Dizzy
I lay in Lizard and mines bed, my arms and legs spread on top of the worn sheets. A sheen of sweat was making me sticky and my lungs were getting a work out, pain twitching through me every time I took a deep breath, ones I really needed. I took one of those deep breaths and gave a small cry of pain, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. It hurt so fucking much. I wanted to roll onto my side, but the swollen belly on top of me was preventing me from doing a lot of things.
I hiccupped, cringing when more pain shot through me. One of my hands fluttered up and laid against my belly, rubbing small circles on the tender surface. It was strange, knowing there was another life inside of me. I loved it. I smiled tenderly at the veined bulge. Mama said I shouldn't be too far off really, the way I was swelling up. Said maybe two or three months.
It amazed me that mutant babies didn't stay inside of you for as long as a human baby. I was glad for it, I don't think I can take too much longer of this. I know it's only been a minute since I found out I was pregnant, but dammit this baby is kicking my ass. I get winded at every turn and my ankles are swollen, my feet are always sore. God, it feels like I've run a marathon when all I did was help Missy to the house.
I knew one f the men got out of the shack, Lizard had complained that a body was missing, blamed it on Cyst and Goggle being greedy with the family kills. Honestly I would believe that. Cyst was a greedy man, but he was also a kind man. So was Goggle, but then again they are the outcasts of the family. True aliens in their own family. Cyst never talks anymore, Goggle is up in the hills for such long periods of time, doing god knows what since kills are actually pretty scarce this time of year, meaning he never got to talk to the family much. Of course he talked to Mama and Jupiter, he had to. Mama was his Mama and Jupiter was the clan leader. It was just something that had to be done or punishment would be a threat, more like a promise.
I already received my punishment, one week without Lizard. It damn near drove me crazy. I was always having hot flashes and crying, screaming out in the desert. They would let me stay in the village, they locked me up in this water shack a couple miles away from home. Goggle had watched me so it was ok, but still.
I had never thought being away from Lizard would hurt that bad. I never thought I could miss him so much. I wonder how he felt about it. He never told me how he acted when I was gone, no one had. I wonder if he even missed me, it would be nice if he would show the same affection he did after we made love, or that day in the fort when he said he was afraid he was going to lose me. Where was that Lizard when I truly needed him? Why did he have to be so fucking guarded all of the time? Couldn't he just show me a little affection outside of our moments alone? Of course not, and he wouldn't tell me why.
I heard the door creak open and looked up, seeing Lizard shuffling in the doorway, his hair wet from a shower and his waist covered in a towel. You wouldn't believe how much I am turned on by this disfigured man. I grinned and tried to sit up, but fell back against the pillows with a huff, crossing my arms and giving a small squeak in pain.
"wha'?" he asked, discarding his towel to the floor.
I chewed on my lip, glaring at him. "You know damn well what. You're the one that knocked me up."
He huffed, buttoning his pants so he could lay with me. He lay against my side, his arms against his chest as he purred against my cheeks, licking at the sweat there. I shivered, one hand going down to clench the sheets tightly in my fist. Fuck it was torture. I think he liked it, turning me on and knowing we can't do anything. Fucker got off on it. I hissed when his tongue snaked up my temple then down to my collar bone, sucking on the ridges lightly.
"Wha wrong now?" he murmured against the tender flesh, finger fingers digging into my thigh.
I smacked his chest, hearing it pop. "Stop fucking teasing me."
He looked up at me, mischief glittering in those mercury orbs of his. "Teasin eh?"
My breathing hitched in my throat when his fingers wormed their way inside of me, pressing down on my inflamed walls. I gasped out, my back arching against his menstruations. They squirmed inside of me, making those waves pulse over me. it had been so fucking long sense I had gotten any attention like this, I don't think I could last long enough to give him what he wanted. I would pass the fuck out after this, be out cold probably.
Teasin eh?"
My breathing hitched in my throat when his fingers wormed their way inside of me, pressing down on my inflamed walls. I gasped out, my back arching against his menstruations. They squirmed inside of me, making those waves pulse over me. it had been so fucking long sense I had gotten any attention like this, I don't think I could last long enough to give him what he wanted. I would pass the fuck out after this, be out cold probably.
My breathing came in heavy pants, a moan easing its way out of my lips every now and again. My eyes rolled, numb to the fact that his lips were on mine. My mouth moved on its own accord, my hands to, letting him move my fingers the way he wanted them. I knew what he was doing, but I didn't care, I let my body take over and give him have his pleasure while he gave me mine.
