AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hi, there. I hate it when authors summarize chapters. It defeats the point in reading. My opinion. Anyway. I'm concerned my story isn't clear enough, so I wanted to write a chapter smoothing things out a bit to buffer the next chapter. It'll be a bit darker than the others, so here's a bit of clarification.
I'm trying my best to create an original story that focuses on emotions rather than mindless PWP elements many stories I've seen on both sites. I'm writing this mostly for me, but it seems a few people are also really enjoying this. The chapter title comes from a Kina Grannis song called "Beth." It's what this story is based on if you're curious to hear it.
Thank you!
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Blackness surroundin' the binoculars' circular view, channeling Beth's attention far down the road. At the gate, Beth and Carl scanned every inch of viewable terrain, seeing only a few walkers and ruined cars here and there. While she checked the binoculars for the seventieth time in five minutes, Carl aimed and fired away at the walkers who strayed within a hundred feet of the gate.
"You're wastin' bullets," Beth said, more to fill her anxious silence.
Carl scoffed. "You're wastin' time."
The binoculars fell down onto her chest when she let go. Her eyes caught his. "I know…"
"It's Daryl, Maggie, and Glenn." His voice was confident and carried a calm timbre. "They're fine. Can't tell you how many close calls they've walked away alive from."
Beth bit her lip and grabbed the binoculars without lifting them up. "Gee...how comfortin' to know."
"Just because they're late doesn't mean they're stranded, lost, or dead," Carl replied. He reached Beth's shoulder, turnin' her a bit to face him. "Glenn and Maggie are sometimes longer because they find a ton of good stuff. Takes longer to haul it all back."
Beth sighed. "To be honest, I ain't frettin' over them…"
"Are you ever going to ease up on Maggie?" he suddenly asked. "You should a' seen her when dad hauled Daryl out without you in tow…"
Her fingertips turned white as they clutched the binoculars. Releasin' her breath, she looked out again. "I want to just go back to the prison, Carl...back before everythin' got so bad."
When she turned her attention back to the teen beside her, she saw his face twitch somewhat. "That's a lie." It was all he'd say on the matter, apparently.
"You're right."
"Dad told me not to say anything, but…"
Beth chuckled softly, nudgin' him with her elbow lightly. "Carl, you can tell me anythin'."
"Well," he said, coughing. "You and Daryl…"
"What specifically about me and him?" she countered.
Carl cleared his throat. "You know...did you two…ever...well...what's it like to have s-sex?"
Beth froze, eyes lockin' onto his. He shifted from one foot to the other and back again. His gun moved from either hand - almost in unison. When she still didn't speak, he started stumblin' over more words until she reached for his wrist gently. "The furthest I've ever been was with Jimmy," she said, voice quiet. As his brows pinched, she laughed. "It was right after all this started, but before my ma died. I was a mess, and he wasn't too far behind me." She could nearly hear Jimmy's voice if she only listened to her memory a bit harder. She didn't. "You understand when I say it'd suck to die a virgin, right?"
" Yeah! "
Beth smiled. "I couldn't go through with it, though." Carl narrowed his eyes. "I still held onto the old world's customs and standards. Sex was something you lost like spare change or your keys in my high school."
Sighing, she glanced out to the open road outside the walls. Seein' nothing, she continued. "In this world, sex, at least what I've learned from all a' this, means you share a part a' yourself with someone who might not be alive in the next hour. It ain't about innocence or virginity anymore. It's about how willin' you are to connect with someone no matter when they die."
"Wasn't that similar to before?"
"Almost," she answered. "Only now, you risk givin' another person a part a' you you will never get back. If they die, it's like that piece of ya just fades out forever."
Carl nodded. "And that's a bad thing?"
Beth shook her head. "Not when you have all or enough a' yourself to give away."
"And you don't?"
"Carl," Beth started. His eyes were so tender and curious. She didn't have the heart to stop talkin' yet. "When I died, I honestly don't know how much a' me came back when I woke up."
The boy got closer and reached out for her shoulders, pullin' her in close. Her arms lifted eventually, returning his hug. "I'm glad you're back."
Beth chuckled lowly. "Me, too."
