DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gilmore Girls.
Chapter 12: "I want to know everything there is to know about this Jess Mariano"
The park was peaceful at this time of the day. The citizens of Stars Hollow were busy working in their gardens, going grocery shopping or simply gossiping with their neighbors to be out in the park. Jess made the stroller come to a halt by one of the benches. After wrestling Clara out of the carrier, Jess took it off and sat down with his daughter on the bench. The tranquility of the morning struck him almost immediately. There were not many places in Philadelphia one could hear the silence this clearly.
Jess was so caught up in the moment that he didn't notice the fancy sport car driving up the street behind him, nor how it came to a stop when one of its passengers spotted him. He didn't even notice them approach him until they were right behind him and one of them spoke.
"Hey, Dodger!"
Jess felt his heart take a leap and a smile grew on his lips as he recognized the voice. Rory. He turned his head and there she was, looking more beautiful than ever. A blonde man stood behind her. Judging by how close the man stood to Rory, Jess suspected this was Logan.
"Hey there, Rory. Didn't see you there." Jess adjusted his grip around Clara in order to get a hand free to offer the blonde man. "Jess Mariano."
The blonde man took it.
"Logan Huntzberger."
Jess tried to not let his surprise show. A Huntzberger? Rory had done well for herself. Jess couldn't think of anyone in the New York area who didn't know who the Huntzbergers were. The father was a ruthless business man.
The standard phrases were soon cleared out. How are you? What are you doing these days? How's Yale? Where do you live now? Rory was mildly surprised to find out Jess lived in Philadelphia nowadays. After that an uncomfortable silence followed which wasn't broken until Logan spoke up.
"Uhm... I didn't get any breakfast this morning so I'm gonna head over to the diner and grab myself something to eat. Do you want anything, Rory? Coffee?"
Jess could help but to arch an eyebrow. Really? The guy was asking Rory if she wanted a coffee? The daughter of the country's number one coffee addict? Jess wouldn't have been surprised if he found out Lorelai had given Rory coffee instead of breastmilk when she was little.
"Yes, please. Tell Luke Rory wants her usual order."
Logan looked so confused, Jess felt the need of stepping in.
"The grumpy man who will take you order. He's my uncle."
Logan nodded. Rory turned to Jess. "Do you want anything?"
"No, thanks. We're good."
He motioned to Clara who, after deciding Rory and Logan weren't interesting enough, was slowly drifting asleep in his arms. It was something he loved to watch. Her complete trust in him was most satisfying. It made him all warm and fuzzy inside.
Logan left them after giving Rory a soft kiss on the cheek. Jess tried not to feel jealous.
"So this must be Clara. Mom told me about her yesterday when she called," Rory said as she came around the bench to sit down next to him. She pinched Clara lightly on the foot. Clara gave Rory a glare before burring her head into Jess' jacket. Jess chuckled. So small and already bossy. He couldn't help but wonder though why Lorelai had called Rory. Had it been a casual talk or had it been to tell Rory to stay clear from Stars Hollow? If the latter, Lorelai had failed miserably.
"She's so cute. How old is she?"
"She's turning six months in two weeks."
A strange thought crossed Jess' mind. If he hadn't screwed up thing with Rory, they could have been sitting here playing happy family. Clara could have been Rory's. The thought unsettled him more than he had thought it would.
They got talking about everything that had happened since last time they saw each other. Rory told him about Yale and he told her about Stella. When he told her about Truncheon and the book he was currently writing, Rory got all excited and insisted upon him letting her read it. Jess promised that he would send her a copy once it was done, but it wasn't as genuinely meant as he wished it to be. There was something in her eyes when he spoke that made him uncomfortable. It was like she was clinging on to every syllable coming out of his mouth as if her life depended on it. He realized that it did. Rory wanted him to bring up their last encounter, she wanted to know if he meant the words he had said then. Jess tried his best to avoid the subject, but when Rory mentioned shop that had its opening shortly after he had left last time and which she wanted to show him now that he was back, Jess finally had enough.
"Rory!" He interrupted her sharply. "I'm not here to stay."
Rory blinked.
"What do you mean?" She tried to look clueless, but a soft blush gave her away.
"I haven't moved back," he told her in a softer voice. "I'm only here over the weekend to see Luke."
"Oh..." Pain and disappointment swept across Rory's face. Jess knew he had hurt her.
"Look, Rory, I meant those words I said last time I was here. I loved you and a part of me will always love you, but we're not the kids we were. I've changed. You've changed!" He tried to seek eye contact with her, but Rory refused to look at him. "You're at Yale now. Soon you'll be a Yale graduate ready to go out change the world. You don't want to be stuck with some guy you dated in high school and a kid that isn't yours."
