"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con


"So what do you think?"

Evey stared at him.

"I think it's a terrible plan! How on earth do you think it could possibly work?"

The Doctor sighed. It was early the next morning, and he was trying to convince Evey to go 'on the air', so to speak, and make a plea to any survivors of earth. Rose and Jack had still to emerge, but the Doctor had heard Jack screaming last night, and had a feeling they might be a while.

"They'll listen to you."

"I'm fifteen years old."

"But you're the daughter of a prominent leader. They'll feel angry about what happened to you. They'll fight back. There are more of them out there than you think Evey. They're hiding, scared, just like you were. They need someone to rally them, to show them that they're not alone. It doesn't have to be the end."

She glared at him.

"My family are dead. For me, it is the end."

The Doctor regarded her.

"And what about those who still have their families? Do you want them to go through the same thing you have? Because that's what will happen, Evey, if someone doesn't stop them. They won't give up. They'll find every man and kill him. They'll find every woman and rape her. They'll find every child and-"

"Stop!" she cried. "Just stop it!"

There was a moment of silence, then Rose cleared her throat, and the Doctor saw her standing in the doorway.

She'd probably heard what he'd said. Damn.

"I just came to get Jack some tea."

"I'll make it," Evey said, standing quickly and avoiding the Doctor's eyes.

Rose looked accusingly at him.

"Can I speak to you outside for a moment?"

He followed, with the distinct feeling that he was about to get what for.

"She is fifteen years old, for God's sake! What's wrong with you?"

He sighed.

"I know they'll listen to her, if she would only try."

"She has just lost her family. She watched them be killed. The last thing she needs is you badgering her about it, saying stuff like that to her!"

"I was only trying to-"

"I don't care," she snapped. "Just stop."

He looked at her carefully.

"Is he okay?"

She sighed, and didn't need to ask him who he was referring to.

"No, but he won't talk to me."

The Doctor hesitated.

"Should I…"

"I don't think that would be a very good idea. I think he just needs someone with him right now. Don't worry."

The Doctor nodded, and she walked back to the kitchen.

"And leave Evey alone!" she hissed.

He decided to let them get on with it, and wandered off to the control room, opening up the console and getting out his sonic screwdriver. He found that nothing comforted him more than tinkering with his beloved TARDIS, and quite literally lost track of the time, until several hours had passed and Evey's feet were standing in front of him.

"I'll do it," she said.

He blinked and pulled himself out from under the console.

"Pardon?"

"The speech, or whatever. I'll do it."

He stood, dusting his trousers off.

"And may I ask what changed your mind?"

She shrugged.

"It's like you said. How can I possibly live with myself if I let other people suffer in the same way. I couldn't. So I might as well try."

The Doctor nodded approvingly.

"Excellent. I'll set up then."

"What are you doing?" Rose demanded fifteen minutes later, when she came in to find he had pulled the screen off the console, and was re connecting several of the wires.

"Evey's decided to make a speech," he said happily. "She's going to try and help beat back the pirates."

Rose narrowed her eyes.

"You better not have talked her into it."

"I never said a word! I've been in here all morning." At her disbelieving look, he added "Ask her!"

Rose left, probably to do just that, he thought, and it was several more minutes before he heard the footsteps returning.

"Honestly Rose, I didn't say anything to her, so if you've come to have a go-"

He broke off mid sentence when he looked up and realised that it wasn't Rose there at all.

It was Jack.

"Hello," he said.

Jack stared at him for a moment, then nodded.

"You haven't changed that much then," he said, casting his eyes over the tangle of wires and the sonic screwdriver, still clasped in his hand.

"I haven't changed at all really. Except for, you know, the face. And my personality's a bit different. I can be quite rude actually. And I do tend to talk a lot more, but I haven't discovered yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

He laughed, then stopped when he saw the way Jack was looking at him.

"Do you…want to help?"

Jack took another few steps into the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Evey's going to make a speech to rally all the survivors and fight against the space pirates. I'm modifying the Tardis screen so it can be used as a sort of broadcasting point."

"Broadcasting to what?" Jack asked, coming to stand beside him.

"All the screens from the Gamestation. Brilliant, if I may say so myself?"

Jack didn't reply. He had a sort of far away look in his eyes, and when the Doctor focused on him properly, he could see the red cut under his left eye, and the bruise that wrapped around his cheek and the side of his head. He was holding himself stiffly, and when he moved, he winced, very slightly, in pain.

