A/N: Hello everybody! New chapter, hope you enjoy!
Rachel's POV
I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I brought my diary to school on Thursday. Well, I didn't exactly mean to. I mistook it for another workbook of mine and packed it accidentally. When I got to school and realised I had it, I shoved it into my locker and prayed to all things holy that nobody saw it.
"Hey Rach." Quinn greeted from behind me,
I slammed the locker closed immediately and turned to face Quinn with a smile so big, it was very obviously fake, then I immediately started rambling,
"Quinn! Hi, how are you doing? It's a wonderful day, isn't it? I think it is anyway. The sun is out, the birds are singing and I bet there is a rainbow somewhere out there, maybe down in…"
"Rachel! You're rambling, what's going on?" Quinn asked, looking torn between amused and concerned,
"Nothing's going on!" I objected instantly, "I am simply ecstatic because… my dads agreed to do a marathon run through of all my favourite musicals, Funny Girl, Rent, Evita…"
Quinn laughed so I stopped listing random musicals,
"I'm sorry, it's just, kind of endearing, how hard you're trying to hide something." She pointed out knowingly,
"Sorry." I apologised lamely,
"Don't be, it's cute." Quinn said I raised an eyebrow at her, "I mean, you know, it's umm, endearing… Not cute, I did not mean cute." She stuttered,
My heart sinks slightly, not only does Quinn not actually think I'm cute (duh) but the thought of herself thinking I am, quite obviously offends her somehow. If she knew I was attracted girls she would never have made such an amateur mistake.
"Let's just forget that ever happened, huh?" I compromised, my tone no longer so warm and fluffy,
"Uh, yeah, sorry." She apologised, slightly timidly (an odd behaviour I recently picked up, a different side to her HBIC one), looking away from me,
I instantly feel guilty, she doesn't know why I'm reacting this, and she shouldn't. I hooked my arm through hers and start walking down the hallway,
"Feel like skipping period 1? I need a coffee." I suggested with a sly grin,
Quinn laughs, 'Good,' I thought, hearing her musical laugh made my day that much brighter.
We had gotten coffee at the Lima Bean and made it back just in time for period 2, well I'm sure Quinn did. I was currently standing in front of my locker covered head to toe in blueberry flavoured Slushie. The offending jocks high fived each other and set down the hallway. Growling at the unfairness of it all, and how the less talented than me jocks got away with everything, I open my locker and pull out my Slushie kit. Then head towards the girl's bathrooms, completely not realising that I had dropped my diary.
Quinn's POV
I couldn't believe that I had just called Rachel cute, that was mortifying. We were just becoming really good friends; I could not ruin that by letting her know that I like her as more than that. I was starting to get worried, I had already accepted the fact that I like Rachel in that way. I mean, she's gorgeous, fun, kind, talented and amazing overall. I had accepted that I liked her, liked her. But now I was starting to worry that I was falling in love, and love hurt a lot more than like. Unrequited love, well, that was probably ten times worse.
Luckily, Rachel brushed it off, although she was really cold about it for a moment. That was strange, I mean, it's not like homophobia could be behind that because her dads were gay, and we have all heard of how big a supporter she is of the LGBT community. I just figured she may have found it slightly awkward or something. But after we went to get coffee she was fine.
I was on my way to English when I realised that I had forgotten the book we were currently reading. Sighing, I headed back to my locker. As I turned the corner I noticed that there was a big pile of slushie in the hallway, 'Poor kid' I thought, but as I neared the puddle I noticed that it was almost directly in front of Rachel's locker, and there was a book lying just next to it. 'Oh god, poor Rach.' I thought as I went to pick up the book. I was wondering if she would need it for her next class, so I opened it to see what subject it was. Seeing that it was obviously not a school book, but in fact a diary, I slammed the book shut. I couldn't do that to Rachel. It was very tempting, obviously, but I was also pretty convinced that I wouldn't like what was in there in regards to me.
As I wasn't able to lock Rachel's locker, I took the diary with me so that no one else could look in it. I could hand it to her later anyway and it would be fine.
I ended up seeing Rachel at the very end of the day, just as she was heading out to the parking lot,
"Rachel!" I shouted down the hallway, "Wait up!"
