Pre-Comment: I'm glad you're all enjoying my twisted sense of humour so much. If I knew this story was going to be so well-received I would've started my own cul--I mean, I would've let that idea stick hit me sooner. Anyway, here's the much-awaited Chapter 4.

By the way, go vote in my poll. It will take you less than a minute.


Chapter Four: I Need to Be Next to You

"Three weeks so far, huh?"

Suzaku nodded, writing his speech for the next charity fundraiser diligently. While it had been three weeks, he had only realistically seen the boy—Lelouch, his gay-but-not-really-gay-sort-of-fake-real-boyfriend—a total of four times; including the apology dinner—which was special because he got to see Lelouch get drunk and fall to the ground in a very out for the count sort of way.

Suzaku Kururugi holds the dubious honour of befriending at least five more minutes of laughter before attending to his comatose companion.

"You should've seen how he reacted the last time I tried to kiss him."

Eyebrows rose quickly. "Did you?"

"Of course not. Why would I do something like that?"

Green eyes narrowed on him in frank disapproval. "You're pretending to be gay. That's messing with a poor boy's hear—"

"He's straight too, Kaguya. I forgot to mention that. So technically, he's also trying to mess with mine."

Kaguya paused and did a double take. "He's what?" She paused momentarily to process this. "So the both of you are straight."

"Right."

"And you're dating each other."

"You bet."

Kaguya frowned. Confusion wrinkled her brow. "Why?"

Suzaku reclined back in his chair and started laughing, folding his hands behind his head. "Oh come on, Kaguya. What's funnier than two straight guys pretending to be gay? He thinks I'm gay. I know he's straight. We make a perfect couple. It'll fool the media and I'll get less junk mail every day. It's a win-win."

Kaguya's frown deepened. "What if he turns gay?"

A snort.

"That'll never happen. He's as straight as I am. Probably more."

Kaguya tapped her chin in thought, humming. "What if you turn gay? Then he'll be as crooked as you are."

Suzaku grinned before returning back to his speech.

"That'll also never happen."

For a brighter future, let's hope this charity event will bolster our—

Kaguya hummed again. "So is it working?"

"So is what working?"

—integrity and enable us to—

"I mean, is he entertaining?" Kaguya rephrased.

"Here and there. It's obvious he's trying to lead the relationship."

—so that we may—

"And is he succeeding?"

"No. The last time I saw him he was going to buy ice cream and ended up forgetting his wallet. I think I heard him curse someone under his breath."

—for future—

"Then you need to stop him from trying."

—what?

Delete.

Suzaku stopped writing his speech to eye his cousin warily.

"What?"

Kaguya hopped off the top of his desk and came round, spinning his chair to face her. Determined green—well, that's never a good sign—eyes stared back at him with a resolved kind of look in her eyes. It was the kind of look that you never wanted her personality types to ever, ever have.

Ever times infinity.

"You need to stop him from trying. If you're only doing this for entertainment, you need to make sure it's as entertaining as possible! It's no good to do things only half-way!"

Suzaku blinked.

"Okay. What do you mean?"

Kaguya's grin twisted slightly. Suzaku was regretting his decision to ask already. "Well, you said earlier that you weren't really aggressive or lovey-dovey with him. For maximum entertainment you need to be! If my guess is right about him—"

"You've never even met him."

She waved it off as irrelevant. "Doesn't matter. If my guess is right about him he'll be flustered, and embarrassed, and who doesn't want to see that?"

Suzaku paused a moment to think about it. To envision it.

For a few fleeting moments, Suzaku's mind went back to their first date.

"How do I do that?"

She grinned.

Suzaku didn't like the glint in her eye.

"You need to get touchy-feely with him. You know, put your arm around his waist and lean him close to—"

"Whoa. Hold the phone." Suzaku held a hand up for her to stop and desist. "I need to what?"

Shaking her head, she sighed. "Get touchy-feely with him," she repeated more adamantly. "You know how couples watch movies together at home?"

Suzaku shook his head. No. He was too busy to 'know' that kind of useless stuff. Companies didn't run themselves. There was no autopilot button (no matter how gladly he would sell his soul for one) regardless of how much delegation he did.