"How do you feel?" he asked softly.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Jack asked in reply, and the Doctor got the message.

"Not really," he admitted. He grinned. "But when did that ever stop me?"

Jack lowered himself slowly to sit on the floor beside the Doctor, and the Doctor pretended not to hear the sharp gasp of pain.

"So this kid," Jack said, as he reached to untangle some wires. "Is she really the Prime Minister's daughter?"

The Doctor nodded, pushing the heavy frames of his glasses up his nose.

"Yup. Her family were raped and murdered in front of her…" he trailed off as he saw the look on Jack's face. Apparently this new him wasn't very tactful either.

"And now you're going to help her save the planet and play hero," Jack said, the bitterness in his tone unmistakable.

The Doctor sighed.

"Jack," he tried. "I'm sorry. I really am so sorry. If I had known you were alive, I never would have left, I swear."

Jack looked at him. His blue eyes were tired, hurt.

"Didn't you think to come back and check?"

"Rose was hurt. I…I had to get her inside the TARDIS, I…"

He knew nothing he said could repair the pain he'd caused Jack.

"I know Rose comes first," Jack said, and the Doctor felt a heaviness in his stomach, because wasn't that true? Hadn't he always put Rose first?

"I know that," Jack continued. "But I guess I thought that…" he hesitated. "I don't know what I thought," he said finally.

He made to get up, but the Doctor reached out and grabbed his wrist, holding him still. Jack blanched at the rough gesture, a flash of fear in his eyes, and the Doctor gentled his touch, his thumb stroking across Jack's pulse point.

It was strange, regeneration. He never quite knew how it would change things he already knew, whether he would see more or less. With Rose he had seen less, he had lost the spark that he had felt between them before. But with Jack…

It was so typical of his new self to be having these thoughts and feelings at a completely inappropriate time.

"I am sorry," he managed to say, then forced himself to let go, trying not to take it too personally when Jack hurried from the room, without looking back.

Great. Just perfect.


Jack was lying in his old bed staring at the ceiling.

Rose had brought him yet another cup of tea and then left, giving him that slightly sorrowful look she wore when she thought he wasn't looking.

He knew she wanted to talk to him, but he wasn't sure if he could. He wasn't sure he could tell Rose exactly what the space pirates had done to him. He wasn't sure he could tell anyone.

There was a dull, throbbing pain in his lower back that reminded him constantly exactly what had happened to him. It wasn't the worst pain, but it was the one that brought a sickening flush of shame to his cheeks every time he felt it.

He had become a victim. He, Jack Harkness, who always took life by the horns, and never wasted time on what ifs or maybes. A victim.

And the way he reacted whenever the Doctor came near him was just ridiculous. It was true that at first he'd been angry, but the anger didn't explain that flash of panic he felt whenever the Doctor was in close proximity, or tried to touch him.

He remembered pushing him away last night, the look of shock on Rose's face. But how could he explain to her that he couldn't bear to be touched by another man now, and even if the Doctor wasn't strictly speaking a man, Jack still felt threatened by him.

Which was ridiculous. Because he was the Doctor.

Jack sighed and shifted under the covers.

And it wasn't just that. He was afraid, too, of his body's reactions to this new Doctor. Afraid of the way he'd noticed the sharp, handsome lines of his face, the brown of his eyes, his slim, athletic form. He was afraid of that.

Rose had told him to get some sleep, but he didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to dream again, because when he dreamed he was back in that room with the pirate standing over him, surrounded by dead people, nowhere to go, no way to escape.

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, trying to focus on another, better image.

Rose bathing him.

That was a nice thought. He'd long suspected that Rose wanted to see him naked. It was pity she'd had to see all the bruises too. Had she seen the finger marks on his legs? She must have seen the bite mark on his shoulder, you couldn't exactly miss it.

Rose wasn't stupid, and after what had happened to Evey's family…she must know, or at least suspect.

She must know.

He wondered if this changed her opinion of him. Did she think he was weak now? Jack, who couldn't defend himself against the space pirates, who let them…

No. He didn't let them. It wasn't like that.

"This isn't your fault," he said aloud, but his voice sounded thin and unconvincing to his ears.

He didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to dream.

He drank his tea, then got out of bed again, shrugging on his old dressing gown. He'd forgotten how much this place was home, how much he'd missed it.

He padded barefoot along the corridors, and stopped just outside the kitchen, hearing low voices inside.

