A/N: SO I'm super excited about this story and 1 follower is enough for me to update. Enjoy, you!

DISCLAIMER: This story will contain mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide. It will also contain mental health issues involving anxiety, depression, PTSD and other mood disorders. This fic is largely based off of my life experiences and I hope to do justice to what I and so many other people have gone through.

Another Story to Tell


"Himari, don't forget to leave your bio at home today. Hint's train gets in a short time before your club activities end so take the bus with him, okay?"

"Yes." I verified for the third time that week that I understood the itinerary. As always my mother's habit of micromanaging, something she had picked up from work, had found it's way into our lives.

"And have you taken your medicine this morning?" She turned to me now, taking a break from packing her bento.

"Yes. At seven on the minute." I responded lightly, ignoring the thinly veiled concern in her gaze. She sighed and returned to her task. Wiping a stray bit of breakfast from my mouth I quickly cleaned my mess and smoothed my uniform. The pleats in my patterned, light-brown skirt were crisp; my white, perfectly tailored dress shirt and cream vest were free of stains or wrinkles; my lilac blazer was comfortably fitted and clasped at the waist with bright silver buttons. I checked the red ribbon around my shirt collar to make sure the bow was perfectly tied and then grabbed my school bag and my sports duffle and headed to the bus.

Sometimes taking the bus is a nice break, I thought as I pulled the assignments due to day onto my lap, checking them once again for errors. Riding my bike daily had been a self-imposed task due to to both my aversion to running and my desire to remain healthy and fit, but occasionally I should indulge myself. I stared out the window and enjoyed the sights of the bus route. This too would be refreshing to see after so many days of biking through the same scenery.

In my appreciation of what passed outside I failed to notice the new passengers until I felt the hairs on my neck prickle. Turning, I searched for the eyes I knew were on me and found two pairs. Two players I wasn't too familiar with, but dressed in the signature turquoise of our school, sat not too far away blatantly staring at me. Immediately, I turned back to the window. Those stares had been happening for the near two weeks that had passed since my outburst in the gym. On second thought, the bus seems a bit too crowded. Biking will be much more comfortable.

I counted my blessings that it had only been odd looks instead of something else. Ridicule or questions or even requests to join the girls volleyball club would all have been much worse. At least I could deal with the staring internally. If I'd been put into the spotlight I'm sure I would have had…uncomfortable flashbacks.

As it is with all new things my appeal to the two boys faded quickly and they fell into conversation with each other. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and sunk into my seat a little bit. Hopefully the coming holiday week off and the absence of seeing me daily would snuff out any further interest in me and the next shocking thing could draw their attention.

I waited for them to exit the bus first and slowly trailed toward the school behind them while trying to be as quiet as possible. "Ma-ri!" I winced at the joyful voice that shattered the silence. She ran from the school and passing the players in front of me and crashed into me with a hug. They stared incredulously at her bountiful energy that knew no bounds, including the early hour in which she was screaming.

"Aoi-chan, you are passionate as always, but do we have to hug every morning?" I spoke at nearly a whisper and glanced toward the boys, glad to see that they'd continued walking.

"What? Are you kidding me? We're best friends, you're supposed to be happy to see me!" She sounded offended but I knew it didn't go very deep. I mutter a 'yes' in agreeance, biting back a smile, and she seemed satisfied enough to dive right in to the topic of her choosing. I let myself be carried away in conversation. When I was with Aoi I didn't have to try so hard to be happy. Her brightness was infections, not to mention she was the main supplier of information while I responded quietly here and there.


After changing into the white and teal track suit I surveyed the gym. Hmmm. The only people staring today are Satoshi-kun and Kenshin-kun. That's progress. Out of the many people currently in the gym they were the only ones whose eyes constantly flicked over to me. It was understandable that they would be some of the last people interested. The two second years wouldn't have known the Nakahara name like the third years or even the younger players in the volleyball club. Talk of my brother's accomplishments circulated through school after Haru left, mainly consisting of speculations on whether the team would remain competitive in their absence.

That was a bad year for me after I'd joined the custodial crew. Whispers, assumptions about why the youngest of the three, supposedly talented, Nakahara siblings was mopping up after players instead of playing herself. My personal favorite had been that I didn't have any ability and that my application to be manager of the boys club had been rejected, making me so desperate to be involved that I had settled for cleaning the ground they walked on.

Yeah, that sounds like me. I joked with myself, smiling now at the rumors that had made my first year hell. I noticed Hajime looking my direction with a raised eyebrow and hurriedly continued setting up the net.

