It's been a while, but I'm back. I was playing a bit of Katawa Shoujo, listening to one of it's tracks called Wiosna, and I had a bit of inspiration just rush through my head. I shut the game down, looked for Wiosna on youtube, and with that song playing the whole time I was writing, I overcame my writer's block. Sorry for the long wait.

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon.


"I love you Hikari, I don't want you to ever forget that."

It was a phrase that had become familiar to Hikari, one that had become very dear to her, and as she laid in bed next to Takeru, she wondered how often he said the same to Ayano. They weren't in high school anymore, long ago passing the years of uniforms and single classroom days, and Hikari couldn't help but feel more strangely adult as she was laying next to a naked man, helping him to commit infidelity. The first time that they had had sex behind Ayano's back was guiltily chalked up to the small amounts of rice wine that they had drunk in celebration of Ken officially becoming a part of Tamachi's police force. However, this excuse lost a bit of credibility after the second time, or the third, or the twentieth that they had somehow ended up naked in each others company.

Truthfully, Hikari wasn't sure what to think about what she and Takeru were doing. This was the bed that Takeru shared with another woman, the bed that he promised her things in, the bed where he and Ayano would sleep at night side by side after spending the day together, and now here she was with Takeru, taking Ayano's place for the night. The other woman had taken a trip with Masato to visit family on the other side of Japan, and after waiting until Takeru called her to tell her it was okay to go over, Hikari had gone to the apartment shared by Takeru and Ayano so that she could play mistress for a day.

"And Ayano?"

She saw some hesitation in his eyes as she asked her question, and after watching him awkwardly shuffle around while he faced her, Hikari wondered what Takeru was going to say. What they were doing was nothing to be proud of, even if Ayano could somehow be called, for lack of a better word, a raging bitch. She didn't get along with the woman, each still having insecurities about the other despite the passage of years in time, but that didn't mean that Hikari didn't feel bad about sleeping with Ayano's long-time boyfriend, even if it was a man that she herself was in love with. So she stared, as did Takeru, and contemplated the situation as he honestly answered her question.

"I love her too."

Takeru sounded meek, almost as if he was reluctant to even say that he loved Ayano. Despite asking the question and hoping for an honest answer, Hikari frowned when she heard it. It wasn't anything to be surprised about, this was the woman that he lost his virginity to and had lived with for the past few years, but it was still a bit disconcerting to actually hear him say it. Placing her hand on his bare chest, feeling his shameful sweat, Hikari could only barely pretend that Takeru and Ayano had never been in a situation as intimate as the two of them currently were. As time went on though, as Takeru seemed to grow happier with the woman who was openly on his arm out in the real world instead of this secret one, this became harder and harder for Hikari to do.

"How?"

"You can be in love with more than one person at a time."

It was an odd thing to laugh at, but she did. Drumming her fingers on Takeru's chest, Hikari didn't really believe what he said, and truth be told, she wasn't so sure if he believed it either. She sometimes wondered if the only reason that Takeru said that he loved her so often was so that he would feel less guilty about his infidelity to Ayano, but it was only when she was alone that she let her mind wander to such thoughts. With Takeru at her side such things could easily be laughed at, they could be turned into humorous little anecdotes, and Hikari stopped drumming her fingers as she sighed and decided to ask another question.

"If things had gone differently do you think that she would still be in our lives?"

"She's been in our lives for a while, Hikari. Just like all the rest of our classmates were."

She smiled, despite the conversation, and laughed once again at the way that Takeru had answered her. He reminded her of a little boy named Norio whose kindergarten class she was a teacher's assistant for, and oddly the image of Takeru reluctantly answering a question that he didn't really want to seemed to fit seamlessly with little Norio's apprehension when it came to playing with the other children whenever his mother came to drop him off. There was probably a better word for it, especially since Takeru was now a grown man instead of the crying little boy that she remembered meeting him as, but Hikari thought that it was cute.

"You're an idiot."

"At least I'm not a jackass."

He said it in the same joking tone that she had been using, but Hikari's out of place laughter died down when she saw that while Takeru did seem like he was attempting to have a bit of fun, he also seemed somewhat conflicted. Jackass wasn't something that she would have ever called Takeru, though admittedly she was a bit bias concerning that topic, but she knew that there was at least one person that he had wronged in some way. The possibility that Ayano maybe knew about Takeru's less than faithful escapades was something that never crossed Hikari's mind, and frankly, it was a bit scary once she thought about it.

"Is that what she calls you?"

"Sometimes, but I'd call myself that too if I was on the outside looking in."

The hand that was on his chest trailed to his shoulder, and Hikari gave him a smile as her hand gripped tightly to said shoulder. It was reassuring to her when he smiled back just as genuinely as she had to him. Even if it was wrong, even if it went against everything that she had ever believed in or stood for, she decided that she would be there for Takeru if that was what he asked of her.

"Do you miss it, Takeru?"

"Miss what?"

He was whispering almost, as if this topic was something forbidden, though considering the circumstances it probably was, but Hikari ignored it and just continued on with what she was saying.

