and loving person. You aren't a murderer. I know you better than that. Trust me to know that, even if you're uncertain of it yourself. I know you. You're my James." She placed her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, kissing his lips softly and briefly. "I love you. We'll get through this together."

James pulled her against him with an almost suffocating grasp. Lily held him just as tightly. They stayed there together, just holding one another, silent tears running down each of their cheeks.

Finally, James stood up to leave.

"Promise you'll try to get some sleep?" Lily said. "It'll help. I promise." James just nodded. He started to walk out the door, but Lily grabbed his arm. "If you need me, I'm right here, baby. It doesn't matter what time it is or anything, I'll be here, alright?"

"Yes." James started to turn and walk out the door, but Lily took his arm and pulled him back to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a gentle, tender kiss to his lips. She was surprised that he returned it. She had expected him to shy away from affection, but he did not. He accepted it, willingly, as comfort. It was definitely a step in the right direction. Lily knew that he would recover.

"I love you," James whispered as they parted. Lily smiled gently.

"I love you too. Go and get some sleep. Remember, it will help." James nodded and left.

Lily leaned against the closed door for a moment, gathering her strength. She had not dealt well with the death of her parents. She still did not deal with it at all. It was painful to her, trying to help James deal with his grief. She knew how important it was that he handled it the right way. Lily had been empty after her parents' death, devoid of all emotion. James seemed to possess only one emotion: Sadness. Though, obviously, he still felt love for her. That was good. Not only was it a sign that their bond was not likely to weaken with James' grief, it showed that James was able to feel. If he was able to feel, then he would be able to heal. That was the most important thing. James had to heal.

Lily tried to clear her mind. She did not want to deal with her own mixed up emotions. Later, when she was certain that James would not need her for the rest of the night, she would into a strange bed and cry herself to sleep. The wounds from her Mum and Dad's deaths would open up and bleed afresh. Now was not the time to relive her grief. She needed to let James handle his before wallowing her own self-pity. James was more important.

Lily forced her tears back and took a quick glance at the mirror hanging on the wall.

"'Tis a sad day for us all, eh?" It asked. Lily simply nodded, noting that her face was red and blotchy. James would know that she had been upset if she left the room immediately. She tried to think of a spell to take the evidence of her emotion away, but none came to her.

She found a wash basin on the bedside table and took it out.

"Aguamenti," she said, and the basin filled with water. She quickly conjured a towel and dipped it into the water, holding the cold compress against her face and hoping it would take away the blotches sooner than they would have gone away naturally. This worked to her satisfaction.

Lily walked to the door and took a deep breath. It was time to start being strong again. James needed her to be strong for him. They all needed someone to be strong. Lily closed her eyes in a silent prayer for that strength ands turned the handle. Immediately, she bumped into Emily, who was waiting outside the door.

"Oh, hello, dear. I am so sorry," she said, her voice breathy and distant.

"Oh, that's alright, Emily. I was actually just coming to find you. James said that I might borrow some clothes from you?" Lily fixed a positive expression onto her face, though she knew how false it must have looked.

"Yes. I've got them right here for you." Emily held out an armful of clothes for Lily.

"Thank you."

"Well, goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, Emily, and-" Lily hesitated, hoping she wasn't over-stepping her boundary as future Daughter-In-Law. "Do try and get some sleep. It helps." Lily offered the older woman a small smile.

"I will. Thank you, dear." Lily nodded and retreated into her room. It was going to be a long night. She didn't expect to sleep. She expected to have nightmares about her parents' deaths. Tonight, she would be alone. Alice wasn't there to pull aside the hangings on her bed and wake her from her dream world. Petunia wouldn't come into her room in the dark and hold her as they cried together, being true sisters, just for a little while. James wouldn't pull her against him in his sleep as her heard her terrified muttering. She was alone, and, alone, she cried.

A/N: Pleas excuse this chapter for being so short. I was going to go on to describe the funeral in this chapter, but a very good friend of my family's has recently died and I went to her funeral the other day. It was the first time I've ever been to one, and I don't particularly care to re-live the experience through writing at the moment.

