Sad Excuse for Long Wait: Interest flagging.
Pre-Comment:
Dear Diary,
Today I read all my reviews.
I am now considering world domination. Or at least corporate control over Coca-Cola and moving their HQ next door. Free Minute Maid and Coke for the rest of my life sounds almost as good as the world. (Without the failing economy, H1N1 masks, and general political retardedness.) Maybe after I'll take over Dairy Queen and whoever the heck owns Mentos.
Ice-cream cake and Coke rockets sounds pretty good too.
To everyone who just read a private entry from my diary revealed to you in a very public and not-very-private-at-all way, Enjoy Chapter Nine.
Chapter Nine: Karma Knows Where You Sleep and She Carries Knives Because Guns are Illegal
In Suzaku's mind, Kallen was singing the 'I Told You So' song complete with dance and various other forms of mocking including, but not limited to, jabs of the finger in his general direction accompanied by hysterical laughter. If he went further into his subconscious he could probably see Kaguya joining her with a tambourine and moving to the rhythm of the same mocking dance, complete with a lack of coordination due to inhibiting laughter.
Kallen was right.
Karma did have funny ways of dealing with things.
His came in the form of a demon posing to be Lelouch's mother whose aversion to murder, and general forms of violence that led up to, was non-existent.
Wait; his mistake.
That demon wasn't posing to be Lelouch's mother—that demon was Lelouch's mother.
As he pressed the icepack to his sore face a little harder, he grumbled.
The day had started out rather one-sided. It was more like he was chaperoning the two of them on a date instead of the other way around. They had all gone to the zoo, visited a theme park, attended an outdoor talent show—which Marianne was promptly banned from (with good reason)—and now they were at a shooting range.
All the while they seemed to have eyes only for each other.
Marianne showered Lelouch with love and motherly affection.
Lelouch soaked it all up like a super-absorbent sponge.
(Never mind the fact that Marianne had eyes of the bloodthirsty kind for Suzaku as well.)
It was understandable for Suzaku after hearing it was the first time they saw each other, quite literally, in years.
Currently, Marianne was teaching Lelouch the proper use of a shotgun.
Suzaku made a mental note that Lelouch was a quick learner.
Leaning against the wall a good ten metres away, arms folded—he watched them. Marianne was curled around Lelouch, fiddling with his grip on the gun and adjusting his arms and shoulders while he aimed. Her touches were loving and gentle and by their interactions throughout the day Suzaku could tell Lelouch was spoiled a lot as a child.
A lot a lot.
After firing a few rounds, Lelouch turned to his mother expectantly and his eyes lit up at her praise for having hit three bulls-eyes in a row.
Mental Note Number Two: Lelouch is a very quick learner and any form of aimed projectile as a gift should be prohibited.
Suddenly, her eyes flitted over and connected with his. She smiled and waved at him innocently, tapping on her shoulder and tugging at the sleeve slightly before turning her full attention back to Lelouch.
Suzaku's eyes widened just slightly and he looked down at his shirt to find a perfect tear in it—like something sharp and life-threatening had sliced it open.
The colour appropriately drained from his face.
There was no tear there an hour ago.
Narrowly Escaped Death Number Twenty-Two.
Yes, he had been counting.
Painful memories of earlier in the day flooded his mind.
First there was the Ice-Cream Incident.
An incident which will, for once, actually get explained regardless of being asked about or not.
While they were taking a break in the park, Marianne and Lelouch left Suzaku alone to buy some cold confectionary desserts. Lelouch had come back alone with Suzaku's portion and sat down next to him, making casual conversation about his mother and asking general questions about Suzaku's opinion of her.
And then, because it was the most overly-used ice-cream cliché in the history of time—and so therefore it must be used as a general rule—Lelouch had gotten some of it stuck on his cheek.
Grinning, Suzaku slipped an arm around Lelouch's waist and leaned close. "Lulu, there's something on your face, let me get that for you."
As expected Lelouch squirmed, fidgeted, and—
"Ahh~! Suzaku~!"
Suzaku froze.
Say wha—
And then he found himself flat on his back, staring up at the blue, blue sky on the grass somewhere.
