Pre-Comment: *Shiver* The voices in my head are giving me those 'Quit While You're Ahead' vibes. This was going to go up earlier... but then Life got in the way and, well, the rest is history. As penance it's a little longer. Some of you are eerily good at reading my mind. Stop doing it or I'll start to feel threatened.

By the way, the first order of business for everyone who sold their soul to me in order to join my cult...

...is to disband because I don't think the Government of Canada would let me have one, and because some plans were particularly incriminating. (But I'm keeping the souls.)

Enjoy Chapter Five Ex-Communicates.


Chapter Five: I Didn't Order THAT 'To Go'

"I can't stand this anymore, CC! He put his hand on my ass today!" Lelouch made wide, emphatic gestures with his hands. "Groped it! In public!"

The horrified look on his face was priceless.

CC hummed, tapping her chin in thought. "Wasn't it you who said that all I need is love? Isn't he the love of your life? Doesn't love conquer all boundaries?"

Lelouch glared.

CC fell onto her back, kicking her legs in the air, gasping for breath as she laughed. Actual tears were coming out of her eyes. Shifting her head to face his glare, she snorted with laughter.

And she took in a deep breath.

"Lulu loves a queer! Lulu loves a queer!" she sang.

"Shut up!" Lelouch screeched, turning quite the attractive shade of crimson. "And don't call me that! I didn't anticipate I'd be the woman in all this!"

CC frowned, looking offended. "Hey. I'm the woman in all of my cons."

"You are a woman!"

"And you're a queen!"

CC shook with laughter at his expense, once again cycling her legs in the air. Lelouch growled furiously at her. When it was apparent she had no intention of stopping—and really, who would?—Lelouch stormed out of the living room. The mocking voice of CC singing 'Lulu loves a queer' followed him like a noxious cloud of poison all the way to his room.

Lelouch slammed the door behind him like an angry, 'misunderstood' teenager. Lying down on his bed, he rested his head over folded hands, glaring up at the ceiling like he used to do back in Britannia during his troubled, adolescent years before running away.

In the span of two weeks Suzaku had managed to make him uncomfortable in ways he never thought possible. While something certainly went off in his head that this probably wasn't how a normal relationship went—gay or not—it was a thought pushed to the back-burner in the horrible wake that was his onslaught of sexual harassment.

Something had to make this easier.

"Had enough, Juliet?"

Lelouch turned to the door to see CC leaning against the frame, rapping on the door lightly in a belated display of respect for his privacy. Pfft. Like privacy every stopped her. He greeted her with the complimentary glare. He didn't hear the door open and he didn't have to think about how she managed that.

CC had ninja skills like that and he stopped thinking about how she got them eons ago.

She came to sit down on the bed beside him.

Lelouch turned away from her; he was in no mood to be the catalyst of her amusement.

And so he sulked.

Without him responding, she continued:

"Come on, I can book the next ticket back to Britannia for us. You can go back to nice, normal Britannian women and chasing their skirts. After, you can grovel at my feet among the mountain of cheesy goodness you're going to buy for me, because I'm going to build a throne out of the boxes. And then we can—"

"No."

CC blinked.

The thought of returning to mediocrity—having to deal with the same kind of woman over and over again (no matter how tempting and easy the idea was)—and increasing his already-large paper trail and police description, was unappealing. Not to mention a freedom-threatening endeavour if you considered the latter.

CC frowned and he could see the wheels in her head turning angrily. Golden eyes narrowed sharply at not having her way. "Excuse me?"

"I'm going to finish this job, CC. I can handle it. If that invert wants to get touchy-feely with me then so be it! I can suffer at least this much for my love!"

Despite the determined look on his face, Lelouch knew his will was quavering at the prospect of just skipping town and erasing this chapter of his life for all time to come.

Gay man?

What are you talking about?

Suzaku Kururugi?

Who's that?

What the heck have you been smoking?

It was a little more than just tempting.

CC heaved a monstrous sigh and flopped on her back, laying across his legs.

"You're so stupid," she declared in frustration, a frown marring her brow. "And delusional. What if Suzaku doesn't leave you alone? He's got money enough to stalk you for the rest of your life. Ever consider that?"