I ran to catch up with her, discreetly pulling her diary out of my bag,
"Here," I said, offering her the book,
She looked at me in absolute horror,
"I didn't read it, or anything, if that's what you're worried about…" I reassured her slightly awkwardly,
She snatched the diary from me and looked at me suspiciously, "I don't believe you. Seriously, go ahead, kill me now or whatever. You have a free pass to Slushie me, I deserve it."
"Why wouldn't you bel… Wait, kill you? Slushie you? What are you talking about? I thought we were friends Rach, good friends, friends don't do that." I ask, admittedly quite hurt by the accusations,
"No, I get it. You read it and you're just biding your time, waiting to pounce. Well, I am watching you, Quinn Fabray." She snapped and stormed off, perfectly executed as Rachel Berry storm offs always were.
I stood there, stock still for at least a minute, really not sure what just happened. I mean, what could be in that diary that was so bad that I would react in the way Rach was expecting me to? I had no clue, but I was definitely hurt. Nothing that she could have written in that diary would change the way I looked at her or liked her. I knew I had to fix it, but I had no clue what I was supposed to fix. How could you possibly fix a problem you know nothing about?
Rachel's POV
I ran into my bedroom, clutching my diary to my chest and flinging myself onto my bed. I sobbed into the pillow. This was bad. Like, DEFCON…well, whichever was the worst. Or maybe second worst, like, shit is bad, but not disastrous. After all, Quinn hadn't Slushied or dumpster-tossed me yet. Yet. This was definitely bad. Quinn and I were getting to be like, best friends, then I go and fucking ruin it with my feelings.
'Holy Shit!' I thought, sitting up. Not only did Quinn know I had feelings for her, but she could out me, to the entire school! I'd be dead by the end of tomorrow. If I made it that long. This was BAD.
I opened my diary to the most recent page, probably the first one Quinn would have read. I mean, who just turns to the front page? Reading the text, I groaned, not only did it reveal my feelings for Quinn, but it REVEALED them.
Dear Journal, 09/17
It's time for a life update, we haven't talked in a week or two. I'm falling more and more in love with Quinn Fabray every day. She's just so, perfect, you know? Totally swoon-worthy. I love being her friend too though, it's better to have her in some capacity than nothing. I am learning more about her every day. Which is amazing. It's just kind of painful to be friends with the person you're in love with. Yeah, this has definitely gone on too long to be a crush. I mean, I first had feelings for her when? Like, January or February, now it's September. Jeesh, I'm so screwed. I couldn't risk telling her. I certainly couldn't come out to the school, only Noah knows. He's really good about it though, always there to talk to when I need him. He's not as tough as he looks you know. He has an adorable soft side. Ooh, my dads took me to a lovely vegetarian restaurant yesterday….
I stopped reading at that point, the damage was already done. The rest of it was just random crap. I only wished I stuck with the random crap instead of pouring my heart and soul out to the journal.
I lay back on my bed dramatically. May as well have a good last night's sleep.
I woke up Friday morning, seriously considering taking the day off, then maybe it would blow over during the weekend. Though, part of me thought that Quinn might want me to run and hide. She is really betraying me, and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of being scared. Yes, I was going to march right through the front doors of McKinley in my best outfit (with a second-best outfit in case of Slushie attack) and hold my chin up. Those fuckers won't get to me.
I gave my reflection a look of grim determination. If I made it through this day, it would be an excellent thing to go into my autobiography, for when I'm a star.
I stopped outside of the front entrance to McKinley, wearing a short black skirt, with a low cut black top, and a sexy as hell leather jacket with some leather heeled boots. Yeah, I probably looked somewhere between biker chick, goth chick, or some grieving person. But maybe I was grieving, maybe the death of what little reputation I had, or my friendship with Quinn. I took a deep breath and pushed the doors open, closing my eyes and steeling myself for what would happen.
Except, nothing did happen. Apart from one student who I was apparently in the way of, nobody even looked at me. Nobody! I pulled my jacket slightly further closed, suddenly feeling a bit daft in my outfit. But strutted down the hallway anyway, oozing confidence. 'God, I'm such a good actor.'