The back of my neck and my chest seemed to be on fire, making me gasp in slight discomfort, but that pleasure overwhelmed it all. I gasped out his name, turning my head to see his eyes. They pulled me in, made my stomach ache from the want to be even closer to him, if that was even possible. I pressed myself into him, pulling extra hard so he groaned into me, his nose buried in my neck while I closed my eyes, burying my own nose into his hair.
I could feel it on my hand before he made a noise, a groan that seemed to be drawn out a lot longer than it needed to be. I moaned out, calling his name to the heavens as I shook, going limp like a wet noodle. I looked u through my heavy lids, letting our eyes meet in a solid promise for love. It was amazing, the way we didn't need words to say I love you. I didn't need his reassurance for that. It was something I just felt inside of me.
I curled into him, taking in the smell of him, rust and dirt. It was all Lizard and I wanted to always have it here. I always wanted him to be with me.
"I love you Lizard," I murmured, my lids heavy.
"Love ya too," he murmured against my temple.
I smiled, happy to see that sweet and caring Lizard I loved. Where do you go when we leave this room? Do you just hide away, to scared of that mean side of Lizard that was there for so long to peep out now? don't be scared, I'm here to take the blows if any come your way. I'm here to soak up all your worries and frustrations, the tears if need be. I don't want there to be any pain inside of you, I don't want you to have to hide that sensitive side of you. I want you to feel safe letting it out now that there is someone there to cushion the fall from gruesome grace.
"Show it to me Lizard," I breathed out against his shimmering skin.
Was this a dream? Everything was soft, Lizard was soft and pliable, moldable you know? I felt him under my finger tips, soft and perfectly fit to me.
"What?"
"Show it to me, show me that side of you that's there when we make glorious love."
I breath against his neck, slow to realize that something is wrong. Very wrong. Lizard is not soft like this, his skin is leathery and tough, damaged from sun exposure and rough from battle scars. No, his skin is not perfectly tanned like this, soft from too many lotion treatments.
I look up, a scream catching in my throat when I see him. That perfect brown hair, deep blue eyes and square jaw. No, this is not Lizard, this is my father. I'm trapped in a nightmare. This feels so real, he feels to real.
Did I never reach the desert? Did I never learn I was pregnant? Did I never find my soul mate? Did my family never die?
No, it has to be a dream. Not even the lord was that cruel as to play such a trick on me. I try to pull away, try to get free from his grasp but his hands are strong as an iron clamp and I know I am trapped. No I cant be.
I start to scream, a high pitched wail I know will stop him. This one is the best I have ever given him. He starts to shake me, cursing at me to stop, telling me I am safe here with him. No I'm not safe with him. My baby is not safe with him. Wait, my baby! I feel it there, the hard womb squirming under my fingertips. My baby is there, so where am I now?
"Dizzy! Stop it!"
I gasp my way back into reality, examining Lizards stressed form hunched over me. I reach out for him, holding onto him for dear life, seeing Missy, Amber, Ruby and Mama in the doorway, worry plain on their faces. I start to cry then, burying my face in Lizards chest, my arms wrapping around him weakly.
"Oh god he was there Lizard, you were him. I thought…I thought it was all just a cruel joke Lizard. I thought I was really there again. Next to him."
He held onto me tightly, quipping at the others to leave; they did so quietly, the door barely giving a click as it shut. I let him go, let him lay me back onto the bed. I watched him run a hand through his hair, giving a slightly frustrated tug at the gray roots.
"I…I was so scared Lizard," I blubbered, my fingers trailing over my belly protectively.
Lizard watched me do that and realized what it was really about, sighing and placing a hand over mine, pushing it out of the way so he could touch my belly with his own hand. His eyes hardened, giving that protective glare he always gave when he felt his family threatened. It was such a relief to see after seeing my father's eyes again. Those hardened pools of blue, lusting over me even when I was such a tiny baby.
"Ain't got nothin ta worry bout. Ya safe ere, with me. With all a us."
I smiled a weak smile and nodded when his eyes met mine, patting the space beside me. "Lay with me, Lizard." I whispered.
I know he didn't like being weak in this sense, emotionally. It was a new thing for him and it would take time for him to come to terms with it. it would take a lot of time and I would be here, waiting for him to reach the end of that long road to his secure zone of emotions.