When they pulled away, Beth released the built tension in her shoulders by sighin' a bit. "Let's just go. We're losing daylight. It's not safe to be out at night with a car. Headlights give us away too quickly." She looked behind her, seein' the woman named Rosita. "Sorry we took over your post."
The woman wore pigtails, her straight black hair flat against her shoulders without much frizz. She held her gun over her shoulder with one hand. "I'll take the breaks where I get them."
Beth and Carl climbed down and watched Rosita go back up. Carl looked up, but quickly looked back down. Beth peeled off the binoculars when Rosita turned around toward her. Lightly tossin' them up, Beth nodded once toward the woman. She still didn't know what to make of the new family members. Today wasn't the day she'd learn, either.
Together, Beth and Carl walked toward the settlement. "So you and Daryl aren't together?"
"No."
"But you're close."
"You're close with Michonne," Beth said. "Are you two together?"
Carl gagged. "Don't even joke about that! You've seen the way she looks at my dad, right?"
Beth raised her brow with an easy smile stretchin' her mouth. "I know. I'm surprised he's with that woman, to be honest."
"Jessie's nice…"
"Just nice, huh?"
Carl shrugged. "Dad's too much an idiot to see what's right in front of him."
"Call your dad an idiot one more time…" a voice interrupted from behind them.
The two of them whipped around, seein' Michonne carrying Judith in her arms. The baby looked so happy. Beth's arms ached to hold her, but the little girl just didn't recognize her. No matter what Beth tried on her. Thinkin' about it made Beth's chest ache.
"Michonne!" Carl yelped.
Michonne softly smiled. "He can be an idiot, huh?"
"What?" Carl said, clearly confused.
Beth hauled her eyes to Michonne's. "They ain't back yet."
"Well, we can't wait on 'em any longer. You know those silencers you said you have in that pack you have out west?"
Beth nodded.
Michonne shifted Judith in her arms. "I can't find Carol, so I need to watch Judith. Rick wanted Carl for something, but I'll cover for if you promise me something and mean it."
Carl's shoulders tightened. "Okay…"
Michonne's smile fell. "Stop sneaking around out of the compound with that girl. You're all your father has left. If you can't keep yourself safe for him, do it for Judith." Her eyes were glossy. "You got it?"
Carl swallowed, shiftin' his eyes to Beth. "Got it. Okay?"
Michonne looked to Beth. "We just need silencers and more ammo. Rick wants to start shooting lessons for a couple people who need to help."
"Why the urgency?" Beth asked abruptly.
Michonne appeared hesitant and looked at Carl. Only for a moment, she mulled over somethin' in her head. "A recruiter came back at dawn mentioning something about other settlements. He saw things that alarmed him and reported it back to us."
"What kind a' things?"
"I really can't say."
Beth's eyes narrowed. "If there's a danger out there waitin' for us, we should know about it before headin' out."
Michonne nodded. "Fair enough. Heavily guarded and armed cars entered the settlement. The recruiter heard something about the cars expecting half of their supplies in exchange for not killing them." Michonne looked down at Judith, but quickly looked to Beth again. "The settlement's about twenty miles west from here."
"We'll stay close. The site we need is west, but it's only about nine miles out."
Michonne stepped close to them. Her hand touched Carl's chin and quickly dropped. "You two stay safe and stay off the major roads. Come back before nightfall has a chance to settle in the sky."
Carl nodded. Beth smiled.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
"I just realized you never actually answered any of my questions…" Carl said from the passenger's side of the front seat. The truck moved at about 40 miles per hour down a paved road sandwiched between the tall trees native to the area.
Virginia reminded her so much of Georgia in that regard.
Beth's mouth lifted in the corners. Her hand on the steering wheel steadied the vehicle. She chanced a glance at Carl. "Ask again. I've just developed a habit of directin' conversation to be as vague as possible."
"Let's start with Maggie. No bullshit this time, Beth."
"Does your daddy know you have a dirty mouth?"
" Beth! "
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine. The short answer. She'll always be my blood, but when we split up after the prison, she didn't try lookin' for me. It's not somethin' I can just let go." Her eyes steadied before her on the road. "I've tried."
"But you do it, too." Carl fought her, his tone suggested as much. "You said you're worried about Daryl at the gate."
"I never said I was perfect," Beth said, the confession painfully obvious.
"Do you think you'll ever speak to her again?"
