Leon here with the latest installment. Almost at a hundred reviews, at 94 I think right now. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Man, I haven't seen it, any of the seasons, since I was a kid.
"Jackass."
Hearing what his girlfriend said, Takeru shuffled awkwardly beside her knowing that the nice night they had going between them had just officially been ruined. He stood beside her, just the two of them out on Jun's balcony, and he didn't move away from Ayano hoping that she wouldn't stay mad at him. If he was lucky then the two of them could just go back to enjoying the night. He would rather not leave her by herself when just inside there were dozens of guys getting drunk.
"I don't see what the problem is."
Neither moved from their spot on the balcony, both just staring out at all the different lights in Odaiba that they could see from there, the two of them also avoiding physical contact even though they honestly didn't really want to. It wasn't a situation that Takeru particularly liked being in, and he had little doubt that the same applied to his girlfriend. Whether someone has had serious intimate relationships before as was the case with Ayano, or it being a first time experience like how it was for Takeru, dating always has its complications.
"Just because she's here doesn't mean you have to go and talk to her."
It was something that was starting to get old for Takeru. To him it seemed that whenever he and Ayano spoke about or discussed anything seriously, that the topic usually had to do with Hikari in some way. Most of the time fighting over how he still hung out with her, and it had actually gotten to the point to where Takeru wasn't really sure if he was in a healthy relationship or not.
He looked over at Ayano, noticing all the while how she was forcing herself not to look back at him, and Takeru regretted the situation that he had gotten the both of them into. He really liked her, him not wanting to say that he loved any girl since the last time he did that it went rather poorly, and he thought that what was happening was a real shame. Half the time Ayano was the sweetest girl in the world that made Takeru happy that he got to spend time with her, but the other half she was a stressed out jealous mess unhappy with the fact that Hikari was still in his life. Honestly, all the arguing was starting to its toll on the both of them.
"I was only going to say hi to her."
He knew that it was a lie when he said it; a lie even though that's not what he originally meant. When it came to Hikari things weren't that simple, emotionally or otherwise, and Takeru wasn't naive enough to believe his own words. Watching the way that she flinched, he knew that Ayano wasn't that naive either.
"I'm not stupid Takeru."
He wasn't sure if he heard right, but for a moment he thought he heard Ayano's voice crack. She still wasn't looking at him, still staring out into the city, and Takeru looked out and followed her lead. Now that he thought about it there was so much out there in the world to see and experience...what the hell was he doing still in the Odaiba?
"I know that you aren't."
"Then don't act like I am."
Knowing nothing else that he could do, Takeru reached for Ayano's hand hoping that she would grab onto his. It was more than little reassuring when he felt her do so and squeeze.
"I'm sorry."
He made sure to squeeze back. Hard.
"I'm supposed to be mad at you."
"You can stay mad if you like."
He liked having her close to him, he didn't know what it was but there was something about her that put him at ease. He liked holding her hand, the way any guy should when it comes to his girlfriend, and he felt calm just standing there as he noted that her hand was so much smaller than his. He squeezed it again feeling guilty that he had first gone after her only as a way to get over Hikari; feeling guilty since he wasn't sure if his being with Ayano was still for the exact same reason.
"She likes you right?"
It was something that she didn't want to ask, Takeru could tell that just by the tone of her voice, but she did regardless and it was something that he had to answer. He knew what he was about to say was true, though he honestly hadn't processed it himself yet; it was something that he really didn't want to.
"Yeah, I think so."
Ayano didn't say anything, Takeru glancing at her from the corner of his eye, and he sighed and then put his attention out towards the city again. There was so much out there beyond what he could see, so much that he could experience either alone or with someone whose hand he could hold for the entire journey. As he held on to Ayano's, he wondered if hers was the one that he wanted.
"She only wants you because she can't have you."
"Hikari's not like that."
"Takeru," she paused sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. 'Hikari's not like that, Hikari's not a bad person, Hikari and I are just best friends.' She looked over at him squeezing his hand as hard as she could, sick of the fact that she was so insecure about things, "she only started bitching and moaning about things when we started dating."
He felt that squeeze from Ayano again, that squeeze from the girl who was so much smaller than he was, but this time around he didn't return it. He wasn't sure if it was because he simply disagreed with his girlfriend, or if it was out of some misguided desire to be chivalrous and to protect Hikari from words that she would never hear.
"Hikari's not the one that's bitching here."
He didn't mean his words to sound as harsh as they did, later regretting the way that he implied that Ayano was the one bitching instead of Hikari, but either way he did nothing when he felt Ayano's hand go slack and fall away from his. He looked out towards the city; there were so many streetlights, so many things to explore.
"Why do you always defend her?"
He wondered, was Ayano the one he wanted to explore those things with? The one that he could look at an empty sky with and have her understand what was wrong with it?
"Because you always talk bad about her."
She wondered, would Takeru ever really be her cornerstone? The one that she could depend on to love her more then someone from his past?