Lelouch pulled a face. Truthfully, he had considered the possibility that Suzaku might hunt him down in a worse way than Kallen (simply because he had the financial backing to do it; Kallen had the nose of a bloodhound in its prime) if he actually robbed him blind of every copper. It also crossed his mind that Suzaku would have enough power and influence to make his life utter Hell if he were ever caught.

How that might be in comparison to evil blue eyes haunting his waking nightmares he didn't want to know.

CC sighed languidly, pillowing her hands behind her head. Instead of complaining further, she gave in, "So where does this resolve take you, then? Going on the attack? You're not exactly prince charming in this relationship like you usually are."

The sad part about that was it was true and he knew it.

Every attempt at leading the relationship, like he normally did, was quashed without mercy. It was beginning to be more than just a little frustrating—not to mention embarrassing. What ended up happening was that he was always on the def—

Wait.

A thought struck him.

"CC!"

Startled, CC jumped a bit, sitting up. "What? Yes?"

"Teach me everything there is about being a woman!"


Expensive high-heeled boots clacked mercilessly on the airport tiles in heavy, powerful, measured strides. The steady click of several suitcases moving in terrible unison thundered behind her on polished marble. A few bodyguards—complete with the men-in-black outfit plus wire—were in tow.

Yeah, she did.

Kallen stepped outside of the airport and breathed in deeply of the warm salty scent of the ocean from the Tokyo harbour. It stirred childhood memories of growing up here in the summer before moving to Britannia almost permanently.

She hadn't been here in years; it smelled the same as she remembered it.

Whipping off her dark sunglasses, she scanned angrily around her from underneath her cap—searching—as if the man she was hunting down were nearby. A definite frown of broiling anger flattened her lips. Her free hands fisted with the desire to pound something very bloodily and very pulp-ily.

"He's here; I just know it," she hissed venomously. Without turning, she barked out the address of her attendant, "Ougi!"

"Yes, Miss Stadtfeld?"

"Do you know why I've come here?"

Her attendant was silent a moment, as if thinking over her question.

He wasn't.

They all just knew better to give the illusion that they were or face consequences.

"No, Miss Stadtfeld."

A vicious grin spread across her red, glossed lips. "I'm here to kill a rat, liar, and a cheat."

Her attendant remained silent—keenly aware of the ill-contained rage rife within each syllable.

Satisfied that her violent wishes had gotten through to them well enough, Kallen smiled, briefly revelling in the adrenaline coursing through her veins that had time to ferment into something truly potent over the flight.

Finally, the attendant swallowed, clearing the several pounds of heavy lead that had suddenly formed in his throat as quietly as he could manage. "Yes, Miss Stadtfeld."

"Call me Kouzuki."

His answer was prompt: "Yes, Miss Kouzuki."


High noon on a Saturday was his least favourite of times.

They were hot.

They were boring.

And they cut into his low-blood-pressure-influenced sleeping habits.

In fact, Lelouch liked it a lot less knowing he was coming out to meet his gay sex-offender boyfriend—who really ought to be locked up in jail after giving all his bank account information to him for—er—safekeeping.

Lelouch let CC pick out today's outfit for him since she had been so uncharacteristically helpful in the last couple days.

A part of him wished he hadn't made such a big point of complaining about the sexual harassment to her.

Glancing at his watery reflection in the fountain he was waiting by, Lelouch grimaced. Clearly he underestimated CC's own selfish desires that were the base foundation for her altruistic ones; she had returned home not only with his new set of clothing but enough boxes of cheesy goodness to create a to-scale replica of their house back in Britannia—light fixtures and all.

Lelouch later made a mental note to never, ever, ever, give CC full custody of his credit card for the entirety of a day never, ever, ever again.

Despite that, here he was: Dressed in new clothing that was a size too small for him. It also, as he found out by ogling himself in the reflection of the nearby fountain like some narcissist (which, by all accounts wasn't too far off the mark), outlined his butt a little more than he would have liked.

'Please sexually assault me,' was written all over.

Lelouch was just hoping Suzaku didn't actually get any ideas.

"Lelouch!"

He turned at the call of his name.

Well look who it is.

Lucifer himself; smiling and waving at him.

Suzaku was running—late and winded from exertion of running here to try and not be as late.

"You're late," Lelouch stated irritably. An arch frown formed on his lips as he tried to remember everything CC told him.

Suzaku smiled helplessly at him. "Sorry, there were a few too many things at the office that needed doing. I'll make it up to you. Did you wait long?"