"I gave you the short answer. That's all I'm gonna say about this."
Carl huffed, his arms crossing. "Fine. We'll talk about Daryl. I want the medium answer."
"Where shall we begin?"
"Do you love him?"
Beth's throat closed tight, but she cleared her throat. "Next question."
Carl groaned. "Beth, you promised."
"Fine, you want the truth?" Beth shouted. Her eyes were wet now. "I don't know how I feel about anything anymore!" Her hand tightened around the steering wheel. "To know I spent weeks and months fightin', killin', pillagin' all alone to find him...to finally get to see him again and hear him with Carol…"
Her heart clenched twice and her eyes veered to her right. Two walkers. She stopped the car and felt tears pour over her eyes. She parked the car and reached for the door handle, but Carl reached over for her. "I'll get them."
He reached for his knife and exited the car. Beth followed him as he walked to the walkers snarlin' and reachin' at him. With ease, he shoved his knife in their skulls and pulled their bodies off the road. He quickly came back to the car and quietly shut the door. Beth started drivin' again...couldn't risk stayin' in one spot for too long.
"He and Carol?"
"I haven't asked about her, yet. I don't know if it was the only time or if they'd done it a few times." Her mind began to hurt. "They didn't even make it very far, though. I walked out and pulled Daryl's mind from her to me until the connection opened with that walker in camp."
She heard Carl swallow. "When dad came out without you...haulin' an unconscious Daryl...anyway, when he woke up, Daryl lost his mind and didn't find it until Carol apparently found him burning himself with cigarettes in the woods alone. I'm not pretending to understand how adults work or anything...but he hasn't been the same until you came back, Beth."
Beth sniffled. Silence loomed over them for a bit.
"Carol's always been close with Daryl - ever since Sophia's death." Carl leaned against the door and turned to face her better. "I've at least always suspected they'd just been quietly together this whole time."
Beth didn't talk. After a while, he sighed. "We were all at Terminus. When we escaped, all he talked about was findin' you. Maggie, me...nearly everyone wanted to follow Eugene up to D.C., but Daryl never forgot about you."
She just stared at the road ahead. "He wouldn't let us forget you, Beth."
"When I killed someone, Carl," she interrupted. "Daddy pops into my head when the last breath exits the body."
Carl quieted.
"Every time I hurt someone, he was there remindin' me of who I was before I nearly died." When she heard him try and string a cohesive sentence together without success, she sighed. "He's been with me all this way remindin' me why I hurt, why I kill, or why I steal."
"Why's that?"
"Daryl," she whispered. When she exhaled, it was sharp and loud. Her whole body shivered, making the sound sliced and quick. "I mean...if this is what love is like...I'm frightened by it - frightened by what I've done because a' it."
"I think we all feel like that at some point."
"No, Carl," she shouted. When he winced, she closed her eyes and sighed, smoothing out her nerves. Quickly, her eyes flashed open. "Before I got bit, I never once wanted to hurt anyone...not like this."
"Beth…"
Tears slid down her face, but she quickly wiped them away. "What if I am like the walkers? What if the only difference between us is that I get to live and they look like monsters? What if I'm slowly losin' my mind and will eventually be that monster?"
. . . . . . . . . . . .
No matter how similar they were in age, Carl couldn't understand or comprehend this situation. There were things about him she'd never understand, too; however, it wasn't fair of her to expect he'd understand her situation or her feelings on the matter.
Beth swallowed down the bitterness. She wouldn't be mad at him for something he couldn't fathom. That weren't very fair, and she'd never quite been one of those girls who was passive aggressive. At the very least, she hoped it weren't the case.
"We walk from here," she told him as she cut through their shared silence. "It's only a mile from here."
They headed straight into the woods.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Skin itched. Eyes boiled in her skull. Color diminished, neutral tones washed everything until the vibrancy of the leaves, trees, and brown soil she stumbled over looked drained - not quite black and white. Thick, acid-like beads of sweat sagged down her face, lowered down her chest into every nook and cranny her body had.
The blood coarsin' through her veins cooked under her skin, baking her already stiff, sore muscles. Lungs threatening to burst, Beth grunted as she stepped closer to the compound wall. The gate's distance couldn't be imagined - her brain pounded with every movement her body endured.
