More fun this chapter. THANK you, Sky65, I hope my updates stay in par with the chapters that you found interesting! Minki, I hope you feel better. Being sick and trying to tension aware of anything is difficult, so I really really appreciate you reading and reviewing. As always, you are fantastic.

DISCLAIMER: This story will contain mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide. It will also contain mental health issues involving anxiety, depression, PTSD and other mood disorders. This fic is largely based off of my life experiences and I hope to do justice to what I and so many other people have gone through.


Chapter 8

So Give it up and Smile

Oikawa was stiff during dinner and I cursed my parents for shuffling me between him and Hajikun. I was painfully aware of him now. 'Looking at you is a lenient sentence. That's what I said. I basically said I like looking at him.' And I did look at him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes slid down and I looked away.

I was caught looking again, making my case even worse. 'You do like it though, don't you?' My traitorous brain was laughing at me. It was true that I had spent much of my time watching him during practices but I'd already known why. Even people who didn't care about volleyball would want to watch him. The grace of his game captured everyone. I glanced at him again and again he looked back. I felt hot with mortification and closed my eyes because that seemed to be the only way to stop compulsively looking at him.

"Is something wrong Himari?" My brother asked, always hyper-aware of my emotions.

"Ah-no." My eyes opened and I smiled at him to reassure my statement. "Just thinking about dessert."

Oikawa stifled a laugh at my side and I felt new embarrassment. I just looked at him and then told by brother that I was thinking about dessert. If that wasn't suggestive I didn't know what was. I was a master at putting myself in terrible situations.

"Oh, well I'll clear dinner. I'm sure your bread is done cooling by now." My mother said helpfully and I rode with her to prepare dessert.

"Oikawa, Himari says you love milk bread, is that right?" My father asked politely.

I had the luxury of leaving the room at that moment to hide the redness of my face. It wasn't really their fault, they thought I'd invited him because he was a friend.

My mother was right, the bread was perfect for slicing. I sliced enough for the group and put them on a baking sheet, spreading a generous amount of butter and sweetened condensed milk and sprinkling cinnamon sugar over top. They would only need a little time before the outside became toasted. While I waited I helped my mother clean up and tried to think of a good enough excuse to skip out on after dinner conversation and wallow in my room.

Hajikun entered and insisted he take over my mother's position who fretfully accepted knowing he would not back down. I smiled at him.

"We haven't had much time together tonight." I said apologetically.

"That's fine. We'll still have our usual Sundays after meetings. I won't let Oikawa pout his way into getting an invite again." He returned my smile as much as he was able. We were silent until the timer rang for me to remove the bread from the oven.

I was putting the portions on individual plates and Hajikun came beside me, finished with the dishes.

"What did you do to Oikawa?"

I nearly dropped the slice of toast I was holding.

"What do you mean?" I asked, hearing my voice go too high.

"When I told him I was coming here for dinner he got all serious and immediately said he was coming with." His eyes were searching my face for a clue and I gave in too quickly and let out a sigh.

"Well, I don't know why this would have made him want to come here but I've spoken with him a few times over the past few weeks. Each time I've been aggressively rude for some reason and the last time we spoke was the worst encounter yet." He listened with interest, frowning slightly at the last remark.

"What happened then?"

"I told him I was disappointed at how fake he was outside of volleyball and due to that his relationships outside sports were empty. Then," I paused but the look on Hajikun's face had me talking again, "then I said he acted like he was the ruler of everything."

There was a moment in which I could have sworn time itself stopped before Hajikun overflowed with laughter. It was infectious and I couldn't help but smile. His hand landed on my shoulder with a smack.

"That's perfect. No wonder."

Plating the food again I asked, "no wonder what?"

"No wonder he's over here. Oikawa doesn't know what to do with people like you. The only one who calls him out on his crap is me, and we've been friends for forever!"

He chuckled once more and grabbed three dishes, leaving the others for me.

"He's probably trying to figure you out like you did so well to him." And then he left me to scramble quickly after him.

We sat again for dessert and tea. Oikawa's smile was bright as he stared at the plate I brought him. I'd been so used to the small number of people in my life that I had forgotten the gratification of doing something nice for someone else. We all dug in and I was pleased to see that his smile only got bigger upon tasting it.

I thought on what Hajikun said, that Oikawa was trying to figure me out. His charisma was palpable. It surrounded you and warmed you and created little openings in your carefully constructed barriers. I'd already seen how easily I bent to him in conversation whether it had been by design or not, though I thought not.