Also, though you may think I is, this is really not just a filler chapter. Read it carefully. There is important information in here that will be important in later chapters!

Chapter 17 Graduation has been updated to fit with HBP! I am extremely mad at JKR at the moment because she has completely ruined half of my plot for Thrice with her latest book. :Grumbles: Anyway, if you have not participated in my poll about Thrice, please, look at my latest AN chapter and cast your vote in your opinion. I am trying to take my reader's opinions seriously. I am fairly certain that Thrice will not start off being M-rated, but it may end up getting there. I will also probably be doing a fic called Honeymooners which will be a full blown M story about Lily and James' honeymoon. It won't be up until I have finished Lilyflower.

OMG! 99 reviews! I can't believe it! I love all of you so much. You have made writing this fic such a wonderful experience for me. I really appreciate it.

iluvgerardbutler: Thanks for the review! I really liked Just Another Year Putting Up With Potter? I'll try to read your other fic when I have more time. School just started back for me on Tuesday, and I've been swamped with Homework all week long! Ugh! I agree with you about HBP, though. It was completely awesome. I'm proud of myself. I guessed every pairing but one! I thought ADMM were going to turn out to be together. I still think that there's hope for that ship later on, though. I cried for like an hour afetr I read it! Anyways, please leave me another of your lovely reviews, dear. I love them!

Miracle Girls: Hey! Thanks so much for reviewing. I am so glad that you forgive me. LOL. I hope this helps to sooth the waters even further. Glad you liked the chapter. I hope this one was just as satisfactory for you. I completely loved HBP too. I cried for so long. Just curious, is your first name really Lily? If it is, I so envy you. I hate my name. It's so boring, but flower names are cool! Lucky you. LOL. Anyways, please review again!

dontmesswithYami: Whatever you say, slash queen. And if you can't keep the grammar mistakes to a minimum, please jsut verbally tell me what you think by calling me or telling me at school. I actually copy-pasted you review into Word and edited it last time. It annoyed me that much. I know that you can use good grammar when you try! Or at least I hope you can, as I have yet to see it! JK! Luv ya, Julesie!

Queen of Duct Tape: Thanks for reviewing! Well, like I said, Lily knows the pain that James is going through. That is why she is so understanding. There may be a little fighting over the situation in later chapters. Just maybe. Wow, I don't think I've ever seen the word "really" that many times in one sentence. LOL. I am very glad that you like the story, though! OMG, how long did you cry for when you read that part of the book! I cried for like an hour. It's so sad.

Zippy-Wings: Well, heart-warming is what I'm going for! LOL. Seriosuly, though, thank you very much for the compliment! Hope you keep reading and reviewing!

Lyndalion16: Hey girl! Thanks for reviewing! Glad you like it. I promise I am gonig to try to get yours read soon. That is, if I am allowed to, now. LOL. Hope you liked the darkness in this one. I thogiht of you, the Queen Vampiress of the Dark World, as I worte it! Love ya , Kitty!

blue-buggy: LOL. Yes, I suppose she is, isn't she. We aren't done with her, yet, though. Not nearly done. :Laughs manically in a strangely JKR-like way:

jessi: Well, since I already adressed your concerns, I'll just say thanks for finally reviewing and ask where the reviews for my other stories are. I seem not have received any! LOL. Luv ya, Jess!

foci: Hey you! One of my friends here in my town has actaully started beta-ing for me, but I again thank you for your offer! Like I said, alte reviews don't bother me in the least! LOL. I'm just happy as long as I get reviews. Unlike you, I'm not a spectacular writer who gets hundreds evertime she updates! LOL. Again, thank you for your wonderful compliemtns. I think that this chapters gives even more insight into Lily's perspective. I can't wait to hear what you think!

Again, thanks to all of my wonderful readers and reviewers! I love every one of you. Even the evil people who don't review! LOL. JK to the evil people. I still love you all for reading!

5 BILLION COOKIES AND DANIEL RADCLIFFE PLUSHIES TO MY 100TH REVIEWER!