Carl's breathin' shuddered, slicing the air into quick thin beats. "We don't want no trouble…" He held his gun steady on the guy before them, standing in front of Beth, who tightened her grip on her knife's handle.
Another step rivaled all the pain rushin' through the cut she stroked against her wrist all those years back. "I got ya, Carl." His arm around her shoulders caused her to grind her teeth together. "Almost there."
"HELP!" Whoever watched the gate saw them stumbling around. Thank God!
The yellin' persisted, but the sound drowned out the closer they awkwardly hobbled to the main gate. Somehow. The damn car had run out a' gas a half mile back. They'd had to head out of their way to find a new way not littered with walkers, who'd likely heard the gunshot. She'd wasted so much gas doin' so. The bag's weight sure slowed them down.
"Trouble?" The large man laughed. Actually laughed. Aloud.
Beth's heart jammed twice. "Walkers nearby."
The man tilted his gun at her. "What? You some kinda psychic?"
The breeze brought in the stench. "Surely you can let us mosey on our way. Likewise," Beth replied sweetly. Her eyes expanded as her lips parted. She shifted her weight onto her other leg, easing her threatened posture out.
"You're both close enough to camp." The man's black hair moved onto his face. She watched him curl his lip. He smelled 'em, too. "Seen too much. Walkers ain't the trouble."
The gate ripped open and three bodies broke toward them. Different voices mixed in with the whispers too low to catch. For now. They reached her in no time. Someone cried out when they relieved her of Carl's weight. Someone took over the bag.
The burden gone, Beth felt her toes go numb - no longer able to carry them to their safe haven. She shivered. No. More like tremored. A wave of pain ought to have rendered her nerves moot. However, Beth hardly felt anything anymore. They made it back. Mostly in time.
Now came the truly horrific part.
Arms threw around her shoulders and behind her knees. Someone carried her across to the compound's refuge. It was a man. His voice quakin' with wave after wave of nearly every emotion in the books. He said somethin', but she couldn't quite make whatever it was out.
Her name?
Carl's body rammed into the ground behind Beth. Time never slowed down. It only sped the hell up. Thankfully, she knew something about adrenaline rushes. She cleared the distance and sliced right through the man's throat, whirlin' around and stabbing him right in the temple. Blood spattered all over her face. No time to care about that.
"Carl!"
He whimpered and grunted out against the ground. Shot, but not critically. Examinin' his shirt, she carefully lifted it up, seeing it was just a graze, though deep enough for blood to ooze out just a bit. Things were quiet. No leaves shifted or rustled. The wind calmed, even. "We gotta move, Carl. Drawin' too much attention out here. The guy was loud enough."
She gripped her knife tight, eyes moving nearly in a complete circle around 'em. No walkers to be seen. Beth weren't a fool. She knew it was here…somewhere. The foliage acted as a great cover for whatever was out there. Likely trailin' the commotion. "We need to wrap that up and move out. We have what we came for."
It was Daryl. The sun eased as his head blocked it out a' sight. He was crying. He peered down at her a couple times. Eventually, they reached a buildin', likely the medical area. He threw her on the couch and dropped to his knees, wiping hair out a' her eyes. He cursed, drawin' his hand back when his fingers trailed along her heated skin.
Beth was the sun right about now. "Daryl…" She shivered against his touch, which fell back to her cheek. His hand was rough, calloused, and almost cool compared to her. His eyes were heavy. "Outta here. Bitten. Different."
Daryl's hand shook. His other hand balled in front of his mouth. "Bethie, you gotta make more sense."
Closin' her eyes, she willed the energy to breathe. Deeply. Painfully. Her lungs felt punctured by her ribs. "Take me…away. Water. Talk…away."
The universe laughed at her. No leaves disturbed. No wind whirlin' around. No movements. No noise. Walkers couldn't be stealthy intentionally. It was the perfect moment, stars alignin' in all the right ways.
Beth had turned to grab something to tie around his wound from her pack. Eyes off him for one split second.
The snarl cut through her in the same way her heart stopped beatin' when she was taken from Daryl. The walker, only a torso crawlin' along the ground, grabbed Carl's head. He tried movin' away, but it was too late. It had him, missin' him only because his body was wriggled around. It steadied him.