He laid there in a daze for a moment, realizing just how very blue the sky actually was tod—
Oh.
Sweet.
Heaven.
The pain.
Every pain receptor in the left side of his face seemed to have taken a miniature vacation to hell and just got back to share the details with him.
Suzaku was a typically proud man and tried not to cry when experiencing pain no matter how excruciating.
But some things just couldn't be helped.
Meanwhile.
"Oh, Lulu, look what you've gotten on your face. Let mother get that for you," she fawned, wiping his cheek with a handkerchief daintily.
It was safe to assume what the number of that truck was.
Other scenarios had happened in a similar fashion.
Marianne was determined to keep him away from Lelouch.
As a result, Suzaku was sporting a few bruises, a harmless (and by 'harmless' he meant it didn't draw blood) cut here and there, and possibly a broken bone somewhere.
Clutching the icepack to his face a little tighter, Suzaku sighed. Nothing about this day had gone right for him. Right from waking up in the morning and seeing a swinging knife tied loosely from the canopy of his bed, to skipping meal times for fear of poison, and general survival against a lunatic fresh from Alcatraz.
Yes.
Marianne vi Britannia was the reincarnation of the Devil.
"Suzaku darling."
Suzaku flinched, looking up to see Marianne walking towards him—a look of motherly concern stark in her violet eyes of Pure Evil™.
"Yes? Is… ah… something wrong?"
Frowning, she folded her arms in front of her. "Lelouch has gone to fetch more rounds. Would you like a shot?"
No thanks.
He had heard from several reliable sources and just a few hundred movies and television shows that having a bit of lead lodged between the eyes at amazingly high speeds was an uncomfortable experience.
"Oh, no, I'm fine. Just watching you two is enough for me. It's been a long time since you two have seen each other; I don't mind letting you have time alone without me."
"Oh how considerate," she remarked sweetly, tilting her head slightly. Then she gasped, holding a gloved (Marianne was a peculiar woman and always insisted on keeping her hands gloved or folded together) hand out to tug at the rip on his shirt gently. "My dear! Wherever did this tear come from? It wasn't here this morning!" she proclaimed innocently, fretting over it and inspecting it a little closer.
Checking for first blood, Suzaku thought darkly.
Setting his jaw rigidly, reminding himself for the thousandth time today that this woman was his fake-boyfriend's mother—that and she could probably kill him at the drop of a hat (with zero reservations about doing so), he returned the remark with an easy smile and admirable amounts of restraint.
"It just caught on something is all. I was careless."
Something like the sharp edge of a throwing dagger.
Marianne folded her arms, and hummed disapprovingly before cupping a hand over his, holding the icepack to his face. "And where did this bruise come from?" she asked, like a mother scolding her child. "You seem to be in a state of increasing disrepair! You poor thing." Marianne ruffled his hair affectionately. "You must learn to take better care of yourself!"
Laughing easily, Suzaku shrugged it off. "Your concern is appreciated, Miss Marianne, but I'm sure I'll live."
He hoped.
Tutting, Marianne shook her head once more. "Don't despair, Suzaku darling, I'll fix you up good and proper—" Oh, God no. "—once we return home. I would do anything for my darling boy's lesser half."
To be perfectly honest, Suzaku didn't know how to feel about that statement.
Half of him was outraged.
Half of him was mortified.
Half of him was shocked.
And another half wondered how he passed Grade Five Math.
And so he went with a hopefully safe approach.
"I couldn't possibly trouble you with something so trivial. I have a maid for that who would be more than happy. You're far too kind."
Marianne giggled daintily behind her hand. "Nonsense! You need a mother's touch. You're too flattering for such a degenerate."
And if Marianne suddenly weren't smiling anymore, Suzaku would have had something to say about that.
Luckily, survival instincts kicked in.
"You know, when I had found out—quite by a happy accident—that my darling little boy was dating someone like you, I was overwhelmed with joy. You're such a responsible and affectionate young man, and I can see that you care for my darling little angel so much." She laughed—just a little—almost hysterically—like the mad scientists or evil villains do in all the old movies. "A mother couldn't possibly want to gouge the ey—oh, but, Suzaku darling, you're everything a mother dreams of for her son. I am terribly glad it's you he's taken a liking to."
