AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This chapter is ridiculously long. No sense in breaking it up if it's all one chapter. Enjoy the unusually long chapter! :)
Chapter 5: I'm open, I'm hoping you can...when will you let me in?
Darkness welcomed her back. She woke with the deepest inhale she could recall. Her back arched off the bed to accommodate for it, but as he body contorted into a new position, every muscle in her body shredded as shards of glass sliced through 'em. Beth tried to cry out, but a thick gag ate the noise. As her body stiffened back against the bed, she slammed her eyes shut and let the air in her lungs rip from her throat. Head feelin' light and funny, she screamed the pain from her body. Of course, it did little to alleviate anything.
Eyes stingin', Beth found she couldn't cry to lubricate 'em. When she slammed her eyes closed, the dry orbs scratched against her lids. Head slamming against the pillow, she stretched her neck, craning it and moving it anyway she could try to shove the gag out of her mouth. It was too bad her arms and legs were tied to the bed frame. Even her mid section had a tie around it, only broken…probably from her commotion.
Her wrists and ankles hurt, the more she stirred, the more painful they became. The skin around her wrists were probably raw.
Beth remembered nothin' from last night - apart from Michonne coming in to help her change and take off her bandages. As her body quaked against the moist, rotten mattress, she continued to try to scream - be as loud as she could. Her right hand budged from the restraint.
Beth glanced behind her, pullin' with whatever strength she could muster despite the raw skin burning against the tight fabric. The moment it came free, she stretched and fiddled with the other one. She swore she felt tears falling down her face as she sat up after her other hand became free, but nothing. Phantoms…ghosts.
Her hands rushed behind her head and struggled to untie the gag. When it finally pulled loose, she threw it on the floor and tugged the ties around her feet loose. The room drenched in the stench of death. Shiftin' her body, her toes hit the wood, the coolness causing her to wince. The heat was the only thing familiar…that and the pain her bones reminded her of.
When she called out into the darkness, her throat set ablaze. Raw. That was the pattern, it seemed. Her voice was gone. She needed to drink some water.
Where was Daryl…and Michonne? Had they left? Had she scared them off? Likely not, but her poundin' head hardly let her think where they could have been.
Clothes set on a chair near the bed caught her attention. The shower was downstairs, but if she took it slow, she could make it alone. Shower…it was non negotiable.
Now .
Squaring her shoulders, Beth slammed her teeth together, sliding against each other. The friction alone made her feet ache. The headboard stilled her weak, shaky body until she stabilized. It took more time than she thought possible to just get to the chair. Time slowed as she fell at the top of the stairs. Beth swallowed. She wasn't above slidin' down these damn wooded steps to the second story below. Her legs ached somethin' awful.
In a daze, Beth made it to the shower, water lukewarm. The first batch a' cool water shocked her body momentarily until it adjusted accordingly. It took a while for her to do more than sit on the hard tile, water rushing down her body with her clothes on. Why had she forgot to take those off?
She was so tired. However, the water eventually washed away the pain, the stench, and the dried layer of sweat. Sluggishly, she moved out a' her trashed clothes.
Breathin' evenly, Beth sat underneath the showered for what seemed like forever. The hot water eventually ran out, and she grudgingly stood up, somehow easier than before, and shut off the shower. Sauntering out, she reached for the towel someone left behind from earlier, she assumed. In a blur, she somehow stood in front of the mirror, fully dressed in the plaid long sleeved shirt and leggings. Her eyes weren't normal. They were lighter blue - a dull white film over her dilated eyes.
She ain't dead yet.
Her face was scratched up, bruises and marks from her struggles up north showing on showcase. It'd been nearly a week since she'd made her presence known to the group. Beth hadn't looked at herself until this moment.
She sure looked dead, though. Paler was her skin. Her cheeks were sunken, eyes dark underneath.
When her brain worked again, she was downstairs in the kitchen, starin' at her discarded pack on the island, thrown and forgotten about. Turnin' her head, she noticed the front door wide open. Checking the back door gave the same realization.
Something was very, very wrong…
Her knife beckoned her like the dead to fresh flesh. Her fingers expertly cradled the handle. Her breathing remained slow as she descended the steps out back, head turning in any direction for signs of life. Looking down, she saw her hands holdin' onto the eighteen inch blade and a pocket knife. Stumbling back against the house, Beth shoved the pocket knife into her tight pants on her hip.
It only took one step for someone to hear her. "Hey! Danny! We've got a live one…hiding over here!"
Hands were on her, but she was too tired to fight them off. They weren't nice. They weren't gentle. They carried her somewhere. Her brain hurt. Voices broke the silence - a lot of 'em.
"I'll ask one more time… where is the pretty little blonde?"
She knew that voice…
"Boss, we found her!"
"NO!" someone shouted.
When Beth's eyes opened, she saw Daryl in the center of a ring of people, head jammed against concrete. Rick, Michonne, and Carl stood off to one side…guns pointed at them while the other group members were scattered throughout the rest of the resident crowd.
"Look who finally graced us with her presence…"
Beth's eyes locked onto the beast of a man holding down Daryl, who's face looked bruises and battered as he was able to move his head toward her. Though her body didn't afford her energy, adrenaline pulsed through her. Her mind sharpened, eyes narrowing. She struggled against the man holdin' her hostage. "Haas..."
