Back to fun, this chapter is more light than the last. Forgive me if these last two chapters seem rushed, and also, please tell me!

DISCLAIMER: This story will contain mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide. It will also contain mental health issues involving anxiety, depression, PTSD and other mood disorders. This fic is largely based off of my life experiences and I hope to do justice to what I and so many other people have gone through.


Chapter 7

She Criticizes Me For Being Egocentric

I had to tell Aoi-chan. Not immediately because I wouldn't have been able to stop her from coming over and ogling him, but I definitely had to call her after. I hadn't even told her what I said to him on Friday. That I would definitely have to tell her over the phone or she would throttle me senseless. And to have him over for dinner, her mind was sure to explode.

My words to him replayed i my mind over and over as I worked next to my mother in the kitchen. By the time I checked the rise of the bread dough I could remember the exact moment his smile faltered. I could pinpoint when his eyes became void of humor. I didn't know why he wanted to come over but at that point I was positive that he did not like me. 'Why would he?' I put the bread in the oven. I had made this recipe more times than I could count but I set the timer just in case. The bread would be ready to come out just as dinner was ready and would cool by the time we finished.

I heard the knock on the door and jumped although it was soft. My mother was still busy so I wiped my hands on the apron to clear them of dough and flour and headed to answer the door. Hinata was teaching my father how to play chess in the next room and I saw him smiling as I passed. 'You won't be smiling once papa gets the hang of it.'

I didn't realize until my hand was on the handle that my pulse had been racing. I chewed on my lip and opened the door.

Hajikun looked more irritated than usual which could have easily been attributed to the figure just behind him on his right. Oikawa stood, unusually subdued, and I hoped I wasn't grimacing as I welcomed them inside.

"Hajikun Oikawa. Hello" They entered and, while Hajikun mumbled, Oikawa very clearly said said 'forgive the intrusion' and stiffly took off his shoes. I hadn't missed his surprised at my familiarity with his friend.

"My father and Hinata are playing chess and my mother is in the kitchen. Would you like some tea?" I was being awkward and they both felt it.

Hajikun put a hand on top of my head.

"Stop being weird." He turned away and headed toward the living area.

I looked nervously at Oikawa and followed after him, hearing the former trail behind me. I suddenly felt self conscious about the way I walked. We entered as my father gave up his king and admitted his second defeat. Hinata looked up and I rolled my eyes at his grin.

"Hello Hajime. Welcome, Oikawa."

Brief introductions were exchanged between the men and I looked for an escape from another of Oikawa's inquisitive stares. When Hinata began explaining how he had been learning chess from a foreign student I turned and hurried away.

In the kitchen I took off my apron and set it aside to wash later.

"Mama, do you mind if I step outside for a bit?" She turned and smiled, giving me a shake of her head before returning to work. I saw the dregs in the pan and knew she was almost finished with dinner.

The sliding door lead to a small backyard. Living farther from the city allowed for more outdoor space, but not much. There was a small rock bed that flowed with water after any decent rainfall and hardy plants that required little maintenance. In the corner farthest from the house was a small bench with a worn volleyball sitting atop it.

'Hinata's been practicing. Maybe the loss the other day gave him some drive?' I picked it up and tossed it a few times straight up, thinking about why my nerves were suddenly frayed. I'd never felt that sort of anxiousness before. My usual anxiety was distressing and all consuming. This was just a flutter in the gut or a shake in my hand. The close proximity to a person I felt I had wronged was disconcerting.

My toss was off and the ball flew behind me. I turned to chase it when I found it had already been retrieved by the same damned person I always seemed to see. At the door I had been too preoccupied to fully take in his appearance but I seemed to want to in that moment. He wore slim tan pants with a simple grey crew neck shirt and a casual black sweater buttoned up only halfway with the sleeves pushed onto his forearms. 'If his fangirls could see him now.'

"Of course." The whisper came unbidden as most of my words did around him. "You like to sneak up on people don't you?"