"Well, invite him over to watch a movie on your next date. Use that love-seat I know is in the basement. The one you thought was defective because it—"

"It is defective," Suzaku cut in.

Kaguya frowned and Suzaku sighed, shutting up in apology, waving his hand for her to continue.

"Anyway, sit in the middle and have him sit on your lap. Or put your arm around his waist and lean him on you. You need to make your relational roles clear, you know! It's not good to leave things like this."

Suzaku pondered it.

Truth be told, it sounded like a good plan. For the most part he had avoided as much physical contact as possible because being intimate with someone of the same sex—even for kicks—was a little much. But he was infinitely sure he was more okay with physical contact of the same sex than Lelouch was.

Which, as we all know, was true.

"So… more touchy-feely. Is that it?"

Kaguya shook her head. "You need to be a pervert too."

Suzaku sputtered. "A what?"

That crossed just a few of his lines.

Just a few.

"It's in all of the manga! The one who dominates—" Suzaku never wanted to know what kind of manga Kaguya read. "—the relationship is always a pervert! And they end up—"

Suzaku's mind blocked out the rest immediately after it was uttered.

God bless selective memory loss.

Note to self: Never look around Kaguya's room for too long next time you visit.

Suzaku was scared to ask how this was to be went about. Kaguya's extensive (and aptly proven) knowledge on the topic was terrifying enough. He wasn't sure if he was prepared to ask for any pointers from his cousin on the etiquette of being a pervert.

He mulled it over.

A pervert, huh?

He could pull it off.

Probably.

"Yeah, okay. I can see that. It's possible. I know enough about him to start really harassing him after all."

Kaguya gave a satisfied nod, placing her hands on both hips. "Good. I have to go now or Father will be angry I ran away again." She started heading for the door. "And invite me to the wedding if it happens!" she called out cheerfully, closing the door behind her.

Suzaku sighed. Looking back at his speech, his shoulders fell.

He wouldn't get it done now.

Not after the thought of doing perverted things to Lelouch was forcefully planted unhappily in his head.

But it would be fun.

Suzaku pressed the button that would instantly connect him with his secretary.

"Nina, connect my phone to Lelouch Lamperouge."


She knew she should've stopped at the seventh one, but Japan really outdid itself.

The texture of the cheese was impossibly perfect and the pepperoni was sliced just so well. More than that was the tantalizing aroma that infiltrated your senses before you opened the box and laid waste to your watering taste buds as you lift the lid, watching the steam pour out in gentle wafts before floating to heaven and bringing you with it.

Whatever she had said about the pizza possibly sucking in Japan, CC took it all back.

If Britannia had it down to an art form Japan had certainly mastered it. Aside from the slightly different taste in the cheese, it was like eating spherical heaven.

And so she took a bite, all the while watching Lelouch run around the house in a frantic frenzy for the shirt she had accidentally set on fire and tossed out a week prior.

Don't ask.

Knowing he would be extremely angry about it, CC didn't have the heart to tell him it was gone forever to a better place.

Like at the bottom of the garbage bin.

"Are you sure you haven't seen it?"

"Are you sure it's not somewhere in your closet, Nancy?"

Lelouch visibly twitched at her new pet name of him but otherwise made no other reaction.

One week in Japan and they had a house and Lelouch had a first date with the single, rich CEO of the Sakura Group. Three weeks later they were already hitting it off for three of them for the sum total of four times—including the first one.

That turned out to be a memorable night.

She had answered the door to see Suzaku, carrying Lelouch cradled in his arms. The sight was enough to provoke the urge to take pictures as blackmail. His face was red and he was passed out, sleeping soundly.

Alcohol.

CC held Suzaku's eyes without saying anything for a long time, wondering if Lelouch had revealed the entire plan in a drunken stupor—wondering if she would have to book plane tickets back to Britannia dragging Lelouch kicking and screaming onto the plane. Her eyes flitted back and forth somewhat pensively before Suzaku broke the silence with asking if he had the wrong house.

Worries alleviated, CC simply stepped aside and let him in, watching as he deposited Lelouch on the couch.

CC prepared him tea, Suzaku sat down, and they chatted.