"I don't know what to do. He just seems so tired and pale," Rose murmured. She sounded worn out, he realised guiltily.

"I don't know, Rose," the Doctor replied. He sounded exasperated. "He won't even let me touch him. How am I supposed to help him if he won't let me touch him? He'll barely even look at me, for God's sake! I just want to-" He broke off, and there was a sudden smashing sound of a glass being broken that made Jack jump. It sounded like the corridor at Foreline, when the wall exploded and the space pirates came crashing through. When the real nightmare began.

"Doctor!" gasped Rose.

"Fuck," the Doctor muttered, and Jack was surprised. He had never heard the Doctor swear before. That had always been more Jack's area.

"It's all gone wrong, hasn't it?" Rose asked, and she sounded young and afraid.

There was a long moment's pause, then he heard the rustle of movement, and a second later Rose's sobs.

"Shhh," the Doctor was murmuring. "It'll be okay. It'll be right again, we just have to give him time. He'll come back to us, Rose. We found him, didn't we? We went back for him. He knows how much we care. He knows."

Jack felt he had heard enough, and crept back the way he had come, slipping back into his room and locking the door before crawling back into bed.

The Doctor had said he needed time, but Jack wasn't sure even time could change this.

He was damaged now, and there was no going back from that.

He was damaged.


It took another day before the Doctor had managed to connect up the screen correctly. He said it was because the signals had all been scrambled, with the Daleks bombing everything, but Jack suspected maybe it was just he hadn't known what he was doing.

They were gathered in the control room, around the screen, and Evey was smoothing her blonde hair nervously.

Rose had found her some new clothes and she had washed, looking like an entirely different person.

Jack could see it now, could imagine her growing up in the spotlight, always aware that appearances are everything, that she couldn't let her guard down for a moment

She looked older, calm and collected, but Jack had a feeling she was shaking inside.

"We're ready," the Doctor said.

Evey nodded and stepped forward.

The Doctor pressed a button on the console. Evey took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"Hello. People of Earth, whoever is left. You may or may not know who I am. My name is Evelyn Worthing, I am fifteen years old. And I am the only remaining daughter of Prime Minister Jack Worthing of Great Britain.

The space pirates murdered my parents. They forced me to sit and watch as they raped then murdered my sister. I only managed to escape the same fate by killing one of them using a pair of nail scissors.

The space pirates are vicious. They are cold blooded murderers who will not stop. They will ravage our planet until there's nothing left, until there's no one left. They will not stop.

But they are not invincible. They have weaponry, yes, but so do we. We are the human race. We have stood up for ourselves time and time again. Why should today be any different? I will not stand by and let them destroy us.

Stand up and fight with me. There are many of you hiding, as I am. We need to stand up and fight together if we are to defeat this enemy. If we are to continue to live.

Gather your weapons, send up your flares and fight! Do it now! Fight with me!"

There was a flicker on the screen, and then it plunged suddenly into darkness.

"What's happening?" Evey asked. "I wasn't finished!"

"The transmitting signal's been cut off," the Doctor said grimly. "The pirates must have found a mains board."

"But no one's going to listen to that!" Evey cried. "It was pathetic! It wasn't stirring at all!"

"Don't be so sure," the Doctor replied. "Come on, to the observation deck."

Jack raised an eyebrow at Rose.

"The TARDIS has an observation deck?"

Rose grinned and took his hand.

"Come on."

They followed the Doctor and Evey to the observation deck, and Jack bit back a gasp as he entered the glass room, providing a spectacular view of the planet below.

He thought he might have enjoyed it even more if it didn't remind him so strongly of his cell at Foreline.

"See," the Doctor said. He was pointing at a tiny point red light on the planet's surface. As Jack watched another appeared, then another, dotted all over the place.

"They're sending up their flares!" Evey said, the excitement in her voice clear. "They're actually responding, I don't believe it!"

"It's amazing what a little hope can do."

Evey stared at the planet's surface a moment longer, watching as even more lights appeared, then turned to the Doctor.

"Well then. I guess it's time."

"We'll gather some weapons," the Doctor said. "And Rose, you'll need to get changed."

Jack saw Rose glance down at her skirt and pantyhose with a frown.

Evey was shaking her head, a sad smile on her face.

"No," she said. "This isn't your fight."

The Doctor stared at her, aghast.

"But I convinced you to do the transmission. Of course it's partly my fight. You need help."

