Lizard

I sat in the closet, my back against the wall while I knocked my head against it. I stared at the picture of Goggle, Dizzy and I. She looked so happy, so free. It was pure torture to see her stuck in a bed for so long. She was not meant to be confined, she was supposed to be wild and out in the open. She belonged here, out in the desert, with us. A human belonged with us. A perfect human , a human that wanted me, wanted all of me.

I let my head fall into my hands and breathed out a deep sigh. How could it be like this, me with a perfect mate? I never saw females as, what did Pa call them? Right, lovers. I didn't understand what they were, I thought they were just breeders. They were supposed to be with me, have my babies and die that way. When had that changed? When did I only want one female, not as many as I could get?

I heard thumping and looked out the open door. I watched the females from the mines walk past my room, the blonde first then the darker one next. She looked into our room, not knowing I was watching her and shook her head, continuing until she reached her and the blonde's room. Good, she needed to get away from me. I don't like other females now that I have Dizzy, they repulse me like the dream of being normal.

No I will never want another female like I want Dizzy. That bitch Erica proved that to me. no matter how many times she advanced on me I felt no familiar pull to pounce on her. I just wanted her as far away from me as possible. Hell I would have thrown her to Pluto and let him break her in if I had felt like it needed to be done, but I had a feeling Dizzy was going to take care of her anyway. Dizzy was meant for this life, she was meant for the hills. She may not realize it but this is the life she was born to live. She's dominating, and that's just the ultimate fucking turn on for me. I hated when females screamed and begged for me to let them go. I just needed that one to pounce when I did and I would have been hooked.

But I don't think it would have been the same with anyone else. I think Dizzy just had me from the beginning. Her voice was husky, unlike any other voice I had heard before. Her body was perfect, curved and firm, but somewhat soft in a way that was purely female.

I don't think I could possibly admit this to anyone, any of these feelings that are trapped inside of me. I can't tell someone that I, Lizard, the psycho rapist and sadist was mushy on the inside. I had never had anyone care about me. I had never had anyone so in love with me that they gave a shit on whether I was happy or not. Dizzy always wanted me happy, Dizzy always wanted to please me, but she wouldn't let herself be dominated, she would fuck me if need be. And she did it so fucking well I don't think another could satisfy me that way. I mean she's just so fucking beautiful and I'm so…gross. It does a body good to have a hot girl on top of you or under you.

"Lizard? Why are you in the fortress alone?"

I looked up and saw Dizzy bent over looking at me, her head cocked to one side. I growled and turned away from her, trying to ignore the faint burn in my cheeks. "Either tha' or I gets stared at by ya guests."

She chuckled and wormed her way between my legs, curling into a ball there. Her eyes fell on the picture of us and she held onto my arm with one hand, the fingertips of her other hand brushing over my chest.

"Do you think it was right killing her?" she whispered.

I pressed my nose into her hair, taking in her scent clinging to the wet locks. "Yeah."

She chuckled, twisting her head up to look at me. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

I sighed, not wanting to say anything but felt like I needed to as a mate. This tug in my chest since we mated has grown pretty fucking strong and it pissed me off, but calmed me at the same time.

"I…I saw ya when ya kilt her. That look in ya eyes was one I don' wanna see."

I wanted her to remain innocent. Call it sick, twisted, and I admit to it proudly. I don't want her tainted by this world. Females tainted by it turn hard and gruff and I don't like that. I want them smooth and soft, innocent and naïve to the world they live in.

She stared at me, her eyes soft and tender. She smiled and pushed up, pressing her lips against my cleft. I purred into her lips and pressed against her more forcefully, but she pressed a hand to my chest to keep me from pushing it further. She pulled away, lingering on my lips for a moment with truly touching them before she smirked and leaned back fully, staring at me intently with those golden eyes.

I don't like how her eyes do that, seem to see through me and into my head where I want no one to go. She reaches up and runs a hand down the side of my face and I close my eyes, leaning into her warm touch. Touch so tender…Mama was the only one to ever touch me like this. She was the only one to hug me, to kiss me. Not like Dizzy, but you know what I mean. I feel her brush her fingers against mine, holding my hand gently.

"I don' wanna lose ya." I manage, gritting my teeth at the sign of weakness.