"How do you know what I want? Maybe that's exactly what I want." The hurt was evident in Rory's voice. Jess wished he didn't have to say these words, but he knew it was for the best. For all of them.
"I know it isn't what you want. I would never forgive myself if I let you think that is what you want. I love you, Rory, you know I do, but... I loved Stella too. Losing her has been hard. Is still hard. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not ready to make any commitments. I'm not ready to let someone new into my life. I've got Clara to take care. She's the only one I need at moment. Her and Luke."
Rory's face crumbled. She was ready to burst into tears. It was breaking Jess' heart to see, but it was necessary to tell her this to let her know just how much she meant to him.
"Clara is my first priority, Rory. She needs me and I need her. She will always be my first priority. I don't want you to settle for second best. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who can give you his undivided attention. I'm really sorry I cannot be that guy."
"You won't stay single for the rest of your life..."
Jess sighed. Why did she have to make this so difficult for him?
"You're right, I won't. I will date again, but I don't want you to wait for me because I don't know when I will be ready try it again. It could be next month or next year, but it could also be in ten years. I don't know. I can't think that far head right now. But I know I don't want you to wait for me. That Logan seems to be an alright guy. You look like you two have a good thing going. Don't throw that away because of me. I wouldn't want you to put your life on hold waiting for something that may not happen."
The silence that followed was so thick Jess believed he could cut it through with a knife. Tears were falling down Rory's cheeks. She tried to fight it, but failed. She was crushed.
Jess prayed that this didn't mean the end of their friendship. He hoped she would someday see the sense in it and that he had only done it for her own good. Apart from Stella and Clara, Rory was the one who had meant the most to him. Being with her in his youth had soothed the hurt inside him. For a time he had struggled to get back on track just to be with her. He would be forever grateful for that. He could therefore not sit by and watch as she threw her life away. What kind of friend would he be if he did?
Looking at her now though made him fear she might never speak to him again. He didn't want to think what his life would be if she wasn't in it.
"I'm so sorry, Rory. I never meant to hurt you..."
A small sound escaped Rory's lips, a mix between a sharp inhale and a sob. Rory stood up without even looking at him and cleared her throat.
"Uhm... If Logan comes looking for me, please tell him I've gone to the bookstore. I forgot I promised Paris to by sticky notes."
She walked away before he could respond. Jess watch her go with the feeling inside that a part of him had just died. He followed her with his gaze until she disappeared into the bookstore, just like she said she would. By then Clara had stirred from her sleep and claimed his attention. He placed a small kiss on her forehead to let her know how loved she was. Clara cooed and reached up to touch his face with a tiny little hand as if to soothe him. The sweet gesture made Jess certain he had done the right thing.
Logan watched his girlfriend talk with young father from across the street. In his hands he held the two take-away coffee mugs he had just bought from the diner. The content was painfully hot against the palms of his hands, but Logan was too preoccupied watching the couple on the bench to really notice it. He had always know there was someone else in Rory's life, someone she didn't want speak of but who was always present. Up until know Logan had never known the name or seen the face of that person, now he had.
"You should watch out for that one, he's poison," a voice suddenly spoke.
Logan turned and found a tall young man standing behind him. The stranger had been watching the couple in the park as well.
"Oh? How so?" Logan asked.
The stranger looked straight at him.
"Because he her from me once and back then he didn't have that cute baby."
Logan frowned thoughtfully.
"Dean, I presume?" Rory had mention her first love once during a game of truth or dare at a party.
The young man nodded.
Logan straightened and turned his back at the park.
"I think we need to have a chat. I want to know everything there is to know about this Jess Mariano."
AUTHOR: Sorry to all of you who where hoping to see a reunion between Jess and Rory. This just isn't one of those stories. I totally luuuuved the Jess/Rory dynamic in season 2, but felt they lost the charm in season 3. Personally, I didn't feel any connection to Rory after season 2 which is one of the reasons to why I eventually stopped watching Gilmore Girls. Jess, on the other hand, is one of my favorite characters and I liked that he managed to turned his life around. However, one thing I did NOT like is that he is still pining for Rory years after they have broken up. It doesn't feel very realistic to me and that's why I wanted to give him a different ending.
One thing I would have liked to see more of in the show was more Lorelai/Jess situations. Sure Lorelai hates Jess' gutts for being the bad boy he is, but at some level I think she could have connected with him. She, if anyone, should recognise a kid messed up by strange family relations considering what she's been through herself with her own parents. I would have loved to see a Lorelai acting more mature about the matter. But hey, that's just me!