Lelouch glanced at the nearby replica of the clock back in Britannia close to his house that rang every hour, of the hour, and woke him up at least five times towards the afternoon when he slept in. (At one point in time he was cross enough to petition its removal. City Council responded to his frustrated letter with the politically correct, polite, and formal equivalent of: LAWL.) They were supposed to meet roughly an hour ago; Lelouch would've been comfortably back home and passed out in bed if Suzaku had not called him every ten minutes saying he was late and on his way.

CC Emasculation Lesson One: Be understanding.

"It's fine. You're busy, I understand."

Placing both hands firmly on his shoulders caused Lelouch to look at him and catch the look that was familiar to him in more than one way. Lelouch had used that look himself on more than one account.

I've-been-a-jerk-to-you-and-I'm-really-really-sorry.

Any boy worth anything had mastered that look and knew enough to back it up with roses and copious amounts of chocolate of the expensive variety. (And for rare, difficult, cases: The cheesy, circular sort.)

"No, it's not. It's not good to neglect you like this."

Lelouch looked from one side to the other, hoping his senses were pulling tricks on him and that Suzaku was not sliding one hand slowly towards his neck while the other was making its way steadily south from behind.

He fidgeted slightly.

"No, really, I understand. Completely. More than you think."

Suzaku smiled and had adopted that look in his eyes again. "You're so understanding, Lelouch, I really—"

Hand on his neck.

"—couldn't ask for a better boyfr—"

Hand on his back.

"—than you. I'm such a—"

Hand on his face.

"—lucky—"

Their foreheads touched.

Lelouch screamed and jerked back as far as—

"Lelouch!"

—and then remembered that a fountain was directly behind him.

The splash of water accompanied by the consequent laughing (with a severe lack of restraint) caused nearby heads to swivel in their direction. Comments were made behind hands to companions and other small grins were commonplace before everyone turned back to what they were doing. A few passing girls giggled at him. One even winked.

Lelouch seethed.

These were new clothes too.

When the fits of giggles assaulting Suzaku died down, he held his hand out, offering his most apologetic smile. Lelouch had gotten used to this smile. Suzaku used it often because humiliation had made good on a very one-sided relationship with Lelouch whenever Suzaku was around.

Sitting up in the fountain, Lelouch groaned. He looked away from Suzaku darkly, still far too tempted to murder him. When he calmed down enough, he took the silent hand and felt himself slowly pulled to his feet.

And then he saw her.

Walking down the street with her stiletto boots that could kill someone, talking sharply on her phone and looking as pissed as he remembered her.

Kallen.

Lelouch could've sworn he suffered a mild heart attack just now.

As if she had a sixth sense for hunting him down (which Lelouch was pretty sure she did), her head swivelled in one of the few slow-motion moments of Lelouch's life.

Panicking, he let go of Suzaku's hand and fell back into the fountain with another splash.

If he were in a better mood and his thoughts didn't consist of 'I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die,' Lelouch might actually consider this a refreshing—if not embarrassing in a defaming-of-public-property kind of way—cure for a really hot Saturday at high noon.

Suzaku sat down on the edge of the fountain this time, giving a true, valiant attempt at holding in his amusement from bursting through whitening pursed lips.

It still managed to tug at them every now and then.

"Perhaps we should go swimming today, since you're so fond of water."

For a few precious moments, Lelouch simply laid there in the shallow pool of water, staring up at the blue sky. His waist up was submerged with his legs—still dry—splaying out of the fountain. Sitting up a bit, he breathed a sigh of relief and laid back down in the water.

Kallen had gone.

Once again, Suzaku held his hand out. "I'm sorry for laughing so much. You're just… so precious. Come on, we need to get you dried up with a new change of clothes."

Taking his hand without complaint or hesitation, Lelouch felt himself pulled to his feet. The water dripped down him in small rivers running from his soaked clothing, dripping soundlessly to dry on the pavement.

As Suzaku took his hand and led him away, Lelouch scanned the crowds warily for his up-and-coming criminal ex-wife—just itching to make her debut with a homicide headline.

He needed a disguise.


She was so sure he was here.

She could feel it.

There wasn't anywhere in the world Lelouch Lamperouge could escape to. Call it the sixth-sense that all angry, stiffed, jilted, and generally unhappy ex-wives acquired upon appending that prefix to their marital status, but she knew he was here.