Still confused, I continue heading towards my locker, looking around me. Some guys were staring at me appreciatively as I walk past, which just made me uncomfortable and more confused. I approached my locker and apart from one guy whistling, had still attracted no jocks or bitchy cheerleaders. As much of a good thing as this was, it just put me on an even higher alert. They were just waiting in the wings, for me to get complacent. I wasn't going to let that happen.
By the time lunch came around, I was completely and utterly confused. I was sat with some of the glee club, Kurt, Mercedes, Finn, Artie, Noah, and Tina, with Tina and Noah on either side of me. I couldn't help but be a little jumpy, every time someone put a tray down or laughed too loud I was whipping my head around to look at them. I also couldn't see Quinn, which caused me to believe that she was planning something with the cheerleaders and the douchebag jocks. I was looking around nervously when someone cleared their throat,
"Ok. I can't stay silent any longer." Tina spoke up, "Look, as much as I think you rock this new look, there is obviously something more to it than trying out something new. You're acting really weird Rachel, all jumpy and scared, as if you're just waiting for something to go wrong."
I pondered that comment for a second, tilting my head to the side. Yep, that was pretty much the short version of the story,
"I agree," Came Kurt's voice from the other side of the table, "As thrilled as I am that you ditched the reindeer sweaters and 'sexy schoolgirl librarian chic' whatever, you're not yourself Rachel. If this new look is causing the personality flip, I'd say it wasn't worth it." He said in a soft tone,
All of them were looking at me expectantly, it actually made me want to tear up, thinking about how they all cared about what was wrong with me,
"Yeah, is something wrong Rachel?" Artie's voice chimed in,
That finally broke me,
"Quinn had my diary for an indeterminate amount of time," I whispered, so lowly that even Tina and Puck had to lean in,
"What was that?" Tina asked,
"Quinn Fabray had my diary for an indeterminate amount of time," I repeated, loud and clear this time,
Kurt and Mercedes looked horrified by the idea, whereas Finn and Tina looked confused. Noah looked as worried as I felt. He knew at least some of the 'bad' stuff that was in that diary, he knew how bad this could be for me.
"That bitch better not try anything." Mercedes warned, "I mean, we may not be best buds but we're all in Glee club, that's what really matters."
I wanted to defend Quinn, say she's not a bitch, maybe add in the fact that I'm only slightly in love with her, but of course, I couldn't. I just nodded my head in agreement,
"How bad could it really be though?" Tina questioned logically, "It's not like you're writing each of your serial murders in the damn thing." Okay, kind of logically,
"T, anybody reading anyone's diary could be a bad thing. We don't know what kind of stuff Rach writes in there for a reason, it's private. Quinn knowing is a bad thing." Noah reasoned,
It was a weird friendship, Noah and Tina. They became much closer after I became closer with both of them. I was friends with each of them individually, but they became closer after I became a joining link. They both knew they were important to me in different ways.
Tina nodded thoughtfully at Noah's statement,
"Yeah, we don't know what Quinn is capable of, regardless of what's in the diary." Kurt reasoned,
"Yeah, we don't know anything about the girl at all." Mercedes chimed in,
"Well, that's not exactly true," I spoke up, without thinking through the words,
They looked at me in confusion,
"Uh, well, we… um… Her middle name is Lucy!" I clarified, "So, yeah," That was only the start of what I knew about Quinn Fabray, but they didn't need to know that.
And... I could tell you, her favourite colour's green
She loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
Her sister's beautiful, she has her mother's eyes
They continued discussing the end of my life as we knew it, and I zoned out in the middle of the conversation. I was far too worried to discuss my end of life arrangements with my friends.
Tina corned me in the girl's bathroom at the very end of lunch,
"What's so bad that would make you react like this?" She demanded, but in a soft kind of tone, "Come on Rach, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything!" She pleaded,
I did feel kind of bad for keeping this from her, but I couldn't help it, I needed more time. So I shrugged, not offering an answer,
"I was trying to think of things that could potentially anger Quinn," Tina stated,
I paused and nodded at her to continue with the train of thought.
"I thought of your relationship in the past. How things kind of got monumentally screwed up when Finn chose you over her. That's still a sore spot for Quinn. I'm almost certain." She continued,
"Do you still love Finn?" She asked softly, "Is that what this could be about? Him choosing you over her, then you break up with him, and still love him, therefore annoying Quinn."