Over the years of watching from a distance I had never seen Oikawa interact with others as he had me. That might have been why I spoke with such honesty. It did not bode well for me, the interest he had in understanding me.

A hand gripped my wrist so gently I might not have noticed if it wasn't for the electricity that buzzed through me. I could see the faces of the four others change, trying to hide their concern as to how I would react to unsolicited touch.

Oikawa's hand was warm and I peeled my eyes away from the long fingers that might be able to feel my rising pulse to look at him.

"Thank you." He said so earnestly that for a second there was silence and only his words and the thrumming of my heart. I smiled.

"You're welcome. Would you like to take some home?" I made no movement to remove my wrist from his and I saw my mother turn away and put a hand over her mouth, possibly to mask her shock. I didn't blame her, I was shocked too.

"I would be immensely grateful for a slice to take with me." He still hadn't removed his hand and I still hadn't felt uncomfortable.

I bowed just slightly in acknowledgement and rose to make him one to leave with. As I stood his hand slid slowly down my wrist and trailed down my littlest finger before our contact was finally severed.

It had been confusing. I only ever had close relationships with my family, Hajikun, and Aoi-chan. Aoi-chan always touched me in some way as we walked or sat to lunch or studied. She tapped my shoulder or pulled me by the hand or braided my hair. I was used to it and it never really bothered me to begin with. My family had always been among the only people whose contact was comforting and non-threatening. Hajikun had barely ever made any contact with me and it was always so extremely platonic that I'd never thought about it.

All of those relationships had time on their side to explain my ease when it came to touch. So, it was confusing that I should be so accepting of Oikawa's very sudden touch because we were little more than strangers.

I wrapped his milk toast and set it on the edge of the counter and contemplated going back to my room. The call from my mom in the living area made me sigh. 'I guess escape isn't an option.' I made my way back there and found everyone lounging comfortably and talking about the boys training camp the coming week.

"Coach was loudly talking about asking Hinata to join us for the week to help teach us some new things." Hajikun said and smirked over at my brother who looked like someone had just asked for his autograph.

"Oh please don't say that, his ego is going to explode." I rolled my eyes as I spoke, walking to the closest cushion and sitting in the floor closest to the window.

Hinata's pout made the family laugh.

"You should go." My father said. "If the camp is not to far away you can spend part of the day there and still join us for activities later."

As usual my father was on board with anything that would keep my brother playing volleyball. Hinata considered that for a moment and then looked to Hajikun and Oikawa.

"What time are you starting tomorrow?"

"We're heading out pretty early because we're not using the school gym and the city gym is farther away, most likely 6:30."

The time didn't seem too bad. The team was lucky to have so many options while the school was closed until the next Monday.

The logistics were discussed and I looked out the window. The neighborhood cat walked the low fence of our yard. Her coat looked silver in the light of the Moon. Some time while I was making Oikawa's toast the sun had set and the sky was dimly lit. The moon and stars made everything seem otherworldly turning the whole world shades of silver and blue. I had never been afraid of this darkness. The darkness that wasn't truly dark at all.

I was afraid of the pitch dark of a room when the lights were off. For that reason I had been given the room with the most moonlight. I couldn't have candles just yet to cast warm flickering light into my room, lighters were kept in a secret location for now. So, the moonlight had become a safety net.

My parents called my attention to the guests who were preparing to leave. I got up quickly to see them to the door.

"Thank you for coming." I said truly feeling thankful. The company had been good despite the confusion it had caused.

"Thank you for having us." Oikawa said as he pushed his shoes on. I couldn't see his expression while his head was tilted down but his voice sounded nice, calm. Hajime hugged me just slightly after I opened the door.

"See you next week." I knew he was not talking about just school,but the trauma group as well. I nodded and he walked out the door leaving Oikawa alone to say goodbye.

We were silent and then both moved to speak at the same time. And then, awkwardly, we were silent again. Oikawa looked irritated and then gave me a short wave and left. I shut the door in puzzlement.

'We had had a good time, hadn't we? How could he possibly be irritated?' I walked toward the kitchen for a slice of plain bread and remembered his anger the other day. He turned from cool to hot in a moment's time and the only explanation was that there had been something, unnoticed by me, that affected his mood. That or he was extremely unbalanced, but they didn't seem to be the case.

My eye spotted the packaged milk toast I had forgotten to give him and on impulse I grabbed it and ran to the door. I tried to remember which way Hajikun would be walking and hoped they hadn't gotten too far as I turned right out of the front gate. I saw their figures pass under the light of a far street lamp.