The other man by Beth moved at the man's order to hold down Daryl.
"I swear to God if you fuckin' touch her!" Daryl shouted. "I'll kill you myself!"
Beth's eyes never left Haas'. The man let her go, but she stumbled until he caught her by the elbow. "So, you do remember me..."
His broad shoulders, his height, his weight…it all worked together to demonstrate just how dangerous this man was. His dark smile and bald head only enhanced the look. He was nearly as wide as two of Beth standing side by side. This man was built like a tank.
Haas grabbed her arm, bringin' it up to examine it after yanking the sleeve clean off the hem. Quickly, he lifted high. "See boys?" A few gasps ignited all around her. The bite on her arms was exposed, still a bit fresh, swollen, and red. "She's one of them! "
How he'd known a bite mark was there alarmed her. He'd had eyes on her all yesterday...and she'd been none the wiser.
"I ain't no walker, Haas!" Beth spat. Haas tightened his large hand on her limb, causin' her wince and groan aloud softly. Hissin', Beth groaned. "You still too stupid to get it, huh?"
The man threw her arm down, and the movement forced Beth to fall over next to Daryl. "You got your biter friends to kill Becker and made off with our goods." Haas grabbed her by the hair. Daryl grunted, but was subdued. "We're here to take back our own…and kill you, bitch, once and for all."
"Becker wanted to die. He sought out a walker and got bit after getting me drunk and markin' me up." Beth spared a glance Daryl's way. His eyes were swollen, but not significantly damaged. Beth dropped her cheek onto the concrete.
This wasn't how he deserved to see this…
Inhalin', Beth slid her eyes back, trying to look over her shoulder. "I got the wings to prove it if you don't believe me."
He didn't. Shoutin' in her ear, he grabbed her neck and easily clenched his fingers tightly around the curve there. " You? A pathetic, weak flesh eater caught in the web after nearly getting yourself molested or killed?"
The whispers got a little louder. Ringing in her ears sounded. However, Beth focused on the ground long enough to quiet them don a bit. "See for yourself." Beth grabbed her other sleeve and pulled it up. The tattoo read easily underneath the daylight.
"No! No fucking way..."
Swallowing, Beth reached for his hand. He instantly dropped her. "He chose me."
"You're out of your mind!" Haas shouted.
Daryl stretched out his hand and nearly landed on her hand steadying herself on the cement. Haas grabbed her by the shoulder and hauled her to her feet, spinnin' her away from him. He grabbed her shirt's fabric and yanked it right off her body. Beth gasped, crossing her arms over her chest.
Haas clutched her hair and threw her to the ground, head bouncin' on the hard ground near Daryl. Beth cried out, but kept her eyes on Daryl's. He looked like hell…
"I don't believe it…" Haas uttered over her shoulder. The tip of his knife trailed the healing scars of the large tattoo on her back. Daryl chanced a look up at her back. Upon his eyes landing on her naked skin, he swallowed.
His brows pinched. His eyes snapped back onto her. "Those are…" he said.
Haas laughed out loud. His laughter drowned out everyone else. Beth held Daryl's gaze. When Haas quieted, he sniffled. "Ain't this some picturesque romance novel we got going on?" The blade dug into her back at the center of her spine, causing Beth to suck in a breath and grit her teeth against each other. "These here nearly match the wings on that vest I see on that man there! His knife pointed at Becker's signature under the curve of the left wing and chuckled softly. "So this is Romeo?" Beth heard Haas withdraw a gun.
Roughly, he reached her shoulder and flipped her over, straddlin' her narrow frame and crounchin' over her real low. Beth tried to cover her chest from this awful excuse of a man, but he caught her attempt and held her hands down, gun pointing at Daryl's head. "Princess, the more you move, the more tempted I am to blast his head off."
Beth's eyes finally glazed in a thick sheet of moisture. Tears quickly released. However, she no longer resisted the man above her.
Haas mockingly shouted, "Yippee ki yay." He howled and his gang brothers joined in.
Beth closed her eyes, quieting the whispers down slightly. She hadn't heard them gettin' louder. Something flooded her veins. When she opened her eyes, she noticed him leaning in closer.
An opening…
When he got as close as she needed him to, she slammed her head into his. His gun slipped out of his hand as he retracted his hands to cover his head wound. Beth reached for it and slid it to Daryl, who shot the guy over him in the arm. Haas struggled back up, his back facing Beth. She jumped on, wrapping her hands around to the front of his throat. When he realized what was happening, he backed into a wall, jamming her into it with all his weight. The bang caused her vision to blur until her ears rang.
Daryl whipped in front of him and readied the gun to fire. "Famous last words, asshole?"
"Don't, Daryl!" Beth said, straining behind the bulky man. Haas gagged. Daryl closed in and stuck the tip of the gun to Haas' forehead. "Don't kill him. Need him alive."