"Do you still have feelings for her?"
Takeru hated that question, hated hearing it so much and being asked it all the time, and he looked at Ayano wanting to know what she wanted him to say. Her hands were over the railing of Jun's balcony, and he knew just by the way the girl was carrying herself, the way that she looked outwards with a face that could only be described as bitter, that Ayano knew the answer to what she asked. Leaning forward and taking in all the lights that were before him shining in the night of Japan, Takeru was bitter for the exact same reason.
"You keep asking me that."
She turned her head to him and forced a smile hoping that it would, knowing that it wouldn't, make things just a little bit better. She smiled hoping that Takeru could somehow do something to turn that smile into a real one.
"You keep making me wonder."
Her eyes were on his and she bit her lip; this was Takeru's chance to reassure her, to say the right thing. She stood there hopeful, full of wishful thinking and those silly things called emotions that all girls tend to have, but her hopes were dashed when she saw a flicker of defensive in his eyes; a flash of hurt then anger.
"That's my own personal business."
She bit her lip even harder. Her response sounded meek.
"I'm your girlfriend."
"Yeah," Takeru was hurt not wanting to think or talk about what Ayano had brought up, even hating her for a moment just because she said it and he, without thinking about it or even contemplating the consequences, tried to hurt her in turn. It wasn't something that was in his nature, and it was something that he regretted as soon as he said it, "and I'm starting to wonder why that is."
He was stupid, he knew that he was for what he had said, and he tried to grab her hand again to maybe somehow partially ease the situation. It didn't work, and she pulled away and stood up from leaning on the railing; defiant and pissed as ever.
"You know what? Take her home and fuck her if you want, see if I care."
Takeru himself stood up looking down at Ayano since she was so much shorter than him. She was angry, and the way she stood there he could tell that she was challenging him, that she was daring him to say something. She kept throwing Hikari back in his face, she wouldn't shut up about it, and he felt: hurt, angry, and actually somewhat betrayed at how easy Ayano was able to do that. It was as if she was purposely trying to wound him emotionally, and he narrowed his eyes at her; he figured, why not do the same to her?
"Maybe I will. At least I'd be the first guy she gave it up to."
Her eyes glistened at that one, she had a surprised face never expecting Takeru to go there, to want to see her in pain, and she did the only thing her pride would let her do, the only thing Masato or Goro would allow her had they been there to hear what he said; she slapped him.
They stood there silent for a bit, ignoring the sounds of the city they had spent so much time fondly looking at and contemplating, ignoring the sounds of drunken jubilation that just a ways indoor, ignoring everything in the world other than each other. She watched him not physically hurt, but still touching a hand to his own face surprised that he had been hit. He watched her shoulders going somewhat slack, almost as if she had decided to just give up or something.
"You said it didn't bother you."
"I said I didn't care that you did it. Of course it still bothers me."
He watched as she glared at him, hated him the same way that he had hated her just a little while earlier, and he felt that it was something that he didn't like. He cared about her, that being the most he wanted to say for any girl at the moment, and that look of contempt that she had in her eyes was something that Takeru never wanted to see again.
"I will never be Hikari."
"I never asked you to be."
Like earlier it was a lie. Like earlier both of them knew it.
"Can you just leave me alone right now? I need to think about something."
She didn't want him to be there anymore, it was something that struck heavily in his heart. He had messed up, Takeru knew that he had, but now it seemed that it was too late to fix it. Though, it was never too late to give something just one last shot.
"What do you need to think about?"
"Just leave me the fuck alone."
It was an exasperated response, one that neither expected would happen, but as Takeru stood there unsure of what to say or do, Ayano's next move surprised them both once again. She put her hand to where she had slapped him, and after a moment, just a moment, she kissed him on the other side of his cheek.
"I love you."
It was said softly, being something that was simple and lacking grandeur, and she stood there as if she expected him to say something in return. She had said the same thing to him earlier, and like before he opened his mouth and said nothing. The scene just passed like that, and Ayano forced another smile as she stepped away from Takeru and went back to looking outward on the balcony.
"Find me when you want to leave okay? I want to walk you home."
Ayano just stared out into the city almost as if she was admiring all the dirty streetlights that Odaiba had to offer, and Takeru just walked away and into the apartment knowing that she wasn't going to say anything. Her silence, like his had been, was answer enough.
You know what? People in reviews, and private messages, have both told me that Hikari is the girl for Takeru, and Ayano is too respectively speaking, but I had a thought...is either? Honestly, his relationship with both girls seems to be rather unhealthy. At least in my own humble opinion, which I respect. It's something to think about eh? Well I'd say so. Either way thanks for all the people who have put this story on story alert, thanks to the people reading it, and extra thanks to you guys who take your time to actually review and let me know what you think. You guys are my favorite readers, granted the only ones that I know for sure are actually reading, eh.
God bless the Queen, God help us all.