He tossed the ball to me.

"Not people, just you. To catch someone so exceptionally observant off-guard is really rewarding." He altered his stance into a receiving position and I tossed the ball out of habit. We passed as we spoke.

"I'm not exceptionally observant. I'm just arrogant and opinionated." As I had been learning, my filter became very loose when speaking to him. My honesty was surprising me.

"I have a hard time believing that."

"You shouldn't. You've experienced much of it first hand." He looked thoughtful for a moment after I spoke.

"Expressing an opinion is only arrogant if you believe it to be the only one that matters." His eyes left the ball to look at me. "I think you don't believe your opinion to be important at all."

"Now there's someone who's exceptionally observant." I responded low and defeated.

My guard was truly down for an acquaintance to see that deeply into me. That, again, was Oikawa's power. He was disarming even if you knew him to be so. You could think yourself immune but that would only make you more vulnerable.

I wondered, not for the first time, what he was doing at my house. What had prompted him to accompany Hajikun? Why was he going out of his way to talk to me? By all accounts he should have been keeping his distance as I was prepared to do once school came back in session. I grabbed the ball when it came to me.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Oikawa-san."

"I know."

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know."

"That's fair, I guess." I sighed and sat on the bench and curled over the ball in my lap. Apparently he was just as confused about his actions as I was.

He sat down next to me. The bench was much smaller than the ones at school and I could feel the heat from his body. I was compelled to look at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" The question made my cheeks burn. 'Why do you have to bring that up?'

"You'll have to be more specific. Are you talking about the parts where I needlessly flattered you and embarrassed myself, or when I slandered your character and embarrassed myself?" My face was still red but to my surprise he only smiled.

"All of it."

I stared at him hard, attempting to glean any motive behind his question but he was irritatingly reserved and closed off. Nothing but the light smirk played on his face and the intent gaze he directed toward me. I shook my head, feeling my words leave my mouth even though I didn't want them to.

"Then I guess I did." I didn't know what else to say.

"So you think I'm talented and amazing." His grin was so infectious I had to actively prevent my mouth from following the example.

"That's what you took away from it? Wow, I was wrong about your ego, it's much greater than I thought." I forced an eye roll.

"It's no use. There's nothing you can say that will take away how fantastic you find me. Ego or no, you'll still watch me every day."

He was making fun of me and yet I couldn't find it in myself to be embarrassed or outraged. Instead I smiled back at him and shook my bewildered head. Whatever talent Oikawa possessed that made people want to be near him was infinitely more potent when he was being natural. The good natured teasing he dished out wasn't part of his facade. I finally turned myself away and slouched over the ball once more.

"You're making it difficult for me to live with myself, you know."

Shock was in his voice and he nearly laughed.

"What are you talking about?" He leaned closer and my body again turned toward him.

His face was full of interest; the look someone had when they were watching a particularly entertaining movie.

"If you had just let me avoid you I could have tried to slowly drift into denial about how terrible I've been to you." He did laugh at that.

"Well, I guess you can call us even then? You struck me down so swiftly but now I'm forcing you to look on the wounded creature you left in your wake." He was laughing and so I did too.

"You're hardly wounded." I joked back, caught "But I'll take it if that's my punishment. The joke is on you though, looking at you is a lenient sentence in my book." His eyes sparkled and I found that I could not look away.

"Is that so?" His voice was deep and filled with something akin to pleasure. My mouth went dry.

"Food's ready!" Hinata called from the door and raised his eyebrows at us. I turned back to Oikawa and my mind finally caught up to what I said. 'I said looking at him was a lenient sentence. He'll think that-'

"I didn't mean-" my exasperated plea was cut off.

"Let's eat!" Oikawa said with his trademark smile. After a long moment rife with distress I followed him into the house.


Her casual-wear was flattering although it was a conservative fashion. She was wearing black slacks that fit at the hip and thigh but loosened from the knee down. The sleeves of her light purple shirt stopped before her elbows and clung attractively to her frame. She also wore an apron dusted with flour and Oikawa wanted to ask what she'd been making but was momentarily stunned by the familiarity between her and Iwaizumi. 'Hajikun?'