Of course, the cursory 'Who are you' was asked of CC and she answered with a mirrored response of 'Who are you.'

Not to break suit, Suzaku said that he was interested in Lelouch and talked a little about that—in a rather perfunctory way, CC observed, for someone with supposed romantic feelings towards the man passed out next to her on the couch.

In those few sentences CC thought of the possibility that Suzaku might actually be straight. (The way he was staring at her bust while she wore the pizza shirt was a dead giveaway. (Gay men didn't stare at racks, she reasoned—and CC's was an impressive rack; many a pizza delivery boy would attest to that.))

CC informed him that she was an aunt who had decided to put him up, thanked Suzaku for bringing him home, and consequently kicked him out after buttering things along the way for their budding fake relationship.

Lelouch woke up on the couch the next day with no idea what happened the night prior, terrified out of his reeling mind at the fact he was stripped down to his black briefs with a horrible headache pounding on his temple. CC had stripped him of his clothing almost immediately after Suzaku left. She had come down the stairs greeting him with a wink, giggle, and "You guys were SO loud last night!"

The look on his face was special.

"Damn, that was my favourite shirt. I don't think I misplaced it."

CC rolled her eyes. Lelouch was too much of a neat freak; there was no way he did.

She burned a hole in it and was just that good at hiding evidence.

"Just wear something else. Or are you so concerned about what your boy might think of your appearance?"

Lelouch folded his arms in thought. "Not really. I just don't want him thinking me a sloppy dresser. I spent so much time scrubbing out that ice cream stain too…"

CC opened her mouth to say something then closed it with a sigh.

According to Lelouch, Suzaku was not expressive of any of the more flamboyant traits at all. As a result, Lelouch got more comfortable with the idea of being in a loving relationship with him—fitting into his role quite nicely little by little. It was a very unappealing situation for her.

CC was bored already.

And we all know that's not good.

Even the gay jokes were getting monotonous to her.

Something needed to be done.

"You need to get into his pants."

"No, I need to find my—what?"

That got his attention.

CC rolled over on her stomach for a better vantage point. "You heard me. I'm sick of Japan."

Lelouch frowned. "But you like the pizza here more than in Britannia."

CC scoffed—like it was the only thing that mattered to her. Pffbt. Please.

Well, it was kind of true, and kind of wasn't.

Okay, it was all true.

"That's not true!" she argued with all the conviction of someone telling the truth. "I have other attachments in Britannia too. Like the rest of your family. I haven't chatted with Nu—"

"You stay away from Nunally," Lelouch warned, rounding on her with narrowed eyes.

CC smirked. "Sister complex." Lelouch glared. "Anyway, you need to get into his pants," she repeated.

Lelouch twitched visibly, paling slightly.

To a certain extent, CC knew that pleading this case was fruitless. But she was going to do it anyway. Planting the thought in his head was good enough. It would be the forerunner of things to come.

While being left to her own thoughts for a while in the silence of the room, CC paused.

Why was it so quiet?

"Lelouch?" she ventured.

Lelouch was red in the face; a distinct shade of cherry tomatoes. It was so cute she wanted to take a picture of it. The way he looked so embarrassed about was almost as if—

CC's eyes widened.

"It's not what you think!" Lelouch shrieked.

Like anything, it started slow.

"Shut up! Don't laugh!"

And then it started to build steam.

Lelouch flushed darker. He knew nothing could stop what was about to happen now.

Shrill laughter filled the room that only CC could be capable of.

Tugging him into her arms quick enough for him not to be able to do anything about it, she wrapped her arms around his middle, leaning her chin on his shoulder. Lelouch wasn't struggling but he was shaking like a leaf.

"Deflowered already?"

"I told you it's not like that! I've never had sex before!"

That declaration silenced the room.

Outside you could hear birds chirping happily.

CC snorted in laughter. "Virgin, huh?"

"Don't say it like that!"

CC clutched her side, still chortling with laughter, squeezing tighter around his middle.

"Fine. You're innocent. Inexperienced and—wait, even Kallen?"

Lelouch pursed his lips, looking away. "We were only married for a week! And she was too nervous on the honeymoon believe it or not."

CC blinked. Unbelievable. "Nonette?"

Lelouch shook his head.