Beth dropped her pack, reachin' out for Carl's exposed neck. The knife in her hand whirled toward the walker's head, but Beth's forearm reached out further, slowly covering Carl's skin. The teeth didn't dig far into her. The knife struck the walker before any real damage could be done. The damage was done, though.
The bite pierced into her skin. Perhaps only as a flesh wound. The fever, however, would come with a vengeance. Like always.
When her eyes opened back up, she was on a bed, surrounded in darkness. Daryl came into view as her vision adjusted to a candle's low flicker. A cloth was on her head and her throat didn't hurt as much. Her body was so heavy.
"Don't you die on me, Beth Greene."
Beth's mouth twitched. "Wouldn't…even if I wanted to."
His hands were back on her face. He shifted himself to hover over her face, so she didn't have to strain her body too much, but she resisted his proximity by moving her hand onto his and pushin' ever so slightly. He sat back, but held onto her hand. One of his knees were bent and in front of his chest. She turned her head on the mattress to look at him.
"Beth…"
"You called me Bethie…" she said, her voice strained and weak. "When I fell into you at the gate…"
Daryl tensed, his shoulders pullin' back and his hand clenchin' in hers. He looked away for a second, but caught her gaze a few more times - until he calmed his breathin' long enough to look her square in the eyes. "I wasn't thinkin'…"
"Thank you for remindin' me of daddy…" Beth replied. She almost coughed. "It's good to remember him…the good…" Closin' her eyes briefly, she actually did cough. No blood, though. "It made me…happy, Daryl."
"Beth, tell me you're gonna be okay." Daryl's eyes clouded over. He leaned into her, close enough to the edge of the mattress to rest his chin on. "You ain't made it this far to leave me, right?"
Beth wanted to reach for him, but her muscles wouldn't give her control. Not unless she wanted the pain again. Sweat beaded at her skin, but at a much more controllable degree. Water had made it better for her second bite over three weeks ago. "This ain't like the others, Daryl." She found his eyes again. "I don't die from this."
She saw him loosen slightly, his lips curlin' in a corner a bit.
She swallowed. "It's so much worse, Daryl. I live through it." Whatever ghost smile was there fell in an instant. "It's even worse for you - those who get stuck with me."
"I don't…I don't understand." His voice tore, no more than a whisper. Daryl's eyes became infected, inflamed…enraged.
"Daryl," Beth said, breathing unevenly. She needed water. Her eyes moved to the glass, and he instantly followed her meaning. His arms carefully, expertly lifted her up while he reached for the glass and eased it down her throat. He moved the glass away, but held her there in his arms - without much fight from her. "I'm gonna be just fine. It's the fever that does somethin' to me I can't explain…because I'm usually not in my right mind when it happens. I never remember this."
"Girl, I ain't got no time for your word games. Tell me in plain English."
Beth's body shook. "Becker said I'm tortured to the point where I'm beggin' for someone to kill me."
Daryl swallowed.
"No matter what happens, Daryl, you can't give in to whatever I ask or do or say. You gotta let me endure it."
"You look fine now."
Beth wanted nothing more than to roll her eyes. "The water helps my body stay manageable. Until it doesn't."
In between the jolts pryin' at her head and the precise moment Beth parted her lips to continue speaking, Daryl leaned in closer to her. His forehead met hers, not shying away after feelin' the slimy, dewy sweat sticking to her skin. His nose touched hers, bridge nudging her sturdy bone. Beth's eyes flashed open, head aching as she tried to pull away.
The proximity was too much. His breath did little to cool her off. Her chest twisted, creatin' a distant, familiar ache at her chest. Pinching and riling up, the sensation whirled from her collar bone, up through her throat, and back down to her stomach, which squeezed. His hands held her against him.
"Shh, shh.." Daryl said. Eyes closing, he turned his head up, closing the small distance between them a bit. Somehow, he felt too close and too far away at the same time. The fever didn't fade away, but some of her discomfort washed away as he took his pointer finger and moved it across her lip. "Too long since I felt somethin', Beth." His eyes opened, and she swore she felt his lashes tangle in her own somewhat. "That walker that bit you at that hospital took you down that elevator shaft. I saw it with my own damn eyes."
