I know I should update What Happened in France, but I have writer's block for that story. I any of you have any ideas for where I should go let me know. Anyways this is the latest chapter of distance! Takeru/Hikari.
Disclaimer: Don't own digimon.
After breakfast had been eaten Natsuko had left Hikari and Takeru alone in the Takaishi's apartment, and Hikari wasn't sure what to make of it. Part of her had wanted the woman the leave so that she could spend some time alone with Takeru, and maybe work out the uneasiness that was still between them. The other part of her wanted Natsuko to stay, because said uneasiness was still something that was uncomfortable. It wasn't as noticeable, although people still saw it, when they were in larger group, but when it was just the two of them it became all the more evident.
"You find some yet?"
Takeru had called out to her from the living room, and Hikari began to hurry up in looking for snacks. Hikari wasn't really hungry at the moment, but at least her searching served as something to delay the inevitable awkwardness that would result from her and Takeru actually being completely alone for the first time in a while. No Ayano, none of the other Chosen, just her and Takeru; just like it used to be.
"Yeah."
Hikari grabbed the nearest bag of chips, a flavor she realized too late that she didn't like, and she made her way to the couch where Takeru was sitting watching TV. It was some game show that played on the station where his father worked, and Hikari had an inkling that this was the reason they were now going to watch it. He didn't spend a lot of time with his father so Hikari thought that this was probably his way to connect with him. Hikari sighed thinking about how sad the situation was.
"You okay Hikari-chan?"
She hated being called that by him, but Hikari turned to Takeru and smiled to reassure him. He smiled back before turning his attention back to the show. Despite all the unfortunate things that Takeru had sometimes had to go through, he was such a happy person; that was one of Hikari's favorite things about him.
"I was wondering something Takeru."
His eyes were glued to the screen as some poor woman was covered in fish guts, and he barely registered what Hikari had said. He felt the girl nudge him, and Takeru responded with an 'hmmmm'.
"Do you think we could win at one of these shows?"
Takeru stifled a laugh and smiled, but after a moment he looked at Hikari and frowned. It wasn't the thought of going on a game show with her that made him frown, but instead the implications of the fact that the two of them would be on a game show together. Hikari seemed to not understand his expression, but she too frowned with what he said next.
"Game shows are usually only for families or couples."
Hikari looked down at the bag of chips in her lap, and took her time opening it since the uneasiness she had feared had finally surfaced. When the bag had opened she decided to eat a chip, but she almost gagged at its terrible flavor. She decided to make light of what he said so that the tension wouldn't seem so severe.
"Okay, so do you think you and Ayano-chan could win at one?"
She was going to say Yamato at first, but for some reason Ayano's name came out of her mouth. She couldn't just straight out ignore the other girl's existence, and for some reason Ayano and Takeru seemed to fit better doing something ridiculous on TV than Yamato and Takeru did. She didn't like the way Takeru grinned at the other girl's name, but she furrowed her eyebrows at what Takeru's response was. He laughed.
"She would never go on a game show; she's too prissy for that."
Hikari smiled at the comment, and wondered if she should poke fun at Ayano as well. When Takeru turned to her with an amused expression on his face, Hikari decided that she would say something in good natured fun. However, she had to remember to keep her own dislike for the girl bottled down.
"Be careful not to break her Keru, she's much too dainty for someone like you."
Takeru chuckled even though he wasn't sure if he should or not. He knew that Hikari was only joking that he shouldn't be involved with Ayano, but he had sensed just a little bit that Hikari had actually meant that part of what she said. He decided to ignore that for now, and simply smiled at the girl.
"Someone like me?"
Hikari gave Takeru a grin that could only be described as cheeky. Secretly she hoped that it could also be described as cute.
"You know, a big dumb athlete."
She watched as the boy mulled over what he should say, and she became concerned when Takeru's happy expression became a serious one.
"What would Taichi-san and Daisuke say if they heard you say that?"
He broke out into a smile again, but Hikari noticed the way he said Daisuke's name without honorifics. Had she really fallen so low on Takeru's list of friends that she ranked below Daisuke? As far as anyone knew, until recently they weren't exactly known to be the best of friends. Sure they palled around with each other, but no one would have ever suspected that they'd end up becoming comfortable enough with each other to the point that they addressed the other without honorifics.
"Ni-san would probably just laugh about it, but Daisuke-kun would use that as another reason to hate me."
Takeru sighed, and Hikari knew that the uneasiness had found them once agaiin. She wondered if they would ever escape it, and wondered if she and Takeru would ever reach a point to where it was just the two of them again with nothing else mattering. She felt as if she was chasing the dragon. (1)
"He doesn't hate you."
The whole atmosphere they were in contrasted so much with the wacky shenanigans that were happening on the game show. Neither of the teens were paying attention to it.
"He doesn't even talk to me anymore."
What they would give to feel the wackiness.