Within the day Suzaku had spent with Marianne he had already earned himself a Marianne vi Britannia translator.
All of that, just now, equalled something like this:
I had to find out my precious son was dating a no-good, scum-eating, morally-bankrupt wretch in the worst way possible, and I'm more than just pissed about it. I'm going to cut out your heart, liver, intestine, and lungs before feeding them to dogs and vultures. I will maim and disfigure you so horribly my son will never look at you ever again. I'm glad you're so very stabbable.
In the back of his mind, every once in a while, Suzaku wondered if his entertainment was really worth having to put up with Lelouch's crazy mother.
(No, probably not.)
"Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. I promise to make Lelouch as happy as possible," he told Marianne with as straight a face as he could muster.
Smiling sweetly again—almost sincerely—Marianne patted his cheek and ruffled his hair affectionately. "You should hope so, Suzaku darling, because Marianne vi Britannia gives no second chances," she said slowly in the tone of voice that made babies cry—just to let it sink in. "And I am so very fond of you. It would be quite a shame if anything unfortunate were to happen so soon after meeting you."
Normally, Suzaku wasn't a very confrontational person and negotiated his way out of things if he could. He didn't respond to intimidation, direct threats, or general violence very well. Not only that, but he could recognize a challenge when he saw one.
So it wasn't so much that he wanted to win against Marianne to keep Lelouch—no, it was much simpler than that: Suzaku wanted to win because he could.
And so, when Marianne walked away from him just as Lelouch returned with a new case of bullets, Suzaku grinned.
So, of course, you know, this means war.
In the back of her mind, she knew this was wrong.
Legally and morally.
But she really couldn't help herself.
And really, could you blame her?
"I don't think…"
"Shh."
Her not-morally-bankrupt companion whined a bit at the back of her noise and she promptly shushed her again. Adjusting the focus on her binoculars, she cleared up the blurry image before her.
The older woman was leaned over Suzaku's shoulder and whispered something conspiratorially in his ear.
Suzaku blanched and laughed it off nervously before quickly stepping as far away from the woman as possible.
The lady… just smiled.
Ooooh. Impressive.
She could practically see Suzaku sweating bullets.
"Milly… we shouldn't… it's not right."
Milly Ashford.
Daughter and sole heir to an educational dynasty all over the world. She could cook, clean, tailor, make a heaven-sent apple pie, and had a wicked sense for cutting business deals with the ferocity of a lion. She was the pride and gem of the Ashford family and many great things were expected out of her.
She also up and broke the arranged marriage to some rich lunatic her parents chose and decided to become a news reporter instead.
Her parents, to put it nicely, were less than happy with her.
Milly Ashford also did not acquaint herself very well with knowing the definition of the phrase 'Respect One's Privacy.'
Which was why she had opted to spying on the date Suzaku was on with Lelouch and an older woman she inferred to be Lelouch's mother.
"Hush, Shirley. Didn't you want to know more about Suzaku's sweetheart? His lover?"
Shirley fidgeted.
"D-Don't call him that… Lelouch isn't—"
"Oh but he is!" she said excitedly, eyes glued to the scene before her through binoculars. "He is! He is! He is!"
Shirley whined a little more.
While Milly hadn't gotten all the details from Shirley on the matter, she was positively certain that Miss Fenette was acquainted with a not-so-eligible-anymore Mr Lamperouge. The way the girl almost broke out into tears about the news of Suzaku's new boyfriend was a big hint—the giveaway was how she feigned innocence when Milly interrogated her on knowing Lelouch beforehand.
Lelouch's mother seemed to have received a call on her phone. After a few words she snapped it shut and waved away any questions Lelouch had for her. A few moments later a rather dignified-looking gentleman stopped by and proceeded to manhandle the woman over his shoulder and carry her away literally kicking and screaming while desperately clinging onto whatever anchor she could to stay.
Milly could only wonder what kind of a person she was.
And Suzaku turned to Lelouch.
Sneaking a glance at Shirley—who still looked perturbed over their spying on the pair—she grinned.