Daryl never looked away from Haas, who dropped to his knees. Beth didn't relent. "If Becker didn't entrust the guys to me, I wouldn't know you're incredibly asthmatic." She increased the pressure. "Would I?" Haas tried saying somethin', but it went unheard. "I'm gonna let you go because I promised Beck I wouldn't kill you before he died. We're gonna work this all out, and you're going to help make this right."
Haas coughed, but Beth only let him go when he moved away from the wall. She stumbled toward Daryl, who had shrugged off his vest and offered it to her. Taking it, she met his eyes for only a second until he pointed the gun out to the large man by Rick. The guy glanced down at the subdued Haas and then at Beth. Eventually, he lowered his gun.
A fraction of a second later, Michonne and Rick tightened their frames as they moved in sync to collect the guy's gun and other visible weapons. Michonne held out the gun to his head while Ric patted down his body for other weapons. Carl stood up and tried movin' toward Beth, but Daryl whistled at him with a shake a' his head. The boy winced and knelt down with a hiss.
The moment surged, powered by a wave of relenting men lowering their guns or knives. Most of 'em glanced down at Haas, eyes allowing everyone to view their confliction. Becker, the son of a crooked bar owner and a drug-induced stripper, was right. Takin' Haas down told the guys just who was the rightful leader - even though she still didn't know for sure if she'd want the role.
Various members of the compound walked up to the men and claimed the weapons, turnin' them against the men. Daryl glanced over his shoulder at Beth, noddin' twice before tiltin' his head at Haas. Those blue eyes confused the daylights out a' her. Somehow, his black pupils expanded slightly, yet also grew smaller - almost simultaneously. He wiped his forehead and moved some of the hair out of his face. His eyes were calm, but his mouth was thin, hard. Lookin' down at his hands, she noticed he flexed his fingers, almost as if he was trying to will his crossbow into existence.
"How'd they subdue the entire compound?" Beth quietly asked.
But Daryl didn't answer her. He just stood there and continued to look at her - eyes a hybrid of a glare and questioning.
A throat off to the side cleared. Rick stepped to her. "Snuck in through the back. Got to our medical supplies first and then took over our armory after beatin' Carol pretty badly and takin' her captive." He glanced off to the side a bit, but eventually looked her square in her eyes again. "Maggie's off somewhere...also a hostage. Sent Glenn to find her, but I haven't heard any gunfire. I assume they got him, too."
One of the unfamiliar guys stepped forward, but Rick snapped his gun toward him. Throwin' up his hands, the guy adorned in all black leather sighed. "Haas wanted Beth. A few of the others needed medical shit for cuts, aches, or scrapes." Beth's brow rose. "Haas has the walkie. Use it to chill the others out. They'll listen to whoever holds it. It's how we work since all the dead rising and shit." The guy's thick New York accent embellished words Beth had only heard a few times.
"How many of you are there?" she asked.
The man swallowed, eyes hard on hers. "Seventeen if you include our women."
"And men?"
"Fourteen."
"So few of you left?"
Daryl chuckled softly over her shoulder. "You call seventeen few?"
The man risked a glance at Daryl. "Beth here called up a herd the night Becker and all of us separated. Few weeks ago? We had over seventy-six."
Rick clicked his gun to the ready. "Called a herd?"
The man looked at Rick. "Haas threw a flesh eater on her. Got bit. Hundreds of them came. We had to flee our base."
"Maverick...did he make it?" Beth asked. Daryl looked at her oddly. "He was in the basement when everything...happened."
"Kid's all right. He's a swift son of a bitch," the man told her quickly. "He's here. He has the other walkie."
"What's your name?" she asked softly.
"Call me Tango."
A frown twisted across her mouth. Beth looked over her shoulder, seeing Haas clutch his throat. She stumbled closer to him and fell before him. "You look at me, y'hear?" Dark eyes locked onto hers. Beth made sure her voice stayed peaceful, calm, and quiet. "If you ever lay so much as a fingernail on Daryl, my family, or a helpless person again, I will personally strip you bare and peel the skin right off that beloved dick a' yours and make you dream for such a peace as death."
Beth held out her hand. "The walkie, please." It only took a few second's delay until Haas relented. "Maverick?" she quietly spoke into the walkie.
"Beth?"
"Haas is down, and I have the the mark and wings. Tell me how many a' mine you got holed up."
Static rang a moment, but eventually, his voice came through. "We got three. An old lady, a brunette, and an Asian."
Beth clenched the button again. "Bring 'em here."
"O...kay…"
"Alive and unharmed from this moment on. All of them."
The line fuzzed until the other end clicked. "Be there shortly."
When she turned around, she saw Rosita, Sasha, and the man she'd stabbed, Abraham near Rick and Daryl. Abraham stumbled a bit, leanin' on Rosita's dainty shoulder for needed support. "We should kill these sons of bitches."
Beth's brows pinched. "Ain't nobody gonna die needlessly."
"Young lady," Abraham said, tone clipped and eyes fierce, "No offense, but we don't follow your lead here."
Beth stumbled closer to Rick. "No one's shootin' nobody."
Rick didn't spare Abraham a glance. His eyes held hers with as much force she sent his way. Swallowing, he lowered his gun. "She saved Carl. We listen to her judgement until they give us a reason not to."
Beth smiled. "Thank you."