I thought seriously about my answer for a minute, obviously, I could tell the truth and that would be it. But, if I lied, I could buy myself more time. I made the decision relatively quickly,
"Yes. I'm still hopelessly in love with Finn. I can't imagine why I ever broke up with him. He occupies my every thought and I'm scared that I lost my chance with him." I answered dramatically, using my far superior acting skills to my advantage,
Tina just smiled sympathetically at me and walked forward to give me a hug. It made me feel guilty for lying to her, but I accepted it gratefully, appreciating the comfort.
And if you asked me if I love him,
I'd lie.
I walked in my house that night, still completely unharmed. Not one scratch. In fact, today had been a good day as far as bullying was concerned. I was just, ignored. It was still really weird, and I was half expecting someone to come popping out from under the stairs with a machete. Well, maybe that was a touch melodramatic.
I stayed up in my room till dinner, updating my diary again.
Dear Journal, 09/21
I was really expecting Quinn to have organised something for today. I haven't been touched by a single drop of Slushie and it is kind of weirding me out. They might be waiting for next week, waiting for my guard to have dropped, then torturing me the entire week, or school term. I'm starting to think maybe she isn't going to tell anyone. Maybe she really is a good friend. But, I'm finding that hard to believe. I didn't see her once today. Or maybe I was avoiding her. Or you know, when two people are so actively looking for each other that they complete miss? Maybe that's it… But Quinn doesn't care that much about me. She probably is just going to stay away from me from now on. She probably thinks I'm a psycho after what she read. That hurts me a lot. I can barely stand Quinn not liking me like that in return. Her thinking I'm a weirdo and completely despising me is worse. Much worse. And of course, I can't quite stop loving her. Love is cruel, that's what they say. I used to disagree, but now? I couldn't possibly agree more with the statement. Unrequited love sucked especially. I'm just going to have to hold my chin up and pretend that nothing bothers me. I've grown quite good at that.
Bye for now, -Rachel, xxx.
A while later, my dads called me down for dinner.
I sat at the table, not really feeling that hungry at all (just thirsty… or sad?) but aware of the fact I needed to eat. I let out a short sigh, and started picking at my food,
"Is something bothering you, sweetheart?" Daddy asked,
I shook my head, then, rethinking my answer, nodded,
"What's wrong, pumpkin?" Dad queried, putting his cutlery down, "Want a glass of water?"
I nodded again, so my dad went to fetch me a glass of water,
Once my dad sat back down again, I decided to give them a short, very carefully edited version of the story,
"There's this girl at school, we've never really gotten along," Great, starting off with a lie, "And I accidentally took my diary to school," True, "And she found it, and she read it before giving it back to me." Also true,
"Oh sweetheart, are you sure she read it? Did she tell you she did?" Daddy asked concern etched on his face,
"No… But I'm certain she did. And I think she's going to tell everyone that…"
"That what?" Dad prompted after I trailed off,
"Just, the stuff in the diary. It could get bad, very bad, and messy. I may need an entirely new wardrobe." I explained, probably dramatically, but hey, what would I be if not dramatic,
"Well, there's not much you can do I guess. Maybe you should talk to her, find out if she read it, convince her not to tell anyone." Daddy suggested,
"Just, don't let her blackmail you. Then, things would get messy," Dad added, half-joking,
I shook my head fondly at his behaviour, "You've been watching too many crime shows Dad." I commented, before starting to actually eat my dinner.
I decided that I would talk to Quinn, on the weekend. I was so sure that if I could talk to her, reason with her, then maybe, I would appease her enough to stop the bullying before it even started. But that was a task for tomorrow. Tonight would be reserved for crying myself to sleep and despairing at when my life became such a terrible, terrible soap opera.
A/N: Did you like it? I must admit, I kind of enjoy writing Quinn's parts, there's something about her character and her thoughts that I really like. Whose part's do you prefer? I'd be interested to know… This was admittedly, a bit of a filler chapter, and I had a huge writer's block on it for a while, but it cleared and I hope the chapter ended up alright! They will talk it out next chapter, but will they make up? Dun, dun, dun… Find out next time!
Byee –Lauren's Glee stories :)