"You've already helped me enough," she said. Her eyes moved over his shoulder, to Jack. "And you've got your own battles to fight."

Jack stiffened, and when the Doctor looked at him he could only meet his eyes for a second before looking away.

"But it's dangerous," the Doctor said.

"And if I die I get to be with my family. If I don't, I get to live."

"Are you sure you're only fifteen?"

Evey laughed.

"My dad did always say I was braver and wiser than his whole cabinet put together."

The Doctor was looking doubtful.

"But we can't just leave you."

"Yes you can. It's okay. I'm ready. Take me down to Earth."

The Doctor hesitated a moment longer, then left the room. Rose followed him, and Jack was about to do the same, when Evey's voice stopped him.

"I'm sorry they hurt you."

He turned to look at her. She didn't look so brave now. She looked young and small.

"I'm sorry they hurt your family."

She nodded.

"I guess that connects us. What a horrible connection to have."

Jack didn't know what to say that, and a moment later she slipped past him and out of the door.

Jack waited a moment, alone on the observation deck. Part of him wished he could just go away, that he could just leave. Part of him just wanted to be alone.

The TARDIS was shuddering and shaking around him, and he quickly followed the others to the control room. They landed just as he arrived, and Evey stepped toward the door.

"It's not too late," the Doctor said. "We can still go with you."

"Thanks but no thanks."

She hesitated, one hand on the door.

"Bye then."

She opened the door, stepped out, and was gone.


Rose swallowed back her tears as Evey shut the door behind her.

"Bye," she whispered.

For long moments no one spoke or moved.

"Right then," the Doctor said finally. "Where to now?"

No one said anything.

"Okay. How about The Garahart System? Completely covered in water. They live in little underwater bubbles. Good for swimming. Or perhaps we could go to Elaris. The three suns never set. You could get a nice tan, Rose." He half turned to Jack. "What do you think, Jack? Where do you want to go?"

Jack stared at him blankly.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "I don't care."

Rose bit her lip as she watched him walk slowly out of the control room.

The Doctor looked helplessly at her.

"I want to take him home," she said.

He sighed.

"I don't think Jack has a home."

"Not his home," she snapped, then winced, hearing herself. "I mean," she tried more gently, "my home. Just for a bit," she added, seeing his expression. "I just think it might be good for him. Just for a few days."

He looked at her intently.

"Do you really think it will help?"

"I don't know."

He sighed again.

"I suppose I'm in for a few days of Jackie's cooking then?"

She laughed.

"Shut it you. Now, you do your thing, and I'll tell Jack."

"My thing," he echoed doubtfully.

"Yeah, the whole driving us through time and space thing?" She shook her head. "Honestly."

She quickly made her way to Jack's room, knocking softly on the door.

"Jack, it's me. Can I come in?"

There was a moment's pause, then she heard the sound of a lock being drawn back.

Jack never used to bother locking his door. He liked to joke that eventually one of them would walk in on him naked, and then he would make their day.

He peered out at her, his face pale and drawn.

"We're going to my mum's for a bit," Rose said. "You'll need to pack a bag."

He nodded blankly, and her heart twisted, wishing there was something, anything she could do.

By the time she'd shoved her own stuff in a bag and gone back to the control room, they'd landed, and the Doctor was waiting impatiently.

"After you."

He gestured Rose through the door, and she stepped out onto the familiar estate she'd grown up on, greeted by the now familiar sight of Mickey running towards her at full pelt.

"Rose!" he yelled happily, throwing his arms around her and lifting her in a half circle.

She laughed, slightly giddy at seeing him again.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "You only just left."

"Wait, what date is it?"

"December the 31st," Mickey replied. "You're just in time for New Year!"

She gave the Doctor a sideways glance, and he smiled slightly.

"Thought you might like that."

Mickey was staring at the Doctor, and Rose realised he still wasn't quite used to the Doctor's new appearance. Jack was standing in the doorway of the TARDIS, no longer bothered about being the centre of attention.

When Mickey's eyes landed on him next, Rose thought they might actually fall out of his head.

"I thought you were dead!"

"A lot of people have been thinking that lately," Jack said dryly, eyes flickering briefly towards the Doctor.

"But you're not," Mickey continued.

"We'd never have guessed," the Doctor muttered. "Not very clever your boyfriend, is he?"

"You're being rude again," Rose warned, but couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips.