"You know how Daisuke is, once he gets over," Takeru paused as he tried to think of the thing that would be easier on the both of them if he if said it,"what happened, then everything will be okay again."
Hikari nodded not really buying into his answer, and neither of them said anything for a moment. Hikari decided to ask the question that had been on her mind for a long time already. Once she had said it she knew that now had not been the best time.
"Are you over it?"
Takeru, not really hungry, reached into the bag of chips and grabbed one before he put it in his mouth. He chewed it slowly not really sure if he should be honest with Hikari, but once he saw the look that she had on her face he knew that he couldn't lie to her. He felt like sighing, but he didn't.
"No, it's hard sometimes whenever I see you."
It was something that he didn't want to acknowledge, but he knew that it was true. Whenever he saw her in school or with the chosen, even with Ayano at his side, he didn't like the feeling that he got inside of himself. He didn't know why she still had such a hold over him.
"So you don't want to see me anymore?"
It was an ugly truth hearing what Takeru said, and Hikari knew that even though more questions would only be more painful, she decided to ask it anyways. Leaving something like that unanswered would only be more painful in the long run, and Hikari thought it was best just to get everything out of the way.
"That's not the problem."
She didn't know what to think. Whenever something like that was the response to a question, then the answer could only be something that was either much more terrible or much better on the other end of the spectrum.
"Then what is?"
Another question; another way to break her heart.
"I want to see you too much."
That wasn't even close to what she expected to hear, and honestly the sweetness touched her. She forced back her smile, and looked at how uncomfortable Takeru was. Even after all this time Takeru still cared about her. Hikari thought herself stupid for ever denying him.
"Oh."
More silence. The show on the TV had flickered to a commercial.
"You don't have to worry about that anymore though," Takeru broke the silence not really wanting to linger in the tension anymore, "I'm going after Ayano."
Hikari let the words sink in. Takeru was done with her, and now he was making a conscious effort to get with another girl. She didn't know if it was her own bias talking, but she didn't think that Takeru fit as good with Ayano as he did with herself.
"Do you love her?"
Takeru bit the inside of his cheek as he watched as the commercials ended and the game show started again. Maybe Ayano wouldn't be above embarrassing herself on national television if she got to compete by his side. He had to remember to give his father a call.
"I like her."
He was avoiding the question, and both of them knew that.
"That's not what I asked."
She had called him out, and he had become silent. She knew that the way he was now looking at the TV that he was only pretending to watch it, and she wondered if she had pushed him too far. Things between them had been rocky for a while now, and if she antagonized him then things would only get rockier.
"She's good for me."
That was what Daisuke, Natsuko, and so many other people thought. Hikari had tried to brush it off, but she knew that what she had with Takeru was unhealthy. Both of them had experienced their own versions of heartache because of what happened, and the ugliness would only get worse if they didn't do anything about it. Ayano was either the thing that would help to mend or further damage her relationship to Takeru, and Hikari still had to figure out which one it was.
"That's what your ka-san said. I think she really liked Ayano-chan."
She was avoiding the answer, and both of them knew that.
"Yeah she loved her," at this nothing was said and Takeru knew that he had to either talk further or change the subject. Eventually no matter what he did he knew that the subject would drift back to Ayano either by his or Hikari's fault. He loved talking about and to Ayano, everything about her interested him. She was: beautiful, creative, kind, intelligent, polite, and a multitude of other things that drove Takeru to be attracted to her, but still he sighed at this thought. She wasn't Hikari.
"You know I'm meeting her family tomorrow."
Personally Hikari thought that things with Takeru and his new love interest were moving much too fast, especially since Ayano had barely met his mother the previous day. It was as if they were trying to rush into something that neither of them had thought out. Hikari dreadfully wondered if Takeru would ever elope with this girl, but then she was calmed at the thought that Ayano would most likely never do such a thing. For the first time Hikari was glad that the artist girl was so prissy.
"So soon?"
In Hikari's opinion it was much too soon, but to be fair she would always think that it was too soon. She wondered when she had become so possessive of Takeru. The thought soured when she figured that she became possessive about around the time that Ayano had entered their lives. The thought grew to be more than sour; it was bitter.
"Yeah she wants to be official. Wish me luck Hikari-chan."
She ignored the way that he addressed her, and ate another chip. It was disgusting.
"You don't need luck Takeru, all parents love you."
She smiled at him, and Takeru knew that it had been forced, but still it was the thought that counts. At least now Hikari seemed to be starting to get more supportive of his growing relationship to Ayano. He started to hope that this wouldn't encourage Hikari to start dating. It was an ugly thought.
"I'm serious, wish me luck."
He laughed, but the same way that Takeru knew that Hikari's smile had been forced, she knew that his laugh was. He was nervous, apprehensive, and she figured it had something to do with meeting Ayano's family. Despite his own broken family, Hikari knew that it was the most important thing to Takeru.