She could feel it.

Not only that, but she was fairly confident of her twenty-twenty vision and saw him with someone roughly thirty minutes ago. If it weren't for her overriding sense of decency in a public place, Kallen would've torn off at the slightest trace like the bloodhound she was.

She wasn't deterred. She grew up in a family full of cops, law-enforcers, and bouncers with an older brother who fully supported the doctrine of 'Tough Love Regardless of Gender.' Not only that, but she had fired her first gun at age five and immediately fell in love with the weight and power of destructive metal in her hand. Naoto had once claimed it gave her quite a superiority complex and she promptly punched him in the gut for it.

If she had ever followed up the matrilineal family tradition of joining law-enforcement her nickname would indefinitely be 'Trigger Happy.'

Instead she went into business with her father and stayed there after he found out she had a good head for it.

Naoto joined the police force and that was how she found out where Lelouch lived. It was (as she fondly put it) only slightly illegal, but her older brother was more terrified of a jilted, murderous, and psychotic little sister than anything his superiors could come up with.

(You would be too if you knew Kallen growing up.)

And what did she find taped to the door of his empty house?

"Gone to Japan for something stupid. Be back soon."

- CC and Lelouch.

Kallen kicked the nearest inanimate object next to her and growled in unison with the dull clang of the metal lamp-post shuddering its way up the steel column. Several wary on-lookers walked around her in a wider circle.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how she had to keep hunting him down a year after the marriage ended.

It wasn't fair how he had gotten away with emptying one of her Swiss bank accounts.

It wasn't fair how she wanted to pound his stupid, pretty face in so much and couldn't.

It wasn't fair how she still really, really liked him even though he was such a douche.

And, most of all, it was unfair how horribly good looking he was to make her forget about a lot of all of the above.

Sighing heavily, she ran a hand through her hair and continued to look around. The shopping mall was large; he could be anywhere.

But she had connections.

Whipping her phone out, Kallen speed-dialled the only person in Japan who had enough connections, as well as the you-will-do-as-I-say-or-I-will-blackmail-you-to-do-it-anyway credence, to get just about anything.

The phone rang a few times and was picked up promptly.

"Hello, Milly Ashford speaking."


Suzaku sighed in satisfaction. "My life as a man is complete."

Lelouch pursed his lips, unable to say anything about that comment (but still wanting to tear his head off for it) as Suzaku ogled his reflection in the mirror appreciatively from his position on the bench nearby. A horrible scarlet turned his face an attractive shade of red as ugly as Shirley's purse.

He couldn't help but tug at the ruffled blue and white skirt hugging his waist a little lower self-consciously; he felt himself colour darker. The skirt was shorter than the long, black wig he was wearing and Lelouch couldn't help but wonder how girls dealt with that horrible, revealing feeling of a draft fly up.

Under normal circumstances, Lelouch would've just left the district, town, city, or province of any unhappy past girl he had charmed enough into trusting him with their bank account. Unfortunately for him he couldn't really leave the country because of such a small matter as Kallen.

No matter how over-qualified of a reason that alone was to hop a plane back to Britannia.

Or possibly Canada.

So, to improvise, he had opted for a disguise of some sort and was already regretting the decision.

Another tug at his skirt pulled his attention to the person behind him. Lelouch yelped and jumped away, spinning around and holding his hands over his violated bottom protectively.

"Can I frame a picture of you on my wall?"

"No!" Lelouch shot back, unable to stem the anger, colouring darker.

He was past his breaking point. Not once had he ever lost his temper on the job. But Suzaku was… Suzaku was… he was just made of piss-Lelouch-off-in-a-can. Even CC had her limits—and that was saying something.

Suzaku leaned over on his knees, resting his chin in the palm of a hand.

Lelouch tugged at the front of his skirt a bit, painfully aware how eye-level it was with his seated audience.

Oh the things he suffered to hide from Kallen.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a girl. And I do know better."

A strangled cry gurgled in his throat.

Everyone in the store had, by now, seen him in his current outfit—complete with heeled boots and yellow ribbons in his hair to match his sleeveless top. The girls giggled amusingly and he caught more than one of them snapping a picture with their camera phones. The boys wagged their eyebrows at him suggestively—half-mocking and probably half-serious.