When all the players had arrived Coach Irihata called them all together to, presumably, talk about their training schedule for the upcoming holiday week. During these routine pre-practice meetings it was typical of the volunteers to clean any areas that would be clear during practice such as bathrooms, hallways, and club rooms before going back to maintain the gym. I shuttered as Yamada looked over the duties list to see what areas we would all be assigned to. I shuddered thinking of having bathroom duties two days in a row but was pleasantly surprised when I'd been named for club duty.

The club room was usually pretty easy work. Aside from hallway duty it was probably the easiest to manage alone. I took an initial look at the room to gauge where to start. Some stray bits of trash would need to be picked up first, then clearing the benches of personal belongings and putting them in the bin at the front for players to collect after practice. After tidying I would look to see if there were any stray items in the unused lockers before wet mopping the floors.

Carrying the trash can I began to gather the garbage from the floor, placing any non-trash items on the benches to put in the lost and found later. Is that a… my thoughts trailed off as I bent down to grab the small, purple rectangle. It is. I flipped the lighter over in my hand twice before I realized what I was doing.

"This is not good." I whispered and clutched the lighter tight in my right hand. My left ghosted over my hip bone on the same size and, shaking, I fell backward onto the bench.

My brain began to send signals to my body without my consent and my thumb pressed down on the striker, rolling the metal wheel and sending a spark of electricity to light the gas. A perfect, orange flame flickered around before I released the wheel. The smell of burned gas filled my senses with dangerous recollection and I lit the disposable lighter once again.

The flame had me mesmerized and I had no recollection of time but I must have been missing long enough to be noticeable. Yamada opened the door and I looked toward him, eyes not quite locking on to their target. The fire began to burn my thumb and I blinked furiously, remembering that the sensation was bad and I looked at the raw, pink mark. A burn… my attention was drawn to the mark that had been left by the heat of the fire, ignoring the obviously concerned Yamada still frozen in the doorway.

"Nakahara?" He said, uncertain, successfully drawing my gaze. I tried to drop the lighter but found it grasped tightly in my hand. My left hip began to ache and I became frightened.

"Please go get Iwaizumi-san." My words pushed past my throat, suddenly dry and raw as if I had inhaled the fire. His eyebrows came together and I knew it was an absolutely inappropriate request.

"Naka-"

"Please! It has to be him. Make up an excuse if you need to but please bring him here." The panic I'd begun to feel bubbled to the surface and I began shaking with the fear of a relapse. But you've already failed. You already burnt yourself. I braced myself on the bench with both hands, fighting against the urge to curl into myself. There was no time for me to register the confusion and hurt on Yamada's face as he turned away. I was too busy keeping my mind from breaking.


Four players practiced receiving in pairs on the far side of the gym. Each varied from setting the ball in a high arc to slamming the ball at a sharp angle in an effort to challenge their partner. Oikawa, even in his deep focus, noticed the lead custodian jogging toward them with concern on his face. He's about to interrupt our practice, he concluded and began to work up his best 'responsible-captain' speech in which he would chastise Yamada for distracting them after their embarrassing loss to Karasuno.

He caught the ball instead of passing and waited for the boy to approach him with whatever odd bit of information he'd deemed important enough to disturb practice. To his surprise, and chagrin, Yamada stopped some yards away and instead spoke to Iwaizumi. Oikawa walked forward slightly miffed at being ignored and tried to insert himself into the conversation.

"…Problem with your locker in the club room." He hear the tail end of Yamada's explanation as he neared. His eyes narrowed, the custodian seemed distressed; sweat began to build on his brow.

Oikawa opened his mouth to question the truthfulness of his statement when Iwaizumi suddenly headed toward the club room. "Huh?" He couldn't help the surprise he felt at his friends retreating figure, "Hey, Iwa-chan, wait to do that until after practice. Oi! Are you listen-" the words were cut off by a dark glare from Iwaizumi and Oikawa muttered something about the other 'taking himself too seriously'.

"Just keep practicing until I come back." Iwaizumi ordered as he turned away once more. He too had noticed the stress behind Yamada's thin excuse to get him to the club room. There was definitely something more but the custodian, whose he had barely any interaction with, had come to him directly for some reason.

Curious but too wary of his friends what Oikawa called over another teammate to receive with.


The club door opened quickly and, again, my body moved of it's own accord, jumping from the bench and backing into a corner of the room. My shaking hands still clutched the lighter and pressed against my chest as if trying to slow the erratic beating of my heard. It took a moment for my brain to register that there was no danger in the two familiar figures in the doorway.

"Hajikun." I whispered and felt relief flood through me. He turned to Yamada as he took a step into the room.