She seemed nervous and unsure of how to act but Iwa-chan was unaffected, ruffling her hair and telling her to relax. When he found out that his friend had been invited over here he thought that there might be some friendliness between their families but he was astounded by the level of comfort Iwaizumi had in their home. He entered the house on his own, leaving Oikawa and Nakahara to follow.

Her father looked much like his children, particularly his son, but had dark brown eyes. He, too, welcomed Iwaizumi by his given name and soon the pair were telling their guests about the game they had just finished, with markedly different expressions. On the very edge of his vision Oikawa saw Nakahara slip out of the room and excused himself moments later to follow. She was leaving the kitchen as he entered and her mother turned to greet him with a smile.

"You must be Oikawa. It's good to see more of Himari's friends around here." She said warmly and he smiled at her words.

Nakahara must not have told her family anything about him. Considering what she had told him the other day, she definitely did not consider him even friend adjacent.

"I am, thank you for having me." Bowing respectfully he continued past her. "Did Nakahara-chan go this way?"

"Yes, she stepped outside for a minute while her bread finishes."

'Question answered. She was baking bread.'

"What kind of bread?"

"Milk bread. With the good milk." She winked and went back to her work. She looked to be nearly finished.

'Milk bread, huh.'

"Excuse me, is that her favorite bread?"

"Hmm. She's made it many times before but her usual favorites are melon pan or an pan. Maybe her tastes have changed, she seemed to take great care today."

She smiled at him thinking how handsome he was, and less angry than Hajime. Her daughter might have objected to that information being shared but she could barely contain herself. For the first time in her life Himari had asked to bring a boy over other than Hajime and it was difficult to contain her hopes that Himari's assertions about her emotional stability were true. Being friends, being comfortable, with boys was a part of her healing process. No matter how uncomfortable it might be for her family, they had to understand that this growth was necessary.

Oikawa thanked her before following Himari outside. He found her tossing the ball, back facing him, but he thought he could tell she was in deep thought. He tried to think of something to say but everything seemed lame or awkward. Still in thought the ball bounced toward him and she turned around. He wouldn't need to say anything after all.

He let her stare at him and he stared at her. After a moment she whispered something and then addressed him.

"You like to sneak up on people, don't you?"

He thought he hadn't been very sneaky but the look of surprise on her face had been rather enjoyable. So, while he hadn't gone out of his way to 'sneak' he certainly did like the results.

"Not people. Just you. To catch someone so exceptionally observant off guard is really rewarding." He tossed her the ball and fell into receiving position.

"I'm not exceptionally observant." She spoke as she threw the ball back at him. "I'm just arrogant and opinionated."

She was as blunt as she had been before and he thought it was honest. Her eyes focused on the ball.

"I have a hard time believing that."

"You shouldn't. You've experienced much of it first hand." The reply came so quickly that Oikawa took a moment to think on her words.

He had experienced her expressing her opinions but had it felt arrogant? 'Not at all, actually.' If anything, the fact that she had spilled out all of her opinions on him at once gave credit to how little she expressed herself usually.

"Expressing an opinion is only arrogant if you believe it to be the only one that matters. I think you don't believe your opinion to be important at all."

The conversation was interesting. Since her outburst toward in on friday it seemed something changed in her and she wasn't trying as hard to curb her words.

"Now there's someone who's exceptionally observant."

He didn't know how to respond to that. He was generally pretty aware of how people worked and why they acted certain ways. Usually, he was able to use it to his advantage. Here, however, he had no endgame, just curiosity about the girl silently and easily passing the ball back to him. She caught the ball abruptly.

"I'm very sorry for what I said, Oikawa-san"

"I know."

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know." The answer came easy, fast, but even if he had hours to think of the response he would probably not find one.