"Oikawa-kun!" My shout was too loud and I winced but ran at them anyway, trying not to obsess over the fact I had said 'Oikawa-kun' like it was the most natural thing in the world.

They both halted and turned to me. The previous irritation I had seen on Oikawa's face was gone. It was unreadable again. Slightly out of breath I thrust the package toward him.

"I forgot to give you this." He continued to stare for so long it became uncomfortable and Hajikun elbowed him in the ribs.

He grabbed it quickly and his fingers brushed against mine. I felt electric once again and his hand jerked away. After another moment of pure, awkward silence I couldn't bear it.

"Well good night!" 'Why was my voice so breathy? Am I that out of breath?' I walked quickly back home to over analyze myself for an hour before I called Aoi-chan to make her night.


"Tell me everything that happened. Every. Single. Detail."

The significant pauses between the words punctuated Aoi-chan's intensity. If not for the bustle of the cafe around us I would have sworn I was at a police station being interrogated. I swirled my tea.

"I already told you everything on the phone."

She had forced me to recall every moment of Sunday night 'while the memories were fresh' and had since been texting me question upon question. I could almost see fire in her eyes as I tried to deny her her favorite pastime of gossiping.

"Yes, you did but it's common knowledge that you can remember different things later on. Besides, we're talking about Oikawa Tooru. At your house. Eating food you made. It's the most exciting thing to happen this year! You should do nothing but talk about it."

I took a sip as she chastised me lack of interest. She went on to tell me that it was a tragedy how uninterested in him I was because I wasted an opportunity to make him fall in love with me. As her words continued I thought for a moment about the concept of getting someone to like you. Or, rather, spending time with someone to increase the likelihood that they will start to like you.

It was foreign to me. I had never wanted to be around anyone aside from my friends and family and I had never felt romantic love. I had familial love and friendship and I never thought about pursuing a different relationship. That was mostly because of the assault I experienced. Now, the idea seemed interesting.

I had seen girls and boys at my school completely embarrass themselves for the small likelihood that their crush felt the same way. It didn't make sense to me, to put yourself in the spotlight when you had a good chance of being disappointed or severely hurt. That was why it was so amazing. A feeling that caused a person to be reckless with their emotions, even people like me.

"Aoi-chan," I interrupted her tirade, "how do you know if you like someone?"

My eyes, which had been out of focus as my mind wandered, looked upon her shocked face. Slowly she began to smile and, if possible, became more excited than she had at the news of Oikawa at my house.

"Mari-chan do you like somebody?" She asked too loudly. A few heads turned toward us but it was busy enough to drown out most of her squeals.

"Obviously not if I'm asking you how you how you'd know in the first place."

My voice was defensive but I was telling the truth.

"I just thought that maybe, if someone was interested in me, knowing if I liked them or not would help me decide what to do. I've never liked anyone before."

Her eyes were bewildered. The idea of not understanding an emotion so common in her life was baffling. She sighed.

"Well I guess if you don't realize you're feeling it then you'd be alone for a long time." I grimaced.

"It's different for everyone, though there are a few basics in common, so I can tell you how I feel but it might not be the same." I nodded feeling like I should have brought paper to write notes on.

"When I like someone I want to always be near them because being around them makes me feel good. I listen when they talk and have more fun in conversation with them. Even if they don't know I like them they can still cause me to smile when we're around each other or make me feel more relaxed. They're the one I think of most when I'm by myself. Liking someone feels good most of the time."

Her eyes were far away as she spoke as if recalling fond memories to aid her explanation. It sounded like a wonderful feeling. I wasn't sure I understood it fully but the idea of putting everything on the line for that feeling was beginning to make sense.

"Aoi-chan, do you like somebody?" Her attention sprung back to me and her eyes widened

"N-no! I don't. I don't like anyone." She waved her hands back and forth in front of her as if trying to deflect any more questions.

I stayed quiet but I was smirking as I lifted my cup to take a sip, nothing the sudden blush that had colored her cheeks.

Conversation fell back into less adventurous topics such as family and the extra holiday on Monday. I invited Aoi-chan to join me to meet Hinata as he returned from the volleyball training camp to which she excitedly said yes. Walking arm and arm we headed to my house. When we neared we passed under the street lamp I had met Oikawa under to give him his milk toast.

"Mari-chan? Are you okay?