One of them came over and whistled, gorging his eyes on the sight before him, standing in front of the three-way mirror.

"I have to say, buddy, a boyfriend like that could turn anybody gay," he remarked, continuing to drink in the sight of Lelouch dressed in drag. He winked when Suzaku wasn't looking.

The I'm-going-to-quarter-you-and-feed-it-to-dogs vibes Lelouch sent bounced off that store-boy like water on a duck.

Suzaku laughed, getting up and signing the credit card bill. "I know, right? You know what else? He's got the tightest—"

"Suzaku!" Lelouch scolded, a scowl twisting his pretty features, cutting off any further unsanitary filth that might come out of that garbage disposal.

Winking at him, Suzaku pulled him close with a hand dangerously close to his bottom. Lelouch tensed a bit—feeling even more insecure about violations to personal space with such a low-cut skirt. The arm around him held him possessively and Lelouch squirmed uncomfortably.

He could feel the beginnings of an allergic reaction start to form.

And then he noticed the killing aura radiating off Suzaku.

(Lelouch had extensive experience with these kinds of auras.)

Suddenly the store boy was sweating more than just bullets. He swallowed and gave a stiff-lipped smile. "H-Have a nice day."

Lelouch had the feeling that a low-flying plane just passed over his head.

Without giving Lelouch further time to contemplate the silent exchange that had just transpired, Suzaku took him by the hand and they left the store, leaving the wet clothes with cleaners.

To say the least, Lelouch was confused.


The more they wandered around the mall, the less Lelouch felt conscious of his appearance and more aware that there was a terrible amount of pink in the mall today. Perhaps it was the fact that he had been forced to wear women's clothing on more than one occasion before, but somehow, the fact that he was in a skirt paled in comparison to the terrifying thought that—

It could be her.

She could be anywhere.

He looked to the left. Traces of pink skirts were everywhere and he couldn't keep track of them all. Any of them could be Kallen. It was her favourite colour—but apparently it was the favourite colour of many other girls today.

(Lelouch once pointed out the irony of how her favourite colour was pleasant and feminine and nothing at all like her.)

(It earned him a slap in the face that was borderline hospital-worthy.)

"Lelouch?"

"What? No," he responded immediately—a trained reaction growing up. "I mean, what is it?"

"Want to catch a movie?" Suzaku asked, nodding over towards the movie theatre they had stopped in front of.

Lelouch blinked, staring at the titles. Then he turned back to Suzaku and paled when he saw him wag his eyebrows suggestively.

It was that look again.

He fought back a shiver.

Sighing, Lelouch shrugged his shoulders. There wasn't much else to do—he wasn't one for shopping since all the girls he ever went with would abuse his wallet more than just thoroughly every time. Shopping was always a disheartening potential date for him.

A movie, however, was a good way to waste time and had the double benefit of hiding from Kallen.

"Sure why not," Lelouch agreed, starting to walk into the cinema. "It's not like—"

"Hey, wat—" Blue eyes fluttered and widened just a fraction. "You…"

Kallen

Time to go.

Grabbing Suzaku's hand he spun around, whirling the long fake locks around in a circle, making fast tracks for anywhere but here. Fear fuelled his desire for survival and turned on the instincts every human being is designed with in the face of threat.

Choosing to glance over his shoulder, he could see traces of the blue-eyed devil getting swallowed up in the crowd he had managed to find, squirm through, and lose her in. Sure enough, he had lost sight of her.

He was safe for the moment.

Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief only to find—

Somewhere the light of a camera flashed.

For a few short seconds, Lelouch had a deer-in-the-headlights moment.

Uh oh.

A few things clicked in his head:

The glare of a bright, shiny camera lens.

The large circle of rather perplexed people now surrounding them.

The way his face was getting steadily redder.

And, of course, the blonde girl with the microphone eyeing him somewhat lecherously.

Needless to say, a small part of Lelouch died; right then and there.

"Mr Kururugi! What a surprise to see you here! Enjoying a day off—my who's this?" she asked suggestively, drawing attention to Lelouch—who was still finding himself in a state of catatonia at all the horrifying thoughts fluttering through his head.

The label of a popular news station was pinned to her coat and marked on the camera.