. . . . . . . . . . . .
With Haas and a few of the more rowdy men tied up, the group stood close together. Maggie had a black eye and Glenn was stabbed in the forearm by a small pocket knife a bit. He needed stitches, but for now, he was satisfied just havin' it tied.
Sasha held her rifle and stayed near the few free men and women sitting on the concrete. Abraham and Rosita watched the ones that were restrained.
Rick, Michonne, Daryl, Maggie, Carol, and Beth bickered over what exactly they should do with the seventeen additions.
"We got nowhere to put seventeen prisoners. Besides, if they gon' eat, they may as well work." Daryl pointed out. He looked to Beth for a moment before glancin' at Carol. "Look at those muscles. Let them reinforce the walls while we watch. It's about time we catch a break."
Carol's emotions spiked. "You're just gonna let 'em walk around after what they did to me?"
Rick held out his hand. "No one said that, Carol. I promise they will not get away with what damage they caused. We're gonna make it right."
"From what you all are saying, it sure sounds that way!" she roared. Crossing her arms, she glanced behind her shoulder to the woman who'd nearly tortured her. "They're all dangerous. And you said it yourself yesterday: we can't spare any resources for more people. WE're barely stayin' afloat with the current residents as it is!"
Michonne captured Rick's hand, lowering it as he lifted it as he tried to respond. "We'll make them work for their share. We have housewives, children, and men who can't shoot living here. This is an opportunity to gain some overdue muscle."
Carol cursed and started hollering at Michonne and Rick. Beth stood quiet listenin' for a few seconds until she cleared her throat. Was this how it was back at the prison? Her bright eyes held Carol's. "What would you like to be done?" Her voice was calm, soothing, and respectful. Those were the first words the girl had spoken to the older woman since her arrival.
None of their differences mattered. There was no reason she couldn't get along with her. Carol and Beth had no real qualms between each other aside from an incredibly awkward moment. Beth wanted to move past all that if she could. There was virtually no point for holdin' onto that.
Carol looked at her oddly, calming down slightly. "What?" she asked.
"These men are my responsibility now. Whatever they've done, I'll accept full responsibility. I want everyone to be comfortable with the decision the group makes. No one should be excluded from it," Beth said, her voice quiet and honest. A flash of Dale sitting on top of his RV entered her mind. She hadn't known him, but she'd always remember his kindness to her and how he respected her family when he was alive.
"What I want is to feel comfortable and safe in the walls that keep walkers and people like them out of here," Carol answered.
Beth glanced to Rick. "Might I nominate Carol to lead a the initiative of collectin' the group's belongings and clothes for searching? She could be in charge of assignin' them living arrangements, new clothes, and jobs within the community along with maybe myself and Michonne."
Rick's eyes flashed to Daryl from Beth's. The exchange was quick, but she didn't miss it. "This is between me, Carol, you, and the new group."
"Just said it's a group decision," Daryl argued.
Beth met his gaze. "The overall decision should be, but this idea isn't in the runnin' yet," she replied. Beth moved her focus from Daryl to Rick. "If Carol agrees, I think it could work."
Carol stepped forward. "I agree."
Rick spared his attention to the others in their circle. When no one offered any other ideas or complaints, he nodded. "This'll work on a trial basis. Carol will be in charge of holding onto their belongings until we account for everything in the batch along with Maggie. Michonne will work with Alexandrians for spare new clothing, living arrangement, and such. Glenn, you'll head up the jobs for each of them."
Maggie cleared her throat, while Glenn nodded. Together, they held each other while their focus remained glued to Rick.
"Beth and Daryl," Rick started. "Come with me. I have something more appropriate for you both." He turned around, hollering for Carl, who had Judith on the ground. Carl stood up and Rick moved to collect Judith. Turning to Michonne, Rick said, "Come find me when you're no longer needed." The blond woman Rick was perhaps with walked his direction, but he ignored her on his way back to Beth and Daryl. "Let's go."
. . . . . . . . . . . .
"You both look like shit," Rick said, standin' in the master bedroom of the main house they'd claimed.
Daryl leaned against the doorway with an ice pack over his face, grunting a noncommittal reply. Beth sat on the bed near Carl and Judith.
Rick paused, lookin' down at the baby girl with a small smile. "Carl, what you're about to hear, don't repeat it to anyone under any circumstances. We can't create a panic in the community."
Carl nodded softly, looking at Judith while she played with his fingers. "Whatever, dad. You know I can keep a secret."
Rick knelt in front of Beth and reached for her hands. "What you did for my boy...I can never repay that debt."
"There's no debt, Rick." He owed her nothing. Carl was family. That was that. He was as much a brother as Shawn had been.
Rick choked on a sob. "You don't get it." He inhaled. "I-I-I…" Sniffling somewhat, he met her eyes. "Ain't got much left, but you put yourself through pure hell to make sure my boy stayed safe. You walked that mile back to the car and walked that last half mile all while carrying the bag…" Rick lowered his jaw, mouth opening while he exhaled. " You are such a value to us, Beth. You've never once asked for anything in return."
"Never asked for anything in return?" she echoed bitterly. "I ain't doin' this for recognition, Rick. I'm doing all a' this to...for...the family. Our family."