"Just look at them! Such lovebirds! Oh, look, Suzaku's going in for a ki—"
And suddenly the binoculars were snatched out of her hands.
It was hard not to giggle at Shirley's obvious jealousy.
Shirley watched for a few moments before flinching and handing them back to Milly. "That must've hurt…" She winced. "And he was not!" she declared, giving a pointed look at Milly.
Milly giggled and folded up the binoculars, standing up from the bushes they were taking cover from.
Shirley gave her a questioning look. "What are you doing?" she hissed.
"I'm going to greet the happy couple, of course."
Justifiably distraught green eyes widened in horror at those words.
Words, which, of course, were the foreshadow of things to come.
In the ten minutes Suzaku spent waiting for Lelouch as he went to the bathroom, he realized he wasn't a very patient man.
Honestly.
Only girls spent this long at the Lou.
…
Suzaku stifled a giggle.
Which came out anyway, making it look like he was choking on air.
After Living Hell had been (oh, thank God) carried away—quite literally—to work by her assistant, Suzaku and Lelouch had ventured into a restaurant, proceeded to order, and was split up as Lelouch went to the restroom. So now Suzaku was stuck enduring the wait.
He tapped his foot.
He tapped his fork on the table.
He checked his watch—
Yes, exactly ten—now eleven—minutes.
When his patience ran out, Suzaku rose from his seat just as he saw Lelouch emerge from the hallway the bathrooms were located.
With a parasite attached to his arm, chatting up a storm happily.
Milly Ashford.
Well #$!&.
Shirley Fenette was in tow, looking half miserable and half upset.
Milly grinned and waved at him as soon as she caught sight of him. "Yoohoo! Suzaku!" she called out, tugging Lelouch along quicker
Lelouch looked like he wanted to die.
Suzaku felt similar.
"What a funny coincidence, Kururugi! To meet you and your hot property here."
Lelouch's lip twitched but he said nothing.
"Yes. It is. Please leave. We're on a private date."
Milly merely laughed and sat down next to Lelouch, across the table. "Nonsense. We're all friends here. I'd like to get to know your lover just a little better too," Milly purred, snuggling right up next to Lelouch—who sighed. "Never know just what might happen in the future, right?"
She winked at him.
Suzaku felt irritated.
"Milly."
"Oh, come on, Suzaku! We barely spend any time together anymore you workaholic! And now that you've found yourself a man—"
"Milly Ashford."
It silenced her on the spot, but didn't stop the pouting look of irritation from settling on her face.
And then Lelouch laughed. "Why not, Suzaku? It'll only be for a little bit. You can sit down too," he added, looking at Shirley.
They all turned to Shirley, who was still standing—fiddling with her skirt a little and looking nervous. When she realized everyone was staring at her, she turned red enough to match her hair. With a reassuring look from Suzaku, she sat down next to him.
For the rest of their time at the restaurant, Suzaku was more than just a little miserable.
Milly continued to paw at Lelouch.
Shirley followed the action up by scolding her about decency.
Milly ignored the chastise.
Lelouch acted the perfect ladies man, showering attention evenly on them both—making an attempt at including Suzaku once or twice.
(Suzaku had to admit he did seem in his element. No wonder he was so confident about duping money out of him.)
Suzaku rebuffed every attempt and continued to sigh and stare out the window.
When Milly stood up, looking quite determined, Suzaku had the worst kind of feeling settle in his stomach. She had a resolved, determined kind of look in her eyes. It was the kind of look that should be a criminal offence on her personality types.
"I think it's time to split this into a double date!"
Suzaku's eyes widened.
Shirley gasped.
Lelouch choked on his soda water.
And with that declaration, a little bit of manhandling of Lelouch and a few protests from both boys, Milly Ashford had gone.
Taking Lelouch with her.
As soon as they left, Suzaku had moved around Shirley to chase after them so Milly couldn't corrupt—
"Suzaku."
Suzaku paused.
Shirley sounded rather… conflicted.
He swivelled around to look at her.
She was red.
"C-Can I talk to you?"
Lelouch's opinion of Milly Ashford was thus:
The Energizer Bunny had some mean competition.