"Wow."

Lelouch grumbled before casting her an angry glare once more getting up out of her embrace. CC made a true effort to stop giggling in the euphoria provoked by his reaction and flushed face.

"Well, then don't get into his pants if you're going to be such a girl about it. Speaking of which, you lovebirds have a movie date tonight, don't you?"

Thankful that the topic had switched, Lelouch nodded. "That's why I don't want to look scruffy. We're watching some films at his estate."

CC's eyebrows rose. "At his estate? As in, where he lives?"

Lelouch frowned.

"Yes. Why?"

"I need to give you another lesson then. This could be… an eye-opening experience for you."

The frown deepened. "What for?"

CC sighed.

Lelouch was so naïve sometimes. Even though she had met Suzaku and he seemed pretty nice, she knew the base nature of men in general. Growing up with a swath of sisters and two older brothers prone to fawning over him, she had no doubt in her mind he was unaware of just about everything that involved deeper relationships. This spoiled brat had been home-schooled after all.

CC smiled in reverie.

It felt like only yesterday she was admiring him for everything he was and wasn't, and now she had become mother hen.

Times have changed.

"While you might not want to get into his pants, he might be wanting to get at yours. And this time you won't be wasted out of your mind to ignore it."

Lelouch's eyes flared wide open in a traumatized look words couldn't describe as he sat down next to her slowly. She almost pitied him before briefly wondering how he had managed to live for so long without knowing about all this.

CC righted herself and sat properly on the couch, pulling a pillow into her embrace.

A slow, wicked, smile pulled at her lips.

"Let me tell you about the horrors men are capable of."


To say that Lelouch was rattled by CC's deep and thought-provoking explanation was an understatement. While he sat there with disgusted and rapt attention he imagined Suzaku—and, consequently, imagined Suzaku doing that to him.

It was more than Lelouch ever wanted to know on the topic.

A very small part of him had simply called it quits right there and he knew he'd have to suffer on his own in order to reach his much sought goal: Suzaku Kururugi's endless digits of cash.

It was too bad the part that left him just happened to be his dignity.

When a stark white limousine pulled up to the house, CC bid him farewell while dressing up in a gown of midnight wearing topaz jewellery to match.

'I've a date tonight.'

Sighing, he collected his thoughts and walked towards the limousine. As expected the driver opened the door for him and Lelouch stepped inside, keeping his eyes on the house, as if he could see CC getting ready through the layer of thick cement. The really insecure and needy part of him wished she could come along to at least fend Suzaku off if the case presented itself.

When something of a hand snaked around his waist, Lelouch only had a second to look down at it and—

"I've missed you, Lelouch," was purred over his shoulder, lips vibrating his ear.

—felt a shiver scrape down his spine, like nails on a chalkboard, that was only emblazoned further as a chaste kiss was planted against his neck.

CC's recent educational words fluttered in his head.

A strangled cry and escape mechanism only a fight or flight response could be the cause of propelled him up against the door of the limousine.

Chest heaving, Lelouch looked at Suzaku with wild eyes—wary that he would be attacked again.

Suzaku laughed.

"You're adorable. Sorry if I scared you." Suzaku held out his hand to him. "Come on, sit beside me. It's been a rough day for me. I want you near me."

Lelouch's eyes widened and he regarded that outstretched hand much like he did the first day it was presented to him. In his mind it was like the Black Plague come to infect him with bubonic, flesh-festering goodness.

CC's words flashed through his head again.

His eyes widened in alarm.

"I'm not—"

Statistics say that Kururugi is possibly the richest person on the planet right now.

"—ah… okay."

Swallowing his pride, Lelouch scooted a little closer and yelped when Suzaku pulled him flush against his side. Lelouch stiffened. This was clearly more than he bargained for. Clearly closer than he bargained for.

"Mmm. What kind of shampoo do you use?" Suzaku murmured in his ear, pressing his lips against them. "Smells good."

He was rich.

"I… uh…"

He was rich.

"Hey, can I call you Lulu?"

He was rich.

"I bet your skin is really soft."

He was—

Suzaku's hand touched bare skin.

—waking up in a large, soft and fluffy bed that was clearly not his own.