"Well I'm sorry if it's taking me a minute to grasp this!" Mickey snapped. "But how does someone go from being dead to, well, not dead?"

Jack closed the TARDIS door and walked past them, stopping a little way off on his own.

Rose glared at Mickey, and the Doctor said "Brilliant. Really well done that. Thanks Mickey."

"What?" Mickey asked. "What did I say?"

Rose sighed.

"Jack's been through a bit of a hard time"

"Understatement," the Doctor interjected.

"Do you mind?" She turned back to Mickey. "He survived the Daleks, but we don't how because he lost his memory. They thought he'd killed the people on Satellite 5 and locked him up for it. When we eventually found him, he'd been kidnapped by space pirates who, well, aren't exactly known for their good manners."

Jack was still standing with his back to them, and Mickey shot him an uncertain look.

"So he doesn't remember anything?"

"He does now. He said his doctor did some sort of operation on him, but he still doesn't know how he survived on the space station."

Mickey shook his head.

"This is too much to take in."

"Just be gentle with him, okay?"

"Don't ask him stupid questions," the Doctor added.

Mickey scowled.

"At least this one doesn't call me Ricky," he muttered.

Rose saw the Doctor raise an eyebrow.

"I can if you like."

"Stop it," she said, but she was smiling. "Let's just get inside, shall we? Where's mum anyway? She usually hears the engines."

Mickey shrugged.

"Dunno. Haven't seen her much lately."

She reached for his hand.

"Come on. You can carry my bag."

The Doctor went over to Jack, and she noted that he didn't try to touch him.

"Jack, we're going inside."

Jack turned, looking a bit distracted.

"Sure."

They clambered up the stairs to the flat, and Rose opened the door without knocking.

"Hello?" she called. "Mum, it's me. You here?"

There was a bang from her mum's bedroom, then muffled swearing.

"Mum? Are you okay?"

"Don't come in!" her mum shouted.

Rose frowned.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just…just wait a minute."

Rose glanced at the others. Mickey shrugged and the Doctor seemed to be hiding a smile. Jack was staring at a spot on the worn carpet, and didn't seem to be aware of anything.

The door opened and her mum came out in her dressing gown.

Rose opened her mouth, but any words died in her throat when Howard from the market emerged as well.

"Oh," was all she could manage.

"Oh indeed," huffed Jackie. "Showing up here without a moment's notice. This isn't a hotel you know." Her eyes landed on Jack. "And I see you've found another one. Let me look at you then. Your hair's dreadful."

Rose couldn't help but laugh.

"Hello mum."

"Oh hello sweetheart."

She gratefully fell into her mother's arms, and Jackie squeezed her tight, the embrace belying her harsh words.

"It's good to see you," Rose murmured.

"You too, darling. You too."

Jackie stepped back and smoothed her hair, and Rose shot a glance at Howard, who seemed to be a little flushed, and was intently avoiding everyone's eyes.

Rose tried not to shudder or imagine exactly what her mother and Howard had been doing when they walked in.

"So where did you find this one?" Jackie was asking, as she looked Captain Jack up and down.

"This is Captain Jack Harkness," the Doctor said with a little grin. He gave Jack a little nudge, towards Jackie, and Rose saw the way he stiffened before stepping forward.

"A pleasure to meet you ma'am," he murmured.

"Well, you're certainly nice looking enough. How long are you all staying then?"

"Just for a few days," Rose said. "We don't really know yet. We just thought it would be nice."

"And just in time for New Year!" Jackie was leading them all into the kitchen, reaching automatically for the kettle. "Ooh, we can have a big party! Let's invite all the neighbours round."

"Mum no," Rose said quickly. "We thought it might be nice just to have a quiet night in. Watch the fireworks on telly or something."

"We can't have that," Jackie protested. "Who knows when the next New Year I get to spend with you will be?"

"But we just want a quiet night," Rose said. "We've been through enough drama to last us at least two weeks."

Jackie huffed as she reached for mugs, adding milk to each one.

"Well fine then, if that's what you want. But it seems a bit of a waste of you ask me."

Rose shot the Doctor a smile.

"Uh, Jackie?"

They all turned at Howard's tentative voice.

"I think I'd better be going. I'm just going to get dressed…"

He trailed off uncertainly, then quickly scurried back to the bedroom.

"Now look what you've done," Jackie said. "You've scared him away."

"Oh he'll be back." Rose waved a careless hand.