"Suzaku only likes this kind of chocolate. You'll remember won't you?"
"I'll remember."
Milly beamed and tugged on his arm in another direction.
Since being separated from Suzaku and Shirley, Lelouch had been given a free lesson on Suzaku 101. Milly, Shirley, Kallen, and a few others had, apparently grown up and schooled together for a majority of their lives. In the time Lelouch had spent with Milly Ashford, he learned more than he ever wanted to know about Suzaku Kururugi.
Milly Ashford was a weird girl.
Lelouch couldn't really describe it, but she was a weird sort of weird. And since she knew he was taken—by a boy—it was difficult to use his usual charm and sweep her off her feet without arousing some suspicion.
And, even if the situation allowed for it, for the first time in his life, Lelouch doubted his skills to do so.
It was a little unnerving.
As they wandered into an antique shop by sheer curiosity, Lelouch watched as she inspected something rather old while—
"So have you two done it yet?"
—asking some rather personal questions.
Lelouch was horrified.
CC's (probably misleading) sex-ed fluttered across the forefront of his mind.
He turned an amazing shade of scarlet that matched his eyes wonderfully.
Milly giggled. "A yes?"
"N-No! We haven't done anything like that! Don't get the wrong idea!" Lelouch turned away from her.
She giggled again. "But it's bound to happen sooner or later don't you think?"
There was a clink of glass on glass as she put down whatever item she was looking at and wound her arms tight around him. "I bet he'd be real gentle with you," she whispered with her breath fluttering on his ear. "He loves you so much after all. First he'd kiss your—"
Now let's see how Suzaku's doing with Shirley.
"You really think so?"
Shirley nodded determinedly. "I know so! It's every girl's dream to get married someday to the person they love! You need to just go out and—"
While Shirley was on a power trip, it would be good to note that Suzaku had finally found the little iWin button over Marianne.
Not so much found it as it had been given to him by Shirley Fenette over the expanse of ten minutes of preaching on the proper etiquette of relationships.
During the initial, rocky conversation with Shirley, Suzaku found out two things.
A. Shirley Fenette, in reality, was not related to Lelouch in any way, shape, or form.
And B. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since meeting him that one time a long time ago, swapping numbers, and taking him to a business mixer as a date.
Where Suzaku had literally bumped into him, ruined his suit jacket (it really was an accident), and proceeded to make the last few months probably (not probably, definitely) the worst few months in all of Lelouch's life.
Lelouch never called her back after that night and she was too nervous to call him.
The rest was history.
After getting over the interrogation of whether Suzaku's feelings for Lelouch were genuine (which they weren't) Shirley had accepted Suzaku's well-played answer and commenced doing everything in her power to get them hitched as soon as possible—even offering wedding information. Her philosophy was that two people who love each other should obviously get married.
And have children.
Or (in their case) adopt.
It was a rather interesting conversation in the form of a strange pep talk.
(Do you love him?)
(Of course I do!)
(Then you absolutely must marry him!)
(Right! Wait—what?)
And while he was protesting that marriage was taking it a little too fast, Suzaku was really thinking that marriage would be taking a stupid little joke a little too far.
Marriage was permanent and legally binding, after all.
And then Shirley mentioned how Lelouch's mother would be thrilled about it and that was where Suzaku decided to cross just a few lines to win the little competition between himself and Lelouch's mother.
Reason was promptly thrown out the window.
Let it never be said that Suzaku Kururugi wouldn't do anything to win.
Once again, let it never be said that Suzaku Kururugi wouldn't do anything to win.
"—with the biggest rock you can find!" Shirley paused, and then blinked. "Oh, but I wonder if Lulu would like diamonds…" Her face fell. "He's… well… he's a boy after all. So maybe a simple—"
"No, no, I'll get him the traditional diamond."
Suzaku grinned, imagining the horror on Lelouch's face after presenting him a diamond ring that was more than just a little too feminine for a boy to be wearing on his finger.
"Suzaku! Suzaku! How about this one?"
Suzaku looked over at the gem-studded band escorting more than just a few carats of A Girl's Best Friend.
It was elegant.
It was pristine.