A quick glance around the room told him the most important things he needed to know: Suzaku wasn't nearby, he was probably in a guest room of some sort, Suzaku wasn't nearby, everything reeked of money, Suzaku wasn't nearby, that was probably real gold rimming the vanity, and, most importantly of all, Suzaku wasn't nearby.

Lelouch lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes with a sigh.

And then it struck him.

He wasn't wearing anything but his black briefs.

Folded neatly at the end of the bed was a pile of clothing.

A bow sat neatly on top.


Suzaku couldn't be more pleased with himself. He felt like a kid in a candy store right now. If he knew doing something like this could've been so entertaining he would've attempted to do it sooner.

Kaguya's advice was right.

Shortly after picking Lelouch up, Suzaku put the moves on him and he had, funnily enough, passed out. Seeing him fidget and squirm in his grasp was enough for him, but for him to pass out? Really? Suzaku was sorely tempted to test the boy's limits.

He had a hard time controlling his laughter.

After carrying him inside, he had deposited him on his bed. Being the young workaholic he was, his bedroom on the estate acted more as a guestroom than anything else now. He ordered Sayoko to check up on him every now and then. It wouldn't take too long for him to wake up relatively soon.

Once everything was set up, Suzaku stole himself away to his study to get some work done in-between.

After all, speeches didn't write themselves.

Today we mark fifteen years of service, kindness, and loyalty and celebrate Japan's most dedicated—

Phone.

Suzaku growled, picking it up—unhappy about the umpteenth interruption to his work that day.

"What?" he snapped.

There was a huff. "Well that's no way to treat your favourite cousin!"

Suzaku rubbed his temple. "Kaguya, you're my only cousin."

Their fathers were brothers and each only had one child.

"Doesn't matter. I've just heard from a very reliable source that Lelouch is a con-man waiting to dupe you out of your money!"

Suzaku blinked. "Oh? And I thought he was just the average gold-digger getting a little full of himself. Wait, where did you hear this from again?"

"A very reliable source. She only goes by her initials though," Kaguya added as an afterthought.

He frowned. "That's reliable."

She huffed. "I'm doing you a favour, you ungrateful. So, how is your date going?" she asked in a completely different tone.

"Passed out upstairs in my room."

There was a pause of silence.

A strangled sort of gasp was heard from the other line as well as a muffled sound—as if she had just dropped the phone on the floor. Suzaku frowned. There was sound of it being hastily picked up.

"Suzaku, you didn't!" Kaguya squealed—practically in glee.

Suzaku's eyes widened in understanding. "It's not what you—"

"I just knew you'd fall for those pretty violet eyes, his milky white skin, and that silky black—"

"Hey, how do you know what he looks like?"

"Dad'scallingmegottogobye!"

"Hey, wait—"

Click.

Ugh.

Suzaku glared at his phone. He had a distinct feeling he was being duped by something—though he only had Kaguya's sketchy revelations to go by.

A knock brought his attention to the door. Sayoko stood at its entrance and bowed.

"The Master's guest has awoken and is getting dressed." She smiled knowingly. "I shall send him to the cinema once he is ready."

Suzaku nodded, getting up, sighing mournfully at his speech. It was important, but watching his pseudo-boyfriend was just a little more entertaining no matter how you spun it.

"Thanks Sayoko. The only thing down there is that two-seater right?"

Sayoko nodded. "At your request, Master Suzaku."

"Good, good. I'm on my way over," he said, getting up and walking briskly out of his office towards the cinema, passing by Sayoko as she gave another bow.

"Oh, Master Suzaku."

Suzaku stopped mid-stride to swivel around, almost losing his balance.

Sayoko's brows furrowed in what you could call concern.

"Master Lelouch was muttering something in his sleep about 'pizza.' He also mumbled something along the lines of 'don't eat me,' but I might have misheard that part."

Suzaku blinked.

Favourite food?

"Uh… okay, thanks. I'll… keep that in mind."

Sayoko bowed and Suzaku continued on his way toward the cinema, passing by the door to his wine cellar. Just as he laid a hand on the cool, brass handle, Suzaku shook his head; thinking better of it after recalling what happened their first date.