"Keep this door closed and don't let anyone come in until we leave. Especially that idiot captain." Hajikun said and entered the room fully, closing the door behind him. His eyes stared directly into mind and I could see the softness just under the surface of his, seemingly permanent, impassive expression, "Mari."

His voice almost made me burst into tears. Instead, I clutched my chest tighter, "Hajikun, I'm so sorry, We're not supposed to talk to each other outside group meetings but-" my words were abruptly stopped as he walked toward me slowly. He grabbed my shoulder with gentle hands and led me to the bench. I sat down and my eyes widened as he crouched in front of me, so gentle.

"Mari, the group is anonymous for your protection but if you're not safe then what's the point?" I knew he had seen the lighter despite my hands tightly gripping it. That's right, fire isn't safe. I worked through the thought in my head. It seemed so obvious, so elementary, that my brain almost didn't recall the most important piece of information regarding my history with fire. I used to hurt myself with fire. I shouldn't be near fire. My hip ached.

It was like looking at a photo through dirty glass. I would always know what was in the photo but my mind clouded the image. The image here was self harm, the smoky glass was my brain wanting to prevent time from hurting myself while fighting a sick compulsion to do just that. No matter how long it had been since the last relapse, no matter how happy I was, I would always have to fight against the fuzzy part of my brain. 'That sometimes happens,' the therapist had said, 'when you've experienced a trauma'.

"Mari," Hajikun's voice brought me back to the present, "will you please give me the lighter?" My eyes fell to my hands, white-knuckled, around the purple rectangle. I looked back at him and he nodded in encouragement. My arms stretched toward him, toward his open palm and placed both of my hands in his right.

Biting my lip I realized I couldn't let go but before I could voice my shame another large, warm hand gently worked my fingers away from the lighter. When it was free he tucked it away in his clothes and returned his hand to hold my own.

"You did the right thing asking Yamada to get me." I bobbed my head to show I was listening, "Anonymity is important for you and I but staying alive and healthy overrides that every time. You always call me if you need me." He wasn't looking for verification, he wasn't ordering, he was pleading and I knew why.

"Okay," I whispered and he suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace, and I knew why. I held him with all my strength, hoping to express my gratitude in that small gesture. "It was never your fault." I hadn't intended to say it to him. It wasn't a subject he discussed outside our group. He stilled for a moment and the next I felt his fingers tighten on my track jacket. I smiled slightly, sadly, into his shoulder. I can be there for him too.

When we parted I noticed his eyes were glassy but said nothing. His face and voice were stern and steady as ever when he said, "You should leave for the day."

My head whipped back and forth, "I can't. I shouldn't be by myself. Besides, Hinata's train won't arrive for a while and we're riding the bus home together." His lips pressed into a thin line and I could tell he wanted to argue. Sighing he pulled me with him as he stood and gave my hands a firm squeeze before releasing.

"Fine, but tell Hinata what happened when you meet him. You're not alone." His eyes pierced right through me and I knew I'd have to acquiesce I gave him a small but genuine smile and he seemed to take that as an acceptable response and led me to the door.

When he pushed it open we could see Yamada standing not too far away with concern painted across his face. Seeing my lips turned up in a smile he visibly relaxed although his concern was quickly replaced by jealousy. Oh, Yamada. You should work on keeping your emotions off your face. Hajikun began walking away and I couldn't help but call out, "Thank you for your help, Iwaizumi-san." I saw his mouth twitch, holding in a smile, but he said nothing and continued back to the gym.

Turning to Yamada now I saw my predicament clearly. He was concerned, confused, hurt, and jealous and my options were limited as to what explanation I could give. I wasn't ready to add him to the small circle of people who knew my past but I had to mollify him. I could only hope that I was not giving him any false hope as I did so.

"Yamada-kun, thank you and I'm sorry." His eyebrows raised, taken aback. He obviously hadn't been expecting this, "The lighter I found belonged to Iwaizumi-san. He has a…secret vice. I wanted to make sure he would come to dispose of the lighter but I couldn't very well bring it to him. I am sorry for not telling you the situation, but as you can see it's delicate. So, thank you for getting him for me. And," I smiled apologetically, "I thank you for keeping this situation a secret. If anyone, even the Captain, found out Iwaizumi-san would be in great trouble." I put the honest desperation I felt in the plea, shameful that I was appealing to his feelings for me in order to secure secrecy.

Yamada ran a nervous hand over his hair and I saw the light covering of a blush on his cheeks and felt the guild settle deep in my gut. "O-of course Nakahara-chan. I won't tell anyone." The guild exploded through me. It was nauseating and deserved.

I smiled brightly however, bowing slightly in gratitude, "Thank you! I'll get back to work right away!"