"When Ayano-chan was nothing more to us than just another girl sitting across the room." She paused wondering how selfish she sounded since Ayano being entrenched in their lives was something that Hikari had brought on herself. When she had pushed Takeru away from her, she had unknowingly pushed him directly in Ayano's direction, "I miss it. Mostly though, I miss not having to schedule time to be with you instead already knowing that you're going to be there."

"I am going to be there. I made a promise to always be there."

It's true, he had promised that, but that was when he was a boy and had no idea the depth of what he was agreeing to. Hikari knew this, but was glad nonetheless that Takeru had honored his word even after becoming a man.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yeah, I know."

Takeru was being difficult with not wanting to come right out and answer the question she asked, he had been like this all night, so she moved her hand from his shoulder and brought it to his face. Despite him being older, and far more able to maintain his liquor than he had been when they were still in high school, Takeru still had the face of a boy. Like she had thought earlier, she thought it was cute, and she realized that she had never even seen Takeru with as much as a hair on his chin. He was a man with no facial hair, and she was a woman who was still fiercely clinging onto an object of affection from her girlhood. In a way, neither of them had ever grown up, and Hikari cooed what she said next, both to get an honest answer out of Takeru, and so that she could take her mind off the thoughts that only became more uncomfortable the longer she let them linger.

"Well?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, and opened them after a deep breath.

"I'm fond of her."

"Yeah, I know."

Ayano was the other love of his life, this was after all the bed that the woman went to sleep on at Takeru's side every night, and his answer was enough that Hikari thought that maybe he didn't regret the outcome of how things had turned out for him. Sure there were ups and downs, this current infidelity being something that Hikari wasn't sure which direction it went, but it was very easy to tell that Takeru was happy with Ayano holding his hand.

Takeru was in love with them both, and just as he had said that it was possible to love more than one person at a time, he loved them in different ways. In public whenever Hikari watched the way that Takeru looked at Ayano, there was always a certain sort of quiet affection in his eyes; one that made it obvious how deeply he cared for the woman. With herself however, Takeru stared at her with passion; an undying devotion that had unknowingly been there even way back in the days that Daisuke seemed as viable a competitor for her heart as Takeru.

"But yeah I do miss how things used to be. Everything seemed less complicated, a lot less grown up."

Her thoughts were interrupted with Takeru's sudden interjection, and she scrunched her eyebrows at him when he chuckled at the realization that her mind had drifted elsewhere despite being the one that had brought up the question in the first place. It took a moment, but she giggled as well until the both of them filled the room with laughter that was inappropriate for the conversation. It only lasted for a small while, but it was enough for Hikari. As long as she and Takeru could still laugh together, there really wasn't anything else that mattered to her.

"We're not kids anymore, are we Takeru?"

Her words went against her earlier conclusions, but even though it wasn't logical, Hikari thought that her words weren't contradicting said conclusions. The two of them were kids still, they always would be in her opinion, but the world around them had grown up while they weren't looking. It was nice, but scary, at the same time. When she heard his response, she knew that Takeru felt the same way as her.

"No, but I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing."

Strangely, she thought of little Norio again. The little boy fought against change, the same way she had so long ago when Takeru had first started taking an interest in her to be more than just friends, and the thought was refreshing to her. If little Norio could be brave and play with the other children once his mother left him, why couldn't she be just as courageous as him as well?

"I think it is. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"A lot of things have happened to us, good and bad, but those things are just memories now. It's almost sad to think of in that way. But then I can feel happy again knowing that we still have a future ahead of us, you know? It makes me believe for a second that things don't have to end."

"They don't."

Regardless of what they had been doing, or what their friends and family would have thought if it was known what they had been doing, Hikari's night with Takeru had been a night of genuine smiles. Takeru seemed timid in the way that he tried to reassure her, but Hikari couldn't help but notice that he sounded like he was trying to reassure himself of the same thing. She moved her hand from his face and trailed it to his hand. When she felt him grab onto hers, she wondered how different it would feel once he had his wedding ring on.

"You're getting married, Takeru."

"I haven't asked her yet."

Yet was the key word. Even though he was right there with Hikari, cheating on Ayano, Takeru still planned to ask the woman to be his wife. It was something that Hikari knew she would think about once she was back in her own bed with no one beside her, knowing that at that very moment that Takeru was most likely holding onto Ayano, but she let the thought subside for the moment. It was only when she was alone that she let her mind go to dark places.

"She won't say no to you."

"She might."

Hikari had her doubts that Ayano would say no if Takeru proposed to her, and she didn't want to get her hopes up. She knew it was an awful thing to wish for, but there was a part of her that would sometimes dream of the day where Takeru's future wife wouldn't be there anymore. She forced a laugh, one that was just as inappropriate as all the other ones.

"Don't try to cheer me up right now."

"We shouldn't really be joking like this."

He hadn't joined in with her forced laugh, and Hikari knew that deep down, this whole situation that they had gotten themselves in really wasn't something to laugh about. So, to change the subject, she craned her neck back a bit so that she could give Takeru a better glimpse of her chest. She knew that he would look, as was her intention, but she also hoped that the action would possibly influence the answer that he gave her to her next question.