"And where am I going to put you all?" Jackie asked, exasperated. "We only have two beds!"

"Jack can sleep in my room," Rose said quickly. "The Doctor and I can sleep on the floor in here."

"Don't be silly," Jackie protested. "I'm sure he doesn't want you sleeping on the floor. I'll borrow that blow up mattress from Paula downstairs. They can both sleep on that."

"It's fine," Rose said, trying not to grit her teeth. "I don't mind the floor."

"It's okay," Jack said quietly. "I can sleep on the floor."

She looked at him. Jack couldn't even bear to have the Doctor touch him. How could he sleep on the same mattress as him?

"It's okay," she said. "I don't mind."

"I do," he snapped. "Don't treat me like that."

She stared at him.

"Like what?"

"A victim," he spat, then half turned from her, hiding his face.

"Can I use your bathroom?" he asked Jackie, and she nodded wordlessly, pointing down the hall.

Rose bit her lip as she watched him go, and felt her mother's hard stare.

"What was that about?" she demanded.

Rose sighed.

"Nothing mum. Just leave it, ok?"

"Well he doesn't seem to have a very good temper."

"He's been through a lot," the Doctor said, a cold edge to his voice.

Jackie opened her mouth, probably to ask what exactly been through, but a glare from Rose stopped her.

"It's personal," she said. "None of our business."

Jackie nodded, and Rose could tell she was dying to ask a million questions.

"Well, I supposed I'd better get tea on. Shepherd's pie alright? You're staying, aren't you, Mickey?"

"Actually, I can't."

Rose looked quickly at Mickey, unable to hide her disappointment.

"It's not that I don't want to," he added hurriedly. "It's just that I'm meeting up with the boys."

"Well I'm sure they'll understand if you cancel," Rose said.

"I can't," he said again shaking his head apologetically. "But I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He leant forward to give her a quick kiss before hurrying to the front door. On his way out, they heard him talking briefly to Howard, who then popped his head round the door.

"I'll be off then, Jackie. I'll give you a ring tomorrow."

A few seconds later the door banged shut.

"Jack's been a while," the Doctor said quietly. "I'll go and see if he's okay."

Rose watched him walk into the hallway, and repressed a sigh. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"Come on sweetheart," her mum said. "You can help me peel the potatoes."

Rose reached for the peeler and sat down at the table. She could feel Jackie watching her.

"So what's going on now then?" Jackie asked. "Between you two?"

"Between who?" she asked tiredly.

"You and the Doctor! You still, you know?"

"We never were, mum. And no, we're not now. It's different now. I don't feel like that way about him anymore."

Jackie came to sit beside her.

"But I don't understand. I thought he was the same person."

"He is. Sort of. But he's also different. It's hard to explain." She cast another glance at the hallway. "Besides, I don't think it's me he's particularly interested in anymore."

It took Jackie a moment to understand.

"What, you mean him and that captain?"

"I don't know," Rose said. "I mean, they're not, but, well, I've just seen the way the Doctor looks at him now. It isn't the same way he looked at him before."

"Well." Jackie sat back in her chair, looking amazed. "I never saw that one coming."

"Don't say anything," Rose said quickly. "Jack and the Doctor aren't exactly the best of friends right now."

"Why? What happened?"

"Jack thinks the Doctor left him behind," Rose said softly.

"And did he?"

Rose nodded, feeling suddenly very tired.

"Yeah," she said. "He did."


The Doctor hesitated outside the bathroom door, then knocked gently.

"Jack, it's me. You okay?"

"I'm fine," came the strained reply

"You don't sound fine."

"For God's sake, can't a man take a leak in peace?"

The Doctor knocked again, louder.

"Let me in," he demanded.

"Go away," Jack snapped.

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his jacket pocket and activated it. A moment later the door swung open.

Jack, sitting on the toilet seat, raised his head from his hands.

"That's cheating."

"Sorry," the Doctor said unapologetically, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

Jack dropped his head back into his hands.

"Please just go away," he murmured.

"You know I won't."

Jack laughed bitterly.

"You think your being anywhere near me is helping? Think again Doctor."

"Don't push me away," the Doctor said. "I came back for you, Jack. For you. Whether you like it or not, Rose and I care about you, and we're going to help you get through this."

"I don't know if I want to get through it anymore," Jack said.

"Don't."

The Doctor crossed the small room to the toilet, kneeling in front of it.