Suzaku laughed it off lifting their connected hands, getting a better sense of the situation than Lelouch—clearly. "Well, you see…"

The reporter grinned like a cat that had just found a mouse: Covered in copious amounts of catnip—complete with whipped cream and cherry on top. She arched her perfectly tweezed eyebrows up in a highly interested manner.

"This is your new sweetheart then?"

Lelouch just about seized with fear, able to express just about none of it in light of the cameras pointed right at them—like a spotlight to the world. Right now, Lelouch would've given anything to just shrivel up and die, hoping his family wasn't watching this somewhere back in Britannia.

His sisters would never let him live it down.

Lelouch Lamperouge, declared sweetheart of another man while wearing a skirt and wig with little ribbons tied in it.

It was the stuff humiliation was made of.

The urge to run home and guzzle down a bottle of formaldehyde was overwhelming.

Suzaku turned to him and regarded him for a moment. The look of classic horror never left Lelouch's face. Turning back to the reporter, Suzaku beamed.

"Yes, he's my one and only."

Somewhere beyond the crowd that had gathered, Lelouch's heart skipped a beat as he caught sight of a familiar red head of hair, peeking around the crowded masses—straining for a look.

No way.

He had lost her.

Lost people don't just show up and make your life worse.

(Especially when you went to lengths like dressing up as a girl to hide from those types of people.)

But Kallen tended to have a penchant for doing just that.

Even so, he couldn't be sure.

"How sweet! How long have you two been going out? You recently—"

Lelouch stood on his tiptoes a bit to look—as fear pounded on his heart.

"—that you were single and searching! Just how on earth did you—"

No… he couldn't be sure.

"—spilled a drink on him. Took him out for dinner and we hit it off from—"

She turned.

Oh God no.

It was her.

Not now.

Please not now.

Lelouch's blood ran cold.

"How adorable! You two seem so perfectly matched for each other."

Suzaku laughed. "I like to think so. He's very precious—"

Lelouch's brain started to work furiously. No, she had nothing on him even if she caught him here. He had nothing to worry about; Kallen couldn't touch him. Kallen wouldn't pull something like murder in broad daylight, in front of cameras and a whole crowd of witnesses who could testify to a psychopathic lunatic doing just that.

Would she?

"Why don't you give the camera a kiss—"

Lelouch's attention snapped away from Kallen to Suzaku and back to Kallen.

All hail selective hearing.

"—with your new—"

His eyes widened.

Oh no.

"—sweetheart?"

Kallen's head, in slow motion, turned towards them.

Suzaku turned to him, smiling. "Sorry, but I don't think he wants our first—"

Panicking, Lelouch threw his arms around Suzaku's neck and pulled his face towards his in a kiss, swinging his body just enough to hide him from Kallen's sight—and the glare of the camera behind the reporter.

Kallen glanced in their direction and raised an eyebrow curiously at the crowd before shaking her head, turning back, and walking on.

Lelouch mentally sighed in relief.

Crisis averted.

And now for something completely different.

Specifically the 'something' attached to his lips.

Lelouch had closed his eyes, hoping it would make it all better—or at least more like a nightmare he could wake up from and forget all about the next day.

There was a sort of apprehension from the other side Lelouch never noticed (in light of his own horror) as Suzaku gingerly put both hands on his hips.

Wait for it.

Lelouch started to shake violently.

Wait for it.

Homophobic.

Levels.

Dangerously.

Rising.

Wait for it.

Warm lips pressed against his.

Hands placed gently at his sides.

Crowds of people cheering and cooing.

(And taking pictures.)

Cameras recorded his first-ever kiss with a gay man.

On national television.

Their lips came apart with a smack—no tongue, no spit, no nothing—and Lelouch blacked out, falling limply in Suzaku's arms. Suzaku struggled with Lelouch's dead weight for a bit before adjusting.

The reporter was staring with wide eyes and was slightly flushed in the face. The camera man had to jostle her a little back to reality.

Jerking, she whistled, turning back to the camera. "Wow. There you have it viewers, Mr Kururugi's first hot kiss with his newfound love! Even Mr Kururugi looks a bit surprised from that one, aren't you?" she asked, turning the microphone back to him, winking.

Suzaku cleared his throat, fighting the swelling of emotions ranging from shock and surprise to disgust and abject horror at what happened—on national television. Taking a few more seconds to orient himself, he wished that he was the one passed out right now, instead of Lelouch.