It was beautiful.
And it was amazingly girly.
"Miss, I'll take this one."
Lelouch wasn't quite sure if he should be worried or terrified.
Since reuniting with Suzaku and Shirley, and after being scarred for life from Milly, the girls had gone their separate ways. Milly had left satisfied, leaving Lelouch in a perpetual state of horror. (The only saving grace from that ordeal was the (misinforming) chit-chat he had with CC on a previous occasion. Milly Ashford had said things of a similar stock.)
Shirley had left… smiling and Lelouch wasn't sure if that was altogether a good thing or not.
He never actually got around to phoning her up again like he said he would.
Now he was sitting alone in row 16A of some sports game. There was a ball on the field, people were moving, the crowd cheered like raving lunatics every so often, and that was all he understood. Lelouch didn't really know. He wasn't really the physically-able type to be playing sports for recreational purposes.
He bruised rather easily after all.
What was worse was that Suzaku had been gone for some time now and Lelouch was tempted to leave since the half-time break was almost due.
Suzaku would understand.
Right?
Right.
But then a small ounce of guilt always kept him back. Suzaku had been nice to him in a non-sexual-harassment kind of way for the rest of the afternoon.
He wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
To be perfectly honest, it was odd.
On top of that, he realized (with mild horror) that he had gotten used to Suzaku holding his hand everywhere they went and had even stopped thinking about it. It paled in comparison to the fact that Suzaku was still being less of a jerk than usual on his Consider This list.
Lelouch had decided it was a rather pleasant change.
By the time the break was announced and the score was tied, Lelouch was getting impatient and began to—
Uh oh.
And for a few deer-in-the-headlight moments, Lelouch could only wonder why Suzaku was grinning at him.
From on the large four-screen.
He took a sip of his soft-drink, hoping it was poisoned.
Every kind of bad and ominous feeling settled in his stomach all at once as he sunk lower in his seat.
Lelouch had heard of this kind of thing before and opted not to do it on the rare chance that the girl would refuse or that they would get hitched and some random person would remember he was once married.
That and it cost a lot of money he was unwilling to part with.
Suzaku knelt to the ground, holding up a box of the size and shape Lelouch was fairly familiar with.
He sunk lower in his seat, praying to every deity he knew about to be struck by lightning.
"Lelouch Lamperouge—"
He was not.
"—the love of my—"
He was not.
"—life, will you—"
He was not.
"—marry me?" echoed throughout the stadium, currently seating over three-thousand some-odd patrons.
He was.
The screen panned to Lelouch and he could feel a small part of him die inside.
Right there.
Proposing was one thing, but being proposed to was something entirely different.
Especially when it involved a lot of media attention as eyes everywhere swivelled in his direction as the screen panned to show him. The part of Lelouch that wasn't dying from several different forms of embarrassment and horror was taking note that Humiliation was making good use of the media and all its evil, spread-gossip-like-a-disease wonders.
There were whispers everywhere and a few excited giggles.
Marriage was a solemn bond that signified the undying love between two individuals. It was sacred. It was something big, something important, and generally something you didn't do on a whim.
It was also a very legally binding and life-scarring (when considering the partner involved) event. And he didn't know if he could ever live down the fact that he would be married to a fag for a week. A day. An hour. Heck, married to another man at all.
And then there was the honeymoon.
Lelouch kicked that thought to the curb.
Even so.
Suzaku Kururugi was rich.
And he was no longer single.
And he was offering Lelouch the keys to the much sought-after bank account of the world's richest man.
Despite the public humiliation, which, sad to say, he was getting quite accustomed to, Suzaku's offer was terribly tempting.
"I… Uh…"
Lelouch glanced around.
There were a few who whispered 'Say yes' behind him encouragingly and many others who were smiling in his direction knowingly.
An employee tapped his shoulder and handed him a microphone with which to voice back his response. The screen panned back to Suzaku.
He started to look worried and his lips turned down just enough, as his eyes—
Good Lord, WHY!?
He used it.
That.
"Will you?"
Lelouch cursed the day he was born with everything he had.
"I…"
"I love you."
Cue the resounding 'Awww.'
