*4*
How long she sat there with Michael half lying in her lap half sitting on the bed, she didn't know. She did know she wouldn't let go of him, not until he was good and ready for her to. He couldn't be very comfortable with his back twisted round like it was, but he made no move to do something about it. Even though his breathing had slowed, his arms were still tightly wound around her and so she continued to sooth him. Her hands slowly and lightly stroking his hair and his back, she lifted her head to press her lips against the top of his head now and again, letting him take the time he needed to collect himself.
Eventually his grip on her eased and he lifted his head from her chest to look at her as he sat up a little straighter. He cupped her cheek and slowly brought his lips to hers, giving her time to pull back, just in case she wanted to. She didn't want to. Instead she closed the distance and kissed him tenderly once, twice before bringing her arms around him as she shifted closer. Framing her face with both his hands he looked at her with something akin to wonder and then he kissed her again.
When she smiled at him she took his breath away. Michael couldn't help the answering smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth, "I love you."
Like last night when she'd heard him say it the first time, happiness bubbled up inside her and at the same time their lips found each other in a kiss more passionate than the last. Who knew the effect three little words from him could have, they made everything pale in comparison. For Michael the look in her eyes as he told her the absolute truth of his heart did the same thing. He couldn't stop kissing her, he didn't want to ever stop, she felt so good.
Michael turned a bit and pulled her into his lap. One hand trailed a path over her clothed back, down her bottom and over her thigh and back up again while the other cupped the back of her head to hold her in their kiss. Tasting her mouth was no longer enough, "I want you", he confessed and nipped her lips before he kissed his way down her throat. Nikita swallowed a gasp and held him to her, her breath coming out in shallow puffs. From zero to sixty in seconds, she marveled. But before she let herself be swept away completely in a haze of desire, she remembered. They hadn't talked about what would come next.
Michael's mouth descended further, his tongue tracing her collarbone before she felt him lowering one strap of her dress and tracing the neckline of it with his index finger. Making his way further down, open mouthed kisses and little teasing licks made the skin above her breast glisten and her nipples pucker up tight in anticipation. Oh god. He cupped her breast, pushing it up, weighing it in his hand as his mouth lavished attention to the top of it just above the fabric of her dress. "Michael," she called breathlessly, "Michael."
Her hands framed his face as his mouth ceased it's ministrations. He brought her lips to his again, kissing her deeply until she moaned. One hand gently massaging the breast it still held, his thumb teasing her clothed nipple while his other hand found the second strap of her dress and slowly moved it down her shoulder leaving goosebumps in its wake. The last of her coherent thoughts threatened to scatter to the winds as he overloaded her senses and she felt that familiar pang between her legs.
Oh god, another few seconds and she'd be putty in his hands, no, no, not yet. Regaining control of her voice she managed to get his attention, "Michael wait, I…"
Michael paused his attention to her breast and looked up at her, waiting for her to continue. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm the frantic beat of her heart. "I…"
Pushing a couple of stray strands of hair behind her ear, Michael waited for her to finish what she wanted to say. Nikita had trouble finding words, acutely aware of everywhere he touched her. Every caress he bestowed upon her a very pleasant distraction from what she wanted to say. "I… I… What are we going to do now?", she blurted finally.
Whether Michael purposely misunderstood her or not didn't really matter. He grinned that sexy grin of his and lifted his eyebrows at her, as if asking her if he really needed to tell her what they were doing next. Then he tilted his head and nipped her lips before catching her in a slow sensual kiss. Nikita couldn't suppress another moan when the hand that had only just been in her hair traced a slow but deliberate trail from her knee up her leg, taking the skirt of her dress with it. A gush of wetness threatened to soak her panties in response.
At this point it would be so easy to just let him have his wonderful way with her and worry about the rest later, after he'd satisfied the ache he'd so easily stirred in her. She wanted to, she wanted to so very much. She felt hot all over, her skin too tight and the pang she'd felt between her legs had blossomed into a full blown hunger, making the flesh between her legs tingle. But something inside told her not to surrender to their desires just yet. That she'd be sorry if she did. She managed to disengage herself from their kiss. Placing her fingers over his parted lips to create a little distance, Nikita rested her forehead against his. Trying to catch her breath anew, she squeezed her eyes shut. She felt Michael's fingers enclosing her wrist and twisting it just so to kiss her palm.
"What's wrong?", he sounded more than a little breathless himself.
Eyes still squeezed shut she managed to lightly shake her head.
His fingers loosened on her wrist to curl around hers. Next he brought their joined hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, "Tell me".
She wrapped her free arm around his shoulder, her hand coming to rest at his hairline. She shook her head slightly again, this time as if to clear it.
"You make me feel too much", she breathed. His mouth turned up in that grin again. As if on cue the butterflies in her stomach fluttered around madly. That devilish grin of his would be the death of her one day.
"Funny. You seem to be having the same effect on me", he told her in a hoarse whisper before nipping her bottom lip.
"Michael… I…", she took another deep breath and told herself to focus. "We should talk about what happens next." Silence met her. "Division", she clarified, "If we're doing this together, we need a plan."
For Michael the mentioning of Division had the effect of being doused by a bucket of ice water. Talk first then, this was too important. Last night he'd found that she wasn't exactly sure of herself when it came to him, which he well understood given the circumstances and this morning she'd become tense after he had come back from his shower. They had agreed they would talk and they had, but clearly not about what had been foremost on her mind.
He really was a fool. He'd been so caught up in himself, in the past, he'd forgotten about the future. Against his expectations, Nikita had quite easily forgiven him for what had passed and told him to forgive himself too. In return he had failed to see what the real issue for her had been, he'd just lost himself in her. But she couldn't lose herself in him, at least not yet. Forgiving - just like declaring things will be different - was something else entirely than trusting. And up until now they hadn't really addressed that. Trust would take time. He might have been forgiven, but he still had a lot to make up for. In the meantime he would reassure her as often as necessary.
She needed to know she could trust him, that they really were in this together now. He wasn't going to let her and this wonderful thing they had between them slip through his fingers, he wouldn't risk it anymore, not for anything in the world. And she should know that without a doubt. He needed her to know that. There also needed to be a lot more space between them too for this conversation to happen in the way it should.
Nikita was looking at him with a mix of hope and doubtful expectancy plainly visible across her delicate features. "You're right, we need a plan", he told her, his voice a little more clear. He pulled up the straps of her dress, lightly kissed her and lifted her from his lap to the bed, sitting her next to him. He turned towards her, placing one leg on the bed, "What do you want to do?"
Nikita hugged her knees tightly, her knuckles turning white, before she answered him. She felt relieved that Michael had provided some much needed physical distance between them so they could talk without the distraction close contact caused and at the same time she felt a little insecure at how seemingly easy he had created said distance between them. She knew she was being silly, but still she just couldn't help it. This was Michael, how long had she wanted him, longed for him, waited for him…?
"We need to take the black boxes out of play, before we can take down Percy", she heard Michael saying, reaffirming what had already been decided yesterday, but effectively drawing her attention.
She nodded, "Yes. Locations and names of the guardians attached would help a lot…"
She fell silent again. Michael felt another stab of remorse for his initial plan to double cross her in Russia, but pushed it aside. He was pretty sure that was not why she brought it up. No, there was something she wasn't saying and he was also pretty sure about what that was. But she should tell him herself, so now to get her to do exactly that... "They would. I'll have to think about how to best procure them. Percy plays everything regarding the boxes extremely close to the vest. It's possible he'll be suspicious after yesterday too, when they find out about Kasim."
Nikita nodded, "When are you going back?"
Michael tilted his head at her, "I wasn't planning on going in any sooner than I have to. Why?" Almost there.
Nikita shook her head, hesitantly asking, "What happens then?"
"What do you mean?", he deliberately acted as if he had no clue.
"To us."
Michael breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. There it was. A little faster than he expected, but that was good. It meant he wouldn't have to start from scratch again, earning her trust.
"Nikita", she didn't look at him. He reached out to her again, prying loose a few fingers from their death grip around her knees to hold between his and stroked her hair back from her downturned face. "Hey", he called again, his voice dropping to little more than a whisper, "Look at me." When she did he saw the plea in her eyes and sighed.
"I'm not walking away again, Nikita. And I don't want you to either. I'm not letting you go a second time." She nodded but didn't speak.
"We're going to figure this out, make this work. Just tell me what's on your mind. Okay?"
"Okay", she agreed and pushed the side of her face a little more into his hand. "I don't…", she hesitated slightly before biting the proverbial bullet and just told him in a rush. "I don't want you to go back to Division. I don't want it to be business as usual between us and not know if or when we'll see each other again. I don't want to just see you when I run into you on a mission like before or only when we have a meet up about finding and destroying the black boxes either. I want...", she took a much needed breath and continued. "Maybe we're finally getting on the same page, after all this time, after everything that's happened… I don't want you to be at risk any more than you have to be. It's bad enough worrying about Alex… I don't know how long she will be able to keep this up anymore. She needs to get out. She wants to get out. I should have never let her infiltrate…"
Tears came to her eyes again and he let her catch her breath. "It feels like too much sometimes. Sometimes I don't know what I was thinking when I started this… I …"
He frowned a bit at the onslaught of words that had left those lovely lips of hers and the furious blinking of her eyes as she tried not to cry. Nikita cursed herself for being so emotional all of a sudden, why couldn't she just take things as they would come when it came to Michael, like she did with everything else? Like she did before?
"You're forgetting you're not alone anymore", he interjected gently.
"But I am, Michael. You said it yourself in Tashkent, you're still Division and I'm not."
His thumb stroked tenderly over her fingers, "That doesn't mean we're not in this together." Michael tilted his head at her, making eye contact, "It doesn't mean there can't be any middle ground."
She lifted her head from where it still rested against his palm and raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief, "I'm thinking Percy might like to beg to differ seeing as how he made you personally responsible for killing me."
"I'm not really interested in what Percy wants, especially not when it comes to you or us…", he growled and Nikita cast down her eyes again. Michael sighed. In a quieter tone he continued, "I'm not saying we shouldn't be careful Nikita, because we should be, very careful. But being careful doesn't mean we can't be together at all. We'll just have to be smart about it."
"If they find out, they'll kill you", her voice betrayed her anguish at the thought.
Michael let out another sigh. "Come here", he asked her, his free hand beckoning her while he shifted his leg to make room. She went into his outstretched arm instantly, which curled around her waist providing much needed comfort.
Michael kissed the top of her head, "We risk our lives every day, remember? If I don't go back, it won't be long before they figure it out and start hunting us both. If I do go back, I can keep them away from you as much as possible and keep an eye on Alex at the same time", he squeezed her hand trying to reassure and convince her simultaneously, "Besides it will be easier finding out as much as possible about the black boxes from the inside than from the outside."
Nikita took a deep breath. She knew he was right and this was the only logical way to go, she just didn't like it. Apparently one shared night with the promise of more to come made all the difference…
"I'll play it by ear when I go in, avoid drawing unwanted attention. I laid the groundwork with Percy yesterday, now it's just a matter of waiting, and see when he'll come to me with his plans. I'll have to stick to my usual routine but we can still be together if we're careful and take the necessary precautions…"
"We're together now", he added after a few seconds, emphasising the here and now. "We can make this work."
Nikita turned her face up to his. "We can make this work", she agreed, sounding somewhat reassured if not more confident.
Michael released her fingers to stroke her hair back from her face once more, curling his hand around the back of her head, "We will." And then he tenderly touched his lips to hers for just a moment. Nikita let out a sigh and relaxed against him further, one arm tucked between them, the other releasing her knees and coming to rest against his chest.
"How much does Alex know?", Michael asked after a minute.
"Only what she needs to. That Division was responsible for the death of her parents. I found her strung out and abused, made her get clean. I trained her, taught her the most important things. She convinced me to let her be a recruit. I tried to prepare her for that as best as possible too. I told her she could trust you to watch out for her while she was a recruit. You do that for all of them."
"Some a little more than others." Nikita could hear the smile in his voice as he replied.
"Alex doesn't know that. I only told her the absolute necessities about you and me."
"Does she come here unannounced?", Michael asked. If so, this would be something they needed to keep in mind. Alex was a good agent and he didn't really want to find out how she'd react to finding him - the enemy, as far as she knew - here with Nikita out of the blue. It might gain him a few extra holes in his body...
"No, never", her voice trailed away a bit.
Good, he thought to himself, that would be one less thing to worry about right now. Alex would have to be clued in about him and Nikita soon enough, but for now Michael was happy to be able to have Nikita all to himself for just a little while. He kissed her hair, trailing his fingers through the length of it, "How do you two communicate?"
"Burners. Prepaid, no GPS. Like you taught me", she said, softer still.
He smiled at that, though Nikita didn't see as her head was currently tucked beneath his chin. Good girl. "We can do that too."
"I have an extra lying around, you can take that." Her voice sounded far away now. She was exhausted. It wasn't hard to imagine why. The rollercoaster ride the last few days had been, a double jet lag and their very pleasant but sleep depriving activities last night, their emotionally charged conversations today…
"Alright", Michael replied softly against her hair. He shifted a bit, his back coming to rest against the headboard and placed his other leg on the bed too. He lifted Nikita's legs over it, sitting her in the junction of his thighs. She nestled herself a little closer to him and his voice dropped to a gravelly whisper, repeating once again, "We'll make it work Nikita."
Her fingers tightened on his shirt in reply.
Content for now just to hold her, Michael settled in, breathing in the flowery scent of her hair and enjoying the feel of her slight weight against his chest.