His lips wrinkled in a frown at the sight of the two-seater. It was smaller than your average two-seater and Suzaku had called it defective on this account. The only reason he hadn't thrown it out was because it was a gift from some company executive the Sakura Group made deals with overseas.

So instead he threw it in one of the back rooms that collected thin layers of dust if Sayoko didn't clean them.

She was his only maid after all.

Suzaku sat down in the middle.

There was barely any room on his left.

There was barely any room on his right.

All hail the one-and-a-half-seat couch.

Suzaku was fidgeting in the chair, drumming his hands on his knees. He half-regretted not taking some work down with him since Lelouch was taking his sweet time—

Well, well, speak of the devil.

Lelouch's lips were pursed in a thin, flat line that was thoroughly pissed and well on its way to murderous intent.

Suzaku felt giddy.

"Don't you look adorable," he commented with a big grin.

Lelouch wore not only the dress but the stockings and cloth tiara to boot. It was purple; it was frilly; it was impossibly short, and it had an apron. None of these described things a normal person would ever want wear in public. Use your imagination. Yeah, it was that kind of a dress.

Note to self: Sayoko deserves a promotion.

"Scre—" and clamped his mouth shut.

Well, to be fair, you would want to cuss wearing that too.

And if you had rifled through the entire hastily replaced wardrobe—in nothing but black briefs—to find exact replicas of the same outfit with your clothing nowhere to be found.

Suzaku merely smiled innocently. "You look so cute. And it matches your pretty violet eyes too."

Aforementioned eyes twitched.

Lelouch swallowed.

More than just pride.

"Come sit down, Lelouch."

Lelouch stood there, seemingly contemplating his options. He really didn't have any. The one-and-a-half-seater was the only chair in the large cinema. Suzaku made sure to have all the others removed.

"Where?"

Wrong question.

Suzaku smiled, patting his lap innocently.

A visible pale spread through his cheeks, discolouring his already fair complexion.

"Suzaku."

"Yes, sweetie-pie?"

Another twitch.

"Please move over."

Suzaku stuck his lower lip out and sent him that look.

Kicked Puppy Look Inc. All rights reserved.

"Please? I want you near me." And, just to see how he would take it: "Lulu."

Lelouch visibly shook for a moment, turning an impressive shade of scarlet. Suzaku resisted the incredible urge to break out in laughter, giving it all away right then and there. After a moment of inner turmoil, Lelouch walked towards him and Suzaku took the opportunity to pull him into his lap before he could consider the matter any further.

He squawked.

More or less, his body had gone rigid in his arms.

Suzaku was relishing every moment of this.

If Shirley were here she would have called him a sadist.

Suzaku would find he was pretty eager to accept that accusation after reflecting on this moment in his life.

Well, wouldn't we all.

Keeping one arm around his waist, Suzaku worked the movie player remotely and the movie started to play. He hadn't put much thought into the movie choice. He would've let Kaguya pick it out for him if he had trusted her even a little bit to find something decent (in both definitions of the word). As the case presented itself, he had chosen a horror movie of some sort.

Half-way through the movie he saw that Lelouch had either lost interest in the plot or was falling asleep. One way or another, he was getting comfortable.

Leaning up, he rested his chin on his shoulder, close to his ear.

"Hey, Lulu, you really know how to dress to turn me on," he whispered as huskily as possible.

Violet widened and dilated faster than Superman could circumnavigate the globe.

In the aftermath of the events that followed, Suzaku was promptly thankful that any form of glassware was at least safe in another room and that pillows were the least harmful of things to be thrown at you.


Comment:

Gosh. I think Sayoko deserves a promotion.

So, I think I may pull off an update spectacularly soon in the way a magician pulls a rabbit out of their hat, but first you'll have to satisfy my curiosity.

1. What do you think of my CC? I, personally, really love her.

2. What do you think will happen next?

3. Would you join my cult if I started one?

4. What's your favourite animal? Cats, Rabbits, or something else?

And... 5. What character are you dying to see added in here?

Anyway, go vote in my poll, otherwise I'll just decide what to do about that matter on my own (and I'm pretty sure nobody wants me doing that).

Please R&R. (Which is a very formal way of saying my ego likes being stroked.)

- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens.