A/N: Wow, you guys must all hate me so much! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Real life has been in the way far too much lately!

Dedication: This chapter dedicated to Tears-of-crystal for being my 100th reviewer and to Kevin for being my inspiration to finally sit down and write this.

Now, on with the show!

Ch. 20 Promise Broken

James Potter was certain that he wouldn't sleep. He felt guilty. He felt guilty for being unfair to Lily and for…. Well, he wasn't going to think about that. He couldn't. Not now.

James continued to pace around and around his bedroom. He stopped, pressing his palms against his face and trying to calm himself. Then, without warning, without even thinking, he ran at the wall and punched a hole into it. He pulled his fist from the wall, muttered a quick, "Reparo,", and somehow felt better though his entire hand was stinging as though it was on fire.

Lily awoke very suddenly, hearing a loud bang on one side of her wall. She heard James' voice, saying a soft repairing charm. Lily closed her eyes and lay back down, breathing deeply. For one wild moment she had wondered if the Death Eaters might have found out…

Lily shuddered and turned over in bed. There wasn't anything to worry about. James had probably just knocked something over. Everything was safe.

A soft knock sounded on her door. Groaning a little, Lily pulled her sheets away and walked to the door, not even bothering to grab the dressing gown she had borrowed from Emily.

Lily opened the door to reveal James, standing irresolutely as though still debating whether he should be there or not.

"James," Lily said, marveling at her surprise. Of course he would be there.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" James started to say, turning around.

"No." Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room. "It's alright, baby. What did you need?"

"I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't feel like being alone. Is that alright?"

"Of course it is. Come and sit down." Lily gently pulled him down to the sofa and sat next to him. "Do you want to talk or just…?" Lily trailed off, not certain what she wanted to say.

"I just needed to be with you. Should I go? I mean, I really shouldn't be here," James muttered. His eyes were downcast and Lily suddenly realized that she had completely neglected the dressing gown that Emily had lent her. Emily was a bit larger than Lily and her nightdress gaped a bit in front. Naturally, James' eyes were rather fixed on a forbidden place.

Lily crossed her arms and waited for James to look up at her. Lily raised an eyebrow inquiringly at him.

"I'm sorry," James muttered, turning a deep shade of red. He turned away from her and put his hands over his face, breathing deeply.

"It's alright, baby. Just don't make a habit of it, eh?" Lily grabbed his face and made him look at her. His hazel eyes were burning.

Suddenly, his lips captured hers in a searing and incredibly passionate kiss. Lily was quite shocked by the force of his kiss and almost pulled away, but James brought his hands to the back of her head and the small of her back, urgently deepening their kiss.

James was torn with a strong desire to feel… anything. He wanted to feel anything other than pain and grief. And here, Lily sat, willing pouring out her love for him. It was an outlet he could use. His love for Lily would mask his pain. At least, for a while.

Lily had no power to resist James' kiss. She leaned further into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Somewhere, at the back of her mind, she knew that something wasn't right. She knew that something didn't quite fit. However, the power of James' kiss was so overwhelming, that she didn't think anymore. She only felt as his lips left hers and slowly began to graze across her neck. Lily gasped excitedly as he gently bit at a pressure point, suckling it to leave his mark.

James moved and buried his face in Lily's hair. The, his lips were on hers again, devouring her taste. His hands slowly slid towards the hem of her overlarge nightgown. The feeling of his hands on her bare thighs seemed to bring Lily back to life.

"Baby," she gasped, pulling away slightly. James took the opportunity to latch his lips onto her neck once more.

"James, stop," Lily tried to say, but was unable to stifle a moan as he once again found her pressure point and began to suckle.

After a few more heated moments, Lily forced herself to come to her senses.

"James, stop," she said firmly. Lily placed her hand on his chest, forcing a slight distance between them.

"Huh?" he muttered tickly, still intoxicated by desire.

"We need to stop. I mean, I know that you're upset, understandably, but we can't…do what we were about to do. I mean, we-we said we were going to wait…" Lily trailed off, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with the situation.

James ran a hand distractedly through his hair, still trying to master himself.

"Yeah. Yeah, all right. I'm sorry."

"I understand, James. I mean, I really do."

James knew that she understood perfectly and the thought comforted him.

"I know," he said. "I'll just go." He stood and headed for the door. Lily seized her opportunity. She quickly stood after him and grabbed his shoulder before he had reached the door.

"You don't have to leave," she murmured. "I mean, you could just sleep here tonight. Just sleep, that is. I mean…. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

"Yeah." James nodded, turning to face her again. "Yeah, I'll stay."