She is silent, and I forbid myself from opening my eyes. What does she think of me now? Does she think I am weak? Does she look down on me?

She sighs. "Lizard…trust me, you're not going to lose me. The only thing you should worry about is this baby inside of me. Worry about if it is going to be healthy and live a long life. That is all I am worried about, besides if some girl comes along and tries to take you from me."

I open my eyes, seeing her holding a free hand over her stomach. I brush her hand away, lifting her shirt up to place my hand over the roll there. She tenses up, squeezing my hand tightly. I look up in concern, but she just shakes her head, closing her eyes.

"It's just so…sensitive." I feel her muscles jump under my hand. "I need to talk to Mama about it, why my stomach is so sensitive. Guess it could be the baby."

"There ain't no baby in there." I look back down.

"Not a grown one, or whatever. But theres one starting." She placed a hand over mine and started to move my fingers around. When she found the right spot she pressed down. "Right there…can you feel it?"

I did. There was this hard bump, kind of squishy, but hard still. "What is it?"

"My womb, it's starting to form. I felt it while I was in the shower and I know from health class that it's my womb." Her voice was full of love.

I looked up and saw tears on her cheeks, leaning forward to lick the salty drops away. She smiled at me, leaning forward to press her forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, loosening up my menstruations on her stomach. There was life in there…life. A child, my child.

"What happens after this?" I asked her.

She looked up at me. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean…I don't really know what I mean."

My train of thought snapped then, as it often did when I was talking to Dizzy. She did that, not just with me but with others around the village. She made you get lost, it was so easy with her around you and it didn't bother you, just made you feel confused because you don't remember what you were doing or talking about and it was something you wanted to remember.

She chuckled and reached up again, patting the side of my face. It was subtle, not meant to be painful; I don't think she would willingly or intentionally cause me any pain. The movement was subtle, feather soft against my face and I leaned into this too. I like her hands, I liked her soft skin and her long fingers and everything about her. She said I had cured her of her crazy, but it's her that has cured me of mine. Sure I enjoy a good killing every now and again, but it's in my blood to do those things. She is innocent, she does not belong here, but she does. It is a confusing concept. One that I welcome with open arms and never want to let go.

She smiles gently, her thumb running over my cleft and stroking my bottom lip softly. I purr and reach up, stroking her lips with my own thumb. They move together, wiggle slightly when my thumb falls away. Their color is a soft pink, glossed constantly and plump. It is fascinating somehow, but I do not dwell on it, I simply continue my way around her face. I stroke her eyelids, her cheek bones. They are pointed, sharp, her eyelids are soft and thin; I can feel her eyes fluttering behind them. it is a strange feeling. I have never touched a mate this way, I have never been gentle or caring.

She opens her mouth against my finger, breathing out gently and opening her eyes. the gold Is rich, stunning and steals my breath. I have never seen golden eyes before, maybe in a coyote or hare, but never in a human. Ruby's eyes are purple, that's the closest to a strange eye color that I have gotten too. I think most would call Dizzy's eyes bronze or whatever, but it is golden. It shines and shimmers; the pools of color seem to move on their own, running like liquid.

She raises her hand and holds out her pinkie, looking at me in anticipation. When I do not give her the desired reaction she sighs and grabs a hold of my hand, pulling my pinkie into hers and twining them.

"Wha' this for?" I ask, staring at our hands in intrigue.

She chuckles. "We've done this before, you know that right?"

Hmm, admit I don't remember and suffer a woman's wrath, or go along with it? "Sure."

I know she doesn't believe me but she chooses to be ignorant. "Alright, pinkie swear you'll always take care of me and our baby."

I watch her lips move, fascinated. "Promise."

She smiles in delight and push's up, kissing me with as much passion as she had in her when she was free from the bed. I kiss back, wishing to take it further, wanting to take it further, begging to take it further. But she stops me, pushing me away and taking a breather with a hand against her chest. She laughs a little and wiggles out of my arms, standing up fully. I plant a marred kiss on her hip when she stands. She jumps and looks down at me, smiling. She turns fully to me and goes to bend forward, but I stop her by gripping her hips.