He pursed his lips, wanting to die just that much more with every passing—
"I'll marry you…"
Cheers erupted throughout the stadium and everyone around him was congratulating him and throwing popcorn in the air and—it was a horribly public display that would haunt Lelouch for the rest of his days.
And, in the future, when Lelouch looked back on this moment—if he ever chose to remember it instead of denying it ever happened—he would always remember this was the final straw of how this job had destroyed him in ways he couldn't describe—and in more ways than one.
They had opted to walk home.
They talked about idle things, like the marriage. There was a bit of teasing and Lelouch succumbed to the thought of going through the ceremony being the one to wear a dress—with a little bit of horror, a little bit of 'Why Me?' and just a touch of 'I'm going to kill myself when this is all over.'
And when they got home and told Marianne about it she just laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
So much that tears were forming in her eyes.
And then she had Suzaku pinned against the wall with a knife digging into the wall by the side of his head with a gloved hand squeezing around his throat.
No one had really even seen her move.
"How dare you! You evil little, scum-eating, vile, worthless—"
She wrenched the knife out of the wall and drove it into—
"Miss, murder is still slightly illegal in Japan," Jeremiah intervened calmly, restraining her wrist easily as she lashed out futilely. Her knuckles whitened against the handle of the knife while her mouth became a fountain of profanity.
Lelouch didn't even know his mother was capable of such language.
After Jeremiah reached for her other wrist just as Suzaku was turning blue, he dragged her away into a room—screaming, and still red-hot with rage thinking about only one thing.
Several minutes later, Jeremiah emerged with Marianne bound, gagged, and slung over his shoulder. She was still making a pretty mean effort at escape and, impressively enough, was able to shoot Suzaku a few not-very-friendly looks from her position perched over the man's shoulders.
"The Miss apologizes for her earlier behaviour and congratulates you both on this happy news."
Marianne screamed behind her gag once more, exhibiting anything but apology and happiness.
Jeremiah turned to Lelouch.
Lelouch stiffened.
While they weren't blood-related, Jeremiah always had Lelouch's best interests at heart and treated him like he was a son.
It was touching.
"Lelouch, I'm glad you've found someone to share your happiness with. I wish you both all the—"
BANG. BANG. BANG.
All eyes turned towards the door just behind them.
Suzaku frowned, rubbed his throat, and muttered something darkly about what other freaks were banging on his door just as he opened it to—
"LULU!"
Lelouch had exactly three seconds to let out a strangled cry before being tackled to the ground by—
"Mao!?"
Mao looked like he had been crying and was hugging him around his middle as much as possible. He gave a small sniffle before nuzzling into the crook of Lelouch's neck affectionately, sobbing slightly.
An indiscriminate shiver passed through Lelouch and the urge to kick him off and escape manifested as his homophobia came out full force. Out of the corner of his eye he registered the deadly blank look on his mother's face while everyone else stared on at the scene in stunned silence.
"How could you leave me for Suzaku!? You said I was special!"
Lelouch's eyes widened. "I don't—what!? Get off of—"
"Lulu, I love you!" he declared proudly, right before placing both hands on either side of Lelouch's face and planting a kiss that was every bit as hot, steamy, passionate, and one-sided as it was in all the romance novels and shoujo manga.
The English Language had nothing on the trauma Lelouch was going through right now in an appropriately named Life-Scarring Event as Lelouch went into a state of horrified—
And, oh God, that's his tongue.
It was wet.
It was horrifying.
It was Mao.
Lelouch screamed.
And promptly blacked out.
Roughly an hour earlier.
"No, YOU don't understand, apparently. Do I have to come over there and show you how it's done? Cut it myself? Since your people obviously—"
The response made her angry and CC folded her arms, growling slightly.
"What do you mean that doesn't matter!? Of course it matters! How could it not matter? Do you drink your coffee cold? No. Do I want my pizza cut unequally? No. It's crucial that—What do you mean it's 'just pizza, Miss'? I'll show you—"
CC paused at their proposal.
Ooh.
They were offering her pizza.
On the house.
For a month.