"Huh?"

"You've got a weird look on your face." I missed a step and stumbled. 'What did my face look like when I was thinking of Oikawa?' Was I irritated? Confused?

"No, everything is fine. Lunch isn't sitting well with me." I grit my teeth hoping she would ask no more questions.

"I told you not to eat something so large. Honestly." She rolled her eyes doing a great impression of me and I was out of the danger zone.

Hinata was already inside when we entered the kitchen.

"You're home early." I noted as he threw together lunch for himself.

"Teaching the pipe, among other things, is not going so well. Coach got mad and now everyone is running until he tells them to stop." He made a face and then brought his meal to the table where we joined him.

"Hey, Sato-chan." He elbowed Aoi's shoulder and began to eat.

"Hey big brother." She pushed his arm mischievously and he missed his mouth.

"Why isn't it going well?" I was too curious about the training camp to care that I wasn't letting Aoi and Hinata catch up.

Hinata gave me a disbelieving look.

"You know I'm not a good teacher. And I learned those things from you and Haru. You always had much more knowledge about volleyball than I did and Haru is just brilliant at dissecting the game. I go on instinct and I learned new things because you guys tailored everything to my way of learning. I don't know how to do that with these guys."

Aoi and I blinked at the food falling out of his mouth as he spoke. It was hard to receive such a nice complement with rice spraying everywhere.

"Big bro, you're a mess." Aoi shook her head as if she was witnessing something too sad to watch.

"Thank you." He replied, smiling and showing the mouthful he currently had.

"Why don't I give you my notes?" I asked. This time the food didn't get to his mouth before it fell open.

"You have notes?" His food forgotten he turned toward me.

"Of course. I write everything down. Aoi-chan and I can go look for it." I stood up but she didn't move.

"No way. I'm not looking through all those notebooks you have, it'll take hours." Her penchant for dramatics was something to behold as she fell to the side to lay on the floor.

"It would go faster with two people." I tried, knowing it was fruitless to to and convince her. She just shut her eyes against my stare.

"I'm sure I'll just get in your way. I'll just stay down here. Good luck!" She called after me as I trudged up the stairs.

She had been exaggerating the number of notebooks but as I looked upon the boxes containing them I found then to be more numerous then I remembered. 'If I pin down the year I could save time'. I shuffled boxes around, looking for the dates printed on the sides and nearly screamed at myself. None of the boxes were in order.

I hefted the one I held into a new spot and looked for the next box with the closest date. One by one I brought the boxes together in the proper order, or near enough, while fighting the urge to just grab the notebooks I needed and leave. I'd just come across the same problem again if I put it off.

I ended up bringing down almost enough books to fit in a new box. The table was empty and I dropped them down with a large thump.

"It's a good thing we didn't leave the tea there." I hear Aoi say from behind me.

They looked like they had just come from outside.

"What took you so long? We got so bored big bro tried to teach me volleyball. It was awful."

"I told you I'm a bad teacher." He pouted and pushed Aoi slightly less gentle than usual.

"Hey! Aren't you the older? Quit acting like a child." She turned and stuck her tongue out at him. Before they could get a real argument going I interrupted.

"These have everything you need in them. All the plays we worked on and even some we never did." I tapped the top proudly though I also felt self-conscious that I was prideful in note taking.

"This is amazing. I had no idea you put in this much effort." His demeanor changed completely. In that moment we were both reminiscing.

"Well, it paid off. And it will again. You won't need to be a good teacher if you've got these."

I flipped to the first one and looked at the hurried writing inside. It felt like I was looking in on someone's life; like I hadn't been the one who wrote it.

"I actually had a different plan in mind." Closing the book I turned to see a smile on his face. "You know the guys have been asking about you?"

That was surprising. Before I could respond Aoi-chan screamed and grabbed me, yelling unintelligible phrases about how lucky I was. I put a hand over her mouth.

"What do you mean? Why would they ask about me?" Aoi pushed my hand away and was all but hopping with excitement.

"You made quite an impression on Friday." He looked away and avoided my gaze. "And also I told them that you would be able to teach them better than me."

"Why would you say that?"

I was flattered and excited and wanted badly to do something involving volleyball again but the memory of the previous Friday loomed over me. It had been too much too quickly and I didn't know where the limit was. I was unsure just how much activity would cause me anxiety.

"I said it because it's true. You thought through everything so thoroughly that any Haru and I had were answered."

I shifted my weight, uncomfortable after receiving another complement. He waited a moment before he gave me one last bit of information.