Rick closed his eyes and bowed his head. "The way that came out...it's not quite what I meant…" He shook his head a bit. "There's a very bad, bad group around the area who we believe doesn't know our settlement exists quite yet." Rick looked up at her. "We need these people to work out. Otherwise…"
"We won't lose this place like we lost the farm or the prison," Daryl finished, glancing down at her. "Can't keep runnin'. Time to settle…"
"Settling is just as dangerous, though." Beth knew that from her experience on her own and at the prison. "You gain a sense of normality and get too cozy. You lose sight of what's around you."
Rick's hands tightened on hers. "You're this community's best asset, Beth. You're our best hope for survival if we go to war with this area's groups."
"War?" Beth questioned. "Just how bad is this?"
"Ain't bad yet," Daryl answered. Beth glanced up to him. He lowered his ice pack. "I left with Maggie and Glenn because they asked me to go, but that ain't the reason I'd just pick up and leave ya without a word, Beth. You're pissed off at me, and I think I get why. If that's it, know Rick asked me to check in on a nearby group a scouter found a few days' back. When we got to the settlement, it was burnt to a crisp." Daryl spared his attention to Rick. "We need muscle, firepower, training, and you."
Something in her mind clicked into place. "You think I'm goin' away don't you?"
Rick held her down when she tried to stand. "Beth," he said. "We don't know what you're planning - if anything at all. So far, your first week here started rough. In the meantime, Maggie's been overwhelmin' you to reconnect and you saved Carl from the walker yesterday."
"And any of that tells you I'd leave...how?"
"You're not reintegratin' as others expected you to. Some feel we'll reach a point when we need you, but you won't need us," Rick replied.
Beth laughed, her bitterness obvious to those within a mile's radius from her. "You think that's who I am now?"
Daryl straightened. "That ain't what he meant."
Rick let her stand up, looking grateful he had her full attention. "Beth, I want you here regardless of whatever has happened. In one week, you've done more for this group than all of us have combined in nearly a year. I wanted you to know that I value you and consider you a member of our council when you're ready to step up. After you've healed up a bit, of course."
"What do you need me to do?" Beth asked, her tone monotonous.
"I hear a party's bein' organized in your honor. I think people are saying something about a belated birthday? Regardless, after you and Daryl heal up and recoup some strength, some people located a construction site with the right amount of supplies and materials we'd need to fortify this place up tight."
Daryl stepped into the room. "What's the problem?"
"Walkers."
"Ain't nothin'," Daryl said under his breath.
Rick stood up and looked to him. " Thousands of 'em."
"So we steer 'em away from here," Beth offered. "Any explosives will only drawn more walkers and destroy what materials are left there in the process."
"Not to mention draw the attention of every settlement in the area," Daryl said, crossin' his arms across his chest.
Rick looked to her again. "You can get close. Real close. You draw them out and meet up with Daryl on his bike. You drive 'em far away from here. We're thinkin' west or back toward D.C."
"Why isn't this a more pressin' issue, Rick?" Daryl asked.
Rick sighed. "Thankfully, construction equipment and machinery are holdin' them in. A few strays get through, but not too many can pass."
Beth moved her hand onto her opposite elbow. "I'll need at least a week. Realistically. I'm still healin' from past stuff. Add on last night and today...and I'm in no shape to support Daryl with anything more than huntin' or trackin'."
"That's fair," Rick said. "Speakin' of hunting, I'm replacing you, Daryl, with Michonne. She knows how to set up and check traps. That should be enough to get you through a few days' rest."
"Fine," he quickly added with a shrug.
Carl moved Judith into his lap. "Guess I'll be gettin' some breaks with Judith while we all heal together…"
"You should cherish every moment that girl's in your arms, Carl," Beth passively said. The boy looked up at her, eye and brows fidgeting curiously. Beth crossed her arms. "She hardly lets me get within three feet of her before she starts whinin'."
Rick placed a hand on her shoulder. "It'll just take time. It's been quite a while since she last saw you."
Beth shook her head. "It ain't that." The corner of her mouth twitched, but her eyes stayed on Judith. "Kids just...know."
The baby girl laughed up at Carl, who pointed to Beth slightly. When she settled her big eyes on her, Judith started to cry lowly. Rick swallowed. "Know what?"
Beth's eyes stared down at Judith, who shifted uncomfortably. Her fingernails clenched, digging into her elbows. The baby's cries grew into wails over the span of a minute or so. No matter how much Beth knew she should look away to relieve the poor little girl's fears, she remained fixated until memories at the prison flooded her thoughts.
All the little secrets she'd poured into this girl, all the promises of a brighter tomorrow, and every vow of love and show of affection flashed across her eyes as if they were happening all at once. Beth hissed and winced as her nails dug too deeply into her skin, drawin' blood. Daryl neared her, but she just looked at Carl.
A glimpse of rebellion lingered in his eyes. No… His eyes moved to his father. "In the car yesterday, she said something about being the livin' version of the walkers."
"Carl!" Beth shouted. "Like hell you can keep secrets!"
Daryl shook her arm a bit, but she couldn't risk lookin' up to him - not without completely crushing her control. "What?"