Coming to her house had been instinctual like the decisions he made during a match. She held the volleyball close and sat on the bench.

"That's fair, I guess."

He was once again witnessing a different version of her. She was comfortable at home, able to relax outside despite his intrusion. This time she was neither challenging nor competitive, but contrite. He wanted to continue the conversation and explore this facet of her personality longer. When he joined her on the bench he felt the proximity bodily. Despite her dress and manner of carrying herself she was attractive. He was not immune.

"Did you mean what you said?" His question was intended to throw her for a loop and control the conversation.

He realized he was playing into exactly what she had said the previous Friday, but his physical attraction to her prompted his usual instinct to shift the flow of conversation. When her cheeks reddened he felt both victorious and guilty.

"You'll have to be more specific. Are you talking about the parts where I needlessly flattered you and embarrassed myself, or when I slandered your character and embarrassed myself?"

Her words checked his victory and toppled it over. He hadn't expected such an aggressive response. It was all he could do to respond normally.

"All of it."

They sat looking at each other for a moment and Oikawa began to feel eager for the answer. Her words had stuck with him in the days that past. No one other than Iwa-chan had been so correct in their estimation of him, though her flattery had been greater than even that which he received from his fans.

She compared him to her brother's. He had little knowledge of her, but of her brother's he knew quite a bit. For her, someone so close to them, to make the comparison was a fantastic compliment. That, and she had been so sincere which made the latter half of her monologue much more acute.

He had asked his question to uproot her but realized that he did very much want an answer.

"Then I guess I did." Her answer did little to satisfy his wants.

"So you think I'm talented and amazing." Oikawa was sure to phrase it as a fact, for she had said it so there was no question.

Her eyes did not turn away though, and there was no longer any trace of the blush that had been on her cheeks seconds before.

"That's what you took away from it? Wow, I was wrong about your ego, it's much greater than I thought." She rolled her eyes for effect and he wanted to force her to break out the smile he knew she was holding back.

"It's no use. There's nothing you can say that will take away how fantastic you find me. Ego or no, you'll still watch me every day."

She smiled and shook her head and he felt unnaturally rewarded. But then she turned away and leaned on the volleyball again.

"You're making it difficult for me to live with myself."

He was shocked he nearly laughed. 'What on earth is she talking about?' He asked her as much and she shifted her eyes to meet his.

"If you had just let me avoid you I could have tried to slowly drift into denial about how terrible I've been to you.

The pout on her face was so earnest that he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore. It was possibly the first time she had not been in control of her expression aside from the fe times he managed to surprise her.

"Well, I guess you can call us even then? You struck me down so swiftly but now I'm forcing you to look on the wounded creature you left in your wake."

Oikawa's theatrical, semi-flirtatious personality edged its way into his tone and found it refreshing that he hadn't been trying to. He was simply enjoying himself. How long had it been since he had spoken with a girl without manipulating the entire conversation? He supposed the credit went to Nakahara, for she didn't care for his attentions. She saw him as a person and not Oikawa Tooru, brilliant setter.

"You're hardly wounded." She was laughing as well but her tone was sure. She had been absolutely sure that her words had had no effect on him.

'But I'll take it if that's my punishment. The joke is on you though, looking at you is a lenient sentence in my book."

Pleasure struck his gut and he wondered why he liked the idea of her looking at him, aside from enjoying the attentions of an attractive girl.

"Is that so?" He found his voice was expressing the satisfaction he had felt at her words and realized by the look on her face that she hadn't known what she said.

"Food's ready!" Hinata called to the pair and Oikawa did not miss the look sent his way. He looked at Himari and saw something dawn on her face. Something akin to regret and shock.

"I didn't mean-" she began to try and explain but he spoke, rushing to interrupt.

"Let's eat!" OIkawa said and smiled in his usual manner. The thin veneer that hid what he was really thinking and feeling. He did not want to hear her say that she misspoke, preferring to believe that she really did enjoy looking at him. Just for a little while longer.