Lily smiled. Together, they walked to the bed and lie down. Then, they commenced to hold each other, each giving comfit where comfort was needed, until morning.

In the morning, Lily awoke to find James already awake and dressed, staring absently out the window of her temporary bedroom.

"What are you thinking on, love?" Lily asked softly. James turned swiftly to face her and cracked a very small smile.

"Good morning to you, too," he said.

Lily smiled a little back at him. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

"And why on Earth are you awake so early?" Lily asked, only slightly surprised by this.

"Couldn't sleep. I've been thinking," James replied slowly, seeming to study her.

"On what?"

Before James could answer, a knock sounded at the door.

"Who is it?" Lily called, trying not to sound too exasperated at being interrupted.

"It's me, Lils," Sirius replied.

"Hold on a second." Lily quickly pulled on the dressing gown Emily had lent her before opening the door.

"Have you seen James this morning: Sirius asked as he entered her room.

"Yes," James replied from his place by the window.

"Oh, uh, your mum's looking for you, mate."

"Alright. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes."

Sirius nodded and left quickly, somehow sensing that this was not a conversation he wanted to be a part of.

"Come here," James said softly, after his friend had left. Lily walked over to him. James leaned down a little and placed a soft, yet deep kiss on her lips.

Lily sighed a little as he pulled away. "What was that for?" she asked, grinning.

James took a deep breath. "I don't-" he started, but suddenly the words he had been rehearsing for hours wouldn't come out.

"Idon'tthinkweshouldseeeachotheranymoreforawhile," he blurted, unceremoniously.

"What?" Lily asked, shocked.

James took a deep breath. "I said, 'I don't think-'"

"I heard what you said, James. I just don't know why you did." Lily bit her lip her lip, suddenly nervous. "James, does this have anything to do with last night? I mean-"

"No! No, you were right about last night. I wasn't thinking clearly."

"And you clearly still aren't if you're thinking of breaking up with me!" Lily's voice was suddenly shrill.

"Let me explain!" James said hastily. "I'm not saying that I want to break up with you. I'm saying that, until this war is over, maybe you and I shouldn't…be together. I mean, Lily, I have to fight. This man, no, this monster, he killed my father. I have to fight. I just couldn't bare if you were to get hurt. So, until this all blows over, let's-"

"James, no!" Lily shouted, quite unexpectedly. She took several deep, shuddering breaths, trying to keep her temper under control. It wasn't easy.

"I am trying to be supportive. I know that is what you need from me. I am trying here, James. Yu didn't want me in the Order, so I said no. You needed comfort, I comforted you. That's what I am supposed to do. I know what it feels like, James. I know that you just want to push everyone away, to make it easier. You think it won't hurt as much if you lose them, then.

"But you're wrong. You don't understand. If you push away the people who love you right now, it will just hurt more if you lose them. I know, James. You can't do this. It will completely destroy you, but only if you let it. Don't push away from me. Don't do what I did." Lily's voice broke.

"I'm not pushing you away, Lily. I am trying to protect you! I am a Potter. I am one of the last of the pureblood families. That makes me a target if I decide to fight, and I am fighting. If you marry me, you'll be an even bigger threat to them than you already are. You're Muggle-born. They'd kill you as soon as look at you. On top of that you are an extremely talented witch. If you marry me, they'll come after you for sure. I couldn't live with myself if they-"

"That is bullshit. You know it is. You're doing this because you're scared! Admit it! Don't pretend you are doing the noble thing, here, James." Lily now couldn't help the angry tears that slipped down her cheeks.

"Lily, I-"

"No, damn-it!" Lily shouted. "If you aren't going to marry me, just say it. Don't you dare hide behind a noble façade."

"I can't marry you, not right now, at least- LILY!"

In a flash, Lily had torn the heart-shaped necklace from around her neck. She threw it to the floor and stomped on it. Less than a second later, she was walking down the stairs toward the kitchen.

"Where's Dumbledore?" She demanded of Remus as she entered the sitting room.

"He's in the kitchen. Lily, what-?"

Lily had already stormed out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Professor!" She all but shouted, tears still streaming down her face.

"Ms. Evans, what-?"

"I want to be in the Order of the Phoenix. I'll take your oath and everything. Just send someone to get me for the next meeting and I'll be here. I am going to fight against him!"

And on that note, Lily stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed a handful of floo powder, and left, spinning to the fireplaces to the home of Arabella Figg.

Alright… there you have it. Please don't kill me! Hides from angry hordes of readers who are outraged at my depressing and angst plotline! I really am sorry, but I swear, there is a point to this. I really do promise.

Now, review responses from last chapter!

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