"Why's that?"
He bit the inside of his cheek again, but a moment later decided that he would reveal to Hikari what had been on his mind. From the corner of his eye he noticed that another woman was covered in fish guts. How disgusting.
"I'm not suitable boyfriend material."
At first Hikari thought that Takeru was joking, but when she saw how serious he was, she knew that something had led Takeru to believe that. Maybe it was the disparity in wealth that did it? No, Takeru didn't think that way. Either way if Takeru really didn't think that he was boyfriend material, then he was being stupid. He was the sweetest person that she knew, and he had the kindest heart of anyone that she had known. It also didn't hurt that he was handsome. Hikari wished that she had seen it earlier.
"What makes you think that Keru?"
He sighed not really wanting to give Hikari the answer, but he knew that he would since he had already told her enough. He didn't know if he could still say that she was his best friend, but somehow he knew that he could still tell her anything.
"Ayano told me so."
The words didn't compute in her head when she first heard them, because honestly she thought that she had heard everything wrong. Though once she understood, Hikari was understandably angry. This Ayano girl was supposed to be the one helping Takeru get over his heartbreak, and now she was telling him that he wasn't good enough to be a boyfriend. Where the hell did she come off? If Hikari had been the more violent type then she would have instantly marched over to where the artist girl lived to kick her ass.
"She's stupid."
What made Hikari angrier than Ayano telling Takeru that he wasn't suitable enough to date was the fact that Takeru didn't seem to care. Takeru was honestly the best person for anyone to date that she knew, and anyone would be lucky to have him. Ayano was lucky to have him; Hikari could have been lucky.
"She's right."
She glared at Takeru angry that he would even suggest such a thing. He was so much better than just 'suitable'. There was no reason that he had to think of himself below that.
"You don't have to defend her."
Takeru made the mistake of looking at Hikari and he saw the conflicted look she had in her eyes. He knew that she wanted to say so much more than she was actually saying, and he thought that it was best if maybe she kept everything inside at the moment. What she wanted to say was most likely terrible things about Ayano, and Takeru knew that he didn't want to hear that. It was his duty to defend Ayano; nobody else would.
"I'm a foreigner with no money that comes from a broken family. I'm not exactly the perfect person to go out with."
She hated hearing the way that he spoke so low of himself. The way he depreciated himself made her insides turn, and she knew with all her heart that Takeru hated it as well. He wasn't even a foreigner only having a little European blood, and if Ayano was saying something like that to him, then she wasn't as good a girlfriend as everyone thought she would be. She wondered what Natsuko would think.
"That's stupid Takeru."
A pause; yet another commercial. Probably the last one before the show ended.
"I would've thought that you'd agree with her that I wasn't the perfect person to date."
Her eyes were tearing a little at the way that he had intentionally hurt her. He had done so on purpose, and she was surprised that the boy would even say something like that to her. Had he always been this way, and she just never noticed it until they were drifting apart? No. Things were just different between them now, and honestly Hikari doubted that they would ever be the same.
"That's low Takeru," she made sure to not look at him; that would just be too difficult, "I'm leaving".
However, before she got up, Hikari felt him grab and gently pull her down. That gentleness was surprising, and for a moment she felt some déjà vu.
"Look that's not the point I was trying to make."
She sighed, and she still didn't look at him.
"Then what was?"
"She told me that those were things her Otousan would say, but think about it she still wants to be with me," Takeru paused for effect and so that she would get the hint, "she really cares about me Hika, I want you to know that."
He had used his old nickname for her, and Hikari was conflicted. She hated the honorifics coming from him, but now he had dropped them once again. However, she didn't forget the fact that he had dropped them in the course of talking about how much Ayano had cared about him. It was bitter, but at least the atmosphere was a little less uneasy.
"And you care about her?"
She didn't want to ask the question, and she didn't want to hear the answer. Although this may be the only way that things could be fixed between them again. No matter what happened, she at least wanted to be his friend.
"Yeah."
Hikari noticed that the show had started back up again on the TV. It was one of the most ridiculous things that she had ever seen.
"Then go after her Takeru."
It was not something that he expected, but it was something that he had wanted to hear for a long time. So this was it, Hikari supporting his relationship with another girl. Was that his last chance to be with Hikari going out the window? Selfishly he hoped that it wasn't.
"Are you serious?"
She smiled, and her next statement was a lie and truth wrapped into one.
"I want you to be happy."
Takeru smiled at her, and Hikari felt her heart flutter. Maybe she would never date Takeru, but at least she knew that they were at least friends again. She had caught the dragon.
Author's single note:
Chasing the dragon refers to a term for a heroine addict who after feeling the first high from the drug, which by all accounts is the greatest feeling of all time, they keep chasing that feeling which is something they can never again achieve.
P.S. how was this chapter?