"Y-Yeah. S-Surprised is a word for it."

The reporter smiled. "And I suppose we won't be getting a word from him any time soon, will we?" She winked with a glance towards the unconscious body hanging limply in his arms.

Hopefully Kaguya wasn't watching, Suzaku thought mournfully.

"N-No. Not for a while… I think."

Another smiled. The reporter turned around and finished off her broadcast off with a snap, passing it over to whoever was supposed to come next in the program on tonight's news.

The cameras turned off.

The camera crew shut down.

The crowds slowly dispersed.

Suzaku swallowed briefly, overcome with the powerful urge to go wash his mouth out with soap, disinfectants, and maybe rubbing alcohol. When he looked back at Lelouch—passed out in his arms—he sighed.

Perhaps this had gone far enough.

And then, looking around discreetly, he pulled out a camera and took a picture of Lelouch while he was still dressed as a girl with a blue skirt and ribbons in his hair. Suzaku could easily pass him off for a girlfriend if he ever had to.

This would make for a memorable day in his life.


Kallen sighed.

She was so sure he was there. He was there and then he was gone. The worst part about it was that she had seen him more than once today—and for longer than just a little bit. Lelouch was like water—you could only hold it for so long and was damn hard to hit when you really wanted to.

Rolling over onto her stomach, she speed-dialled Milly Ashford again. The chipper girl had promised her a catch by Saturday after a few well-placed physical threats by Kallen were in place. Milly had tendencies to go overboard with things from time to time.

Lelouch deserved a lot of things, but a full dose of Milly Ashford was overkill even for her.

(Although it only took her a really quick recollection of her relationship with Lelouch to get there.)

"Hello, Milly Ashford speaking."

Kallen smiled; Milly hadn't answered her phone any other way in nearly seven years.

"Milly, it's Kallen. I called you earlier."

"Kallen! Right. You were asking me about finding someone for you."

"Yeah. Anything?"

"Not really. I've been busy. Oh, you'll be surprised to know that Mr Kururugi bats for the other team now."

Kallen deadpanned. "What?"

Milly giggled from the other end. "Uh-huh. Even has a cute new sweetie-pie. I got to see the preview of that little piece at the station earlier. I thought 'she' was a 'he' because of the skirt. And damn; girl like THAT could make ANY woman switch sides. But then I looked a little closer at the bust—or lack thereof. Too bad he's taken. I would swoop in on THAT right away."

Kallen stopped to think about this for a second—and then thought about her experience in the mall.

"Gone to Japan for something stupid. Be back soon."

- CC and Lelouch.

No…

It couldn't be…

He wouldn't

Wait.

Would he?

"Really? Suzaku never really struck me as… well… that type. He was always trying to stare down my shirt and lift my skirt as kids before I moved. Hell, I was his first kiss."

Milly laughed over the phone. "Yup! I remember that kiss too! I remember the black eye you gave him! He jumped right out of the closet on this one. Announced it on NATIONAL TV a while ago."

Kallen raised her eyebrows momentarily, in disbelief at the news. "Wow. Shocking. Wait… you said he has a, er, boy already? Any idea what he looks like?"

"Oh sure. By the way, sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding. I was really busy over here with the station."

Kallen frowned at the memory. "Don't worry. He was a jerk anyway and we divorced a week later. So… Suzaku's new boy?" she prodded, not wanting to dwell on prior unpleasant thoughts.

At least he didn't make off with her virtue as well, she consoled herself with.

"Right. Actually, you can catch a glimpse of him right now on TV. The news network."

Kallen turned on the TV.

Blue eyes widened like saucers.

She had turned it on just in time to see a very girly-looking Lelouch—skirt, wig, ribbons, and all—throw his arms around Suzaku's neck that was suggestive of only one thing.

"Cute, isn't he? Suzaku's such a lucky dog! Don't you think, Kallen? Kallen? Kallen~?"

"Sorry, Milly, I have to let you go."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'll call you back later."

"Hey, Kallen, don't you—"

Click.

She speed-dialled her escort.

"Ougi, when is the next big event for the Sakura Group?"

There was a paused of silence. "In a week, Miss Kouzuki. A birthday."

"Put me on the guest list."

The answer was a prompt: "Yes, Miss Kouzuki."


Comments:

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- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens.

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