I lean forward slowly, cautiously and press my ear to her stomach. It is strange to know there is more than one life inside one human being. I remember the first time Mama got pregnant, well since me. It was Goggle inside of her. She got so big and round. That's where all the weight came from. She gained it while she was pregnant and never had a chance to get rid of it. Then she had Ruby, more weight, then the twins, more weight. I remember Mama being real skinny and running with me and Pa through the desert, laughing and shit. She was so pretty, my Mama. She still is, but back then it was different. She had real long hair, it was gray and wavy, but not from stress. Said it was natural and left it at that. But I knew Mama wasn't lying to me. She never lied to me. She was blunt, never joking. Always serious.

Papa was different. He was the liar, the joker, the friend. But Papa was also a partner. He was a hunter, trained all of us besides Ruby to hunt. Hell, he had trained Hades to hunt. Papa was the best. I hope I can be like him, I hope I can be a good Papa like he is.

"Lizard, is something wrong?" Dizzy's soft voice comes to my ears.

I look up, blinking myself back into this world. Where do I go when I get lost? Papa says I get my brains from Mama. I'm smart in other things. Mama taught me how to do all kinds of things until I turned fourteen and went on my first hunt. Papa was the one that knew about hunting. He wasn't book smart or musical smart, he just knew how to kill and hide. I was the one that got the best of both worlds. I was the first born, I got first treatment. Goggle got some, but not as much as I did. I wonder if I can share that with Dizzy and her not look down on it. I don't think she could ever look down on me, but living with my family has made me tough and if I wanted to keep that up I had to pick who I opened up to.

Dizzy smiled. "Then come on. I'm hungry and Mama made me some soup."

I nodded and stood with her, taking her hand in mine and walking downstairs with her. Mama and Ruby were in the kitchen, talking at the table. Mama smiled at Dizzy and I, giving a small wave along with Ruby. I have never touched Ruby kindly. I wish I would have gotten along better with her. I couldn't stand her jumpiness and her tenderness. It was a sign of weakness a long time ago. Not like now. I have softened up and I want to try to become closer with my only sister. If there's one regret I have is killing that boy she liked. What was his name? Bobby? Sounds right.

"Said you had some soup for me?" Dizzy asked Mama, sitting beside Ruby.

I had never seen Dizzy really react with the women on the family, mostly the men. Didn't bother me, just made me curious. She also tried to avoid the twins at all costs. Wonder what it was about.

"Yes dear, eat up."

Dizzy eyed the red soup with greedy eyes before she started to drink it, using the bowl as a cup. "Mama can you feel something for me?" she asked between a rather hearty gulp.

"What is it?" Mama asked under a furrowed brow.

Dizzy set her bowl down and stood, lifting up her shit. She pressed her fingers in where she had showed me earlier. "Right here, come feel."

Mama walked, more like wobbled, around the table and pressed her hands against the place Dizzy had showed her. She stayed silent for one long moment, making me grit my teeth. Ruby watched me, then the two women in front of us with curiosity.

"Just your womb, nothing to worry about. It flesh's out rather quickly." Mama grabbed up Dizzys empty bowl.

"How long were you pregnant, Mama?" Dizzy asked, rolling her shirt down and sitting next to me again.

Mama started on the bowl, looking towards the ceiling. "Um, not long. Every time it was a tossup between averages. Lizard was about six months. Goggle was around five. Ruby was same as Lizard and the twins were the average nine months because it was two of 'em."

"I wonder if it'll be twins." Dizzy rubbed her stomach lovingly. "Knowing me I'll only have one. I wasn't even supposed to reproduce. Like ever."

Ruby cocked her head. "Wha' ya mean?"

"My body wasn't made for having babies, well it probably was but my parents took care of that. Dad was extra happy."

Her voice was laced heavily in venom; Ruby shied away for a moment but then moved back again. "I sorwee." She mumbled.

Dizzy smiled, waving her hand dismissively. "It's fine, really. As long as nothing takes me back to that place I am ok."

I grabbed a hold of her hand, but she didn't make a big deal out of it, just turned to me with a smile. "I won' let nothin eva happen to ya." I growled.

Being a mate was an amazing thing. It made me feel so strong, protective, more so than I ever was with my family. I thought love made you weak, but it didn't. It made you stronger.

God don't I sound like such a sap.