And how could they not? She was probably their biggest customer. Since arriving in Japan CC had hooked up to the nearest Pizza Hut like a drug addict and commenced ordering anywhere between two and twelve boxes a week; less if Lelouch cooked and more if he didn't. Not that she didn't love Lelouch's cooking more than Pizza or vice versa—it was just more convenient—especially since Lelouch made the most perfect pizza she had ever eaten.
His pizza was so good it should've been called crack instead.
"Fine," she agreed, caving into the manager's attempt at keeping their number one customer happy. "But the slices better be even this time and in equal degrees. I have a protractor with me and I'll be measuring," she added threateningly, resolving to find the plastic semi-circle to do just that.
And with enough said, she hung up on Pizza Hut.
Sighing, she slumped into the couch. The love of her life was being sloppy with her. With another dramatic sigh, CC held a hand over her heart.
It ached horribly.
She missed Lelouch.
Ever since the dinner a while ago he had been spending day in and day out with his mother and Suzaku. Although CC was curious to see how that was going—especially when she remembered Lelouch freaking out about it as soon as he got home from the dinner—she was told strictly not to come by.
Huffing, CC got up and headed to her room, finding the nicest outfit she could muster and threw it on.
After all, when was the last time she ever listened properly to what Lelouch had to say?
(That bit about Gino notwithstanding.)
There was no reason for her not to make Lelouch's life just that much more miserable to enrich her own (well, no reason she bothered acknowledging anyway). Suzaku had met her. Marianne had met her. The only thing that was missing was her actually being there.
Slipping on a purse she skipped downstairs, opened the door, and—
"Mao?"
—froze on the spot.
Mao, who had been just about to ring the doorbell, turned to her and his eyes lit up, sparkling blue in their childlike wonder. A happy gasp escaped his lips as he threw his arms around her and swung her around in a tight hug before planting her back down on her feet, holding her at arms length.
"CC! You left a note for me on your door and so I came!"
CC blinked, dumbfounded and slightly dazed.
"I left a…"
"Gone to Japan for something stupid, be back soon."
- CC and Lelouch.
"…oh yeah, I guess I did. You didn't have to come here; I said I would be back soon," she cooed.
Mao frowned and whined a little. "But you were gone for so long! I was lonely. Where's Lulu? Didn't he come with you? Lulu~!" he called out around her, cupping a hand to his mouth for better acoustics.
"He's not here. He's over at his boyfriend's place," CC explained.
He blinked. "His… boyfriend? Lulu's come out of the closet?"
"No, he's—"
"Lifting shirts?"
CC giggled. She missed Mao. "No, no. He's just—"
"Batting for the other team?"
Another giggle. "Shh. Listen. He's in the middle of a con and the target just happens to be gay—so he's pretending to be gay."
Mao blinked. "Oh. Because you know I always thought he was a bit of a Nancy."
Another giggle.
"So where were you headed?" he asked, looking her attire over. "Can I come?" Mao asked, eyes sparkling with eagerness.
"I was just…"
And then a particularly evil thought struck her.
And that's never a good thing.
(For Lelouch anyway.)
"Actually, Mao, can you do me a… tiny favour?"
He tilted his head curiously.
And suddenly CC's desire to go drop a surprise visit diminished into nothing.
Comment:
This is the longest chapter title I've ever thought of. It's also my favourite one. I probably enjoy making these titles up more than actually writing this story. Go figure. And tell me, were you surprised? By Mao I mean.
For everyone who said they like Minute Maid the best, you get plus three points. Coke is plus two. And Pepsi is evil in a can which radiates negative thirty points perpetually. I prefer my drinks to sound like a drug. Plus, they own Minute Maid now instead of McCain. My love and support is sold on forfeit.
The fact that I've tried deep-fried Coke before is a testament to my love and commitment. It tasted pretty good actually. Except near the bottom. So what's the weirdest thing you've eaten? Not seen, but actually eaten. If it beats deep-fried Coke for me, I'll give you something special from the next chapter. And, yes, I do expect to hear what they taste like. "Chicken" is an unacceptable answer.
Deep-fried Coke tastes like deep-fried Coke.
Please R&R.
- Minute Maid
Beverage of Queens.