"Do you think that she's prettier than me?"

"Prettier?"

This time, Takeru actually almost laughed. It was a silly thing to ask, pretty being something that adults were supposed to use to describe daughters and not much else, but Hikari still felt the need to use that word over anything else that she could have. It was a hope that was just as silly as her question, maybe even more so, but choosing that specific word made her feel as if she could just close her eyes as she was at the moment, and open them to be a teenaged girl again.

"I know I probably sound like we're still in high school or something, but can you humor me right now, Takeru?"

As she expected, Takeru didn't say anything at first. He did answer her though, just not in the way that she had wanted.

"She's gorgeous, but so are you."

He had dodged yet another question just so that he could take the easy way out. Usually, it was something that she understood and didn't mind all that much, but lately, especially tonight, it had started to bother her. Hikari narrowed her eyes at Takeru, something that she couldn't remember when she last did.

"How come you can never give me a straight answer when it comes to the the two of us?"

"It's not something that I like to think about."

It was an honest enough answer, but one that put into perspective just exactly what they were doing. She squeezed his hand, being forced to acknowledge that the only times that Takeru was comfortably with her, the only times where he would admit that he loved her, was when Ayano was away, or when they were alone in the dark together.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

He didn't say anything at first, as if he was going over in his mind what to say. What they had together was something taboo, something that Hikari knew they should have been ashamed of, but there was a part of her that couldn't help but feel no regrets for what she and Takeru had done. For what they had been doing for a long time, and for what they would do for a long time to come.

"I'm ashamed of myself."

Takeru had a kind soul and a good heart, she had seen him act with both countless times since when they were even children, so she could understand if he had a bit of hate for himself for all these things that they had allowed to happen.

"You think I'm a whore."

"Aren't we all?"

She felt him squeeze her hand back, and she knew it to be a signal that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. She liked the way that his hand seemed to fit with hers.

"Do you love me, Takeru?"

"I already told you that I did."

He said it often, but Hikari sometimes wondered if he said it more for his own benefit than her own.

"I want to hear you say it again. It makes things seem more real."

He nodded at her, seeming to understand what she meant.

"I love you, Yagami Hikari."

It did make things seem more real.

"Until when, Takaishi Takeru?"

"Until the day that Yamato shaves his head."

There was a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Will you love me even when Oshiro Ayano becomes Takaishi Ayano?"

The glint died down, but Hikari could see that it was replaced with different more serious look. She was almost afraid of what he would say.

"I'll love you even when I go to sleep at night by her side."

It was a terrible thing for him to say, but Hikari couldn't but feel her heart be warmed a little when he said it.

"She's going to be having your children, isn't she?"

"I'm going to marry her."

Despite everything he had said, everything he had done, he still wanted Ayano to be his wife.

"The two of you are going to have such pretty kids. I hope they get your eyes though."

"I'm not sure if I want any kids."

"You don't have to worry about anything, Takeru. You're going to be a great father."

"I'm already a bad husband."

His response startled her for a moment, and she was almost about to argue that fact before she stopped herself. A good husband doesn't do what Takeru did, and even though he and Ayano weren't even engaged yet, Hikari knew that all this sneaking around her back would get to him. Despite everything though, Takeru still had a good heart, if not one that was misguided.

"You're a good person. It isn't your fault that things turned out this way."

They were silent for about a minute, this causing Hikari to think that maybe it was about time that they went to sleep, but as she allowed herself to become a bit drowsy, she heard him speak again. This time it was Takeru that ended up asking a question.

"Do you love me, Hikari?"

"You already know that I do."

"Then tell me. It would make me feel better about all of this."

She ignored the implications of what he had to feel better about, and Hikari could do nothing else but answer him honestly.

"I love you, Takaishi Takeru."

"Until when, Yagami Hikari?"

"Until the day that Taichi shaves his head."

She laughed, as he did beside her, and she closed her eyes as she let her drowsiness take her. When she awoke though, things were different than when she had gone to bed. No longer was she naked, now she was dressed in kitty-spangled pajamas that her grandmother had knitted for her sixteenth birthday. She wasn't at Takeru's side in the bed he shared with Ayano either. Instead, she was on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed that she shared with the snoring Taichi, Tailmon sleeping at her feet all the while.

Realization hit her that she had been dreaming about a night shared with Takeru. The shy little boy Norio didn't exist, neither did Takeru's upcoming marriage with Ayano. Her dream, and everything in it, was just a long series of subconscious thoughts and manufactured memories. Just as she wished for in her dream, they were kids again. For the first time in a long time, Hikari smiled at the beautiful morning. She felt at peace.


I think things may be starting to look up.

Something I'm doing is going back and rewriting/revising some parts of this story. Mostly, it's just grammar stuff and odd phrasing that I'm fixing up, but there are some other things to be fixed as well. Such as taking out a few paragraphs and replacing them with new ones, but you don't have to go back and read anything again since I'm not changing any plot points. You can tell which chapters I've gotten to since they now have names.

It feels good to be back.