"Don't be stupid. This isn't a reason to give up. Look at Evey. She kept going. You have to too. You're not alone, Jack."

Jack smiled a sad, lost smile.

"I've been alone for a long, long time Doctor."

"Not anymore," the Doctor said firmly.

Jack met his eyes, and the Doctor stared right back, determined to show that he meant it, that he was here for Jack. He wanted to kiss him, suddenly, a feeling so strong he almost reached out, swept away by it, but caught himself in time. That would definitely not help matters.

"I know you've been through a lot since Satellite 5," he said instead, "with the memory loss and the pirates." He waited a moment in case Jack wanted to elaborate, but Jack was staring determinedly at his hands. "But you can get past it. I promise."

"How can you promise something you know nothing about?" Jack asked harshly. He stood up, pushing past the Doctor to the door. "Do me a favour, okay? Don't try to understand me."

The Doctor let him leave, a heaviness in his stomach.

He sat with Rose and Jackie as they made tea, and Jack watched the TV, after Rose found him an episode of The Simpsons, something he'd loved when Rose had first introduced him to it. He wasn't roaring with laughter now though, and when they all finally sat down at the table, dinner was a strained affair.

Jack picked at his food, and when Rose told him to eat something he snapped at her.

The Doctor hurriedly launched into a story about the time he saved the Ananakloogans from certain death, and everyone was just relieved the silence was filled.

Afterwards, he helped Rose blow up the borrowed double mattress, while Jack did the washing up with her mum in silence.

The atmosphere in the flat was tense and difficult, and the Doctor was quite relieved when Rose and Jackie went to bed, leaving him and Jack alone in the living room.

Jack was laying a borrowed quilt down on his side of the mattress, and the Doctor turned to him with hard eyes.

"This has got to stop."

Jack didn't look up.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, of course you don't. You have got to stop being such an idiot, Jack. You have to talk to us, for heaven's sake. You might as well still be dead! Maybe we shouldn't have bothered coming back for you!"

Jack froze at that, and for a moment the Doctor thought he'd gone too far, but when Jack looked at him his eyes were blazing, and the Doctor felt a spark of inner victory. It was anger, but it was something.

"Oh, so now we get to the truth, Doctor. Now we get to the reason I was abandoned on that satellite in the first place. Because you didn't really want me to come with you anyway. So why did you bother coming back, huh?"

The Doctor stared at him in disbelief.

"That's what you think?"

"Admit it. You never really liked me anyway. I'll bet it just burned when you realised you had to go back, because it was the right thing to do. New face, new life, oh, same old Jack. Damn, what do we have to do to get rid of him?"

"Jack, stop it."

"I was never really good enough for your band of merry men, was I? The only reason you let me on board your precious ship was because Rose practically forced you too. I'm sure all that time you were just wishing you could drop me out of an airlock somewhere."

"Stop it!" the Doctor cried again, grabbing Jack by both the arms and shaking him, once. "Just stop it. That's not true, and you know it. Stop."

Their faces were inches apart.

"You left me," Jack said. "You got in your TARDIS, and you left me. They were going to execute me, if I was guilty. And let's face it, who was going to believe a story about a million Daleks invading and then disappearing into thin air? I would have been murdered if those space pirates hadn't come." His face twisted. "And you know what? I wish I had been. I would rather have died than be taken by them."

"Don't say that," the Doctor hissed, gripping his arms tightly. "Don't fucking say that."

Jack laughed mirthlessly.

"But it's true. And you would finally get your wish, Doctor. You'd be rid of me."

"Don't say that! I care about you!"

"You left me! And you didn't look back! You LEFT ME!"

Jack wrenched his arms free and shoved the Doctor, hard, before following with his fists, and the Doctor let him, barely feeling the harsh blows, until he could pull Jack against him tightly, wrapping his arms around the other man.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Jack held onto him with bruising fingers, as if the Doctor was the only thing stopping him from collapsing, and let out muffled sobs against the Doctor's chest.

"I hate you," he whispered. "I hate you for making me care."

The Doctor blinked at the words, but Jack was already pushing him away and getting into bed, his back to the Doctor.

The Doctor unzipped his sleeping bag, and slowly lay down on the mattress beside him, watching Jack lie still, his back and shoulders tense.

He wanted to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that he wasn't going anymore. But he was scared what the reaction would be, and in the end only closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, electrically aware of Jack's presence, only a finger's breadth away.


tbc