Rick's attention moved to Carl in Beth's peripheral vision. "What does that mean?"
"She thinks she may turn into a monster...specifically." Carl had the decency to look sorry.
"That's the last time I tell you anything!" Beth quietly said as she pulled herself from Daryl's grasp and hobbled out of the room.
Carl called after her, but she tore through the hallway past the coat closet she'd hidden in a week earlier. The door slammed behind her, causin' her to look over her shoulder. Seeing Daryl stalk after her, Beth bit her lip and hurried, causin' her body to go wobbly and unsteady in her efforts to place as much distance between her and this man as possible.
His strides were quicker. He hadn't suffered an entire night with a hellish fever and nearly swollen ankles. She must've twisted something during her trek yesterday.
"Stop!" He sounded desperate.
"I need to change."
"I can help…you find clothes! Help you find clothes!"
Beth whipped around, causin' him to stop dead in his tracks. "I'm not an invalid!" Beth made to turn, but he held her there by her upper arm.
"Don't walk away from me."
Tears burned her eyes. " Don't walk away from you ?"
"Shit, I ain't sayin' this right…"
"As I remember, it was you who left without so much as a word early in the mornin', Daryl."
"Beth, I'm sorry. You haven't been sleepin' well the last few days. I didn't want to wake you up."
"Is this how it is now?"
Daryl's brows dipped. "Say what now?"
"Before it was about us as a team. Workin' together for everything . Confidin' in each other...to help each other." Beth huffed loudly. Some of her hair moved with the burst of air from her mouth. "Now? Now it's all about keeping me in the dark again - just like at the prison."
"It ain't like that-"
"The hell it ain't! You and Rick just love lookin' at each other for everything. I get that I died and was gone a while, but you didn't have to erase me so easily!"
Daryl let her go like she was on fire. He stumbled back a few paces and shoved a hair in his hair as he looked at her like she was crazy, eyes narrowin' and mouth thin tight. "You think I erased you, huh?" His breath shuddered. "I can't look at you right now."
"Daryl…"
"Fuck no, Beth!" He pointed away from them at nothing in particular. "You think I walked away from seeing you gone - again - and started pickin' some daisies with Carol or Rick off the side a' the road on the way to a God damned picnic or somethin'?"
His hand covered his eyes, and he sagged against the wall a bit. "You ain't never gonna know what I was like after losing you twice ." His shoulders shook and his chest caved, heavin' under the pressure boiling at his throat. When he looked up at her, his eyes were harsh, cold, and hateful. He breathed through his nose, pointed down at her. Tears threatened to spill over the sides of his lids. "Why the fuck did you even bother comin' back if you were just gonna spend all your time pushin' all a' us away?"
"I ain't pushin' nobody away, Daryl!"
Daryl scoffed, eyes shuttin' tight before he turned his back to her. "Your age is showin', Beth."
A tight squeeze and sudden tug at her heart made Beth want to vomit. "My age, huh?" The way his mouth thinned into a tight line and his eyes twitched as he scrubbed his hand over his face. A heavy sigh followed in unison with both his hands dropping to his sides. Posture bent, she noticed his eyes on his own feet.
The signs are all there. You just gotta know how to read 'em.
Back when he'd said those words while she held onto his crossbow, she'd only scratched the surface with him. Everything he said could lead to an infinite number of possible meanings. At least then, she'd known him a bit better.
Beth used to know how to get around what he said to get to the bottom of what he was sayin' . His aggressive, impulsive personality accompanied by his infamous short temper had once made sense. Knowing it no longer did struck her nearly to her knees.
Daryl had gotten to know the faithful, innocent orphan who still believed the world could be good. That's who he'd mourned those weeks or months without her. It was who he probably wanted in place of this darker, bloodthirsty shell she'd become. Pursuin' him and allowin' him to know of her existence weren't right.
It was entirely cruel and selfish of her.
Beth had known of her change. It wasn't hiding. Rather, it shined in plain sight. All her bite scars easily depicted the dwellin' demons just within her head. One day, those demons would whisper too loud, but just loud enough. She could ignore them now, but what about tomorrow or the day after?
"I never should a' came back," she whispered as a tear rushed down her face, fallin' onto her hand.
Daryl raced back toward her, pushin' her against the wall behind her. His chest heaved in sync with hers. His eyes feasted over hers, gluttonous and engorged with a fury she'd not seen in him. He did nothin' to stop his nostrils from flaring or his hot breath from hittin' her skin as he lowered over her until their chests bumping against the other. His brows gathered inward, lowering over his darkened eyes curtained by shivering strands of hair.
"When will you let me in, huh?" Daryl asked, his voice tremblin' but controlled. "It's like the more I try, the more you pull away."
Beth ignored the falling tears. "I'm giving everyone what I can."
" I ain't everybody."
"I'm trying," she firmly retorted. When she tried to move away from him, he held her there with ease. "Daryl, let me go."
"You're so eager to get away from me."
"Maybe you're right."
His brows relaxed and his posture straightened, distancin' him from her a bit. "Right about what?"
"Maybe my age is showin'."