"Coach Irihata asked if you would come down for the remaining three days to help out."

There was uncertainty in his voice and I knew I mirrored it perfectly. Would I be able to prevent another panic attack if I spent three days immersed in the sport? It was a difficult question to answer. I had never had many problems just watching the club team during practice. The issue seemed to be my investment in what was happening. The more interested or excited I was the more likely I would have a flashback or increased anxiety later on. It was possible that just observing and instructing here and there would be fine. It was also possible that it would definitely not be fine.

My father's words rang in my head. He trusted me to take care of myself but I didn't know how.

"I'll go tomorrow. If I am still okay after then I'll go on Sunday. And then Monday. I'll take it a day at a time." It seemed like the best option. Exposure, a little bit of exposure at a time and I might stay in a healthy frame of mind.

"She'll be great! She has to be because how else will I get to bring her lunch during practice?" And just like that Aoi diffused the tension we had been feeling. I loved her greatly for it.


I stared at the simple building in front of us. I had never been inside but I would already know my way around. It was like that when you were in and out of gyms all the time. It just became intuitive. The ground rules I had laid out were scrolling through my brain:

•I could not be alone, even for one moment.

•I would not change at the gym. I would change at home before and after.

•If I played, I would not play more than 5 minutes total.

•And finally, I would help clean up after.

I had been cleaning up after volleyball players my whole life, more so once I entered high school. The simple, menial tasks would serve as a grounding wire for me after a day of testing the waters blindly.

Both Hajikun and Hinata were aware of these rules. One would be available if the other wasn't to be with me I'd I needed to leave the gym. They both agreed to help clean up after as well. It was humbling to know that there were people in my life willing to hinder themselves in order to help me. I hoped that I was doing enough for them in return.

The smell of a clean gym before anyone entered it during the day was one I hadn't been exposed to in a while. My shoes squeaked on the polished wood. That feeling was a comfort as well. Hinata and I looked over the notebooks to plan what could be covered in the hours we had today. He hadn't told the coach I agreed to be here, couldn't resist a good surprise, so we had no idea how much time we would have.

We made a list of skills and plays that were similar enough to be covered in one day but could also be clustered into smaller sets depending on time. I felt a little goofy holding onto a clipboard. Like I was a child playing dress up, pretending to be an adult. I'd never been in charge of anything before let alone teaching a group of people. The gym doors opened and the team, freshly delivered by bus, walked in behind Coach Irihata.

"Nakahara-chan!" Yahaba's exclamation paused their procession.

My eyes found only one person. Oikawa now looked to me with a myriad of expressions that all landed on that inexplicable face that showed nothing at all. My heart beat hard once, painfully, before I was distracted.

"We've been waiting for you to show up." Kindaichi and the team had walked over to me. "Your brother sucks at teaching. None of us have been able to do the special back attack."

He shrunk back from Hinata's gaze before my brother finally sighed.

"He's right, even Oikawa has had trouble setting to me." This time, for the first time, I resisted the urge to look at him.

Taking a deep breath to make sure my voice was confident and bright but not overly so I tried to cheer them all up.

"Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it? I have here," my hand gestured to the large stack of notebooks, "all of my notes on everything my brothers and I worked on. Once I talk with Coach we can figure out how much we can cover and what groups will focus on what. Okay?"

They all seemed very impressed with my words and smiled at me in response. Hinata and I walked over to the coach who seemed pleasantly surprised.

"Good to see you Naka-chan." I raised my eyebrows in question of the odd nickname. "Your brother has been Nakahara for too long for me to give him the nickname. I'll be able to call one of you without confusing anyone."

"Ah. Well it works for me." I shrugged and then turned the clip board around so he could read it. "This is what we want to cover today."

He took it from me and went over each line nodding occasionally. He flicked it near the bottom and looked back up.

"They can get through a lot of this but I don't think they'll be able to do it all. I ran them a little hard yesterday." He didn't sound at all remorseful about that.

"Okay, I'll handle the wing spikers, coach will you do the middle blockers?" Hinata asked.

We had agreed on this assignment beforehand. It made the most sense but it also placed me in a place I definitely did not want to be.

"That way Himari can work with the setters. She and Haru worked together to perfect the toss so she's the best for it."

Coach nodded.

"I'll give it a couple of hours of practice in groups and then we'll apply it. We'll keep going down the list and see how much we get to. I don't have any pressing drills or plays to practice so today can be devoted to this."

