Dizzy
I watch Lizard and Goggle cry with their mother and give a sniff of my own. Papa was dead, our leader was dead. Their father and brother were gone. Our protector was gone, now what would we do? I heard the door soft shut ad turned a little seeing Pluto standing in the doorframe. Tears fell from his eyes, making me realize he lost his uncle as well. And his father, though im sure he never really liked his father. Pluto is way more kind than Hades ever was. I gave him a weak smile and moved to hug him, standing on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck. He didn't hug bag, just gave me a shudder that meant he was crying again. I pulled back and placed a kiss on his cheek then shuffled into the living room area, freezing when I realized Big Brain was in there. I heard Pluto join the crying group in the kitchen then felt immensely more alone.
"Ya-wheez-know I….I never realized Jupe was…-wheez- just as vulnerable as the…the rest of us. He is…my brotha is dead."
I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me and added. "Yes, it would seem so." I looked back over my shoulder. "I have never seen Lizard cry." I whispered, looking back down at the ground.
Big Brain sighed. For once he sounded just plain tired. "Li-Lizar' the new…-wheez- leada. Ya know that?"
I looked up. "What?" my voice was barely above that whisper.
He lifted his arms to turn the wheel chair around so he could look at me. His eyes were not narrowed as they usually were, but full of concern ad worry. Big Brain, worried? "He leada…He-cough-oldest son to Jupe."
I raised my hand to my throat and held onto my throat tightly. The swallow hurt, trying to force its way through my grip but I couldn't let go. Lizard was the new leader? Of this family? Wouldn't Pluto be oldest though? But he wasn't Jupiters son, Lizard was. Holy shit, Lizard would have to lead. Was he prepared to do that? what am I saying my Lizard is tough, he can handle some leadership. I turned to see Lizard standing, patting Mama's shoulder while he wiped his nose on an old dish rag. His eyes lifted to mine and he jerked his head towards the stairs. I nodded and waddled my way up them, cupping one hand under my bulge. Taking a breath at the top of the stairs I placed a hand on my back and leaned back a little, getting a satisfying pop before I hurried into our room. I sat on my side of the bed, leaning against the head board while I drew patterns on my belly.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never dear how much I love you…" my voice faded when I heard creaks on the baseboard.
Lizard stood in the doorway, still wiping his crooked face and watching me. "The baby be comin any day now." he mumbled, falling forward onto the bed.
I nodded. "Yeah…Lizard what are we gonna do now?"
"We gonna find the fucka's that killed Papa, we gonna wipe em out. Goggle know where they are."
I stared at him for a moment. "So you're the leader now?" I whispered.
He stared at the head board for a moment before he sighed and nodded. "I don't think I can."
"You can Lizard, I believe in you. You are strong. The strongest one of us here."
He shook his head. "No, I aint the strongest…"
I rolled my eyes. "Then who the fuck is Lizard?"
His eyes met with mine and a shock hit my spine, making me stiffen up and my throat go dry. His gaze was deadly, but not meant for me specifically. He was in a lot of pain, that guard was up but cracking. That's what the look in his eyes was for. "You, Dizzay."
My mouth proceeded to get dry. "No…No I am not strong Lizard. Not by a long shot."
He sat up on his hands and looked more like a predator then than ever. I found myself raising my chin to him, out of fear than challenge or respect. "Yes, ya are whetha ya wanna believe it or not. I know Papa knew, an I do ta."
I shook my head again. No, I was not stronger than Lizard. I couldn't keep arguing with him though when he was in such a fragile mood. The whole house was in fragile mode and I was afraid to do anything else besides sit here and play with my belly. I stared at Lizard while he stared at me, trying t contemplate what to say.
"When are yall goin after these people or whatever they are?"
"After the baby comes. Mama said it should be tonight or tomorrow."
My eyes grew. "Wh-What?"
He nodded, twisting to sit on his rear. "I as' her."
I looked down at my belly. "So that means im goin with you guys to fight?"
"Yeah, we need all of our warriors. Were testin Rubay then."
My head snapped up. "In live fire?" I snarled, he nodded slowly. "You have to just be fucking with me. she isn't ready for any of that shit, let alone a real fight. You cant train her at all here at the house?"
"She already know how ta shoot a gun. She ok." He looked back at me.
I huffed and crossed my arms, feeling the baby kick a little. It made me drop my arms to the giant bulge and runs my fingertips across the surface until I found the next kick. A sick feeling fell into my gullet and I swallowed hard, reaching out for Lizard but not quite reaching him. He noticed my stress and turned to me fully, taking my hand in his. I managed to tell him to get Mama and he nodded, flying from the room like he was lightening itself, he came back moments later with Big Mama and she hurried to my side, grabbing a hold of my hand.
"What does it feel like child?" she whispered.
"It feels like he's trying to dig his way out."
She snapped into actions then, barking at Lizard to get supplies and everything she need while she moved down to my ankles and hefted them forward so they pointed at the sky. She pressed two fingers against the inside of both of my ankles then my thighs. It made my back arch and horrible pain shoot through me. My eyes were wide and my mouth was opened to an O but no sound came out, just a sharp breathe. When my back reconnected to the bed I finally screamed, one that hurt my ears so I wondered how it felt to the others. The baby was freaking out in my belly, kicking and moving like crazy. I could feel little nails digging into me and that made me scream even worse. My eyes were closed by now so I wondered who's hand it was that I was squeezing the blood from. They grunted in my ear but the noise didn't fully register to me. I screamed again, feeling Mama's soothing hands touch the one place I wanted no one but Lizard to touch. Nails dug in once more and I screamed out, high pitched and painful. My left ear popped but faded back in to awareness.
"Here it comes!" Mama yelled, her fingers moving in weird ways down there.
I wanted so bad to close my legs, tears were leaking down my cheeks and neck. I was scared, scared my baby wouldn't make it or I wouldn't make it, scared because there were unfamiliar hands touching me down there. It was terrifying but when I heard Lizard whisper in my ear and that babies shrill first breathe it seemed like everything stopped.
"It a girl…"
My eyes eased open and drifted down to the bundle Mama was holding onto, wiping at with a rather clean towel. She looked toward same and smiled, but I was focused on that bundle in her arms. It only took a few seconds to get her out but it seemed like hours and this baby made it all worth it. I let go of Lizard, my fingers stinging, and let my hands flutter towards Big Mama. She nodded and passed the baby to me, my arms cradling her like they were made just for her.
"Isabel…" I murmured, reaching my pinky up to her red stained lips. There was a cleft there, but it was barely noticeable. "Her name is Isabel."
Lizard was silent beside me so I looked up to him quizzically. He was just staring at the baby, his eyes wide and his arms like wet noodle at his side. I lifted the baby to him and he took her, hesitantly enough. Once the baby was in his arms it's like a light was set off inside of him. He smiled, a real genuine smile for Lizard. He cooed something to her but I couldn't really hear him because I was drifting in and out of exhaustion. I looked down to where Mama was and saw her cleaning her hands off.
I think it's ok to sleep now, right?
I totally rushed the baby birth, but for real it did last more than a few minutes Dizzy just isn't sure on the time.