One of his hands slipped down, covering her throat as she swallowed. Words she'd rehearsed a thousand times in her head washed away into some proverbial tidal wave crashin' down on top a' her. Her arm itched something awful, but he anchored her to the moment. His fingers lowered from her mouth to her throat, clasping around so gently she thought his touch wasn't even there. As she inhaled deeply, he softly smiled. "I feel you breathing, girl." He pulled her in further. "I feel life leavin' and enterin' you right now."
Beth didn't understand it, but she needed to touch him, but he blocked her hands from moving much…and the pain that also shot through her. "What happened when I fell?" She strained, words spoken only a choked whisper.
Daryl's eyes loaded with tears - tears he hardly tried to stop. Instead, he sniffled somewhat. He rubbed the back of his hand across his nose when he pulled back briefly. Soon enough, he came back to her, breath ticklin' her soaked skin. It distracted her from thinking about the risin' misery across her whole body. "You held onto that floor with that fuckin' walker holdin' onto your shoe for so long. That bitch blocked my way - tried to control the situation. I took her out, but by the time I turned back to come get you, you were just…" His throat bobbed. "… gone ."
Fidgeting around with the cloth, now on the bed…somehow fallen after gone unnoticed, Daryl patted her forehead a bit. Searchin' her eyes, he brought his thumb nail to his mouth, looking away from her. "Rick held me down while Carol talked down the cops. Some of 'em tried shootin', but she took 'em out pretty quickly. I didn't notice then. All I focused on was that you were just gone for a second time." Lowering his hand, he reached for her again. "When any of us finally got the chance to see if you still hung on, nothin' was in that elevator shaft." His eyes planted onto hers. "Rick knocked me out after that. I was causin' a scene and wouldn't budge without you. The group needed to scoot, so he did what he felt best in that moment."
"I would a' fallen down to die with the walker if I hadn't caught onto the second floor's landin', Daryl. The doors were just open, and I pulled myself up. Don't know why, though. I thought I would turn. I swore I'd never let myself…"
He squinted down at her. The candle did little to let her see his full expression, but she could hear his breathing get shaky and wild. "How'd you survive that night? The lower floors were lost, I thought."
"They were. I found a broken freezer to hole up in, I think." Beth pinched her brows. "Walkers chased me for a small bit, but I don't remember much after that." Beth sniffled, gruntin' against a wave of bearable pain. Daryl rushed to have his hand on her. Releasin' the breath caught in her throat, she caught his eyes again. "When I woke up, all I could remember was so much pain. I thought it was a dream for a while - at least two weeks, I think…"
"Why'd you think to come here?"
Beth winced, but sighed. "I knew you'd never let my death be meaningless. Noah needed to have closure."
He pulled away slightly. Sniffling, he grabbed the water and repeated his actions, allowing her to drink up a bit. Until she coughed. Time until the agony was limited. Daryl set her back and sighed. "You haven't asked about him. I don't see you with him here, neither."
"He found a place in the community." Beth looked down. "It ain't my place to pull him out now."
"Beth…"
Blue eyes caught his. "Yea?"
His eyes searched the darkness around her until they finally set back to her. "When, uh…when you're better…" He swallowed, the saliva in his mouth washin' down loudly. He released a shaky breath. "We have words we need ta share, okay?"
Beth's eyes drowned in tears that fell with abandon. Her only reply was a single nod.
Daryl pulled away and cleared his throat. "What needs to be done before the worst?"
"Beck wasn't very gentle with me. He tied me to the back of his truck…gagged me, so the noise muffled some," Beth said absently. Her eyes closed. "That might be best. I don't want you to see me beg you to kill me…"
"I'll do it if you need me to. I want to make you as comfortable as possible."
"Will you get Michonne?"
Daryl reached for her, strokin' her jawline. "I can do this, girl. I ain't leavin' you up here alone."
"I need her to check somethin' for me…it's…I need to…my clothes aren't right. I need something looser and thinner…" Beth tucked her face in his palm, not meetin' his eyes. His muscles tensed, and he tried prying his hand away from her, but her face held him in place. "Daryl, those words we'll have…" she choked. Shuddering, she met his in the eyes. "Promise me you won't look at my back. Not tonight."
The warmth from his forehead against hers comforted her. "You ain't gotta worry, girl."