"Beth…"
"Ever since leavin' the farm, all a' y'all have tiptoed on eggshells around me. Never once did any a' you offer to show me how I should take care of myself in this world till you had to," Beth shouted. "You showed I could be strong. The second I got jacked from that funeral home I realized I had to be strong."
Daryl shook his head. "What does that have to do with showin' your age?"
"Daddy held me back just like I held you back."
Lookin' away briefly, he sighed. His chest rose and fell more rapidly. He hell back against the opposite wall. He swallowed, but shifted his eyes back on her. "You never held me back, girl."
"That's just it, though!" Beth shouted. Rolling her eyes with a shake of her head, she raised her hands out in between them. "Even if you left the prison on your own, you'd still make it!"
"Spare me the mental Olympics, girl and make more fucking sense," he retorted. He lifted his hand to his forehead.
"Daddy never lettin' me know what the real world...he practically signed my death warrant! I wasn't ever your partner, Daryl!"
"Bullshit."
"I was a liability."
Daryl stood straight, away from the wall's support. "Say that again, and you won't like what I have to say." Beth groaned and limped into the livin' room. She heard him behind her. When his heated hand grabbed her wrist, she twisted around and leaned away from him with all the force she could muster without falling over. "Quit your walkin' away from me!"
Beth hauled her weight away from him again, which only resulted in him coming toward her. She stepped back and turned around, seein' Michonne and Carol walking into the house. Daryl physically moved her back to face him. "Quit your hands on me, then!"
He didn't let go. He didn't even spare the two women opening the door any mind. He bitterly laughed. "Spoken like a true fuckin' teenager!"
Heat pooled in her chest, swirlin' around and mixing into a tidal wave of rushing emotion. The pocket of warmth radiated until it burned. "That's what I am, Daryl!" She huffed, a quick puff of air. "Maybe that ain't such a bad thing, neither!"
Daryl shoved his hands into his hair, effectively releasin' her for the moment. Michonne cleared her throat, but neither of them acknowledged her. "You're impossible, ya know that?"
"Some old asshole showed me how to have a spine."
Daryl's features tightened as his breathin' stopped. His brows drew closely together as he neared her. "You know, you talk a lot a' shit about monsters and demons.."
" What do you want from me?!" Beth shouted, stumblin' a bit until she stabilized herself. Silence crept into every corner of the room until a pair a' footsteps broke it. In the corner of her eye, she saw Rick enter the main area.
"What's going on?" her asked.
Daryl quickly spoke, so no one had a chance to reply. "I just want you to talk to me!"
"Talk to you? " Beth said as her fists clenched. Every pore on her body moistened with a thin layer of sweat as her eyes glistened. She stepped closer to him and narrowed her eyes. Grinding her teeth, Beth clenched her jaw. "Fine! I'm slowly losin' my mind, Daryl!"
It was clear he was about to say something, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. "Sometimes, I remember memories that aren't mine tangle into my own. When I'm particularly stressed out, I hear whispers. I can't understand 'em, but it don't take a Holmes to realize it ain't words, Daryl. It's snarlin' and growlin' just beggin' me to give in!"
Daryl looked around and straightened his posture. "Beth…"
"No! You wanted me to talk," she fought. When a bit of her hair whipped in her face, she huffed again and pushed it out of the way, never breaking eye contact. "So you'll listen!"
Daryl gulped, noddin' slowly.
Beth stepped closer to him slightly. "I'm every bit as bad as Shane." Her voice cracked at the mention of that asshole who tore her whole world apart by simply breaking a chain. "What he did to Otis? I've done several times because it meant I could have a chance to be here. Killin' innocent people for just a chance? " She shrugged. "Who does that?"
Rick stepped closer to her, grabbin' her by the shoulder. "Beth, you're not anything like Shane."
Beth did nothing about Rick's hand on her. Instead, she held Daryl's gaze. "No matter the circumstances, you're always the one who breaks my whole world, Daryl Dixon." He took a step back. "First by shootin' my family and neighbors to prove they were nothin' more than unnatural, mindless corpses. Second by showin' me how useless I used to be. Third by pushin' some a' your strength onto me. Forth...makin' me…" She wiped away at her eyes and sniffled. "And fifth not bein' with me anymore." She glanced over to Rick briefly, but looked to Daryl again after a second. "I've been livin' in the world not being your responsibility."
Something in Daryl's expression relaxed. The shift was so subtle, she hardly noticed it. She couldn't tell what changed, but she only knew something had in the way he looked at her. It was familiar, yet so, so foreign. His eyes never left hers. "You weren't no responsibility, Beth."
His eyes were too heavy - both with his thoughts she could decode and with the weight of his open, vulnerable emotions directed completely at her. He wiped at his mouth, but watched her. Beth finally looked away.
Thankfully, Michonne moved toward her, taking her place next to Rick. "Beth, we're all a little crazy," she warmly said, laughter lingering underneath her soft tone. "We've all had to do things we'll never be proud of."
"I've bitten a man's throat out," Rick interrupted. Clearin' his throat, she noticed his eyes move back to her from Daryl. "It was after we fled the prison."
"Spare me the details," Beth replied, her tone calmer, more at ease.