We followed him to gather the players and explain the stations. This time as well I avoided eye contact with Oikawa but it only lasted a moment before we had to interact.

My lifelines, Hajikun, Hinata, even the coach all moved away and left me with the two setters. I looked at them both. Yahaba was smiling which was rare and Oikawa was just nothing. 'Ouch'. My heart beat painfully again and I wondered if it was the beginning of a panic attack. There were no other signs though so I tried to ignore it.

"So, we're going to jump right in. First, I'd like to familiarize myself with your process. How you like to set, what you think about while you're playing, what types of hitters you prefer. Anything that affects your game I need to know." There was silence until Yahaba spoke.

"So, do you need to know if we have girlfriends?" I smiled, he sure was a forward guy when he was flirting.

"If you're thinking about her when you're playing then possibly. That might affect your toss." I knew then that I'd fallen into his trap

"Then, will you tell us if you have a boyfriend?" Oikawa at least looked like he started paying attention when Yahaba asked that.

The sudden question from Yahaba and response from Oikawa jumbled in my brain and it immediately showed me Oikawa's face after thinking of the word 'boyfriend'. I turned around to hide my blush, trying to collect myself as soon as possible before turning around. 'He can't see into your thoughts, he doesn't know that you thought that. You're still acquaintances. Act like it.'

The blush was still there as I turned around but I couldn't take any more time.

"If you're asking because you think it may affect how I act around you then you don't have to worry about anything." Answering without answering was a specialty of mine. 'Don't worry about it' was always a good way to shut people down.

"Well, I don't have a girlfriend." Yahaba said, back to his calm and reserved demeanor. He looked at Oikawa but didn't question his senior.

"It's not really necessary to answer, it doesn't matter unless it affects the game." I tried to brush the topic aside. "Let's talk about how you set."

I directed the question toward Yahaba first and wrote notes on my clip board while Oikawa waited patiently. When his turn came his phrases were short and would have been unhelpful if I hadn't spent an inappropriate amount of time watching him practice. I moved on.


Naka was a very methodical teacher. She took the time to know each person she was instructing to better know how to succeed. Yahaba was already improving his toss from working with her. Maybe he should have put more effort into training his junior but Oikawa had always had tunnel vision when it came to volleyball. She spiked a regular toss to get used to it and then gave direction on how to toss when she was on the back line. They did a practice run, Naka ran down the center and Yahaba set it. Instead of hitting it when she jumped she grabbed it and smiled.

"That was nearly perfect! You're such a fast learner." She high fived him and gave him the ball to do it again.

"Make sure the ball has no spin though so I can give it the top spin when I hit it." He nodded and went back to position.

This time she hit it with perfect precision and the ball hit the ground on the other side of the net with fantastic speed. She squealed and Oikawa looked away from the ball, seeing her run excitedly toward Yahaba and hugged him.

"You're the first person I've taught aside from my brothers! Thank you for making me look good." She was laughing as she pulled away and for once Yahaba couldn't respond.

Unaware of her effect she turned to Oikawa.

"You ready to go?" He was smugly happy that the smile she gave when she spiked Yahaba's toss wasn't as great as it had been when she hit his.

"Yeah." He caught the ball from Yahaba and went into position.

"Do you want to do a few regular throws before we do the back attack?" She was in full teacher mode, confident and direct.

"Let's do some practice first." The desire to stretch their time together was aggressive. She nodded eagerly and took the ball from him.

"Run wherever you want." His offer was not to test his abilities but to please her, which both worried and excited him.

She was having an odd effect on him. After their surprisingly comfortable talk in her backyard they had been made to sit next to each other at dinner. Oikawa was again extremely aware of how attractive he found her and tried to focus on anything else but her mannerisms broke apart that feeble attempt and he reached out to touch her. When their eyes locked he felt himself become just slightly disconcerted.

Her gaze toward him had never been clouded with false exultation as others had been. He reminded himself that that was due to her having no desire to impress or romance him. She never put him on the pedestal that others had either. She merely regarded him as another person.

Oikawa supposed it was that simple fact that left him out of his normal area of control. He couldn't control someone who had a mind of their own. It has irritated him the night of the dinner because he felt his mind falter as it never had before. He had no idea how to react.

Presently he realized that it was much more enjoyable to forget about attempting to take the lead. His preference now settled on how to best facilitate Naka-chan's enjoyment.

As she tossed the ball to him he realized he had never, not once, put someone else's enjoyment over his own.