"My point is that you're not the only one who suffers from the past," Michonne said, effectively cutting further discussion off. "You've always been one of us. We all had our jobs; however, now our family is smaller. We've adapted as best as we could."
Beth glanced at Michonne and chuckled softly, wiping at her eyes. "Adapted…"
"Exactly."
"What I'm evolving? What happens if I start turnin' without dying?"
Michonne steadied Beth by placing her hands on either shoulder, expertly moving Rick away. "All of us have our questions, Beth. I won't lie. Last night...it was the most grotesque thing I've seen in all of this."
Beth swallowed.
"None of that matters until it becomes relevant."
Beth reached for her wrist, curlin' her fingers 'round the natural curve of her small bone there. "How can you say that?"
Michonne smiled until it actually dissolved any trace of doubt in Beth. "We got you back, Beth. To a lot of us, you represent a miracle. To all of us, you were our light in all of this." Michonne lifted her hand to touch Beth's chin. "You'll get that back. I know it."
The woman wrapped her arms around Beth's thin, narrow frame, but Beth didn't return it immediately. As they stood there, Carol caught Beth's attention. She smiled softly down at Beth, but somethin' in her mind worked in perfect unison. She didn't quite have the same faith in her as Michonne said she did. That was something Beth could work with.
A small smile tugged Beth's mouth up, eyes still on Carol. Eventually, Beth weakly lifted her arms and touched Michonne's arms, dropping her gaze from Carol.
"Let's get some fresh air," Michonne suggested while she pulled away. Rick grunted a weak reply. Whether he approved or disagreed, she couldn't quite tell. Michonne pulled away and tilted her head at Carol toward the door. "Let's go."
Rick followed the two women outside, leavin' Beth and Daryl within. Neither met the other's gaze. Both stood like an idiot in the middle of the living room. A light tension built in Beth's stomach. She heard Daryl clear his throat as he started to walk toward the stairs.
"I-I'm sorry…" Beth mumbled, rubbing her arm up and down a bit. Her eyes lifted quickly, seein' his eyes on her again. Beth moved her eyes back to the floor.
She only heard his footsteps near her and the feel of his hand perfectly fit along the curve of her shoulder - right over her original bite mark. He grunted in reply, but he didn't move away. Instead, he moved his thumb against her scarred skin a few times until she gathered the courage to look his way. When her eyes met his, he shook his head and cleared his throat, snatchin' his hand off her.
For another couple of seconds, they stood there, immobile. Beth looked at him, but he glanced at the wall away from her. He curled his fist and lifted it over his mouth as he cleared his throat again. Swallowing loudly, Daryl uttered, "See ya…"
Daryl moved up the stairs away from her, but she was strangely grateful for the distance. This time, not for the reprieve of his company, but for the tightness in her stomach's easin' out. She stood there for a few more seconds after his footsteps died upstairs. A small smile stretched across her mouth. She covered her mouth with her hand.
Nothin' was solved.
Her daddy was still dead. She still had murdered a few people. Walkers still roamed about. The world still turned. However, a small piece of her heart started beatin' again.
And that amazed the shit out a' her. Outside, people waited for her. If that ain't a way to end a day…
Somethin' in the back of her mind froze her when she reached the door knob. The entire compound saw her nearly fully naked. Her stomach twisted. Vomit threatened to rise from her belly. Her eyes watered.
Progress, in any dose, was good, but hell if she didn't feel dirty, exposed. Hidin' for one night wouldn't harm nobody. Quietly, she backed away from the front door and snuck upstairs to Carl's room, cursin' her body for bein' so weak for the moment. Every muscle was on fire.
Right as she opened the door, Daryl coughed. "You followin' me up here?"
Beth turned slightly. "I don't know how to face the entire safe zone after havin' my body on display like that…"
Daryl moved toward her like he walked on glass. When he got to her, he leaned against the wall near the door frame on his shoulder. He picked his thumbnail and glanced down. "You're gonna start tellin' me shit now?"
"It's what you want, ain't it?"
Daryl's eyes landed on hers. "Yeah…"
"Well, all right, then," she replied softly. Her eyes moved to his fidgetin' hands. Swallowing, she reached out her hand to his. Before they touched, she kept her hand frozen above his. Only when she exhaled did she finish the way. After a moment, he moved a few of his fingers to curl around her hand.
"Daryl, I need your help." Beth glanced up at him, noticin' just how close he was now. She blinked quickly a few times, waitin' for his reply. He didn't. Shakin' her head somewhat, she rushed toward him, wrappin' her arms around him. He stepped back in response to the movement against him, but he slid his arm around her shoulders. Her cheek raised against his chest. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and smellin' him in the process. She opened her eyes. "Don't let me go."
The hallway's darkness clashed with the lamp within Carl's room. Shadows tangled up in their embrace. Daryl moved so that his back was against the wall. His other arm wrapped around her, his hand tracing the wings on his vest. She hadn't remembered she wore it.
This was her second chance at a life with people she loved. Beth needed to find a way out of whatever hole her mind was in, so she could start livin' again. She tightened her arms around him, grabbing each of her wrists and tuckin' her head under Daryl's chin. She stared into the darkness, but only felt the light in her arms.
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